EP9. How Matchmakers Build Trust, Authority and Clients Through Storytelling and TEDx-Level Positioning

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Welcome to the Matchmaker Mentor
Podcast with Arlene Washburn,

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the show where love, industry
professionals, coaches, and

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matchmakers come to learn, grow,
and elevate their craft.

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Each episode dives deep into the
art and business of matchmaking,

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featuring expert insights, real
world strategies, and inspiring

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conversations designed to help
you create meaningful

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connections and lasting success.
Whether you're a seasoned pro or

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just starting your journey, this
is your space to be mentored,

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motivated, and moved to make a
difference in the world of love.

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Now here's your host, Arlene
Washburn.

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Bobby, welcome to the Matchmaker
Mentor podcast.

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Thanks, Arlene.
I'm happy to be here.

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I'm so excited for this
conversation because I secretly

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have some kind of story to tell
eventually and want to do a TEDx

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talk, so I'm so impressed that
you've done it five times.

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I don't know too many people who
can say that.

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Yeah, I think that TEDx is a
perfect platform to share a

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story and message with the
world.

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And I think everybody has a
story.

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In fact, people have many
stories.

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That's why I've done 5 TEDx
talks.

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And I think, you know, if you
want to leverage the TEDx talk

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platform to share your message,
impact people, change lives,

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that's what it's all about.
And at the same time, you can

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leverage it for your brand, for
your authority, for your

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visibility in many, many ways.
So that's one of the things I

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always tell all my clients.
Find those stories, share them,

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and then use the TEDx platform
to amplify your brand.

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Yeah.
And So what I find interesting

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is that the 10X speakers don't
always talk about their area of

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expertise.
To your point, it's usually a

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story.
So how does 1 figure out what

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story to tell, what's
compelling, what's going to be

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interesting to the public?
And I know you work with

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professionals to help them kind
of garner that, but how do you

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go about that?
Yeah, usually what I do is I go

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through their life story and I
kind of ascertain which stories

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I think would be a really good
fit or TEDx worthy as we'll call

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them.
But then what we'll do is we'll

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test them out.
We'll validate with our network.

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Because when you put a story out
there or share video, there's

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certain ones that people are
going to love and there's

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certain ones that people are
going to surprise you like, oh,

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that's a really interesting
story.

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Tell me more about that because
you never know what's going to

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really appeal.
And by having that validation

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process, you'll know the ones
that people really love versus

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the ones that people like.
That one's OK.

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So it's really to kind of put
out there, and that's why I also

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say that no matter what you're
doing, put stories out there,

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share knowledge, share ideas,
because that one post that goes

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viral, that goes a long way.
And I, the other thing I'll say

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is that the reason why we don't
focus on expertise that work

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with people, I'll say, look,
share a story that's based on

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expertise.
Sure.

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Share another story that's based
on your personal story, maybe

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something else wrong with your
objective.

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Well, what we found is that from
the tech talks that I've done

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and what other people have done
is that the personal story has

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greater chance of viral
virality.

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It builds greater trust and
relatability.

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And so even though your TE DX
might not be about your

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expertise, it still leads to
greater business because people

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like you more and that talk
itself has more visibility out

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there.
I struggle with storytelling

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because I have a lot of stories,
but one of my struggles with

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storytelling is knowing how
vulnerable to be versus like not

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getting too deeply personal and
going down a path that takes

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away your credibility as a
professional and a leader.

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Because I've seen people do this
where they start telling things

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that are like way too much
information, too much.

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It kind of takes away a little
bit about who they are in their

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profession.
And so how do people balance

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that?
Being able to be vulnerable,

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authentic, and tell a story
without going overboard.

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OK, so first let's a couple
things here.

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Number one, vulnerability as we
know, and Brittany Brown has

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shown us as well that it's one
of the deepest connectors with

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people.
So that's why it's so powerful

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to be able to use that and
leverage it.

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That's it.
Every single person is different

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in terms of what they're
comfortable with, but the truth

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is the more vulnerable you are,
the more deeper the connection,

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the more deeper the trust and
the more deeper the potential

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virality, what you're sharing.
Now that said, the issue is not

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about how vulnerable you are,
the issue is how you say it.

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So I think what I've seen is 2
things that go wrong.

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People express things in a way
that it doesn't really read

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well, doesn't really come across
well.

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People like like if someone
comes across as over sharing,

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they're doing it the wrong way.
There's a way to share in a way

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that doesn't come across as
oversharing.

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So that's the first thing.
The second thing is you have to

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sit.
You have to differentiate

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between what is personal and
what is private.

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So let's say for example, I'm
going to talk about my divorce

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and I want to talk about, you
know, it's really hard.

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So if I start talking about my
divorce, but then I start

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talking about my partner and how
they're terrible, or I start

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talking about my kids in a way
that interrupts their privacy,

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that's not the way to go.
What I should be doing to talk,

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I could talk about.
I got divorced, I felt like a

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failure.
Here's how I felt personally.

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But I don't throw anyone else
under the bus.

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Now there are exceptions, of
course, for people who will

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share other people like in case
of abuse and whatnot.

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But generally speaking, you have
to difference between what is

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personal and what is private
because the private stuff, it

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impacts other people negatively.
You don't want to do that, but

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being vulnerable, if you're
willing to be vulnerable, you'll

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see the darkest stories that
people have of trauma, but they

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do it the right way.
There are people who share all

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the time about trauma, but they
do it so often, so frequent in

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the wrong way that people like,
oh man, like there they go

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again, right?
And it's like, it doesn't come

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across well.
So it's really in terms of how

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you say there's always a way to
express a story and

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vulnerability in the best way
possible.

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And there's also a really bad
way to do it too.

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Yeah, and I know a few
matchmakers who have done TEDx

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talks and I observed how they
went about it.

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And I've been kind of paying
attention to TEDx for a while

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now because it's eventually
something that I'm hope to do.

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And maybe I'll be working with
you on that, Bobby.

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But I noticed like, for example,
your hand gestures are really

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important.
In some cases they look really

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awkward and they just didn't
have the gestures that make it

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feel natural and stuff.
So I mean, like the TEDx talks,

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it's also the story.
It's your voice, it's your

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movement.
There's so many things that go

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into it, which is kind of nerve
wracking for me.

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That's why it's something that
I've put off over the years,

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even though I've been thinking
about it for a while.

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So what advice would you give
people who are seriously

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considering this in terms of all
the different elements that go

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into it?
Yeah.

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So First off, it's important to
understand that the first step

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is you have to land the TEDx
talk, right?

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And a lot of people, they spend
too much time working on the

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talk itself without actually
working on how to land it.

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And if you work on the top all
the time, let's say it's not

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even a good idea.
What's the point of that?

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You're going to waste a lot of
time and energy.

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So the three-step process, you
want to land the text talk.

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You didn't want to design and
craft a world class winning,

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effective and viral talk.
They want to leverage that talk

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for your brand authority,
visibility and awareness, right?

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But in terms of how you do that
properly, it's important to

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really go through all your
stories and try to find what the

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best 1 is and then learn
actually how to express that

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idea very simply in a way that
people get.

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Because if you can't do it, if
you can't express it, it becomes

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an issue, right?
Because the people who see it

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don't get it.
And the people you're pitching

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to, they're not really sure what
you're talking about.

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For example, my 5th test talk, I
like to talk about my idea was

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very simple.
It was 22nd hugs.

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And the idea was when do we hug
someone for 20 seconds that's

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not our intimate partners or our
family.

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And the answer was during
tragedy.

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And so I talked about that
specifically, why it's so

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important.
Why do humans feel the need to

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hug for 20 seconds or longer?
And so when I pitched that idea,

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simply it people.
Oh, yeah, that's a good point.

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I understand.
I can visualize it.

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And so I think for a lot of
people, I think they get caught

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up in the number one issue to
stop you from doing a tennis

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talk is the mindset of who am I
and do I deserve one?

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And oh, I'm sure I have the
right story and whatnot.

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But the truth is, look, there
are 10 year olds who have done

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Ted talks.
There are 20 year olds who've

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done 4 TEDx talks.
And why?

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Because it's not about success,
it's not about achievement or

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status.
It's about what is the idea,

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what is the story and why does
it matter?

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And if you can come up with
that, then you can, and you

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should do a TEDx talk.
And then in terms of the

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mechanics and things such as
like the hand gestures and

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things like that, is that
something that you need to hone

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in on as well?
Yeah.

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So once you once you land the
tennis talk, you're trying to

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optimize the talk, right.
So there's things like your

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stance, your voice projection,
the pacing, the slides, you

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might have everything you have
to do.

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You have to design it all very,
very comfortably.

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You also have to be very mindful
of the audience and the theme.

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And you also have to learn to be
a better speaker.

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So, you know, being a better
speaker and presenting that

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includes everything.
And so that's why you also have

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to rehearse it multiple times.
I'm the type of person that I

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just speak off the cuff and I
don't know necessarily rehearse

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stuff.
But when I did my first Teix

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talk, I can tell you I rehearsed
that thing like 30 times because

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I really wanted to make sure I
got it just right.

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So they typically most Teix
organizations will bring in a, a

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speaker coach from the
organization to watch you the VB

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feedback.
I also give feedback to my

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clients too, to say, hey, look
like one of my clients, he's

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done 2 Teix talks.
He did one in January.

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He's doing 1 actually in a
couple of days, so I'm coaching

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and just making sure getting it
right and say it right and

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things like that.
The pacing, because all that

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stuff matters.
But I'd say for a Tenix talk,

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the most important thing is the
opening.

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And what exactly?
How do you open people?

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How do you immerse them in the
first like 2 minutes?

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That's incredibly important.
The 1st 5 seconds in the 1st 2

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minutes, incredibly important.
And of course after that there's

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different structures you can do
to make sure your Tenix really

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stands out compared to the other
ones.

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You have an interesting
background because while people

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now know you as leadership and
speaking and all that good

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stuff, your background is in
engineering and corporate.

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Tell us how you went from that
to this and is this exclusively

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what you do now?
You no longer in engineering all

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that good.
Stuff, Yeah.

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So I started as an engineer, I
studied engineering and my first

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job was in mechanical
engineering, worked at design

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the aircraft.
And while I was there for four

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years, I was kind of bored, like
I didn't enjoy it at all.

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And so while I was there, I
decided to start my own musical

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theater company.
I started producing directing

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musicals on the side, which a
bunch of young people and I was

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great.
I grew the organization and

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after all four years I was like,
you know what, I don't really

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feeling I'm fitting in here.
So I decided to I want to go to

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entertainment in it initially,
but I couldn't get in.

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So I did my MBA when I switched
to marketing and I worked in

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brand marketing.
So I did brand marketing for

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another four years and again, I
wasn't really feeling it.

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I dabbled in a bit of
performance.

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I did, I dabbled a bit of
teaching.

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But eventually after that I was
like, what do I want to do with

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my life?
And so I decided to dive my

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personal brand and really
understand what I cared about.

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I interviewed with lots of
people what they thought I was

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00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,320
good at.
What do you guys like about

238
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:36,520
Bobby?
What does Bobby mean to you?

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00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:40,040
You know, what's my brand?
And what end up happening was I

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00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:43,240
identified 5 key brand elements
and they basically screamed that

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I should be a motivational
speaker and a coach.

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And that's what I did.
I launched that 20 years ago and

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I haven't looked back.
The things from those other

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careers.
I take problem solving from

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engineering.
I take brand and marketing from

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00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:58,160
my brand marketing days.
I persuasion influence for my

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teaching days.
I put all those things together

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00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,280
in terms of how I speak and how
I coach.

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And then what I started doing
was I started speaking initially

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and that became really, it was
hard at first, but then once I

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got a coach, once I got a
community, and then once I land

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that first TEDx talk, things
just completely took off.

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Started traveling around the
world.

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At this point, I've done over
1000 keynotes and workshops

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across 4 continents.
And then the first TEDx talk

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with the second TEDx talk, which
led to five TEDx talks.

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I've actually been invited to
four other TEDx talks, so that

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actually turned down.
So I'm actually a nine time TEDx

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00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,400
invitee.
And then I just built on social

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media too.
I've saw social media as a great

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00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,640
tool to build my message out
there.

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And so I started building on
LinkedIn, Instagram, on Twitter,

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and that also helped me too as a
brand, as an authority figure.

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And I also actually led to the
TEDx talks and things like that.

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And now at this point, what I do
is there's three things I do.

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I still do keynotes and
presentations on personal

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branding, vulnerable
storytelling, how to use

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00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:55,640
LinkedIn, things like that.
But I also help people add TE DX

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talks to leverage their brand
and their authority and things

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00:12:58,160 --> 00:12:59,880
like that.
And then on the lower level, I

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have people in the beginning,
people just starting out,

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00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,960
business owners are trying to
level up their brand, level up

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00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,920
their thought leadership, level
up their authority, their

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digital strategy.
Most small business owners don't

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00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:12,800
know how to monetize properly.
They don't have to get the sales

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00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,200
acquisition.
And so I run TLV Club as a

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00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:16,920
membership committee for small
business owners to help them

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00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,920
level up.
So those are the three things I

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00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:22,720
do, but it's all in the path of
beginning at beginning.

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00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,400
Get clear in your brain, go
through your target, your

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business, build it up, build
that authority, become a file

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00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,800
leader, get that 10X talk, and
then really live the life you

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00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,520
want to the fullest.
That's really what it's all

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00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:35,280
about.
I love that and it's so cohesive

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00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,800
and it makes a lot of sense.
And I know you talk about

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00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:44,680
turning stories into strategy.
What does that like actually

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00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,480
mean for professionals trying to
build credibility?

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00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:48,920
Like, how did they go about
that?

289
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:53,640
Well, I think a lot of people
don't know or have really fully

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00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,720
explore their entire story.
So even before I was doing the

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00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,040
TEDx stuff, I was helping people
with personal branding and I was

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00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:00,480
helping people become paid
speakers.

293
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:04,520
In all three of those cases,
personal branding, paid speaking

294
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,640
and TEDx talks, diving in your
life story and understanding

295
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:10,880
every single thing you've done
and how it created the person

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00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,400
that you are today and what that
how the what the meaning of that

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00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,200
was.
Those stories are really what

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00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,520
you can use and leverage for
your brand, for your speaking,

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00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:22,120
for your content strategy, for
everything you do.

300
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,880
And so for me, you're taking
those stories and it's turning

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00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,200
the strategy because the
strategy, your story, because

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00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,520
your brand, your brand, your
story.

303
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,760
And that leads to the strategy
because if you know, if you know

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00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,560
what your story is, you know
what your brand is, you know

305
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:35,800
what your target audience and
your objective is, you then

306
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:39,000
create a strategic objective
around that.

307
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:43,080
So for me, going back to my
early days of my, of what I was

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00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:45,360
doing, the stories of my life
were like, here's where the

309
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,240
place where Bobby loved what he
was doing.

310
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,200
Bobby loved to perform and
present.

311
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,360
He loved to persuade an
influence.

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00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,520
He loved people, he loved
diversity.

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00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:56,120
And because of that, that led to
me realizing that I want to be a

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00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,360
speaker and a coach because
that's more diverse for me than

315
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,160
just being a, for me,
engineering was kind of boring.

316
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:05,320
And so for you, if you know what
your stories are and you know

317
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,000
what your overall story is and
where you want to go with that,

318
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:11,800
it will basically fundamentally
create the brand and the

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00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:15,280
strategy and ultimately the
tactics for you to grow to where

320
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,800
you want to go.
And that's kind of what I focus

321
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,720
on with everybody, whether
they're doing TE DX or they're

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00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,480
small business owners or whether
they're want to work on a

323
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:21,920
personal brand, it doesn't
really matter.

324
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,880
It always starts with your
story, because that defines your

325
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:28,120
values, your interests, your
skills, your passions, and

326
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:29,880
really all the things that you
do care about.

327
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,960
Yeah, and I agree with you
wholeheartedly.

328
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,040
People really connect with
stories and they'll remember

329
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,200
those stories and they'll
remember how they felt when they

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00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:42,760
heard it and how they connected.
So I couldn't agree more.

331
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,600
I'm curious though, I didn't
realize that you were helping

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00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,800
people with LinkedIn.
And that's my social media home

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00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,160
away from home is LinkedIn.
I just, I don't know, I'm really

334
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,560
into it.
It started out as something very

335
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,000
different.
It's become a little bit more

336
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,160
social.
What are your thoughts about

337
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,440
LinkedIn for professional
matchmakers?

338
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:04,920
Because I noticed not a lot of
them are posting on LinkedIn.

339
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,920
And of course, I run a school
for matchmaking, so it's a

340
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,680
little different.
It's more career oriented and

341
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,960
more about people looking for an
opportunity to do something

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00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,600
different.
And they hadn't thought about

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00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:19,280
matchmaking.
But do you believe Matchmaker

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00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,720
should be on LinkedIn and should
they be posting their stories

345
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,160
and really communicating with
people there?

346
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,120
Well, it's a couple things to
think about.

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00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,240
The first thing to think about
is where are your clients,

348
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,520
right?
So where are your clients that

349
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,560
you may want to talk to?
So let's say you're a

350
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,840
matchmaker, you're targeting
tech executives.

351
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,960
Well, they're on LinkedIn,
right?

352
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,360
And if they are on LinkedIn,
then you want to start messaging

353
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,320
them and talking to them and
then getting them to see you in

354
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,320
terms of what you're talking
about.

355
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,200
I should have a matchmaker in my
TLB club community.

356
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:51,160
And we've encouraged her to post
on LinkedIn more often because a

357
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,760
lot of our target audience is
there.

358
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,080
And so it's important to
actually start those

359
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,400
conversations.
The second thing to consider is

360
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,560
also what kind of medium you
want to present it.

361
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,720
So for example, let's say you
are an excellent writer and you

362
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:06,359
write lots of long blog posts.
Well, OK, we use LinkedIn, but

363
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:09,079
maybe should be using sub stock.
Maybe you're really good at

364
00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:10,920
video content.
So if you're a great video

365
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,480
person, then you know, TikTok
and Instagram are great and

366
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,680
YouTube are great tools to use
to get your message out there.

367
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,040
At the end of the day, what
we're all doing is we're getting

368
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,119
our message out there.
We're demonstrating our

369
00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:23,160
expertise, we're starting
conversations and ultimately

370
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,640
we're building relationships
with people and LinkedIn.

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00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,240
And the other is the LinkedIn
also has some of the best

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00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:32,160
organic traffic right now.
So you want to take advantage of

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00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,240
that versus like, you know,
Facebook is not more pay to

374
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,880
play, you have to pay for ads,
but on LinkedIn is you still get

375
00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:40,520
great organic reach and you want
to make sure you leverage as

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00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,440
best you can.
And the last thing I'll say with

377
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:43,960
LinkedIn is that it's very
professional.

378
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,720
So if you post your story about
you being a matchmaker and what

379
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,760
you do, you share case studies
of the people that you've

380
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,600
served.
You talk about the challenges

381
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,960
people have when it comes to
matchmaking, love and things

382
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,680
like that.
Those are great things that

383
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:59,200
people resonate with.
We also know that LinkedIn is

384
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,040
pretty strong with personal
storytelling as opposed to the

385
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,800
ones that just talk about the
corporate talking points here my

386
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,680
three financial planning eight
points.

387
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,920
So if you tell a story,
something that people can really

388
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,560
resonate with on a personal
level, that's actually going to

389
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,320
do well in the LinkedIn
algorithm.

390
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,880
So you should take advantage of
that every chance you get.

391
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:19,720
And then you reach out to
people, start those

392
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,680
relationships and conversations,
and that's going to lead to

393
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:25,240
business for you.
Great advice.

394
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:29,760
What would you say about how you
know in terms of branding,

395
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,520
right?
Because some of the students

396
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:36,120
that come to us are brand new,
they're just starting out their

397
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:39,680
business and they don't know
where to begin and how to build

398
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,720
their brand.
And I know this is your area of

399
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,520
expertise.
What would you say to them in

400
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,800
terms of here's where you want
to begin to build a brand?

401
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:52,280
Obviously I talked to them about
picking a niche if at all

402
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,960
possible and things like that.
But beyond that, what are your

403
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,400
thoughts?
I think the first thing I think

404
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:58,960
about is what exactly is your
objective?

405
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:00,640
What are you trying to do
specifically?

406
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,200
So is it a business?
What's the objective?

407
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,800
Who's your target, right?
Understand them.

408
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,280
So let's say you know what your
target is, understand what is

409
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,200
their pain point?
Because from that you're going

410
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,360
to start to extract what your
wife statement is, what your

411
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,960
vision and mission are.
And now we look at your story,

412
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,600
your expertise, your
credibility, your credentials,

413
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,080
education, all that kind of
stuff, how you came to where you

414
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,960
are.
And we want to match that with

415
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,560
the objective and target of what
we're trying to do.

416
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,880
And we want to seamlessly
integrate those things.

417
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,840
So now we can position
ourselves, position ourselves as

418
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,840
that person is going to help
people.

419
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:38,400
And if you know what you bring
to the table from a personal

420
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,760
brand perspective and you know
what pain those people are

421
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,640
feeling or what kind of bliss
they're seeking, you can then

422
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:48,840
create content and a profile and
objectives and strategies that

423
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,400
will address those things.
So for me, when I think about

424
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:55,800
Ted X, I specifically talk about
the dream of Ted X and why it

425
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,600
matters, the goal of trying to
use it to leverage your

426
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,440
business, the goal of telling a
story, creating an impact.

427
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,880
I'll talk about that.
When I talk to small business

428
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,000
owners, I talk about the issue
of being lonely as an

429
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,840
entrepreneur, not having support
or resources to hitting that

430
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,040
ceiling and not growing.
And so when I talk of those pain

431
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:17,920
points in my content or even on
the website, people start to

432
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:18,480
resonate.
The hell?

433
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:19,320
You know, that's really
interesting.

434
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,680
I want to learn more about this.
Let's talk about it.

435
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,080
But to me, it's when you're
starting out.

436
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,720
And the other thing I'll say
about starting out too is I see

437
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,360
two types of people.
They do a lot of stuff, posting,

438
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:32,920
posting, posting, but they don't
have a backbone strategy or

439
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,120
they're constantly planning,
planning, learning, learning,

440
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:37,320
planning, planning, learning,
learning strategy, and they're

441
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,920
doing nothing.
In fact, one of my best friends,

442
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,880
I'll tell you this, she was a
relationship dating coach and

443
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,160
eventually she branded into the
idea of being a breakup

444
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,120
specialist.
But for like 3 years, literally,

445
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:52,000
she would never share anything.
I was like, come on, put

446
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,000
something out there, let's do an
event, let's develop this.

447
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,120
Do it, you know?
And I kept talking and then she

448
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,440
kept going to my branding
courses and my branding

449
00:20:58,440 --> 00:20:59,840
workshops.
I was like, OK, when are you

450
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,360
going to put it out there?
She's like, oh, I'm taking

451
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:02,680
another course.
Like no, don't take another

452
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:06,560
course and get out there.
And when she finally did it and

453
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:08,120
it was great, I was like, look,
you're ready.

454
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,560
You've been ready for two years
and you're so articulate.

455
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,600
You know your stuff to put stuff
out there.

456
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:16,920
And then what happened was once
she did it, she got a lot better

457
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,040
really fast because start
getting feedback and pretty soon

458
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,600
she's a Good Morning America
talking about how to break up

459
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,960
before Valentine's Day, like
really great stuff.

460
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,880
Her name's Natalia and I'm just
really proud of her for doing

461
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,640
that.
And now she's built a huge 6

462
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,320
figure business for herself.
That's the way to go.

463
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,160
But she avoided for so many
years.

464
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,720
So people are either out there
doing stuff without a proper

465
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,360
rudder, further ship or how the
sail, how the ship should be

466
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:43,840
directed, or they're researching
for too many years.

467
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,640
You should be doing both.
You put stuff out there, just

468
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,960
start and why you're doing that
and you're putting stuff out

469
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,120
there.
People give me feedback and

470
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:52,360
engaging.
You adjust the rudder in terms

471
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:55,080
of how you want to go.
You do both things and that's

472
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,160
how you start to build and
create that success.

473
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:02,040
Now that is so true.
I see people take really messy

474
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,360
action.
But to your point, I think it's

475
00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:09,240
important for them to pause and
see what worked, what didn't

476
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:11,640
work, instead of just continuing
down the mess.

477
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:16,120
But there are people who are
addicted to learning, and I'm

478
00:22:16,120 --> 00:22:19,920
someone who's addicted to
learning, but I imposed on

479
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:24,160
myself that I would always
implement something from what I

480
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,320
learned.
Otherwise, it's just knowledge,

481
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:28,600
knowledge, knowledge that
doesn't get used.

482
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:33,400
What is your advice to someone
trying to stand out without

483
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,000
looking like everybody else in
their field?

484
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,720
And of course, you know, we're
talking to matchmakers, and

485
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:43,200
sometimes we have people who are
really down the street from one

486
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:46,280
another, and matchmaking has
become very collaborative.

487
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:50,360
But you still want to stand out
from your colleague down the

488
00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:54,120
street so that people can notice
you and work with you.

489
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:56,920
I mean, there, there are
different ways to stand out,

490
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:58,680
Arlene.
I mean, so, you know, one of

491
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,880
course, is the brand.
What exactly do you say about

492
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,440
your brand?
That position was in a different

493
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:05,920
ways.
Some people do some very simple

494
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,400
things like they wear blue
glasses with a blue scarf and

495
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,200
blue jewelry and that's
branding.

496
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,920
One of my friends, she uses
drumstick chicken fried chicken

497
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,600
in all of her posts as a way to
just differentiate herself.

498
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:18,840
You're thinking fried chicken.
Think of me.

499
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,920
I'm like, OK, great.
And that's what she's doing.

500
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:24,000
So the branding piece is a way
to set yourself apart.

501
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:27,520
The second thing you can do, of
course, is the manner which you

502
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,920
present yourself and what you
talk about, how you talk about

503
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,720
it.
Because if you're a matchmaker

504
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:32,800
and you talk about matchmaking,
great.

505
00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:34,320
There's lots of people will talk
about matchmaking.

506
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,000
There's a lot of people talking
about coaching, lots of people

507
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,120
talking about speaking, but how
do they set themselves apart?

508
00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:41,000
It's how they say and what they
say.

509
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:45,000
So for example, the matchmaker
is willing to be very vulnerable

510
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,440
about the challenges of this and
the struggle that people have.

511
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,800
Great, that's a differentiator.
The matchmaker that's willing to

512
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,960
share lots of case studies of
success that other people are

513
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,920
not doing, that's a
differentiator.

514
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:03,360
So the person who puts together
flashy videos that can go viral

515
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:05,600
and it could be like a nine
second video, but it just, you

516
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:09,840
know, that's a differentiator.
The person who uses humor,

517
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:14,360
right, we know that humor is
very, very viral on TikTok,

518
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:16,760
Instagram and and YouTube.
So if you're someone who can put

519
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:21,080
humor in, man, that's fantastic.
It's learning how to do that

520
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,400
kind of stuff to set yourself
apart.

521
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,560
But, and then I think the last
thing I'll say when it comes to

522
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:29,520
differentiate yourself is you
have to constantly be learning

523
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:32,280
and growing and evolving.
Learn and grow, evolve.

524
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,400
So you listen, you learn, you
grow and evolve and you adopt

525
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,960
what you're doing because you
can't be doing the same thing

526
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,920
all the time.
I met a few people, business

527
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:44,160
owners, and I actually know
quite a few matchmakers and

528
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,440
people in the love industry,
which is why I want to do this

529
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:48,920
podcast with you because it's a
great, I love the topic.

530
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,520
I kind of want to be a
matchmaker myself.

531
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,640
I have been as an amateur
matchmaker.

532
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:54,560
I matchmaker some of my friends,
which is kind of fun.

533
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,760
But what I see them doing along
is they're saying the same old

534
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,560
stuff over and over again or
they're not evolving to what

535
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,040
they need to do.
So a good example was some

536
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:07,120
people are too slow to come to
LinkedIn or some people too slow

537
00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:10,320
to start doing videos.
I mean, look, there's certain

538
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,760
types of industry like real
estate or baking or fitness and

539
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,440
matchmaking, which to me has a
huge visual appeal.

540
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:20,080
You should be doing videos.
You should be putting stuff out

541
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:24,200
there and showing people the
visuals of what life around your

542
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,560
story is.
And so I encourage them to get

543
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,120
better at video as well because
video content is really one of

544
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:32,040
the best ways to stand out.
And nowadays it's not the social

545
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,080
media age they call, it's called
the interest age, right?

546
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,680
So it's the age of interest.
How can you get people to be

547
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,560
interested in what you're
talking about?

548
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:42,080
Because nowadays you can't even
get, it's not really organic

549
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:44,280
content what you're doing.
You're trying to get interest in

550
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,680
what you're talking about.
And how are you talking about

551
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:49,520
and what you were saying?
If you can gauge their interest,

552
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,440
then that's how are you going to
stand out big time.

553
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:55,880
Oh my goodness, such great
advice.

554
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,880
You know, matchmaking is one of
the oldest networking

555
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:04,440
professions in the world.
And how does modern networking

556
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:06,960
differ from like traditional
networking?

557
00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:11,800
Well, I think a lot of people
now are big online, right.

558
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,960
So I think that the traditional
networking was you go to

559
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,280
conference, you go to networking
event and meet people.

560
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,440
And I think then the pandemic
can happen and we got, we went

561
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:21,800
on virtual and now we're on Zoom
and Riverside and all these

562
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,120
different things.
What's interesting is that now

563
00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:27,280
people are still, especially the
younger generation, now they're

564
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,280
struggling with how to connect
in person.

565
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,880
So, you know, I have Gen.
Z not sure how to do this and

566
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,360
millennials maybe a little bit.
But the truth is we've forgotten

567
00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,400
how to do that.
And so I think there's an

568
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,920
opportunity to get better at it.
But I think that you have to

569
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:44,440
learn how to navigate both in
person and online.

570
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,840
So online, knowing what people's
preferences are, one of the

571
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,480
things that I had to adjust over
the last 10 years is my text

572
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,080
messages.
So a lot of younger people find

573
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:55,000
text message to be more personal
and intimate in terms of a

574
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:56,400
conversation.
OK, great.

575
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,920
So then we adjusted that in
terms of how we engage people.

576
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,560
You know, young people don't
really care about getting

577
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:04,720
emails, right?
So it's for the DM.

578
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,880
So that's something you have to
adjust as in terms of what your

579
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,880
business is right now.
If you're targeting older

580
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,840
people, they prefer the emails.
OK, great.

581
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,440
Some of them even prefer phone
calls and that's fine too.

582
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:16,960
And then the other thing is we
also still have to balance the

583
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,040
in person stuff.
Do you know how to start a

584
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:22,400
conversation with somebody in a
grocery store, in an elevator,

585
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,480
on a park bench?
Do you know how to do that?

586
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:28,520
Do you know how to start a
conversation even at a live

587
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,960
public networking event where
networking is the context?

588
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:32,320
But still, how do I approach
that person?

589
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,560
What do I say?
How do I make it meaningful?

590
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:39,360
And more importantly, how do you
then from both online and in

591
00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:43,120
person, how do you suss out the
the conversations that matter

592
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:46,440
versus the one that's just
chatter and not meaningful?

593
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,280
Back in the day when I was
teaching networking, I would

594
00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,240
teach people you need to learn
how to leave a conversation in 5

595
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:54,440
minutes.
In 5 minutes, you should be

596
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,840
ascertained whether this is
worth another 10 minute, 10

597
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:59,280
minutes with this person or
you're going to move on and you

598
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:01,440
have to find a way to exit.
And people have a hard time

599
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:04,520
exiting a conversation.
And so I was teaching that back

600
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,440
with 1020 years ago.
But the same thing applies to

601
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:10,120
online and in person now.
You have to figure those things

602
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:13,600
out and really target and
filter, target and filter and

603
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:17,160
keep moving on.
Because if you are stuck in a

604
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:21,680
conversation with somebody for
let's say 20 DMS or 1/2 hour

605
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,880
conversation in person, there's
always other people that are

606
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,760
probably potential clients that
you're missing out on.

607
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,840
So make sure you know exactly
how to filter that out.

608
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,520
Yeah.
And I know you often say that

609
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:39,440
connection precedes opportunity.
What does that mean in practical

610
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,400
terms for business owners in
particular?

611
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:45,520
Yeah, so at the end of the day,
everything we do is about

612
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:48,280
cultivating relationships.
They say that the best

613
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:51,080
relationship was cultivated 20
years ago when you plant the

614
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,760
tree, But really, you should
plant seeds now.

615
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,920
So if you haven't done that 20
years ago, fine.

616
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,400
Start planting seeds now.
You're cultivating something.

617
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,040
This is for everything.
This is for your brand.

618
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:04,280
This is for your clients.
This is for your network.

619
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,840
This is for your community.
This is for both personal and

620
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,680
professional.
But the idea is that when you

621
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:11,960
cultivate that relationship, you
plant the seed and you build

622
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:15,160
that connection.
You build trust, you build

623
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,120
relatability.
You build memorability and

624
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,600
that's what's going to matter
when someone starts thinking of

625
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:21,720
you.
Oh, you know, I had that

626
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,640
interaction with Bobby and he
was so nice and I really

627
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:26,760
appreciate that.
So when he comes back, comes at

628
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,400
me three years later with a
message for help or maybe a

629
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,240
message I'm inquiring about
business.

630
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,400
They're OK with it, right?
They're fine with it.

631
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,240
They don't think I'm spamming
them because we're first

632
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:37,880
connection LinkedIn or whatever
that might be.

633
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:42,880
And so, yeah, that connection
piece is how you create the

634
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,880
influence is correct create
persuasion of how you create the

635
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,640
change you want.
And that's ultimately leads to

636
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:51,960
business.
So you have to work on those

637
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:53,120
relationships.
You have to work on that

638
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:56,400
connection piece.
And and this includes like not

639
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:58,320
just networking, but also like
your content.

640
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,720
It includes your sales, your
landing page, like is everything

641
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:04,880
there making feel accessible?
Like one of the things I try to

642
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,760
do is when you come to my sites
or come to my content, you

643
00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:10,920
engage me, I'll respond.
One thing I'm known for my brand

644
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:15,960
is if you message me and it's
not spam, let's just say if

645
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:20,240
you're messaging me via DM,
e-mail, LinkedIn, text, I

646
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,080
respond right away.
I'm very fast.

647
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:25,640
Most people, they don't get
overwhelmed by my phone and have

648
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:28,360
all the stuff to deal with.
But that's my key talking.

649
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:31,280
But I am very responsive and
people like that.

650
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,760
They like the fact that I'm
responsive and I'm accessible,

651
00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:37,320
which again makes them trust me
more because when you talk to

652
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,840
people and you respond quickly,
you respond thoughtfully, you

653
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,640
respond with the depth and the
intent and the genuineness that

654
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:45,920
people appreciate.
They will remember that too.

655
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,160
So yeah, everything has to do
with the connection piece.

656
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:52,160
And that's why my first 10X talk
was the five season connection,

657
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,120
how to create deep, authentic
connection with anybody.

658
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,960
And it takes time.
It's an investment, but it's

659
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,200
something that I think is
incredibly important for

660
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:03,960
everybody across the board.
Yeah, it's so worth it.

661
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:08,120
And it's funny that you used the
term planting seeds, because I

662
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:11,520
say that all the time.
I was at a resort with a couple

663
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:15,440
of friends of ours, and they sat
through a presentation.

664
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,440
Folks there were trying to get
them to join this membership.

665
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:22,960
And the young kid kind of
flipped out when my friends

666
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:26,600
didn't move forward with him.
And I was like, Oh my gosh,

667
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,800
that's so immature, first of
all.

668
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:33,160
But secondly, you're always
planting seeds.

669
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,840
And then later on, they went
back and spoke to another guy.

670
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,120
They ended up buying a
membership.

671
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:42,600
He lost the sale because you
don't always get that sale

672
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:45,760
immediately.
Just being there and being

673
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:50,400
helpful and like you said with
content, giving actual value,

674
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:55,040
not just trying to get people to
buy from you is so important.

675
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,640
And sometimes people don't
realize.

676
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:01,640
I've had, I had conversations
with someone a year later they

677
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:04,680
come back and make a big
investment in something that

678
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:07,520
we're doing together.
And so, yes, you always want to

679
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:09,320
be planting those.
The thing to think about too, is

680
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,520
that not everyone's your
customer, and that's OK.

681
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:13,360
And the other thing I think
about is what will people

682
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:15,360
remember?
Will they remember you had a

683
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:17,520
hissy fit because you're the
person don't want to become a

684
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,440
customer?
No, like that's what they're

685
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,680
going to remember.
And we also know that when

686
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:23,760
people have a negative
experience, what happens?

687
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:27,480
They tell lots of people when
they have a positive experience,

688
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,240
they're less likely to say how
great it was.

689
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:30,560
And it's nice when people do
that.

690
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:32,680
But negative experiences are
definitely shared.

691
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:35,920
And so you don't want that.
You want everyone to, from the

692
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,480
first time they meet you all the
way to the very end, you want

693
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,400
them to have the most positive,
pleasant, memorable experience.

694
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:44,040
That's branding.
Excuse me, that's branding.

695
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:47,000
That's connection and that's how
you make yourself memorable.

696
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:50,960
I love that, and I love what you
just said about not everyone is

697
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:54,240
your customer.
And I know many matchmakers rely

698
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:58,200
heavily on referrals.
What are the most effective ways

699
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,720
to cultivate a strong referral
network?

700
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:04,720
And also, I'm a big believer of
if they're not your customer,

701
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:08,480
refer them to someone that you
know can do a better job because

702
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:12,520
that's also part of your brand.
If you're taking on clients that

703
00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:14,720
you shouldn't be taking, it
could put you out of business

704
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:18,400
very quickly.
But what are your most effective

705
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:22,320
ways to cultivate referrals?
I think going back to what I

706
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,280
said, which is when you create a
positive experience from start

707
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:29,480
to finish, that goes a long way
for them wanting to refer you if

708
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,680
you maintain relationship with
your clients long term.

709
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,480
But even if so, let's say the
service is done, I think you

710
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:37,520
would still maintain a
relationship with these people

711
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:41,720
longer term and next thing you
know, they're going to refer

712
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:42,880
you.
And the other big thing I think

713
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:45,040
that a lot of people forget
about when it comes to referral

714
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:49,440
is that you got to ask.
Ask the question, ask for the

715
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:51,200
referral.
There's nothing wrong asking for

716
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:52,120
it.
When I reach, the people say,

717
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,880
hey, look, I'm looking for
people look to do a TEDx talk.

718
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:56,320
I'm looking to do more speaking
training.

719
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,400
They say, oh, well, I'm not
looking for that right now.

720
00:33:58,400 --> 00:33:59,960
OK, great.
Do you know one or two people

721
00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:03,600
that might like this?
Ask for the help, ask for the

722
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:04,840
introduction, ask for the
referral.

723
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,360
I think that goes a long way.
A lot of people don't do that.

724
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:10,800
And then the other big thing is
a lot of people have referred me

725
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,600
or I referred back and forth,
but someone refers to me and

726
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:15,760
then I'm engaging them and then
they're they ghost me.

727
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:17,880
It's embarrassing.
And one of my contacts, if I

728
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:22,760
refer my contact to somebody and
they don't follow up, I'm like,

729
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:27,480
yo-yo, dude, if you only refer
you for stuff, you need to be

730
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,280
responsible with this stuff and
do it the right way.

731
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:31,679
It doesn't have very often
anymore, but the few times it

732
00:34:31,679 --> 00:34:33,560
happened, like I called them, I
was like, look, I'm not going to

733
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:37,639
refer you to things if you don't
act on it to be responsible.

734
00:34:37,639 --> 00:34:40,159
So you have to make sure that
because it's your brand too.

735
00:34:40,159 --> 00:34:42,639
And I give feedback to people
saying, you know, your contact

736
00:34:42,639 --> 00:34:45,000
did nothing and then it ghosted
me.

737
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,440
Like that looks bad.
So you should probably tell your

738
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:50,159
friend, let's stop there because
making you look bad and I think

739
00:34:50,159 --> 00:34:51,600
that's important to people,
understand.

740
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:55,360
That is so true and it's so
important to actually know the

741
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,880
kind of work that people are
doing and not just referring

742
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:01,680
particularly if you getting
referral fees because there

743
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:06,120
needs to be a level of duty of
care where you're like, OK, I am

744
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,680
getting a referral fee.
I'm always very big on

745
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:12,120
disclosing that.
In some cases it's required,

746
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,280
right?
But also making sure you're

747
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,840
sending people to the right
folks because it is extending

748
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:21,400
your reputation and it's just
not smart to do that.

749
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:23,600
But I hear you.
I've had a couple of times where

750
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:27,080
I referred someone and they
didn't even bother contacting

751
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,440
the individual, which really is
not good.

752
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:31,600
And they asked me for the
referral.

753
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:35,720
Like they asked me and you
didn't follow up like you asked

754
00:35:35,720 --> 00:35:39,080
me and I did it for you.
Like what happened like last

755
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:40,400
year with somebody And she did
it twice.

756
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:44,120
I was like, OK, I am no longer
referring you to anybody because

757
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:46,600
she was a tech person who would
always ask for referrals to not

758
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:51,480
just me, but lots of people.
And then I gave her two and I

759
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,040
was like, you know what, I'm not
doing this again for you.

760
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,720
I'm sorry.
Say no, no, Bobby, it doesn't

761
00:35:55,720 --> 00:35:57,560
matter, honestly.
Like I just can't count on you.

762
00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:59,360
But you know what?
Go to this ship and show me a

763
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,120
reliable for a couple years and
maybe I'll do it again.

764
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:04,600
But right now I had to set
boundaries on her because she

765
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:05,960
had to ask me for those
referrals.

766
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:08,240
Yeah.
And I think it has a lot to do

767
00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:10,120
with just being very
disorganized.

768
00:36:10,360 --> 00:36:14,840
And like, I'm impressed that
you're you are very responsive.

769
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:18,320
I will vouch for that because I
did reach out to you on

770
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:19,960
LinkedIn.
You got back to me right away.

771
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:23,800
Yeah, You actually even had an
auto reply, which was really

772
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,640
cool because then I was like,
wait, you can do auto replies.

773
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:29,000
I'm going to do that.
Too, that's a premium feature,

774
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:30,920
LinkedIn, so some people.
And so there's the odd person

775
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:32,960
that doesn't like it, but I'm
like, look, thanks for your

776
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:33,760
message.
I'll get back to you.

777
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:35,840
In the meantime, check out this,
this, this and you know, like

778
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:36,760
that.
That's great.

779
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,200
I think people, I think it's a
good thing to have.

780
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:41,400
Oh definitely.
I loved it and I learned

781
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:42,640
something new from you right
away.

782
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:44,600
I'm like, I'm impressed with
this guy.

783
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:47,960
I'll show you a little quick
tip, which is when it's your

784
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:49,800
when your birthday comes up on
LinkedIn, you're going to get a

785
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,400
lot of messages.
So you add an auto reply that's

786
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:55,160
very specific to that.
You say, hey, thanks for you

787
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:56,800
know, it's my birthday, it's my
birthday week.

788
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,120
Thanks for the wishes.
If you're open to it, here's one

789
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:01,360
thing I'd love for you to do.
And I tell them what I want them

790
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,720
to do.
And it's, and you can even add

791
00:37:03,720 --> 00:37:06,160
like a GIF with a happy birthday
kind of celebration.

792
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:09,280
Like that kind of stuff is great
because on my birthday I get

793
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,600
hundreds of messages.
And so I want to auto message

794
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:13,760
people who are going to send me
happy birthday messages.

795
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:18,080
That is so funny because I hated
that feature.

796
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:23,440
When you move positions or start
a new job, you know you want to.

797
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,920
It's like if you announce it,
everybody starts congratulating

798
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:29,040
you.
And I always feel like I have to

799
00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:31,160
respond.
And then you get thousands.

800
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:34,040
I mean, I don't know how many.
But you know what, Arlene, you

801
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,880
want that.
Here's the thing, like if you

802
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,560
have any chance to announce a
new job or a new position or

803
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:42,120
some sort of project or a
milestone, you take advantage of

804
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:43,600
it.
So I coach all my clients on

805
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:45,960
doing that.
So for example, when my client

806
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,640
got a TE DX talk, I said turn
that into a milestone

807
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,880
announcement on LinkedIn.
And he did with a photo.

808
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,720
I said, put a photo in there and
then explain the milestone.

809
00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:58,080
Because what happens is LinkedIn
will push that out to your

810
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,280
network and you get all those
congratulations.

811
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:01,480
But that's awareness building
that.

812
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,720
That's authority building, so
take advantage of the milestone,

813
00:38:04,720 --> 00:38:08,080
the project, the anniversaries,
all that kind of stuff because

814
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,200
it's a huge way to build your
brand out there.

815
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:12,800
So I totally recommend people
doing that.

816
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:17,120
That's great.
Wow, you got some bonus tips in

817
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:21,120
there for everyone.
I think it's great and maybe we

818
00:38:21,120 --> 00:38:24,960
need to have you come back and
do AQ and A with our students.

819
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:30,080
We do monthly Q&A with students
that where we would talk about

820
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:34,080
LinkedIn because I think it is a
missed opportunity for so many

821
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:39,080
people who are not using it.
And it's funny, I went to a

822
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:44,800
networking event that I was
invited to and I mentioned that

823
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,720
I work with professional
matchmakers, that I train them.

824
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:54,640
And someone in the event said to
me, well, I wouldn't post

825
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:58,080
anything about that on LinkedIn
because that's more of a

826
00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:01,520
Facebook topic.
I was like, what are you talking

827
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:04,800
about?
And then I posted a rant.

828
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:08,160
But when I say rant that you
know, I'm very professional.

829
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:11,000
Sure, sure do.
That kind of, Oh my gosh, that

830
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:14,200
thing went viral.
Everybody chimed in my favor.

831
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:17,320
Thank you very much everyone.
I love you for that because I'm

832
00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:22,040
like, wait a second.
Why is love and relationships

833
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:25,600
not a priority?
Everyone on LinkedIn, everybody

834
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:30,720
in life needs love relationships
and it's such an important area

835
00:39:30,720 --> 00:39:33,320
of people's lives.
The person that you choose to

836
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:39,080
marry can create wonderful
experiences or they can ruin you

837
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,800
like this is so it's.
Can you think of anything more

838
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:43,640
important, really?
Because I love love.

839
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:47,200
I mean the idea of Facebook and
this is old school thinking.

840
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:50,600
The truth is people post about
anything and Everything

841
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:52,600
Everywhere.
It just that's the way it is

842
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:54,760
now.
Every single platform people are

843
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,040
shared because the truth is you,
if you go to a workplace event

844
00:39:57,040 --> 00:39:59,080
or you go to a business
conference, do we not talk about

845
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,320
the latest movie or a restaurant
or something cool?

846
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:04,360
We do not talk about politics
and social justice, do not talk

847
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:07,120
about love and girlfriends,
boyfriends, wife's kids.

848
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:09,280
Of course we do.
So when it's my kids birthday, I

849
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:11,520
post on LinkedIn about that.
When it's my wife's anniversary,

850
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,520
I post about that.
And because these are things

851
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:17,280
that people talk about in the
workplace, but the truth is it

852
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,520
also gets people's attention.
Those people who were like, oh,

853
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:21,360
this isn't Facebook.
They don't even understand

854
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,160
Facebook anymore because
Facebook.

855
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:24,720
It's a huge platform for
business.

856
00:40:24,720 --> 00:40:26,520
People are talking about
business on Facebook all the

857
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:28,720
time because we do talk about
Everything Everywhere.

858
00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:32,080
So it's important to just share
what's important to you and do

859
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,760
what makes sense for you.
But I think that, yeah, one of

860
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,800
my clients, she was a sex
therapist and I convinced her

861
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:39,560
post on Linked as I go.
Do people want to talk about

862
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:42,640
sex?
Look, your audience are people

863
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,920
who have sex challenges.
So talk about it.

864
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:50,320
Someone will see it and put as
you respond in a private DM.

865
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:52,360
And that's OK.
That's exactly what she started

866
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,160
doing.
And they always say don't talk

867
00:40:54,160 --> 00:40:57,400
about social stuff or politics.
But what if you work in

868
00:40:57,400 --> 00:40:58,680
politics?
Then you would be talking about

869
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:00,600
politics something because if
you work for a political

870
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:02,680
organization, you should be
talking about politics or talk

871
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:05,040
about your 'cause if you work in
sex therapy, you should talk

872
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:07,040
about sex therapy.
Like you should talk about

873
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:09,240
things.
And you can mix it up with some

874
00:41:09,240 --> 00:41:12,120
of your personal stories too, or
some fun things too as well.

875
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,840
But that's the type of brands
that people like.

876
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:18,120
People like brands that are more
human, they're more personable,

877
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:21,040
they're more fun.
That's the steps to get people

878
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:22,520
attention.
So typically what I do is I do

879
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,880
kind of 80, twenty, 80% is
targeted towards my brand

880
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:27,600
message to my target audience.
Do you like 20%?

881
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:31,320
I experiment personal stuff,
crazy stuff, social stuff,

882
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:33,680
whatever I want because you
never know, like something will

883
00:41:33,680 --> 00:41:35,280
go viral.
One of the most deeply

884
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:38,400
vulnerable stories ever shared
on LinkedIn was I talked about

885
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:42,640
binge eating and body image and
how I struggled with my body

886
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,640
image and how many years ago, I
never took my shirt off in

887
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,400
public for 25 years because I
was so ashamed of my body.

888
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:51,200
And I shared that.
And then what happened to me,

889
00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:53,880
Wow, how I changed was my
three-year old son.

890
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:55,240
We're at a beach.
He was like, daddy, aren't you

891
00:41:55,240 --> 00:41:58,280
going to take your shirt off?
And I was like, of course I am

892
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:00,840
because I didn't want to pass
anything to him.

893
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:02,400
So I did that.
I was terrified.

894
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:04,680
I shared the story.
That post went viral.

895
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,040
Be like, wow, I cannot believe
you share that story.

896
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:09,520
But it's like, yeah.
And that was a big change for

897
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:11,160
me.
And I've been way better ever

898
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:13,040
since.
And when you share that kind of

899
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,040
stuff, yeah, someone might say
Kemp.

900
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,960
If someone said Kemp, believe
that you talked about that and I

901
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:19,760
wouldn't hire you as a speaker,
fine.

902
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:21,440
Don't.
If you're the type of person

903
00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:24,080
that judges me for that kind of
stuff, I don't need that.

904
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:27,400
The majority of people, 98% of
people love that kind of stuff

905
00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:29,240
and they appreciate it.
And there's always someone who

906
00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:32,000
comes back to you.
Five years later, I met one of

907
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,680
my extended family members at a
wedding, came up to me and said,

908
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:37,800
hey, he's like, hey, Bobby,
uncle, can I tell you that you

909
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:39,880
post about binge eating a couple
years ago?

910
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,560
And I couldn't believe that some
of my family, especially if I'm

911
00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,120
a brown family, would do this.
I just want to know that I

912
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:47,400
struggle with that too.
And I really appreciate the

913
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:49,280
message.
And I was like, this kid has

914
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:50,600
never talked to me in five
years.

915
00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:53,560
And now he's a 22 year old.
Back then he was a kid and I was

916
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,920
like, great.
Like, I'm glad that you saw that

917
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,360
message and he came up to me.
There's always something that

918
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:02,680
comes to you five years later
having read the message, and

919
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:05,560
that's really meaningful because
we know that vulnerable stories

920
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:10,320
show people that they are not
alone and we are all human, and

921
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:14,600
that's OK.
Wow, it is so powerful and

922
00:43:14,720 --> 00:43:17,680
definitely I agree with you.
I think that's such an

923
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:21,760
incredible story to tell and
that so many people will connect

924
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:24,840
with you.
It just it makes you real

925
00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:28,520
because people forget we're all
humans and we're all going

926
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:31,360
through stuff.
And so that's amazing.

927
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:38,440
What would you say about AI in
terms of branding TE DX to all

928
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:40,280
the things we've discussed right
now?

929
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:42,960
How does AI play into all of
this?

930
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:46,760
And I'm a big avid user of AI
figured look.

931
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:49,400
The technologies.
Here, I know there's a lot of

932
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:53,360
fear and trepidation and all of
that, but you got to use it.

933
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:55,200
And what are your thoughts on
AI?

934
00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,440
Yeah.
So AI is a very important tool.

935
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:02,720
It's probably the most important
tool currently in our lifetimes

936
00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:06,360
because it is here, it's not
going anywhere, and it's just

937
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:10,360
only get bigger, stronger,
faster and more prevalent.

938
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:12,720
The majority of people.
There was a post actually the

939
00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:14,840
other day about how few people
use AI.

940
00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:18,880
But the truth is, the way I see
it is that I'm kind of riding

941
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:22,160
the bicycle of AI, which means
that I'm learning, I'm doing

942
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:23,840
stuff, I'm getting better and
better and better.

943
00:44:24,240 --> 00:44:26,480
Now there's some people who are
driving a car really fast.

944
00:44:26,720 --> 00:44:29,800
No one's driving a jet, and
people are driving cars really

945
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:31,240
fast.
I'm riding bicycles.

946
00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:34,000
Some people are walking, but the
majority of people are just

947
00:44:34,000 --> 00:44:37,920
sitting there.
And if you just sit there, even

948
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:40,560
the Walker will be 100 miles
away.

949
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:42,560
I'll be 1000 miles away.
And the people driving a car

950
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:46,320
10,000 miles away, if you don't
get up and start noticing what's

951
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:49,600
going on because you want to be
the type of person that doesn't

952
00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:51,560
20 years ago, there are people
who didn't know how to use

953
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:54,640
social media or do not even use
e-mail or attached documents and

954
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:57,000
things like that.
And they were way behind the

955
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:58,680
curve.
You don't want to be that

956
00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:00,160
person.
You want to be able to

957
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:02,800
understand what's going on.
Now that said, yes, I think

958
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:06,120
there's a huge opportunity for
AI with many different things.

959
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:08,440
I do have to AI robot from my TE
DX program.

960
00:45:08,760 --> 00:45:11,640
I teach people in the, in the my
business how to use the AI

961
00:45:11,640 --> 00:45:13,520
effective because most people
don't use it effectively.

962
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,800
So they turn, step out and then
it's nonsense or it's garbage or

963
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:18,840
it's not really good.
So you have to learn how to do

964
00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:20,560
it well.
Get feedback on what you're

965
00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:22,360
doing.
Make sure one of the things I

966
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:26,840
did was I also have trained my
AI tool now and I showed my

967
00:45:26,840 --> 00:45:28,520
community, OK, here's 4 posts I
did.

968
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:31,160
Two of them I wrote myself.
Two of them were written by AI.

969
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,400
Can you tell which one?
And no one could figure it out

970
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:40,400
because I have trained my bot
and my voice over 2 years and I

971
00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:42,880
used to edit a lot in the early
days like you edit a few things

972
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,320
now like I all I rarely edit
anything.

973
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:47,800
It's pretty good.
It's pretty bang on in terms of

974
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:49,920
what it produces in terms of my
voice.

975
00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:53,400
So I think the truth is that AI
saves you a ton of time.

976
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:56,120
One of the things I had to do
was put set a proposal for a

977
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:58,200
speaking gig before it would
take you 10 hours.

978
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:00,760
AI helped me do it in two hours.
I just put in the inputs and it

979
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:03,680
put it all out.
So there's lots of huge benefits

980
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:05,760
with it.
But I would say fair game.

981
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,680
You should know how to use it
and you should also know how to

982
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:11,400
differentiate and make sure your
stuff doesn't sound AI ish

983
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:13,440
because a lot of people are
still doing that.

984
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:15,480
Like we're seeing a lot of AI
slop out there.

985
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:18,280
It's just the way it is.
So you have to make sure that if

986
00:46:18,280 --> 00:46:20,200
you are going to use it, make
sure you're you're not part of

987
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:23,440
the slop, you're a part of the
stuff that really hits home.

988
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:28,560
Yeah, you still need the human
in the middle, especially if you

989
00:46:28,600 --> 00:46:31,600
are not as sophisticated where
you're actually training your

990
00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:35,200
AIS to understand your voice and
I highly recommend you do that.

991
00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:38,240
But you need to be the human in
the middle of them.

992
00:46:38,240 --> 00:46:41,080
Just copy and paste cause.
And I still think you should I

993
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:43,960
still, you should all be sharing
videos like like what we're

994
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:46,160
doing here.
Hi, here's what I believe in.

995
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:47,960
Here's what I think about.
Hey, how about this?

996
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:51,400
You should be doing that.
Don't do AI stuff of yourself.

997
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:55,160
And just, I mean, you can if you
want, but try to use your own

998
00:46:55,160 --> 00:46:57,680
stuff every once in a while.
It's so important just to be

999
00:46:57,680 --> 00:46:59,720
able to breakthrough the clutter
because that's what's going to,

1000
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,240
people are going to start to see
AI, and then you can

1001
00:47:02,240 --> 00:47:05,360
breakthrough the clutter by just
being a personable, accessible

1002
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:08,120
human.
That tells a really good story.

1003
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:13,240
This is gold, Bobby.
Thank you so much for joining us

1004
00:47:13,240 --> 00:47:17,520
and for sharing your insights on
thought leadership, connection,

1005
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:20,440
personal branding.
What do you have going on?

1006
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:22,280
How should people get in touch
with you?

1007
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:26,040
I think a lot of folks will
definitely reach out because I

1008
00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:29,000
think that what you're sharing
here is so important for

1009
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:33,160
business owners to really
understand that you could build

1010
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:34,200
it.
That doesn't mean they're going

1011
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,120
to come.
You need to have that brand.

1012
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,880
You need to understand how to
connect and you need tools and

1013
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:44,440
stuff like TEDx talks.
Once someone has a TEDx, they

1014
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:48,320
just really distinguish
themselves as very different, a

1015
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:51,360
thought leader versus a content
creator.

1016
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:54,120
That's huge.
So what's the best way for

1017
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:55,440
people to get in touch with?
You.

1018
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:58,280
Yeah, I think the starting point
is actually to check out what I

1019
00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:00,920
do on a regular basis.
I have, I hold weekly events

1020
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:02,760
through my TLB membership
committee.

1021
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:05,160
You can come to one of the calls
and see what it's all about.

1022
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:07,040
And to me, that's the best way
to access me.

1023
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:09,560
But come to the calls, we do
master classes, we have coaching

1024
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:12,960
calls, we do LinkedIn and tech
clinics, but basically teaching

1025
00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:16,040
people how to start on branding,
how to look at their content

1026
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,040
strategy and learn how to
monetize, how to actually get

1027
00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:20,720
clients versus just being a
social media content creator.

1028
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:23,760
That's a great starting point.
If you want to do more high

1029
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,880
level stuff like for my Ted,
except that's something we can

1030
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:28,040
also talk about as well.
But the starting point is really

1031
00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:31,800
come by come to a call with me
because I am accessible.

1032
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:35,560
You can get on a call with me
and I'm happy to share my

1033
00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:38,240
knowledge to introduce other
people in my community.

1034
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:41,000
And that's a great starting
point because one of the biggest

1035
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:42,320
challenge for people is
starting.

1036
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:44,240
The other biggest challenges for
people show up.

1037
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:46,920
People just don't show up.
So if you're someone that's

1038
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:50,480
willing to show up, you want to
start, I'm willing to show up

1039
00:48:50,480 --> 00:48:51,720
for you and I'm going to help
you start.

1040
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,240
That's wonderful.
And look, matchmaking is a

1041
00:48:55,240 --> 00:48:59,200
profession that's built on
trust, credibility and

1042
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,400
relationships.
And today's conversation

1043
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:06,000
highlights how powerful Clear
communication, authentic

1044
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:11,400
leadership can actually build a
reputation and relationship

1045
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:14,000
driven industries like the
matchmaking world.

1046
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:18,040
So for those who are listening,
who really want to learn more, I

1047
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:20,320
highly encourage you to reach
out to Bobby.

1048
00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:25,200
We will include all of his
links, including LinkedIn in the

1049
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:28,280
show notes so that you can reach
out directly and check out what

1050
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:32,720
he's doing on sub stack.
And for those of you who are

1051
00:49:32,720 --> 00:49:36,640
maybe thinking about becoming
matchmakers and who want or

1052
00:49:36,720 --> 00:49:40,200
you're an existing matchmaker
who wants to strengthen your

1053
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:44,360
systems, your standards, your
business structure, I highly

1054
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:47,600
encourage you to explore three
of our resources.

1055
00:49:47,600 --> 00:49:51,040
We have our business
intelligence brief, which has a

1056
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:55,320
70% open rate because we're not
trying to sell you anything on

1057
00:49:55,320 --> 00:49:56,720
there.
We're just giving you great

1058
00:49:56,720 --> 00:50:00,600
information that's exclusively
for matchmakers, existing

1059
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:02,440
matchmakers.
And then there's the Love Pro

1060
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:05,480
Mastermind Academy where you can
learn more, and the

1061
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:08,840
imcboard.org.
Thank you so much again, Bobby

1062
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:12,800
for joining us.
Until next time, we'll see you

1063
00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:13,800
soon.
Thank you.

1064
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:19,600
Thank you.
If today's episode resonated,

1065
00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:22,560
make sure you're subscribed to
the Matchmaker Mentor Podcast.