Lynette Louise: Transforming Trauma into Love and Healing

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Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host psychotherapist, coach and empowerment expert, beverly Glaser therapist, coach and empowerment expert, beverly Glazer.

Beverley Glazer 0:36

This episode will challenge your perceptions and inspire you to see possibilities when others will see obstacles in their path. Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. I'm Beverly Glazer and I help women navigate the stress of business, family and relationships, and sometimes even addictions, and you can find me on reinventimpossiblecom. So in this episode, we're going to dive right into the incredible, the Incredible Journey of Dr Lynette Louise, also known as the Brain Brought. Louise shares her story of resilience, love and the pursuit of healing, from adopting children with special needs, pioneering work in neurofeedback and writing and speaking to help others. Neurofeedback and writing and speaking to help others. You are going to find that one person can really make an impact on countless lives. So welcome Lynette. It's really great.

Lynette Louise 1:35

Thank you so much. Thank you for having me here, and also thank you to everyone who's listening.

Beverley Glazer 1:41

Terrific. I want to ask you, tell me, tell me about you, you, you know you just did, and you did such a good job.

Lynette Louise 1:51

Sorry, I won't talk on your words again no problem.

Beverley Glazer 1:55

But what about you? How did you grow up as a child? Because you've done some awesome things in your life. So what went on in your life growing up?

Lynette Louise 2:05

You know that's such an interesting question for you to start with, because I recently I used to speak a lot on growing up with childhood abuse and the different things that happen when you have a lot of anger in your parents and and you know, sexual inappropriateness and things like that, and I stopped because sometimes and this is actually going to be such an important thing to think about Sometimes, if you keep telling your story in order to help others, you keep yourself in your story. So generally, I don't go all the way anymore. Back to my childhood, so I'm just going to gloss it over and say you know, it was a bit rough. There was a lot of challenges, my mom had a lot of rage and it created motivators in me to change the world and protect children. And here I am to save the day right. So I responded to that with a big desire to make a difference and we'll leave my childhood there. But that's how I grew up.

Beverley Glazer 3:10

Oh, the childhood right there, because you've helped so many other children and you know how did your parenting shape you Like, how come you parented the way you did and you were so not brought up like that.

Lynette Louise 3:28

Well, I have to say, there was always in the early years not always in the early years the rage that my mother had was on the side. For me, it was something that and depression were here. You know, I could feel them calling to me or being there and easy to access, or if I didn't keep my guard up, it would access me and it was a process, like all things. I think it's what you want to make happen. That's what happens. You know, it's funny. My firstborn, she, used to dream of being a mom in the country with 30 kids who were free. And guess what? She became A mom in the country with 30 kids who were free.

Lynette Louise 4:25

I really think we decide very, very young who we're going to be, and there may be, you know, some kind of catalyst that makes a full 180 on you and you and you change, but generally we decide am I going to be what I see, or am I going to break the chain? Am I going to be a mirror or am I going to reinvent? And I chose when I was very young. I remember sitting in the bathroom while my mom's trying to break down the door and and thinking remember how this feels, remember how this feels. Remember how this feels. You're going to do it different. How many kids are you going to get? You're going to get two? No, you're going to get four. No, you're going to get six.

Lynette Louise 5:06

No you're going to get eight. No, you're going to get 12. And really trying to figure out, how can I make sure that that's not what happens? So I did walk into parenting with absolute adoration for my children and patients, but with patience. This echo or this magnetized gravity pull that that I had to slowly teach myself, not to have give myself better ideas. I think that's the answer. You have to have a better idea and in fact that is the answer. Too often we just do what we saw and those are our ideas, and so when you get better ideas, then you can access a better response.

Beverley Glazer 5:54

But you chose not only to adopt children and have your own, but adopt children with special needs. And what possessed you to do that? What motivated you?

Lynette Louise 6:09

You know, I would love to pretend I was so wonderful, but the truth is I wasn't trying to adopt children with special needs. I was trying to adopt and I had two girls. I wanted two boys, bookends, you know, two boys, two girls, and I didn't want to have more of my own. I wanted to adopt. My father was adopted, my brother was adopted. Adoption was a normal choice in our family.

Lynette Louise 6:38

But when you look into the process and you see, oh, there's all these children that nobody wants and so, as I educated because that's part of adopting is they have you take foster classes, then you have your take adoption classes. So by the time you're cleared for adoption this was in Canada. By the time I was cleared for adoption, I was very aware that I would be able to get children more easily if they were special needs, if they'd had a very challenging life, so it'd be quicker and maybe they would never find a home, and that, you know, pulled my heartstrings big time. So there we were, adopting special needs children, and once, once the government knows you'll do it and that you're good at it and you're committed to it, they'll give you lots.

Beverley Glazer 7:35

I'll bet and you did have lots, but you have now become a single mom and there are plenty of challenges now raising eight children and four who are on the spectrum.

Lynette Louise 7:52

Well, you know what Actually my children are raised. I'm old, I'm retired. Oh, I say I'm retired. I seem to still be working and writing books and stuff, but I only do what I want. It was really a lot of work. Um, it was really a lot of work.

Lynette Louise 8:11

I wouldn't say it was more challenging than raising my neurotypical kids. I would say it was just more work and there were less. In some ways it was easier because I had we're back to the template the blueprint of your childhood. Well, I didn't have a blueprint for how you treat people with multiple handicaps or being on the spectrum or all these different things that they had, tourette's and just the different issues that came up for them. I had to figure it out myself.

Lynette Louise 8:47

Well, that was a clean slate. So I could get this clean slate and go well, that doesn't make sense, let's not hit them Right, that doesn't make sense. I don't think we should scream at them, I don't think we should make them sit in that chair. For you know like I could think about it. And then that bled over to my children and, in fact, as I started doing it with children, teaching parents of children all over the world, and became the brain broad and learned how to do neurofeedback and all that. One of the things that always happened was when I taught, I learned. So I see myself as you know, if I were to give you an I am statement, I am someone who enriches people's lives and in the process I get to enrich my own, and it's true, you know know.

Beverley Glazer 9:36

You always learn what you teach. Absolutely tell everybody about neurofeedback. I know I've worked with that as well. Um, what was that like? When did you discover neurofeedback? And you also use neurofeedback on your children, so explain that to everyone who would not even know what that is. Okay.

Lynette Louise 9:57

So and of course it's another big thing we're going to have to simplify in a big way but essentially it's biofeedback for the brain. And what is biofeedback? Biofeedback is getting information about your biology in real time, right? So your heart is beating like this, your temperature is this, you weigh this much. That's a form of feedback, but it's not necessarily feedback. You're learning to change until you kind of hook yourself up to various sensors and get that information fed to you and get told you can make a difference here. You need all that.

Lynette Louise 10:36

So for simplicity's sake because the brain's very complex let's talk about your heartbeat. If I hook you up and you're looking at your heartbeat and I say slow your heartbeat, guess what? You don't even have to know how you did it. Now you may know that if you breathe deep and slow because you've probably heard that it might slow my heart you may know and have a sense calm, I need to calm myself that'll slow my heart. But even if you didn't know any of that me just saying slow your heartbeat while you're looking at the information of how your heart is beating, your body and your brain will take that feedback and it will adjust and it will slow your heartbeat. Now multiply that by a gazillion, because you've got so many neurons and brainwaves and things firing in your brain that by a gazillion, because you got so many neurons and brainwaves and things firing in your brain. It's more complex to explain, but it's the same process. I put sensors on the head, I show you how your brainwaves are functioning, tell you which part you should make less of, which part you should make more of, and you need all your brainwaves. You just, in some locations you want more of the lower frequencies, in some locations you want more of the higher frequencies, depending on what you're doing Are you sleeping, are you studying, et cetera and when we tell you and you look at that feedback and that direct information, your brain goes oh well, why didn't you say so? I've been trying to figure this out myself, right, and so now it shifts and it's miraculous, it's amazing. And that's what neurofeedback is and, yes, I used it on.

Lynette Louise 12:27

I was motivated by my children for everything I ever learned. Everything I ever did was always well, if I go study ABA oh no, I don't want to do that. Well, if I go study play therapy okay, I like this one. Oh. If I go study massage, if I go like I just was. In fact I ended up learning simply because I was trying to help my children and then in the process I ended up helping other people's children, so of course I used it on them and on me and on anyone that would let me when I was learning, and then everyone wanted it. So it kind of evolved itself.

Beverley Glazer 13:06

And what I thought was absolutely wonderful. I mean, I told you I knew about neurofeedback, I worked with it in an office, but you brought the machine to other people's homes.

Lynette Louise 13:19

Yes, Tell us about that story. You know that was really new. Now it's done right. I fought for that and everybody said you shouldn't be doing that. You shouldn't be doing that Right, I fought for that and everybody said you shouldn't be doing that. You shouldn't be doing that because not only did I bring it to their homes, but I got units and taught the parents how to use it for the children. Why? Why? Because when I was trying to help my children, the one thing I knew is waiting for a week to go to the doctor when they're having the meltdown now isn't going to serve me well, and you telling me to just over-medicate them until that week appointment comes up isn't going to fix whatever's causing it.

Lynette Louise 13:59

And all I wanted was to put in the hands of families whether and it isn't just children I worked with, I work with adults, I work with, you know, the neighbor, sometimes the pupils. I've outfitted all kinds of people and but to put it in the hands of those people when the problem is happening, the change is so quick and it's so immediate to the issue and it made so much sense to me because of my life. So that's what I was doing with it and I was getting amazing change and my children all ended up, you know, off the spectrum, working doing well, independent. It was great. Well, except for one. He's got a bigger story.

Lynette Louise 14:42

But I just wanted to do that for other families everywhere and so I fought for it and I got permission and I got different doctors because you know your license only covers certain places so you need to partner with doctors everywhere and it was difficult. But I combined that with play therapy and I would teach parents how to respond differently so they didn't recontaminate the emotions and the environment for the person and hang out, be friendly therapy if they're adults. And it just evolved and people found me after word of mouth. Yeah.

Beverley Glazer 15:24

And how does play and joy and humor and all that come into your professional as well as your personal life? Because you did acting as well.

Lynette Louise 15:34

Acting stand-up comedy. I was a clown. No Well, first of all. First of all, I got married. A lot looking for a hero Discovered. That doesn't work. You have to be your own hero and I've got all these kids. What am I going to do with that? And I have to make a living, and I have, and I don't know any other way. So I start doing comedy on stage because it's at night. I'm singing in bars because it's at night and I can, you know, be there for the kids in the day and work at night.

Lynette Louise 16:04

It was exhausting, but I just did whatever came up, whatever was possible. There was a chance for me to be a clown, but I had to take care of my kids because it was during the day at a festival. So I dressed them all up like little clowns and made them part of the act in an improv thing, and they were hilarious. I never got called back, but I made the grocery money. So a lot of this is the mother of necessity, right. I just had to do these things.

Lynette Louise 16:40

Therapy taught me even more was that learning in a free and happy environment solidifies and changes a person quicker, improves the person quicker, and they take ownership of the lesson quicker and you have more energy and you have more fun. So you are willing to keep doing it as a parent. If you aren't willing to keep going, that's when you end up like my mom. So it just sort of was a natural thing. What was different in how I did it is I did play. Once I learned neurofeedback, which came after play therapy in my learning curve. I did play therapy like neurofeedback.

Lynette Louise 17:32

So if the child went up I went oh, you're trying to say up.

Lynette Louise 17:37

And it was immediate, it was quick feedback and then I would respond and pick them up. So I did it in the same speed and way as what was happening for their brain and it was amazing.

Beverley Glazer 17:51

Fantastic. What advice would you give to other parents who are facing all kinds of challenges, not only with you know, child on the spectrum, but so many other challenges with their children where behavior is concerned? What would you advise?

Lynette Louise 18:06

them Always reach for a better idea. I mean, I started there, right? You know, we all grow up. You don't have to grow up in that kind of difficulty that I grew up in. We all grew up in challenges and a different era, right. So you grow up with a different world, especially with technology going the way it is.

Lynette Louise 18:30

So as a parent, you're a little out of step with your child at all times, and trying to repeat the life that you had doesn't make sense. You have to embrace the life that they have. So give them a voice, Make sure that they are allowed to say their mind and then that you actually entertain a way of working in their wishes. So you don't just say, okay, what do you think? Okay, now I'm ignoring you and doing it my way. But more importantly, just a simple way of thinking is I need a new idea, I need more ideas. I need to read a lot, watch a lot, listen to a lot and keep the judgments at bay. You know, at the end of the day, my first born and my second born were complete opposite. Moms raised their children completely the opposite, and I stepped back and went. I can't tell what's better, you know. So let the judgments. Go and do what feels right, but keep learning keep learning.

Lynette Louise 19:35

Where can people find you, Lynette? Lynette louisecom is one of my websites, brainbodynet. By the way, we didn't mention it, but I wrote a new book that I think your readers or your watchers will love, because it teaches a lot about memory and a lot of us have real challenges with memory as we get older and they may not fully understand what that's about. It's a good story to it, so it's about a woman who had multiple personalities and, like you'll have fun with it, had multiple personalities and like you'll have fun with it, but you'll learn. So, LynetteLouisecom, brainbodynet, I'm on YouTube. I have a YouTube channel. You can just do Lynette Louise and look for me. I'm on X. I'm on Facebook.

Beverley Glazer 20:20

I wanted to thank you so much, Lynette. Dr Lynette Louise the Brain Broad is an international brain expert. She is an award-winning speaker author and she's also a teacher and a humanitarian, and all her links are going to be in my show notes as well, and on reinventimpossiblecom Get my weekly self-coaching tips, and that link will also be in the show notes as well. You can connect with me, Beverly Glazer, on all social media platforms and in my positive group of women on Facebook, Women Over 50 Rock, and you can also schedule a quick Zoom to talk to me personally. Thank you for listening. Have you enjoyed this conversation? Please join me next week, subscribe and get all these episodes in your inbox and send it to a friend. And remember you only have one life to live, so live it with purpose and with passion. With passion.

Beverley Glazer 21:27

Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website, reinventimpossiblecom and, while you're there, join our newsletter subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion and celebrate life.