When the Story You Believed Isn’t the Whole Story | Yvonne F. Conte

Welcome And A Question That Stings

Announcer 0:06

Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion, the podcast designed to inspire your greatness and thrive through life. Get ready to conquer your fears. Here's your host, psychotherapist, coach, and empowerment expert, Beverley Glazer.

Beverley Glazer 0:33

What if everything you believed about someone you loved wasn't really the whole story? Welcome to Aging with Purpose and Passion. I'm Beverley Glazer, a work and life transition coach and reinvention strategist for women over 50, helping you bridge the gap between the life you built and what you're ready for now. And you can find me and this podcast at reInventimpossible.com. These conversations share powerful stories from accomplished women who face life challenges and use their wisdom, resilience, and experience to create meaningful new chapters. We don't sugarcoat our struggles here. We learn from them, grow through them, and discover what's possible on the other side. Today I'm joined by Yvonne F. Conte, a nationally recognized keynote speaker and best-selling author who has more than 30 years bringing humor, heart, and insight to audiences across the United States. But what makes Yvonne's story so compelling is not just the successful career that she built, but what she discovered later in life that caused her to look differently at her childhood, her family, and herself. If you've ever reflected back on your life and wondered whether there's more to that story, this conversation is for you. And stay with us to the end and we'll share key takeaways and simple actions that you can put into practice for yourself right away. And while you're listening, if you find yourself thinking, that's me too, well, let's have a conversation about what's next for you. You'll find that link in the show notes. So welcome, Yvonne. Thanks for joining me. Well, thank you for this opportunity, Beverly. I appreciate it.

Childhood Shift And Humor For Attention

Beverley Glazer 2:34

Yvonne, what was it like for you growing up in your family way back in the day?

Yvonne Conte 2:40

Okay, well, that is a big question because there's so much. Uh, I grew up in a very traditional Italian-American family. My grandparents were from Italy, and so it was loud and it was laughter, and a lot of red wine, and tons of food, and just uh a pure joy until I was eight years old. And at eight years old, something changed in my family. I wasn't sure exactly what it was, but I was well aware that something was different, and so uh at that point in my life, I started like reaching for attention because I was I felt invisible for the first time in my life, and um I turned to comedy. It's so weird that as a child, I turned to comedy. I realized that if I could make my mother laugh, she noticed me, and so I started acting funny at the age of eight. And it has supported me for 75 years.

Beverley Glazer 3:47

So describe that relationship with your mother that you needed that attention.

Yvonne Conte 3:52

Yes. Um, my mother was an absolutely drop-dead, gorgeous, beautiful woman. She was a vocalist professionally, and uh she married my dad and gave up all of her hopes and dreams, which was something I didn't really realize as a child. You know, I knew she was a singer, I knew she liked to play the piano and sing, but it never dawned on me that that was her lifelong passion, and that she gave that up in order to marry and have children. So, you know, that's something I think uh we need to think about our parents because we think about ourselves as career people. We never think about what did my mom want, you know, what did she want that she wasn't able to have because of the time? She was born in 1925. So um I noticed that at the age of eight years old, I noticed there was something going on between my parents that didn't make sense. They were all of us, they were so head over heels in love with one another, and it showed. And then all of a sudden, in uh in August in 1958, 57, 58, um, I noticed my mother rejecting him, and I didn't understand that. And so I started building this story in my head. She's cold, she's mean, she doesn't love him, uh, he does everything for her, he's showering her with gifts. How could she be that way? And of course, it wasn't that at all. I um if I had one thing in my life that I could change, you know, you say, yeah, it would be that I would could have been more compassionate at eight years old, but come on, that's asking them. No, no, I couldn't. But how did that affect you as that little girl? It made me not like my mother, which is unfortunate because she was wonderful. But um, you know, I had this story in my head, and it was wrong, 100% wrong. But so, so as a little child, I knew that oh, I can get her attention if I laugh. And she used to say, Oh, Bonnie, you are my little comedian, you know. She used to say that, which made me feel good.

Beverley Glazer 6:10

Sure.

Yvonne Conte 6:11

Um, I will say, you know, my father was a hundred percent disabled veteran, so she had to dress him, she had to do his hair, she had to, you know, tie his tie. But he worked every day, never ever did not work. And then my elder sister was a diabetic at the age of five, so she had to learn how to give her insulin and learn all about the the food and all of that. So, as a healthy kid with no real problems, I kind of thought, well, what can I do? In fact, one time, Beverly gonna crack up over this. One time I noticed that the radiator in my bedroom was hot, and I thought, oh, I can get a fever if I if I can stay close to it. So I went over to that radiator and I stuck my forehead on the radiator until I could not stand it anymore. And then I thought, oh, it's nice and hot. So I went down the stairs, and my mother was sitting in the living room with a cup of coffee, and I went, Mommy, I don't feel good. And she goes, Oh my goodness, get over here. So I came over and she looked at me and she said, What in the world? And then she started laughing. And I was like, Why are you laughing? I'm I'm sick. She goes, You're not sick, my dear. And then she put me in front of a mirror and she said, Why in the world would you do such a thing? Because I had radiator mouth all my forehead. Yeah. And then thing about that is I wasn't able to say, you know, I wasn't able to vocalize. I just want you to pay attention to me. Yeah.

Beverley Glazer 7:45

Yes

Yvonne Conte 7:46

I wasn't able to say why I did that.

Rebellion, Runaways, And Restlessness

Beverley Glazer 7:49

And and that led you to become a rebellious teenager.

Yvonne Conte 7:53

It sure did. You got that right. I uh, first of all, I went to 12 different schools in my lifetime from first grade, uh, from kindergarten until um 12th grade. So that's like a new school every year.

Beverley Glazer 8:06

Yes

Yvonne Conte 8:06

And it was because I kept getting expelled or getting in trouble, and then my father would move me. Uh, I failed first grade, fifth grade, ninth grade. Um, I ran away from home three times. At one point, I stayed away for three solid months. Can you imagine a mother dealing with all that she had to deal with, and then this kid being so rebellious? And I always say, you know, people say, Why did you run away from home? I don't think I was running away from home, I was running towards something exciting. Like I wanted to see things. I um I remember that I used to love Look magazine. Remember the big look magazine? So many wonderful pictures in it, and I saw pictures of New York City in the 60s, uh, the East Village with all the hippies and all the music. And oh my gosh, I wanted to be part of that. So I just got on a gray homed Greyhound bus and went. I was 13 years old. I can't even imagine doing that now. I mean, I wouldn't get on a bus now and go to New York City at one. So, anyway, um, we stayed three months. It's uh I went with one of my girlfriends, it started getting cold, and I thought, well, we need to go somewhere warm. So let's hitchhike to California and go to Haight Ashbury. It's California, that's where all the hippies are, that's where you know, uh all the really great folk singers are, and so we were hitchhiking and we hitchhiked, we got all the way to Terre Holt, Indiana, where I got arrested for hitchhiking and put in jail, and eventually they sent they called my dad and he came to get me.

Beverley Glazer 9:51

And so here's this runaway kid. Okay, how did this kid now become a successful salesperson and create a career in sales?

Divorce, Single Motherhood, And Starting Over

Beverley Glazer 10:04

How did that transition happen from there?

Yvonne Conte 10:08

Okay, it was never my goal to be a working woman, it just wasn't. I wanted to be married and have children, that's all I wanted, and I did get married very young, I was 18. I married a singer-songwriter, of course. And we had a band and we played music and it was fun. But after about well, after seven years and two children, it just wasn't fun anymore. And so I divorced. I didn't want to be divorced, I would have rather been a widow, but he fought me on that too. So my favorite joke. Um, so we ended up divorced, and I ended up with two little children, and they were infants at the time. I mean, Aubrey, Aubrey was three, and Johnny was two, or something like that. They were babies, and so I had to work. It wasn't something I wanted to do, I just wanted to be home and be a mom. And we were in Tennessee because we went there in order to pursue the musical career, which never happened. And I was working four different jobs to support these children. I was um, I worked, I first of all, I made Italian pastries in the morning and I sold those on the way to work to a uh a golf course club, and on, you know, and then I went from there to uh Swiss Colony Cheese at the mall, and I made the cheese and meat trays in the back from six in the morning until 10 o'clock. And then I washed my hands, went next door, and was a makeup artist at the Merrill Norman cosmetic store from 10 until four. And then after that, uh on Saturdays I swept hair in a hair salon, and that's how I supported these two children. It was all wage, and it was I barely made it. And uh there's a lot that went on, and of course, I I've written all about that, but when I came back to Syracuse, when I finally got enough money to come back to Syracuse where I'm from and where my family was, um, I wanted a better job for my children. I wanted something better, I wanted insurance, I wanted, you know, to be able to have a home and all those things. So I started working uh as a salesperson because I was uneducated, I had no college education, and that's all I really knew how to do. My father was a salesman and he taught me well. And I became, you know, the number one salesperson for several different companies that I worked for. Um, so I did it out of necessity, not out of not out of a desire to be successful or a desire to do that particular job. But then um I I did notice that all through my life, even as a child, I always had a journal. Back then we called them uh uh what do we call them? Uh with the diary. The diaries, yeah. I have tons of diaries I wrote as a kid and all of my journals throughout my life. So I noticed, you know, you you like to write, Yvonne, and some of these things you've written could help other people. So then I started, you know, like sending things to magazines and different things like that, just for fun, and they got published, they got printed, and I was like, wow, this is cool. Well, the company I was working for was purchased by Siemens Corporation, and they let everybody go here in Syracuse and moved the operation to Bulka Raton, Florida. And I was in tears one day, and my son John, he was 16 at the time, and he said, Mommy, what are you crying about? And I said, Oh, John, I I I don't have a job. I have this big house because by then I was successful, so I bought all the things we'd buy when we're successful. Sure. And I said, I don't I don't know what I want to do with my life, I want it to be something that I enjoy. I I've worked as a salesperson, it's never been my desire to be that. But because you're successful, you keep going. And he said, Mom, you should be a comedian. You're really funny. And I'm like, Oh, John, please can't make a living as a comedian. So I kind of dismissed him. But that same week, I went to my accountants to kind of find out how much money do I have left? What should I do? And he said, You got a lot of money going out and no money coming in. You need to get a job. And he said, Did you ever think about being a comedian? And I said, Seriously? My son said that to me the same week, you know? And he turned around and he called the owner of a comedy club in Syracuse, which at the time I'd never been in a comedy club in my life. I had no information about it at all. And long story short, he made me an appointment to go down there. I thought I didn't know what it was about. He explained, You got you're gonna go on stage and you're gonna do stand-up. I said, I don't know anything about it. What are you talking about? So I just wrote down some of my stories that were true, that always made people laugh. I went there, I did my five minutes, and Beverly, I can only explain it by saying when that audience they stood up for me and they clapped and they laughed, and all of that was somehow a warm hug that reminded me so much of my mom. And I thought this is something I want to do for the rest of my life, this is what I was born to do. I'm sorry, I don't know if I got a no, um of course. So for seven years I did stand-up comedy, that's all I did. And how did that become a 30-year career? By accident, as everything in my life does. Um, I had uh uh a phone, the phone rang and I answered

From Stand-Up Comedy To A New Career

Yvonne Conte 16:07

it. I was working exclusively as a stand-up comic. And this woman, her name was Bobby Dylan, and she was from Rochester area fundraising executives in Rochester, New York. She said, We heard you're hysterical. We want you to come and talk to our group. We're having a meeting at the Rochester Club at noon. And I thought, oh, at noon, they're not drinking. How am I gonna make them laugh? And in the conversation, I realized she thought I was a motivational speaker, and that my topic was humor. So I just agreed with her. I said, now what else do you want me to talk about? I like to I like to tailor all my talks to every group. So she just told me what she wanted. I went to the library, I took out every book I could find on humor and laughter and joy and how it affects our body and our mind and how it helps us to connect and how it affects our health. And I put together a 20-minute talk. Beverly, it was like a miracle. My job as a motivational speaker was born in that room at 12 noon at the Rochester Club. It was 100 or 150 people from 150 different hospitals, colleges in the area that were fundraisers. So they all had to have a speaker at their fundraiser, right? And they they just liked me, and so I started getting hired right away as a speaker, and I knew nothing about the industry, didn't know what to charge, didn't know anything, and it just worked out. I had a customer in Chicago, I'd been doing it maybe maybe two years, and uh it was a women's financial association, and I went out there and I did it for her, and then she called me and she said, Yvonne, I I I know this is inappropriate, but I've got to tell you, I just really think the world of you, and I've told so many people about you, but when I tell them you only charge $1,500 to speak, they say, Oh, we wanted a professional, and the more I tell them, you gotta get this girl, she's wonderful, they said, No, we wanted somebody bigger. So she said, You need to increase your fee. Can you imagine a customer telling you that? And I said, Well, I feel like I'm stealing money, I'm talking for one hour, and she said, Yes, you should be charging ten thousand dollars for that one hour. I was floored. Can I tell you the minute I raised my price, I started getting bookings all over the country. Just was crazy, fantastic, yeah. And so you were doing this for 30 years, 31 years, yeah. And yeah, and then you decided to retire. How did that go for you, Yvonne?

When Retirement Wasn’t Enough

Yvonne Conte 18:54

Well, you know, it's weird. We get these ideas in our head that okay, I I did enough, I'm not crazy about the travel anymore. It's not as fun as it used to be. And my audiences are much younger now, and so I thought, well, they don't want an old grandmother up there talking to them about laughter and humor. So I started turning down bookings, and I thought, maybe it's time, you know, it's 75, maybe 75 in December. Maybe it's time for me to re just pull it back a little bit and just um, you know, relax a little bit, enjoy the kids, blah, blah, blah. Well, then I was writing the memoir because when you retire, you write a memoir and you document your whole life. But writing that memoir uh beneath her smile opened my eyes to so much that had happened in my life that I didn't think about, I didn't realize, and I didn't realize what it meant. And so I've been traveling all over giving talks about the book and realizing that in the process I'm teaching people about the importance of compassion over judgment. Because, of course, I judged my mother my whole life without really realizing it. I was dead wrong, and then I had to learn to be compassionate. It was such a lesson for me, and it was such a gratifying thing to do because it taught me about my past and why things happened as they did. I will say, I've always been the kind of girl that if I fall down and break my leg, it's because God wants to teach me that I can't be going so fast on that scooter or whatever it might be. I never complain, I never whine. Even when I was going through difficulties as a child, I never said nobody loves me, you know. Never. It's never been my personality to look at the negative. It's always been, let's look at the positive. What can I learn out of this? What how can I grow from this? And um I think in the process, everyone around me just thinks I have this wonderful life and never had a problem in my world, you know, never, never, never. I've had people that have known me for 30 years read this book and go, my God, Yvonne, I never realized this, this, and this. I never realized what you went through as a young person or you know.

What Yvonne’s Story Can Teach Us

Beverley Glazer 21:30

And at 60, you came out and found that family story. How did you find that when you were 60 years old? How did you discover that?

Yvonne Conte 21:40

My Aunt Frances, whom I adored, passed away, and she left me a big box full of family pictures and documents and all because she knows I'm the family historian. Okay, we have a huge family. And I put it in the cellar because I was busy traveling around, you know, when I was in my I was working like crazy. So I took it out one day and I started looking through all the pictures and laughing at some of them and so forth. And there was a picture of my father in his navy uniform. And it was a beautiful picture. And I wanted it, but the frame was cracked. So I took it apart in order to get that picture. And two things fell out of the back of that frame. And it destroyed me because I'm reluctant to say exactly what it was because it'll ruin it for people that are reading the book. But um it did two things, it explained what happened in 1958 that that just destroyed my mother, but it also destroyed my thoughts of what our family was about. It destroyed my feelings for my mother, for my father, for why all these secrets, you know, and so in the in the beginning, I first found out I was angry, I was I was in denial, I didn't want to believe it. I did a ton of research and then went back to some of my aunts and uncles that were still with us and found oh my gosh, this actually was a beautiful love story between my mother and father, and how they got through the most difficult thing uh a husband and wife can get through to try to get through, but they stayed with one another and they tried all with all their might to rekindle the love that they had for one another, and they stayed with each other until death. That to me is a beautiful story. So I don't look at this as oh, this horrible secret about the family, huh? What a disgrace. Blah blah blah. No, I look at it and I think, how amazing was my mother? Because I would have left them in two seconds. You know what I mean? I could never have done what she did. She was an amazing woman. Uh, she died in 2019. What's beautiful is that I found this out and was able to just love my mother for the rest of her life. I took her on trips, we did amazing things together, we we laughed a lot together. Wonderful. And Beverly, when she passed away, I got another big box of things of hers, and in there was a file with every single article that was ever written about me, every place I ever played. She somehow had the the little uh book that the program uh she she collected everything there was about me, she was so proud of me, and yet she wasn't the type of woman that would shower you with that kind of praise.

Beverley Glazer 24:51

Yes, now my eyes are teary as you speak, and so there's no stopping you even today. You were in retirement, you've come out of retirement, and you're almost 80, and there is no stopping you now. What advice? Why should we stop?

Yvonne Conte 25:10

If you have something to say, if you have something to give, if you have something to teach, get off your butt and do it. It doesn't matter how old you are. I mean, it's just an age, it's just a number. If you are, if you if you exercise, you stay healthy, you you can if you can get out there and do things, oh my goodness, do them. I don't think I'm ever gonna stop. They're gonna have to put me in the grave and zip me my mouth shut because I'm not gonna stop talking.

Beverley Glazer 25:42

You and me both Yvonne Right, right. Thank you.

Key Takeaways, Links, And Next Steps

Beverley Glazer 25:47

Yvonne F. Conte is a nationally recognized keynote speaker and best-selling author who has spent more than 30 years bringing humor, heart, and insight to audiences across the country. She has spoken to organizations like Merck, Time Warner, and ATT. And her newest book, Beneath Her Smile, tells a deeply personal story about family, resilience, forgiveness, and how little we know about the pressure someone else is carrying. Here are a few takeaways from this episode. Humor can be more than entertainment, it can be a way to survive, connect, and make sense of the world. What we believe about someone may not be the whole truth. And retirement is not always the answer. Many need more challenge in their next chapter. If you've been relating to this episode, here's some things that you could do for yourself right now. Stop judging so quickly. You have no idea what someone else is going through. Allow yourself to see your own past a little differently. It may not be exactly what you believed. And question that old story that you've been carrying. Perhaps there's another way to understand why. For similar episodes, check out retirement after 50. Your best work is not done. That's episode 185. And who are you without the career? That's episode 181 of Aging with Purpose and Passion. And if you're looking for a podcast that goes beyond money and traditional retirement advice, Beyond Retirement with Jackie Duset explores how to build retirement that feels meaningful, intentional, and truly your own. That's beyondretirement.ca slash reset. And so, Yvonne, where can people find you? Please share your links.

Yvonne Conte 27:53

Just go to my webpage. It's Yvonne, Y-V-O-N-N-E-C-O-N-T-E county.com. Perfect. And this is the book. So hopefully. Yeah, perfectly. I think I'd say this though, if I could. Um, anybody that has a book club, you get a 10% discount when you buy in bulk. And I will either come to your house or do a zoom when everybody's read the book and we can have a nice chat about it. How about that?

Beverley Glazer 28:23

No charge. Very, very cool. And that link, by the way, that's in the show notes. And it's on my site too. That's reinventimpossible.com. And so, my friends, what's next for you? If you're wondering what's possible for yourself too, let's map that out together. You'll find the link in the show notes, and that's on reInventimpossible.com. And if this conversation spoke to you, please add us to your playlist, share it with a friend, and remember, you only have one life. So live it with purpose and passion.

Announcer 29:07

Thank you for joining us. You can connect with Bev on her website, reInventimpossible.com. And while you're there, join our newsletter. Subscribe so you don't miss an episode. Until next time, keep aging with purpose and passion. And celebrate life.