Breaking Stigma & Building Connection: Dr. Peter Zafirides on Mental Health, ADHD & Modern Love

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Your host is Arlene Washburn, an
award-winning ethical

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matchmaking advocate, mentor,
and industry innovator.

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Let's dive in.
Welcome back to the Matchmaker

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Mentor podcast where we help
aspiring and experienced

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matchmakers build thriving
ethical businesses and give

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daters the insights they need to
succeed and love.

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Today I'm joined by a very
special guest, Doctor Peter

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Zafaridis.
He's a board certified

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psychiatrist and a Co founder of
Central Ohio Behavioral Medicine

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where he spent nearly 30 years
caring for patients and

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depressed with depression,
anxiety, ADHD and bipolar

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disorder.
He's been honored nationally as

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one of America's best doctors.
And what makes his work stand

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out is the way he makes complex
emotional issues feel feel

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clear, relatable, and deeply
human.

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And in this conversation, we're
going to unpack how emotional

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health effects our
relationships, why stigma still

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gets in the way of healing, what
ADHD really looks like,

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especially for entrepreneurs and
matchmakers trying to juggle it

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all, and the role loneliness
plays in our health and

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well-being.
We'll even touch on one of my

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favorite studies of all time,
Harvard.

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Harvard's 80 plus year study on
adult development and what it

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teaches us about living a happy
and connected life.

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Doctor Zafaridis, welcome to the
show.

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Oh, thank you so much.
I really appreciate that.

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It's great to be here, Arlene.
Yeah, I'm excited to have this

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conversation with you,
especially with your vast

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experience.
And what I love about what you

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do is your approach is not, it
just seems different.

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I mean, reading all your posts
on LinkedIn, and I just love the

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advice that you give and the
fact that you're even kind of

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giving that advice.
And it's not so much like your

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average psychiatrist is more
about, you know, giving out

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medicines and things like that.
So I love what I love what you

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do.
And so I'm so glad that we

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connected.
So you've been practicing

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psychiatry for nearly 30 years.
What is for you to go into this

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field and how has that
perspective on emotional health

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evolved over time?
Yeah, it's a, you know, I, if

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you would have told me in
medical school that I was going

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to be a psychiatrist, I probably
would have laughed you out of

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the building.
So it wasn't that I had this

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whole, you know, lifelong desire
to be a psychiatrist, but, you

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know, as I went through my
medical school training and

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residency, I really found that I
connected with psychiatry.

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I hadn't gotten there initially.
I had actually matched in

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radiology.
My father was a radiologist.

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So I figured that's a good
career path for me.

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But it was simultaneously the,
the, you know, worst and best

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year of my life in the sense
that, you know, I was kind of

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miserable.
It wasn't what I wanted to do.

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And I found myself just
migrating back to a lot of the

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psychology readings and that
and, and it was, you know, I, I

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tell people outside of, you
know, finding my wife and asking

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her to marry me, this was
probably one of the probably the

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truest decision I've ever made
in my life to return back to

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psychiatry.
So it's, you know, it's, it was

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a little bit of a circuitous
travel, but it got to where it

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needed to be.
And I've just loved it.

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It's hard to believe it's been
30 years that I've been doing

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this, but it's been a great
journey for me.

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You.
Know what's really impressive

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about that is you often talk
about the stigma surrounding

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mental illness.
And nowadays you hear about

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people who are just started
dating and they have a therapist

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or couples that just proactively
have therapists or people

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supporting them.
And you know, the stigma still

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exists.
But back then, Oh my God, it was

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like certain communities were
like, yeah, mental health that

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just doesn't exist for us, you
know, like, right.

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Amazing that you actually made
that decision such a long time

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ago, but I know the stigma
surrounding mental health still

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exists today.
Can we talk a little bit about

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that and what's been your
experience so far?

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Sure.
I mean, it definitely has gotten

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better, certainly over 30 years
of my own practice.

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And it's interesting.
But I'll tell a quick story

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about my father, who was an
immigrant from Greece and was a

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full radiologist there.
But when they brought him, when

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he came here, when, when my mom
and he moved here, he didn't

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know any English.
So for three years he had spent

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at at a local psychiatric
hospital here in Dayton, OH.

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So here's a Greek immigrant know
English and he's doing

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psychiatry of all things.
And I only say that because I

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got to get kind of a first hand
blush of what it was like in the

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60s, let alone in the 80s and
90s when I came through.

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So there was a huge, you know,
improvement over that period of

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time.
But specifically within my 30

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years it, it has been, I think a
clear improvement in, in stigma

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where people are willing to talk
about, especially younger

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people, they're willing to come
in.

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They don't hold much of the
stigma of what it means to come

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in and see a psychiatrist.
I mean, for me and, and my goal

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with anyone who comes to see me
and also how I try to reflect it

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in some of the creative things
that I do with my writings and

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such as I just don't want people
to think after they've seen me

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that that's not what I thought
seeing a psychiatrist would be.

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So that it would help in some
way, just the conversation to

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lower that stigma.
So that's always on my mind when

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I'm talking to someone
clinically.

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But we still see a fair amount
of of stigma.

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And I'm sure that, you know,
you've probably seen it in, in

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the work that you do in still
first generation or immigrant

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populations where it's not
uncommon for me to see the

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children of of, of first
generation like myself.

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But currently that this has
never been talked about and that

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it was quite a step for them to
come in and see someone like

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myself.
So I never take that for

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granted.
It's gotten a lot better, but we

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still have a long way to go as
it relates to stigma.

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Absolutely.
And I'm also a first generation

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and from where my mother came
from, they don't even talk about

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any kind of health issues.
Like it's the secret, you know?

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And, and those secrets are so
detrimental.

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Like to have to grow up in an
environment where everything's a

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secret.
You don't talk about this, you

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don't talk about that.
It's like I feel like that

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creates a mental health problem.
It absolutely does.

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It absolutely does, yeah.
So, and we didn't talk about

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this, but I want to bring this
in because it just kind of came

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to mind, you know, about this
younger generation.

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I'm seeing a lot of people that
are getting a diagnosis of

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bipolar disorder and I actually
have a family member and who's

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gone through that.
And this, this person, she's my

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niece, who I absolutely adore.
She's so competent, so

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responsible.
I mean, she's my go to person

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and to some extent I feel like
getting that diagnosis was good

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and bad.
And also all the different

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medications that she has been
prescribed have been so

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challenging.
Even recently, I know there was

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a new one that came out that is
an injection for people who

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forget to take their medication.
This one's an injection.

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And she was given that and she's
like, I need, I need a break

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just to adjust to this thing.
So I had her come and stay at my

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house for a month and she was
fortunate enough to be able to

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take that time off.
And I mean, she was walking

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around like a zombie.
She had all these different tics

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and things that just were
developed by these.

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And I'm curious like, because
there's so many amazing smart

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people who are running
businesses who might have that

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particular disorder.
And, you know, what do you

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recommend to these folks to kind
of have this normal life?

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Because I always tell her, look,
you know, somebody could have

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diabetes.
That doesn't define them.

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That's not who they are.
They just have diabetes.

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They they manage it and they're
getting on with their lives.

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But for her, like this has been
like a big struggle.

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What are your thoughts on that?
Yeah, it's it's interesting with

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bipolar, we talked about just
the general stigma of psychiatry

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that is there.
But then within the diagnosis

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there's even more.
And I think you can come in and

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be diagnosed with depression or
anxiety or panic or social

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phobia or something like that,
or even EDD, and it that's

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accepted.
But I have found even within the

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individuals where I've made the
diagnosis of bipolar disorder,

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there's pushback.
So it seems like that's next

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level.
For whatever reason, I'm not

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crazy.
A lot of times people will tell

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me when they're diagnosed with
bipolar and I have to walk them

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back down.
You're not crazy.

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That's not what we're talking
about here.

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But you're right, these are
challenging diagnosis and we

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know as a group bipolar
individuals are the ones that

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are probably going to be the
ones that are the most non

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compliant of the mood disorders,
schizophrenia put aside, but of

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the mood disorders.
So it's a challenging population

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to deal with.
Now, as we've talked about

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stigma, one other part of the
stigma really comes from the

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legacy of psychiatry itself,
right from, say, my daddy's

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experience when he was in the
60s, of what I've seen going

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through in the 90s and
heretofore.

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So part of the stigma also comes
from the challenging medications

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that we've had over the years.
They have gotten unbelievably

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cleaner and easier to take, but
we're still in the early parts

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of that, especially as it
relates to the mood stabilizers

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and some of the antipsychotics
that are approved in bipolar

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disorder.
So those are a challenge and

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sometimes people push back
because understandably of the

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side effects that are there.
But there is such an urgency to

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treat bipolar because I remember
back in residency and it's

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always stuck with me.
We had a lecturer come in who

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was a bipolar researcher, and he
said the way I like to think

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about bipolar disorder is like a
tornado going through your

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house, right?
You spend years and years

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building it up and making it a
home and then Wham, here comes a

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tornado destroys everything.
And that's what happens with

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mania.
So while it can be somewhat

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productive when you're
hypomanic, mania can really

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destroy lives.
And I've seen it happen, whether

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it's relationships or bad
financial decisions or career

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disasters that have occurred
that will happen.

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So it it is challenging.
We still are working and, and

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the medications have gotten so
much better.

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But here there really is an
urgency to treat, not only to

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get people better, but what
we've understood as well with

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bipolar is you have to be as
aggressive as possible in

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treating this from a biological
perspective because any residual

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symptoms that are there, like
maybe insomnia or agitation can

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act as kindling to start another
episode.

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So it's it's challenging because
you have to work hard at that.

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Medications can be a challenge.
And then what it means to the

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person to be bipolar, it just
still it that's just a different

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level diagnosis compared to
depression, anxiety or ADD at

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this point.
Yeah, cuz I think about all the

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entrepreneurs I know she used to
have her own shop.

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I also think about connecting
and having relationships where

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you, you know, there's this
feeling of like, I'm not good

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enough, I'm not adequate,
there's something wrong with me.

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So I can't have a criteria for
the type of partner that I want

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because I'm damaged goods.
And it's an ongoing conversation

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of like, no, you're, you have a
situation that needs to be

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treated and everything else, but
you are still worthy.

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You are valuable.
You can succeed there.

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I know there are a lot of people
who live with with these

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disorders and they're able to
manage, you know, through

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medication and therapy and all
of that and also have very

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successful lives.
I mean, a lot of artists, a lot

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of people who are accomplished
dealing with that.

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That's very true, yeah.
Talking about ADHDI know I'm a

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self diagnosed 1, but you know,
I, I teach matchmaking and one

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of the things that comes up with
my students all the time is how

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do I get focused?
And I, I often give them, you

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know, different tools and things
to, to use that I use myself.

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I, I'm more, you know, like when
I find myself really getting

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like all over the place, I
actually get back into my

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00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,760
routine of waking up and doing
my meditation.

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00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:51,040
And I'd love to hear your take
on meditation because I'm, I'm

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00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:52,920
always prescribing it to
everybody.

230
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,960
Like do some meditation.
Just it just calms you,

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00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:58,440
especially first thing in the
morning when you wake up and

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you're not distracted and you're
not in fight or flight mode,

233
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,400
which is I think what happens,
they pick up their phones and

234
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they start looking at all the
issues and thinking of all the

235
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:09,200
problems instead of just getting
grounded and focused.

236
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,760
But what do you say to the folks
that are, you know,

237
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:16,480
entrepreneurs have to be
self-propelled, they need to be

238
00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:18,600
focused, they need to accomplish
things.

239
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:23,000
And when you get a diagnosis
like ADHD or you think you're,

240
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you have ADHD and I know that's
like a big umbrella that I feel

241
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,560
like I don't know, I'm not an
expert.

242
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:32,200
I would love to get your take on
what is, how do you deal with it

243
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:33,760
and what are your
recommendations for

244
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:35,600
entrepreneurs and people dealing
with this.

245
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,680
Yeah, no, it's a great question.
And I guess a little bit of

246
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:43,840
context maybe, you know,
evolutionarily, right, We, you

247
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:47,520
know, it makes sense that we
need all brains in society.

248
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,640
And you know, for me, I think I
don't know how we ever prove

249
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:54,360
this, but I'm a big believer in
a lot of what we see with

250
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,920
depression, with anxiety, with
ADD, say seasonal components of

251
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:02,720
depression probably represent
evolutionary fragments of times

252
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,080
when that mood was beneficial,
right?

253
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,800
And, and now the living in a
society that was all or non live

254
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:12,800
or die threats were immediate
and where we've now become, you

255
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:17,240
know, pretty much air
conditioned, you know, 24/7, you

256
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:21,160
know, feeding and, and
artificial light everywhere.

257
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,320
A lot of these, you know, basic
coping skills, maybe

258
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:27,040
specifically with the brain
aren't as critical to our

259
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:31,440
survival, yet they still exist.
But more specifically to, to

260
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:35,720
ADD, it helps to understand a
little bit of maybe how we

261
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,840
understand the biological
framework for that.

262
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,480
And the way that I explain it to
my patients is when we look at

263
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,440
the the brain of an ADD person,
if this were like typical brain

264
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,760
metabolism or the activity of
the brain, we see just a little

265
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,840
bit lower for those that have
ADD.

266
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,080
So the brain burns a little bit
cooler.

267
00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:55,160
Nothing wrong with that because
we need all brains in society.

268
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,000
So if we're not talking about
the person who needs to be

269
00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:02,480
treated with ADD, maybe a person
who leans more that way, you

270
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,640
could see the benefits because
they're not paying attention.

271
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,480
And people who don't pay
attention probably don't pay

272
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,800
attention to rules.
And if you're not paying

273
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:12,240
attention to rules, this is
where the font of creativity

274
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,400
comes together, right?
I took this.

275
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,880
I took this and put it together.
How did you do it?

276
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:18,960
Well, I, I don't know.
It just came together.

277
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:21,600
Boom, there's a, you know,
there's a business idea.

278
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,600
Boom, there's an artistic piece
or something like that, right?

279
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:28,120
So these are the rainmakers,
these are the entrepreneurs.

280
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:31,160
These are the people who come up
with the big ideas, but these

281
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,320
individuals aren't going to be
the people who balance the

282
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,680
books, right?
So we may look at those

283
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,720
individuals that burn a little
bit hotter, that might trend a

284
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,520
little bit more towards OCD,
right?

285
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,160
So they're going to be the
accountants, they're going to be

286
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,960
the tax preparers, they're going
to be the proofreaders, you

287
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:49,280
know, the the schedulers, all of
that very important.

288
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:52,520
But we see where some of these
differences in brain activity

289
00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:55,840
lead people more towards those
careers.

290
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,800
So it's kind of the specifically
for the entrepreneur, it's kind

291
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,480
of the Ying and Yang of that.
Yes, you're kind of blessed with

292
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:05,920
that because you were able to
kind of create something out of

293
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,280
nothing.
Where you have to be careful is

294
00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:11,200
if it is affecting me to the
point that I'm not able to

295
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:15,160
succeed like I would like, then
I need to pay attention to that.

296
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,880
So what you know, the, the
mainstay of treatment is usually

297
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,200
the stimulants.
There are some non stimulant

298
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:24,120
treatments, but the stimulus, if
we understand this model, is you

299
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,800
normalize that brain metabolism,
right?

300
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:30,760
So when you do that, it's very
distinct because the person who

301
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,200
has ADD and takes a stimulant,
it's not focus that we're

302
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,320
looking at because you give
anyone a stimulant, they're

303
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,680
going to focus, doesn't matter
if you have ADD or not.

304
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:42,720
But the person with ADD will
focus, but they slow down.

305
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:47,000
It gets calm in their mind,
Everything kind of eases down.

306
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:50,520
They're able to think kind of
that crackle of ADD has quieted.

307
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,120
And that makes sense.
If we take someone who doesn't

308
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,040
have ADD and move them a little
bit higher, they'll still focus,

309
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,440
but they might get crunchy, they
might get agitated, they might

310
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,640
get irritated, they might get
anxious might be enough for them

311
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,359
to cram for a final or get a
project done, but they're not

312
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:08,839
going to take it day-to-day.
So when people come in, what I'd

313
00:17:08,839 --> 00:17:11,440
love, it's one of my favorite
things to treat because people

314
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:14,480
will come in and they'll be
like, I had no idea I could feel

315
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,160
like this.
And the the dominant part of

316
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,359
that is that it gets quiet,
right?

317
00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:21,359
So I think that's, you know,
what, what we see with the

318
00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:24,839
formal treatment being to
address your question on, on

319
00:17:24,839 --> 00:17:29,640
meditation, I'm a big believer.
We have to look at any of the

320
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,360
emotional health treatments as a
holistic approach to it.

321
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:34,320
So I'm a big believer in
meditation.

322
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,640
I do my morning stoic meditation
and readings and journaling.

323
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,200
And that's a nice way for me to
start.

324
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,480
It's not the only way.
Meditation you know can be

325
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:48,120
exercising or running.
I tell people don't overthink

326
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:49,640
it.
If you want to meditate but it

327
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:52,320
seems overwhelming.
Pick 3 songs that you really

328
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,960
love that are like just calming
to you and justice.

329
00:17:55,960 --> 00:18:00,400
Put those on for about 1015
minutes and then start your day.

330
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:04,200
So we, we run into this paradox
where you're right, people are

331
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,400
just picking up the phone right
away and, and they're, they're

332
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,880
just already kind of anxious and
nervous because the brain has

333
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:15,200
been set into motion in in
almost a counterproductive way

334
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,480
when we do that right away.
So I think it's a good habit

335
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:23,080
because it makes a difference in
in being calm, but it also sets

336
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,640
the stage from a from a habit
that this is what I'm going to

337
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,800
do first.
That is really kind of self

338
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,200
fulfilling and self enduring for
me.

339
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:37,040
I love that I, you know, I and
Full disclosure, I thought I had

340
00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:40,320
ADHD and then I was like, I need
to get some Adderall because I

341
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,120
need to focus and, and it wasn't
a thing where it was a

342
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:44,760
consistent like all over the
place.

343
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,120
It's just certain times in my
life where I felt all over the

344
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:51,360
place trying to get that
Adderall was like a feat.

345
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:53,960
Like it was like, oh, my God,
like you're buying some illicit

346
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:57,680
drug or something.
Yes, I finally got it and I took

347
00:18:57,680 --> 00:18:59,280
1 and I thought I was going to
die.

348
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:02,400
I'm like, Oh my God, how could
anybody take this?

349
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:07,080
I threw it out.
I'm also, like afraid of messing

350
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:11,400
with my mind because my father
died from Alzheimer's and my mom

351
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,440
now has it, but she's 93.
So I really can't, you know, say

352
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:18,920
that that's so I'm always afraid
like even like the the use of

353
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,840
marijuana, which I live in New
Jersey, it's legal here.

354
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:25,600
Like anything that messes with
my head, I'm always afraid of

355
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,640
like messing with my brain
because I just don't want to

356
00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,920
risk, yes, creating a worse
problem.

357
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:37,720
But I've heard, I actually heard
it on a podcast where they were

358
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:39,800
talking about the symptom of
ADHD.

359
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,600
And I was like, Oh my God, that
is so mean.

360
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:46,640
Like, you know, where you like,
and I feel like such a jerk

361
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,360
sometimes.
Like sometimes my husband and I

362
00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:50,520
will, you know, he's very
regimented.

363
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,160
He gets an idea in his head.
He's almost impulsive and has to

364
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:56,760
like, he's like a dog with a
bone And he'll we'll talk about

365
00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:00,120
something that I need to do and
then I just forget about it, you

366
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:02,480
know, and like.
And I'm like, OK, well, these

367
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:06,200
things actually do affect my
relationship, but I think also

368
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:10,080
in part I'm more focused on like
I'm very business oriented and

369
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,000
all of this.
So that's my main concern.

370
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:14,120
So a lot of things fall by the
wayside.

371
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:18,800
But when I heard about these
symptoms of what ADHD might look

372
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:23,840
like, I really identified with
a, with a lot of it and, and it

373
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,320
kind of made me somewhat
worrisome.

374
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,680
But this Adderall is not an
option for me.

375
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,800
So I'm just wondering, other
than like meditation or any kind

376
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:35,160
of natural thing, what can
people do to like, get focused

377
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:39,160
and follow through and make sure
that they're not pissing people

378
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,400
off left and right because
they're kind of, you know.

379
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:43,840
It's tough.
I mean, from a treatment

380
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,880
perspective, there are non
stimulant treatments and they

381
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,200
are good.
The downside is unlike the

382
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,680
stimulants which work right
away, they take a little bit of

383
00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:52,160
time.
So it's going to take a couple

384
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,200
weeks for those medications to
kick in.

385
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,440
But they are, they are good
treatments.

386
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:00,760
And as far as, you know,
supplements and such specific

387
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,960
for that, I'm not aware of any
that I could say aha, here like

388
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,080
I can with maybe depression or
anxiety.

389
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:11,520
But I think general strategies
are really, really important.

390
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:14,840
Being able to, you know, stick
to a schedule, setting up your

391
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,960
environment so that it can be as
distraction free as possible.

392
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,320
Keeping a calendar.
I know for ADD people it's so

393
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,680
hard, but you know, putting in
some of those structures.

394
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,840
Or if you have someone that
you're either working with or is

395
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,680
a colleague or a friend, what
did they do that maybe aren't

396
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,760
affected by this?
Say your husband like how does

397
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,720
he stay so regimented and
following through and maybe try

398
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:39,760
trying to adopt some of those
schedules within your own day.

399
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:44,040
So it you know, it's it's all a
matter of of degree.

400
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,920
I mean, I always give my
personal example and my uncle,

401
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,520
God rest his soul, probably had
one of the worst cases of ADD

402
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,680
I've ever seen in my life.
Never treated because it was.

403
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:56,200
I mean, you know, he that was
wasn't going to happen in the

404
00:21:56,200 --> 00:22:01,600
50s, right?
But I remember in in medical

405
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,640
school, I had to get 2 bedroom
apartments, not because I needed

406
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,200
the space, but I needed long
hallways because if I sat down

407
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,160
to read something, I just my
mind just started swimming,

408
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,200
right.
So I would have to have long

409
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,360
hallways.
As long as I was walking, I

410
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:18,320
could, I could focus.
So a lot of what I was reading

411
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,200
with my, you know, my class
notes and everything like that

412
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:23,800
was walking.
So I would walk 1012 hours a day

413
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:27,200
just studying.
So I used to kid with my dad.

414
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,920
It was probably probably, you
know, 20 or 40 milligrams of

415
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:31,320
Adderall away from being a
surgeon.

416
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,160
But here I am now as a, as a
psychiatrist.

417
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:38,120
But if you, you understand how
you migrate to, to these types

418
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:42,960
of occupations, mine is mostly a
visual kind of field or, or

419
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,760
specialty as opposed to
something that is intense like

420
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,480
maybe a surgeon or something
like that.

421
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:50,880
So, you know, it makes sense.
Even my radiology, you know,

422
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:55,520
pick was more, you know, visual.
So we tend to migrate to some

423
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,120
degree.
You know, there are really good

424
00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:01,360
books that that have looked at,
you know, some of the strategies

425
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:07,120
that don't involve medication.
So it's just a matter of of

426
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:10,000
degree for the individual,
though, is having an honest

427
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,480
assessment how much of this
cause anyone can say they're ADD

428
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:17,680
today, but how much of this is
materially impacting my life in

429
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:21,120
terms of am I able to succeed
educationally?

430
00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:23,120
Am I able to succeed
professionally?

431
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:25,400
Am I succeeding in my
relationships?

432
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:26,880
Right.
Those are kind of the core

433
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:30,520
things that we look at that what
separates maybe an ADD ish brain

434
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:33,800
versus someone who's really got
a clinical syndrome that is

435
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:38,080
really impacting their growth.
So it's, it's, you know, it's

436
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,880
sometimes it can be a little bit
elusive of how we treat.

437
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:43,920
Yeah, well, that's, that's
really good.

438
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:47,840
Good to know.
And really just basing it on

439
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,000
whether or not it's really
impacting your life.

440
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:55,920
Another huge issue we face,
especially post pandemic is

441
00:23:55,920 --> 00:24:00,240
loneliness.
And the fact that we're so

442
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:04,920
connected techno technology
wise, I feel like also has

443
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:11,040
created a huge disconnect,
especially for daters and just

444
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:14,480
overall, even families.
I mean, I think people look on

445
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:16,760
Facebook and they see what's
going on in somebody's life.

446
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,840
And that feels like enough to
actually instead of picking up

447
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,440
the phone and make and having a
conversation with someone.

448
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,320
And I know for years, my
daughter, if I called her, she

449
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:29,880
wouldn't even answer.
It had to be a text message, you

450
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,320
know, is when you're raising
kids.

451
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,120
She's a grown woman with a child
now.

452
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:37,880
So life has changed, but I don't
what are your thoughts on what's

453
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,480
happening right now?
Because I know it's definitely

454
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,920
affecting the, you know, the
matchmaking worlds.

455
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:48,240
People are so lonely, they're so
disconnected and they're having

456
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:52,320
a struggle to, to actually get
into relationships.

457
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,240
And I feel like that's why
matchmaking is such an important

458
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,640
part of the solution, part of
the solution.

459
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:00,600
You're part of the solution.
There's so many things.

460
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:02,920
What are your thoughts about
this loneliness epidemic?

461
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:06,000
No, I, I would agree with you.
I mean, I, I don't think it is

462
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,400
being too dramatic to say that
it's, it's an epidemic.

463
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:13,040
We look at the numbers that are
out there and, and you know,

464
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,360
especially for, for adults of
dating age, if you will.

465
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:19,720
I mean, these are, these are
horrible numbers that we see.

466
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:23,000
And it is kind of the irony of
being able to be the most

467
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,520
connected, but we're really the
most distanced.

468
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:30,080
We've been I remember a story
and I never had thought about it

469
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:33,440
in this way, just because I
hadn't had any reason to, per

470
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:38,200
SE, or no one had given this
kind of picture to me.

471
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:42,280
But a friend of ours, her
daughter who was in the honors

472
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,200
program at Ohio State here for
her first year, her experience

473
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:49,000
first year versus second year.
So the honors program, it's a

474
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,320
lot smaller.
You dorm with other honors

475
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:55,320
students, and there's a lot of
conversation back and forth.

476
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,720
They would eat together.
They would talk about, you know,

477
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,160
just their journey just because
there wasn't that many of them.

478
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,240
And then after that, you move
out to general dorms.

479
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:06,120
And she said it was night and
day.

480
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:11,000
And the thing that struck her
the most was the silence where

481
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,600
she would go out of her room.
Everyone's got their headphones

482
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:16,520
on, Everyone's buried in their
phone.

483
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,480
No one's talking to anybody.
And I don't mean no one, but I

484
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:22,080
mean meaningfully.
We've changed the way that we're

485
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:26,560
communicating, particularly at
those vulnerable years where the

486
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,600
communication is such an
important part of just learning

487
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,880
how to talk, whether it's to
prepare yourself for, you know,

488
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,520
for the time in your life where
you're working or the time of

489
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,360
life where you're where you're
dating.

490
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:42,360
So it isn't necessarily just
the, the connection on the phone

491
00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:44,600
that kind of distracts us, but
we're, we're kind of cocooning

492
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,680
ourselves, you know, in our own
little universe and we're,

493
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,280
we're, it's materially affecting
how we're relating to each other

494
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:53,600
to where now.
And you know, this more than I

495
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:57,000
do, given what you do 'cause I
would imagine that's maybe part

496
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,160
of the reason people ask for
your services is it's just,

497
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,920
it's, they need to be trained on
how to even communicate with

498
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:05,400
each other and talk to each
other.

499
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,240
Because swiping left, swiping
right is just the way that

500
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:12,200
they've kind of learned.
And, and when you have an

501
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,040
endless amount of people that
you can see on your phone and

502
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:19,920
not have to connect with, it is
really a challenging way then to

503
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,600
change that behavior when you
actually want to meet people and

504
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,720
talk to them.
So, you know, I'm sure you see

505
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:30,000
that on a on a much more grander
scale.

506
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:34,880
Yeah, it's, it's become
extremely challenging for

507
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,480
individuals.
And I, and I kind of want to

508
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,280
touch on this topic a little bit
about the struggle that men are

509
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:43,640
going through in particular
right now.

510
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,200
Because people have always
thought, well, you know, this is

511
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,840
a patriarchy and men are in
charge and they're large and in

512
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:52,640
charge.
But the reality is, is a lot of

513
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:56,960
young men and men of all ages
are struggling, especially if

514
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,320
they're single and want to be in
relationship.

515
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:03,680
I know that there's something
happening in our society today

516
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:07,240
in America and worldwide.
I mean, I know countries like

517
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:13,520
Japan are having a huge struggle
for men to to get married and

518
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,440
have children.
Countries all over the world are

519
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:20,880
paying people to move there,
especially if you're of child

520
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:25,520
bearing age to move there.
They will pay you to in Italy

521
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:29,280
and all these different
countries, even Greece to start

522
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,160
a family.
And especially now that people

523
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:34,000
have remote, remote work is a
lot easier to do.

524
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:38,280
And what's going on?
Like, what is the big shift

525
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,440
that's creating?
This is what I want to

526
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,240
understand.
I mean, I mean, we see it, you

527
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,720
know, in the matchmaking world
because now that they don't know

528
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:50,120
how to communicate with one
another, they're no longer

529
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,880
making those connections.
I know that the online space is

530
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,800
creating a problem because the
filters that people use online

531
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,520
are not the ideal filters that
you would use when you meet

532
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:05,160
people face to face, right?
They're they're weight.

533
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,360
You know, that stupid stuff is
meaningless.

534
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,840
When you meet someone, when they
used to meet at a bar or a

535
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,400
church or some place where they
were conjugating, they usually

536
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:16,680
had plenty of exposure to one
another, maybe frequent

537
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:18,840
exposure.
And then you would develop an

538
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:22,720
attraction to someone and kind
of overlook a lot of that stuff

539
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:26,720
that, that you're trained to now
filter on for matches.

540
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:31,160
And it's, it's just bonkers.
And you know, I, I, I don't know

541
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:35,200
what the answer is other than to
bring in a human as a liaison so

542
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,800
that you work with a human
instead of an algorithm.

543
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:42,320
Yeah.
And I think, I think that's

544
00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:44,440
true.
I mean, I, I see the parallels

545
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,880
there with what we do in our
therapy, right?

546
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:50,200
Different circumstance, but
still needing someone to help

547
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:53,520
guide you through those
emotional barriers and, and,

548
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:56,280
and, and, and move on to feeling
better.

549
00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,000
It's, it's really challenging.
I mean, you can look at at data

550
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,120
and I think it's pretty good
when we say social media, not to

551
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:06,440
be kind of a Luddite of we
shouldn't be on anything, but

552
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:10,560
pretty clear trends globally.
The track with say the start of

553
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:14,320
like Instagram and, and some of
the social medias and where you

554
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:16,880
saw global rates of depression
increase.

555
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:19,160
So it's like, how can you
explain that globally?

556
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:22,480
And you know, I think that there
is that that link there.

557
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:26,360
And then what happens to those
brains when they're exposed to

558
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:30,520
that early on, you know, say if
those approved ages of 13 and

559
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,960
now you Fast forward 10 years of
this type of behavior

560
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:38,400
modification, not putting a, a
wrong or right on it, but just

561
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:42,520
saying if we have changed in
those ten years from 13 to 20,

562
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:46,240
23 on how we communicate with
each other compared to what we

563
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:47,960
might have done a generation
before.

564
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:51,440
With all of this, we can see
that there are some fairly

565
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,560
predictable outcomes that are
going to manifest themselves.

566
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:58,120
And not necessarily just in in
depression, but also in

567
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:01,720
meaningful ways that we
communicate with each other on

568
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:05,400
all aspects, whether it is
romantically or or otherwise.

569
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:08,720
And you know, we're seeing that
with, you know, and I'm sure

570
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:11,080
you've seen it as well with
those, you know, clients that

571
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:14,080
are business leaders and where
they, you know, they worry about

572
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:17,080
some of the newer, you know,
recruits that are coming out and

573
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:20,520
maybe giving people a couple of
years before they would look at

574
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:24,640
someone rather than just coming
out of college for some of those

575
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:30,240
just basic relationship and, and
communication deficiencies that

576
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:34,280
are there the.
Soft skills, if you As they're

577
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:38,400
saying, we should touch a little
bit about how this loneliness

578
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,000
epidemic is actually affecting
people's health.

579
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:45,560
Yes, I.
Mean it's bonkers, you know, the

580
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:50,160
equivalence of loneliness with
smoking 15 cigarettes a day,

581
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,680
having heart problems, all the
things I mean, you're better

582
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:57,400
equipped to share about that.
Yeah, no, I mean, it's, yeah,

583
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:01,440
it's, it's it's really, really
difficult.

584
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,880
I mean, you look at some of the
statistics and you know, people

585
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,960
saying one in three adults are
feeling only at least one time

586
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:10,760
during the week, one in 10
feeling lonely every single day,

587
00:32:10,960 --> 00:32:12,520
right?
I mean, this is an incredible

588
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:17,640
amount of of people and
especially comparing it to men

589
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:22,640
who in, in these dating ages
feeling lonely throughout the

590
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:26,800
week, 25% of men as opposed to
maybe 18% of women.

591
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,880
So it's, it's significantly
skewed, you know, towards men,

592
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:35,400
but certainly we see the effects
of that as it relates to health.

593
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:39,480
And the question is, is why?
And while it's speculative

594
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,840
still, I I think that there's
more and more understanding if

595
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,960
we go back into history, we grew
up in tribes.

596
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:51,080
So we grew up because the tribe
provided protection in addition

597
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:54,880
to social discourse and
relationships and all of that.

598
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:58,440
So it makes sense.
Someone goes out into the

599
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:02,000
Savannah alone, you know, they
were, they were as good as dead.

600
00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:05,960
So the loneliness is a
disadvantage in that regard.

601
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:10,200
But probably what we're seeing
is not just the loneliness per

602
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:13,480
SE, but the anxiety and
depression that comes with that,

603
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:17,480
that increases the body's
inflammatory response.

604
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:21,000
Because when we're stressed, it
makes sense that our body should

605
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,840
have inflammation in the body.
Because back in in those days,

606
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:27,960
100 thousands of years ago, you
know, when we were stressed, it

607
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:29,360
usually meant we were under
attack.

608
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:31,880
So there's an advantage to
having those inflammatory

609
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:35,200
mediators in your body ready to
go in case you would get cut or

610
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:38,320
hurt, right?
It's not live or die anymore

611
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:42,240
today, fight or flight.
So but those reactions are still

612
00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:44,000
there.
And it's thought that that

613
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:47,080
chronic low grade inflammation
that comes from depression or

614
00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:50,400
anxiety or loneliness, that just
that low burn compared to the

615
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:54,760
person who doesn't have it over
40 years is probably the reason

616
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:59,600
we see this increased incidence
in heart disease or dementia or

617
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:03,840
cancers or autoimmune diseases
compared to those who might not

618
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,480
have anxiety or have very low
rates of it.

619
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:10,400
So I think that there's a real
correlate there between the

620
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,360
stress of loneliness, what it
then represents in the body as

621
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:18,360
as as just a tip you, it's an
understandable reaction, but it

622
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:22,159
just accrues and accrues through
that inflammation to where you

623
00:34:22,159 --> 00:34:25,080
see going down the line
equivalent to smoking.

624
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:27,920
And that's, you know, I try to
tell my patients that when

625
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,880
they're saying, I feel so much
better, why do we have to get it

626
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:32,480
completely under control?
And I say you don't want that

627
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:35,920
little burn because you don't
know what that can do later, you

628
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:40,840
know, in in life and.
You know, speaking about the men

629
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,880
that are struggling, I think I
mean, as a first generation

630
00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:51,199
American, we my culture embraced
living with the family.

631
00:34:52,679 --> 00:34:56,320
You weren't kicked out of your
house just because of being or

632
00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:00,480
you know, you, you're done with
school, go get an apartment or

633
00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:03,160
whatever.
Like that wasn't that wasn't the

634
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:05,680
case.
And so if you combine this

635
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:08,320
loneliness that exists today
because people are so

636
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,920
disconnected.
So you do not making those,

637
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,520
those bonds that we did back in
the day where you had groups of

638
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,680
friends and you were out and you
would do things together.

639
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:22,840
And now you're forced to move
out of your home because it's,

640
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:25,440
you know, it's frowned upon if
you're still living with your

641
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:29,960
parents at a certain age, that
combination is deadly because

642
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:36,000
now you have a young man who is
living alone, you know, And if

643
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,480
he's struggling in any
particular way, I mean, like,

644
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:41,520
you hear all these tragedies
left and right in America,

645
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:47,920
mainly coming from men and, you
know, doing these, I mean, we

646
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:51,800
just had something the other day
where somebody showed up and,

647
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,920
and I, I don't even like to
voice it because I don't want

648
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:55,240
to.
Add money?

649
00:35:55,240 --> 00:35:56,880
I understand.
No, but I know what you're

650
00:35:56,880 --> 00:36:01,160
talking about, of course.
So yeah, you tell me like what's

651
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:03,400
going on?
Like cuz I, I feel like we have

652
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,920
to get this under control and it
affects all of us.

653
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:09,360
It's not just, oh, this, the men
over there, like they don't care

654
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:12,640
about all of us.
Yeah, you're right.

655
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:15,120
I mean, being first generation,
I know what that was like.

656
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,120
My grandmother was part of our,
you know, staple, you know,

657
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:19,400
heck, she lived across the
street.

658
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:22,640
She was always at our house.
So we were always together,

659
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,920
right.
And, and, you know, that's less

660
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:30,400
and less a likelihood anymore
that it continues or the elderly

661
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:34,720
are celebrated in our families.
So they're just not around as

662
00:36:34,720 --> 00:36:37,080
much.
And it's a much more difficult

663
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:40,640
situation, not only for the
expectation that you go out, but

664
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:43,680
it's never been harder from a
financial standpoint to be able

665
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:47,880
to live on your own, especially
as a young person and everything

666
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,760
that you face there beyond just
the loneliness itself.

667
00:36:50,760 --> 00:36:54,600
So it becomes a a real moment
of, of desperation.

668
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,640
And, and we see things like we
just recently saw.

669
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:03,040
And I think ultimately, you
know, these are, and this is my

670
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:05,800
personal opinion, but I think
that I think that this

671
00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:09,880
represents the desperation that
is there in a person who feels

672
00:37:09,880 --> 00:37:13,040
completely useless or
meaningless.

673
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:16,880
And this act is just one way of
mattering, if in the in their

674
00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:21,040
mind, if you will, or hoping
that they matter in in society's

675
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,240
mind as they go out, you know,
and I think that this is, you

676
00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:26,680
know, some of these, if not all
of them are usually suicide

677
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:29,600
missions.
And that really speaks to the

678
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:31,960
just the pain and the
desperation that is out there

679
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,320
that leads some people to get to
that point.

680
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:39,760
And it really is a it.
It's really an amazing thing to

681
00:37:39,760 --> 00:37:43,040
see and just horrible.
Yeah, it's horrible.

682
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:46,000
And it affects the society as a
whole is not just the

683
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,120
individual.
And it's funny you mentioned,

684
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:52,520
you know, feeling meaningless.
And I know that you gain a lot

685
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:56,920
of your your philosophy from
Viktor Frankel, right?

686
00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:59,560
And I don't know if you want to
talk a little bit about that,

687
00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:03,360
but I know that his whole, you
know, to synthesize it is about

688
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:05,400
meaning, right?
Finding meaning and everything

689
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:09,400
that you do, has that informed
the work that you do?

690
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,880
Well, it's just his work and
Doctor Irvin Yallem's work have

691
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:16,120
been just, you know, Seminole
for me in terms of understanding

692
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:20,880
not only psychology and
emotions, but also my own, you

693
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:24,880
know, my own life and, and the
idea that we move through these

694
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:27,920
challenges in our lives as human
beings, right.

695
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:31,040
And that's why I like so much
the existential approach because

696
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:35,880
it is very egalitarian.
I'm not the, you know, chosen

697
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,920
one wisdom that I'm going to
impart to you about what's wrong

698
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:42,720
with you, but that we all
struggle with these issues of,

699
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,840
of, of meaning, these
existential concerns, meaning

700
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,920
isolation or mortality and
freedom.

701
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:53,240
And that as we, you know, move
through life, much of those

702
00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:55,160
anxieties are when we push on
those.

703
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:59,560
But we all do.
And really to understand that

704
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:04,760
these are very, very important
pillars of our existence that we

705
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:09,000
all have to to work through.
And for the most part we all do.

706
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:11,800
But sometimes when we're
hurting, when we're depressed,

707
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,720
when we're anxious, it's usually
where we're pushing on one of

708
00:39:14,720 --> 00:39:16,560
those that has that has been the
issue.

709
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:20,960
I love that because it just
makes, you know, and I believe

710
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,960
we're all connected.
And so everything effects

711
00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:29,240
everyone to some degree.
I'm, I'm a big fan of the

712
00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:33,040
Harvard study and like the
meaning of connection.

713
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:36,720
And it's the study of adult
development.

714
00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:39,000
I know it's been going on for
over 80 years.

715
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:42,760
I think maybe President Kennedy
was one of those where they took

716
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:48,560
a bunch of kids, young men from
the inner city, from the hood if

717
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:53,400
you will, in Boston, and then
they took the second year

718
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,120
students that were all men
initially.

719
00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:58,720
Because like everything else, it
always starts with the men.

720
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:02,440
Yeah, buddies.
And all of that in medicine and

721
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:05,000
now they've incorporated
families and it's been going on

722
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,880
forever.
And what they wanted to

723
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:11,200
understand and, and of course
they asked the, the, the young

724
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:14,120
men like, what, what do you
think will make you happy in

725
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:15,800
life?
What's what, what are the things

726
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:19,480
you need to accomplish to feel
happy and to feel whole and all

727
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:21,360
this?
And they're thinking money,

728
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,360
accomplishment, growth,
whatever.

729
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:28,840
And really what it boiled down
to was connection, connecting

730
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:31,640
with other humans, having those
relationships and how that

731
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:35,520
impacts you're over time, how it
impacts your life.

732
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:38,400
And this is another area that I
think we're going to be seeing

733
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:41,760
this next generation as they
age, if they're so disconnected

734
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:47,480
and lonely, because this study
shows that you report less pain,

735
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:51,160
that you grow old healthier just
by making these connection, not

736
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:53,680
always just your significant
other, but anybody.

737
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:57,480
So I'd love to hear your take on
on that whole situation.

738
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:01,920
Oh, sure.
I mean, I, I, I, I totally agree

739
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:05,360
with all of that.
I mean, you know, certainly not

740
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:06,760
to downplay some of the other
things.

741
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:10,520
I mean, money allows you some
freedom and, and the ability to

742
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,440
kind of choose how you live your
life.

743
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:16,640
But it really is in terms of
happiness and happiness I think

744
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:18,640
sometimes is a little bit
overstated.

745
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:22,200
I think when we're talking about
happiness, I think what more

746
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:25,360
people are are talking about is
contentment.

747
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:28,720
So that there's fulfillment and
there's meaning in ones life.

748
00:41:28,760 --> 00:41:31,000
It doesn't always have to be
that you're ebullient and always

749
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,200
feeling great, right?
Because those down periods and

750
00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:35,160
the up periods are part of human
existence.

751
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,400
But I think it's where there is
that fulfillment and

752
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,440
contentment.
I'm on the right path, I'm

753
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:44,680
connected and I think that
again, going back to how we've

754
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:48,040
evolved, we've always grown up
in groups.

755
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:51,320
They not only on the literal
offered protection, but they

756
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:55,160
also provided fulfillment and
contentment.

757
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:58,920
So it's really not a surprise to
see one of the primary, if not

758
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:03,600
the primary issue that people
talk about is relationships and

759
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:07,600
connecting with other people
because that is how we're wired,

760
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:11,880
how we respond and where we are
at our best, not only on an, an

761
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:14,240
emotional perspective, but a
physical perspective.

762
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:18,720
And, you know, probably that
safety that we felt back then

763
00:42:18,720 --> 00:42:21,080
100 years ago and or 100,000
years ago.

764
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:24,520
And being in the group is
manifest in that safety that we

765
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:28,880
feel when we are with others in,
in, in how it translates over to

766
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:33,600
contentment and fulfilment.
And, you know, sadly, it's, it's

767
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:36,960
harder and harder for
individuals to, to have those

768
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:40,680
connections.
And you know, it, I don't know

769
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:44,080
what it's going to be, you know,
in, in, in the future.

770
00:42:44,080 --> 00:42:47,760
I mean, one could take a look
and say, you know, maybe AI will

771
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:50,080
replace some of that.
I, I, I don't know.

772
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:56,480
But you know, it's, it really is
about connections and

773
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:59,000
relationships.
I mean that that is where we

774
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:03,040
feel the most content and we're
about our healthiest, quite

775
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:05,800
frankly.
Yeah, and you mentioned AI.

776
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:09,440
I'm, I'm I'm a big proponent of
technology.

777
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:13,320
I love technology, I love
advancement and I don't fear it.

778
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:17,720
But when it comes to AI and this
particular issue of the

779
00:43:17,720 --> 00:43:22,840
disconnect, I, I do get
concerned with AI robotics,

780
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:26,720
people actually having
relationships with, with these

781
00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:32,320
robots and not, and just
forgoing making an effort to

782
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:36,520
have a relationship with another
human, which it's complicated.

783
00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:40,160
It's not, it's not always fun.
You know, you have your

784
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:44,040
challenges and, and I was
interviewed for a documentary

785
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:48,880
where men are literally leaving
the US to go to other countries

786
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:52,000
to meet women there because
they're divesting from the women

787
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:55,240
in America because they're not
nurturing enough or whatever

788
00:43:55,240 --> 00:43:57,840
their opinions are.
They're not feminine.

789
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:01,040
You know, they're all these
things and then they have higher

790
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:05,200
standards and whatever.
And I worry so, because if

791
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:07,640
they're leaving the country,
that's, that's one thing.

792
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:11,160
So that leaves the women here
with less opportunities, but

793
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:14,280
also those who have just said,
you know what, I'm over it.

794
00:44:14,720 --> 00:44:17,960
I'm just going to have a
relationship with an AI bot and

795
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,600
or a robot because that's
coming.

796
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:24,320
I think they have stuff already
where, you know, physical

797
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:26,640
interactions with these, with
these robots.

798
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:30,120
So I, I worry about that because
we're, we're just going to

799
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:34,680
disappear as a species.
We're not having build, you

800
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,400
know, babies, and that's
actually not happening

801
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:39,160
worldwide.
We're not really replacing

802
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:41,200
ourselves.
Yes, that's true.

803
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:42,640
That's true.
Yeah.

804
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:46,080
It's a bit ominous to to think.
I mean, hopefully what we fear

805
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:49,840
the worst kind of evens out.
But, you know, we, you know, it

806
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,560
The the problem is you're right.
It's, you know, we take for

807
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:55,840
granted in human connections the
diversity of people's

808
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:59,680
experience, which is really
doesn't have to be anything like

809
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:02,120
your own, but can still be
beautiful when you're

810
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:06,480
interacting in a relationship.
And you know, those, those

811
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:12,360
differences are not found in,
in, you know, the LLM models,

812
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:13,560
right?
Most of the time, they're very

813
00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:17,200
general and they're also
motivated to agree with you.

814
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:20,800
And that's, that's not
necessarily how life works.

815
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:24,800
So it, it becomes, it becomes a
skewed reality, almost like

816
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:28,800
social media, but but in the AI
form, interacting with someone

817
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:32,680
who might be a lot like you.
And while that's OK, we kind of

818
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:35,360
like to have certain touch
points where we're the same.

819
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:38,160
Part of the beauty of
relationships is, is seeing the

820
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:40,960
difference and maybe seeing the
conflict and being able to

821
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:44,640
resolve through it and growing.
And those are really critical

822
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:48,720
parts of, of maturing and having
healthy relationship and

823
00:45:48,720 --> 00:45:51,960
emotional lives.
So yeah, it is, it's going to be

824
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:54,680
a, a challenge.
I, I don't know, I never counted

825
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:57,560
out because, you know, we're
looking at some of these early

826
00:45:57,560 --> 00:46:00,480
models that are, you know, a few
years old and you think, well,

827
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:03,040
what's it going to be 30 years
from now or even, heck, five

828
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:05,520
years from now?
I, I don't know what it's going

829
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:06,680
to be like, quite frankly.
I.

830
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:10,120
I don't know, but I'm going to
make a, I'm going to make a

831
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:13,320
prediction right now because if
we don't get the situation under

832
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:17,440
control and, and help men with
the struggle that they currently

833
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:21,000
have, which is, you know,
whatever they're going through,

834
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:26,280
we've always attributed to men
as their identity what they do.

835
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:30,960
And I think the next crisis
that's coming is people

836
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:33,680
struggling about the type of
work that they do getting

837
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:37,680
replaced by AI.
And that's worrisome in those

838
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:43,280
households where the men are the
main financial contributor or

839
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:47,960
just in general, the fact that
we've always raised our boys in

840
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:52,160
our society to think you're the
bread winner, which is kind of

841
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:54,520
not happening any that much
anymore anyway.

842
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:58,040
But like, that is very worrisome
because that's that's the next

843
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:03,080
crisis of people stressing out
about, Oh my God, I'm getting

844
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:06,760
I'm going to get replaced.
And I've spent the X amount of

845
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:09,000
years in this career and this is
what I know.

846
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,400
And this is so part of their
identity.

847
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:15,840
And, you know, I just hope that
we can kind of swing the

848
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:19,400
pendulum and get some sort of
medium kind of thing that we

849
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:22,120
could all live through this and
and be OK.

850
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,400
But that's kind of worrisome for
me.

851
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:26,080
I don't know.
I don't know if you've given any

852
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:28,200
thought to that.
Oh, no, I I would agree.

853
00:47:28,200 --> 00:47:32,960
I, I just, it's, it's really,
really rough to think of where,

854
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:37,040
where things could go in terms
of just further erosion of what

855
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:40,360
a typical relationship might be,
might be like.

856
00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:44,280
I'm curious if I could ask you a
question real quick in terms of

857
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:47,240
you've talked a lot about, you
know, men and, and, and how

858
00:47:47,240 --> 00:47:50,440
they're impacted.
But in in those that come to you

859
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:53,360
and and, and seek help with
relationships that are that are

860
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:57,080
females.
Do you see kind of a common,

861
00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:00,200
common theme there?
Is there any kind of not that

862
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:04,000
we're going back to the 50s, but
a wish that maybe there might be

863
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:07,360
a little bit more of a
traditionalish role in a in a

864
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:09,360
what?
What are some of the the worries

865
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:10,960
that women have who come to see
you well?

866
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:14,360
That that's a great question.
I mean I don't practice

867
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:17,360
matchmaking anymore and I have
been a science based.

868
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:17,720
Dating.
Yes.

869
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:18,800
Yes, that's right.
Yeah.

870
00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:22,560
Occasionally I work with a
client, very rarely.

871
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:27,960
But the trend that I'm seeing
with women is that because they

872
00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:33,880
were raised to think about
hypergamy, dating men who were

873
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:39,240
doing as well, if not better.
And also there's a bit of a

874
00:48:39,240 --> 00:48:42,760
mindset of like the men lead and
men this, that and the other.

875
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:46,280
That's that old school mentality
that perhaps their parents

876
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:49,560
taught them.
They're struggling because

877
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:53,000
they're now the ones who are
going on to higher education.

878
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:57,040
They're more employed, more
educated.

879
00:48:57,080 --> 00:48:59,880
And so it's harder to date
people who at your level or

880
00:48:59,880 --> 00:49:04,800
better now because you have less
gotten men going, you know,

881
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:08,360
getting this education and
earning that kind of income.

882
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:12,560
And so that struggle #1 is
trying to find the right

883
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:16,440
partner.
Struggle #2 is thinking that

884
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:18,720
these partners need to be
everything to you.

885
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:22,440
So now people want, if they own
a business, they want that

886
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:25,240
person to be their partner.
They want them to be their best

887
00:49:25,240 --> 00:49:26,600
friend.
They want them to be their

888
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:29,320
lover.
That the father, then we got to

889
00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:31,120
go travel and do everything
together.

890
00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:36,960
And that that thought that one
person can fulfill everything is

891
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:40,520
very challenging.
So a couple, you know, those are

892
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:44,080
two things right off the top of
my head that I'm finding it has

893
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:47,640
been a struggle for women.
And I don't know if the time

894
00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:51,080
will come when women have to
date the way men used to date,

895
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:55,360
which was, hey, I make enough
money for both of us.

896
00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:59,680
I can support this household and
you can go, you know, you can

897
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:01,600
stay home and raise the kids or
whatever.

898
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,120
I, I don't know.
I don't know what's going to

899
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:07,000
happen, but there is a big shift
and I don't know if it's going

900
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,920
to swing back with the political
climate that we're in.

901
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:12,840
But it had, it continued to
trend the way it was.

902
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:17,000
The, the thought was that women
would be controlling money by

903
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:21,000
20-30, which has always been in
control, controlled by men

904
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,640
making buying decisions and
literally controlling it, being

905
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:26,840
more employed, making more
money, et cetera.

906
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:30,440
I don't know.
I don't these are the the

907
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:32,920
problems that I can identify.
Do I have the solution?

908
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:34,640
Not necessarily.
No, no, no, I get it.

909
00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:38,400
Yeah, I do think that.
Coaching helps to get people out

910
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:41,960
of their own way and say, look,
this person can't be everything

911
00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:44,080
to you.
You can have friends to do this,

912
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:47,440
you can have this to that and
break it up so that you're not

913
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:49,080
putting so much pressure on one
person.

914
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:49,520
I.
Don't know.

915
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:51,960
Yeah, it's, it's interesting.
Yeah, sometimes I'll use the.

916
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:57,720
I'll use the example when I'm,
when I'm talking my patients in

917
00:50:57,720 --> 00:50:59,920
therapy and I'll say, well, you
know, the there was this

918
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:02,880
experiment they did with the
biosphere.

919
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:05,320
I think it's out West somewhere,
I can't remember, maybe Arizona.

920
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:09,240
Where they did it was a fully
contained ecosystem that they

921
00:51:09,240 --> 00:51:11,600
were trying to see how people
could do if they lived in there

922
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:15,320
for two years fully sustaining
themselves, right?

923
00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:19,080
And it was, it's supposed to be
for preparation to, to colonize

924
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:21,800
Mars, right?
So how can we do it here and see

925
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:24,760
how human beings do?
It was interesting because what

926
00:51:24,760 --> 00:51:27,440
they found was an interesting
thing with the trees in the

927
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:29,640
biosphere because they would go
up, they would grow to a certain

928
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:31,640
height and then they would fall
over.

929
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:34,440
It's like, why are these trees
falling over?

930
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:36,360
What's going on?
They're growing like normally

931
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:37,760
these are normal trees, nothing
wrong.

932
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:41,120
We've still got the same amount
of light and and nutrients and

933
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:42,680
all of that, but they would fall
over.

934
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:46,360
And you know what it is, is, you
know, trees don't just grow

935
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:49,640
straight up.
They grow when there is stress

936
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:51,640
on them like wind and weather,
right?

937
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:56,640
So they strengthen in response
to that particular conflict, if

938
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:58,480
you will, that comes in there
adversity.

939
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:01,080
And that's why these trees just
didn't have anything.

940
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:02,760
There was just even weather the
whole time.

941
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:05,200
They got to a certain point,
they were just, we can fall

942
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:07,080
over.
And I say, you know, especially

943
00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:08,840
when people come in and they're
talking about their

944
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:11,200
relationships and that there's,
you know, conflict, It's like,

945
00:52:11,240 --> 00:52:13,480
well, I get it.
I mean, if it's terrible,

946
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:15,720
terrible conflict or abuse or
something, then that's

947
00:52:15,720 --> 00:52:18,560
unhealthy.
But we can't be averse to

948
00:52:18,560 --> 00:52:21,480
conflict because it isn't just
about the conflict, but the

949
00:52:21,480 --> 00:52:24,600
resolution they're after.
And that's where the growth

950
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,160
comes.
And you know, another part of

951
00:52:27,160 --> 00:52:31,840
what I worry about today is
there's not a whole lot of that

952
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:34,000
there where people can hold that
space, right?

953
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:36,320
Because everything, not that
everything is easy, but

954
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:39,600
everything is right there for
you in in today's, you know,

955
00:52:39,600 --> 00:52:43,760
social media world or, you know,
technology world, it's right

956
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:46,200
there for you.
And sometimes that adversity

957
00:52:46,200 --> 00:52:50,600
that we would normally feel
within a relationship is just

958
00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:52,800
not there too.
And I think that that impacts

959
00:52:53,720 --> 00:52:56,840
meaningful relationships being
able to grow over a period of

960
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:59,280
time.
Not that we want a whole lot of

961
00:52:59,280 --> 00:53:02,000
stress, but part of
relationships is going to be

962
00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:04,760
stressed.
But the benefit that comes from

963
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:07,880
that is how people resolve and
move through and grow.

964
00:53:08,200 --> 00:53:11,880
And you know, that's another
part of all of this that that

965
00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:14,600
just makes me a little bit
worried.

966
00:53:14,600 --> 00:53:19,280
Again, as we look at brains that
are starting at age 13 and in 15

967
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:21,800
years are going to be of that
mindset.

968
00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:24,680
How are they going to interact
not just in communicating, but

969
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:26,760
how do they deal with each other
with stress?

970
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:29,520
Is there just complete
frustration at the first thing

971
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:32,200
and then go?
Or is there are you, do you have

972
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:35,800
the capacity within yourself as
a human being to hold that

973
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:39,280
realizing it is uncomfortable,
but that there is purpose to

974
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:41,880
holding this and learning that I
can mature and grow through

975
00:53:41,880 --> 00:53:45,200
that, not only in myself but in
my relationship with this other

976
00:53:45,200 --> 00:53:48,080
individual?
Wow, I love that.

977
00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:50,120
I love the analogy about the
trees.

978
00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:53,640
I am going to research that.
Incredible.

979
00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:57,200
But also what you're talking
about, which is a trend that

980
00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:59,840
we've been seeing for a long
time is the, the lack of

981
00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:04,680
resilience essentially, and
having to get medication to be

982
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:08,800
able to cope with it with things
instead of working through and,

983
00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:13,240
you know, dealing with the
conflict and, and figuring out

984
00:54:13,240 --> 00:54:19,640
ways to resolve and learning to
minimize your triggers to get to

985
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:21,680
a point where, yes, you're going
to continue to get triggered,

986
00:54:21,680 --> 00:54:25,280
but can you recover faster?
And those are the kind of trends

987
00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:28,880
that we're seeing in, in
relationships that that are

988
00:54:29,160 --> 00:54:32,320
people are so frustrated that
they're quick to end in

989
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:35,160
relationships.
Or I'm not going to say that the

990
00:54:35,160 --> 00:54:39,480
divorce rate is up because I
don't, I don't believe so, but

991
00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:42,480
but those types of things are
challenging.

992
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:46,280
And so a lot of the divorce rate
may not be up, but the marriage

993
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:51,760
rate is very low since the 1950s
is it's gone down exponentially.

994
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:56,240
So there's so much more I would
love to cover with you.

995
00:54:57,160 --> 00:54:59,880
It's, it's been such an
incredible conversation.

996
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:04,040
If you had one take away for our
audience of matchmakers and

997
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:07,240
daters about emotional health
and relationships, what would it

998
00:55:07,240 --> 00:55:10,840
be?
Well, I think, you know, these

999
00:55:10,840 --> 00:55:13,960
emotional states, emotional
illnesses are real.

1000
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:16,600
They are part of the human
condition.

1001
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:21,600
I'm sure any individual who's
listening to this either has

1002
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:24,440
struggled with it themselves or
knows of a family member or a

1003
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:27,800
friend.
So this is not an isolated

1004
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:30,080
event.
You're absolutely not crazy.

1005
00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:34,120
These are just parts of our the
human condition that affects us

1006
00:55:34,120 --> 00:55:37,480
to various degrees, and if we
can do anything, I think we can

1007
00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:41,960
be a lot kinder with those that
we know or ourselves when we

1008
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:45,280
struggle through these,
realizing that there is help out

1009
00:55:45,280 --> 00:55:48,440
there and that you can feel a
lot better.

1010
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:50,520
Please do not give up hope on
that.

1011
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:54,640
I.
Love that and Doctor Zafaridis.

1012
00:55:54,920 --> 00:55:56,120
I'm so sorry.
I that's.

1013
00:55:56,120 --> 00:55:57,880
OK, no worries.
No worries.

1014
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:01,640
And talking at the same time.
Thank you so much for joining us

1015
00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:04,240
today.
This is such a powerful reminder

1016
00:56:04,240 --> 00:56:08,440
that our emotional health is
inseparable from the quality of

1017
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:12,040
our relationships, whether we're
running a business, dating, or

1018
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:16,280
building a life with someone.
So for those who are listening,

1019
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:20,640
we'll include Doctor Zafaridi's
information in the show notes if

1020
00:56:20,640 --> 00:56:23,800
you'd like to learn more or
possibly work with you.

1021
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:28,360
And if you're a matchmaker, I
encourage you to think about how

1022
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:32,720
these insights applied not only
to your clients, but to yourself

1023
00:56:32,960 --> 00:56:36,560
as a business owner.
The more we prioritize emotional

1024
00:56:36,560 --> 00:56:40,640
health, the more we're able to
build thriving businesses and

1025
00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:43,520
create lasting, meaningful
connections for others.

1026
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:47,200
And thank you again for tuning
in into the Matchmaker Mentor

1027
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:50,120
Podcast.
Be sure to subscribe, share this

1028
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:53,600
episode with a colleague or a
client who might benefit.

1029
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:57,440
And let's keep raising the
standards of love and connection

1030
00:56:57,440 --> 00:56:59,120
together.
Thank you again.

1031
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:09,480
Have you ever felt called to
help others find love?

1032
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:12,760
You might have the heart for
matchmaking, but without the

1033
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:16,200
right training, turning that
passion into a thriving business

1034
00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:20,160
can feel impossible.
Most matchmaking courses give

1035
00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:24,000
you outdated theories and a
certificate, but no real world

1036
00:57:24,000 --> 00:57:26,160
strategy to build a successful
business.

1037
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:29,480
That's where Love Pro Mastermind
Academy is different.

1038
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:33,400
Our live Done with You training
goes beyond theory, helping you

1039
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:37,080
develop matchmaking expertise,
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1040
00:57:37,080 --> 00:57:40,280
strategies, and master the art
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1041
00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:44,320
With expert LED instruction,
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1042
00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:48,440
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1043
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:54,000
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1044
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:57,520
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1045
00:57:57,520 --> 00:58:00,600
business.
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1046
00:58:00,600 --> 00:58:03,160
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1047
00:58:03,400 --> 00:58:05,280
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1048
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:10,040
Are you ready to become an LPMA
Certified Matchmaker and build a

1049
00:58:10,040 --> 00:58:13,040
business that changes lives?
Apply today at

1050
00:58:13,040 --> 00:58:16,040
lovepromastermind.com.
Thank you for tuning in to the

1051
00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:19,560
Matchmaker Mentor Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode,

1052
00:58:19,560 --> 00:58:22,400
don't forget to subscribe, leave
a review, and share it with

1053
00:58:22,400 --> 00:58:26,600
fellow matchmakers and friends.
For more resources, training,

1054
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:30,520
and inspiration, visit
lovepromastermind.com and follow

1055
00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:34,600
us on social media.
Remember, matchmaking isn't just

1056
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:38,240
a career, it's a calling.
Let's keep building connections,

1057
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:40,240
changing lives, and growing
together.