Sept. 10, 2025
Radical Inclusivity in Love: Danielle Selber on Redefining Modern Matchmaking
Today, I’m sitting down with Danielle Selber — a matchmaker who has spent nearly 10 years building love connections in Jewish and LGBTQIA+ communities with her signature approach of radical inclusivity and zero judgment. 💖
In this episode, we dive deep into:
✨ Why matchmaking is about community building—not just one-on-one introductions.
✨ How cultural competency shapes healthier, more respectful dating.
✨ The surprising ways world events and political divides impact singles today.
✨ Why collaboration over competition between matchmakers leads to more success for clients.
If you’re a matchmaker, thinking about becoming one, or simply fascinated by the future of relationships, this is a must-listen. 🎙️
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Your host is Arlene Washburn, an
award-winning ethical
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matchmaking advocate, mentor,
and industry innovator.
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Let's dive in.
Welcome back to the Matchmaker
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Mentor Podcast, where we support
aspiring and established
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matchmakers and the clients who
rely on them with real
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conversations about business,
psychology, lifestyle, and love.
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And today's episode is a little
special one because we're diving
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into cultural competency, values
driven matchmaking, and how
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collaboration can make our
entire industry stronger.
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And I'm so excited to introduce
my guest, Danielle Selber.
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Danielle is a matchmaker with
nearly a decade of experience
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serving Jewish and the LGBTQIA
communities.
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She leads Tribe 12's
groundbreaking community
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matchmaking program in
Philadelphia and heads the
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Jewish division of Little Gay
Book, The Country's premier
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queer dating firm.
She helped over 60 couples find
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lasting connection and guided
hundreds more with her signature
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blend of radical inclusion and
non judgment.
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Her guiding philosophy is that
everything is matchmaking, from
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strengthening social fabric to
combating the loneliness
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epidemic.
You know, that's my favorite
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subject.
So Danielle, welcome to the
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show.
Hi, Arlene, Thank you so much
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for having me.
I'm so excited to have this
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conversation with you.
You are someone that from day
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one that I met, I've always
admired you.
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You may not know that because
it's not always obvious, but
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yeah, you are just, you just
have this amazing way about you.
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And yeah, I'm super excited to
talk about the type of
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matchmaking that you do, which
is not the the conventional
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thing that the professional
matchmakers are doing today with
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matchmaking companies.
Yours is a little bit different.
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So first I want to know what
inspired you to go into
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matchmaking?
Sure.
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And I'm so honored for you to
say that you admire because I
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admire you so much and follow
all your work.
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And wow, So what actually
inspired me?
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I actually came to matchmaking
through the academia round.
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So I got my master's in Jewish
studies, and the subject of my
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thesis was Jewish matchmaking,
the history of it, and also
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modern application.
And so through that work, I
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discovered that there was sort
of a gap in the Jewish community
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where religious communities,
people who are more
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traditionally practicing, were
very well served by matchmakers
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and that that sort of system.
But in more secular or just
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culturally Jewish communities,
that wasn't the case.
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And so I kind of had a theory.
What if we took the things that
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have worked for millennia and
Jewish matchmaking and applied
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them to cultural and secular
Jews and it worked basically.
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That is so amazing.
I didn't even know that about
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you.
And you know, and everybody
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should know, you are invited to
be on the faculty of the Love
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Pro Mastermind Academy.
And I just instinctually had
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this desire to invite you in.
And lo and behold, I didn't even
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know that you had this
background, which is amazing.
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You didn't know I was.
I was a nerd, basically.
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So am I.
I'm a secret nerd.
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But you know, I, it's, it's
weird.
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It's how like instincts really
kick in and they just kind of
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like I, I follow my instincts
all the time.
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And you know, the minute I met
you, I was like, I need to work
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with her.
I just like, I'm looking for
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that opportunity.
So here it is.
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So this, this new concept of
Tribe 12 evolved into a full
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matchmaking program.
Tell me how that came to be and
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a little bit more about it,
because I remember I had a
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student at the Love Pro who
actually wanted to create that
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in Chicago.
I know, I know, you know, Talia
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as well.
Like anytime people hear about
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it, they're like, oh, I want to
do that.
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So let the audience know a
little bit about what you're
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doing with matchmaking, which is
a little different.
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So I actually work under the
umbrella of an established
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nonprofit in Philadelphia's
Jewish community.
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So it's called Tribe 12.
And when I started working
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there, I said, you know what?
If I take this theory that I've
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got that our community could be
served by matchmaking as it's
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worked for many years for other
Jewish people, and sort of
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applied it to the social and
networking work that the
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organization was already doing.
So in Philadelphia, I work
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specifically with Jewish 20s and
30s who live in this area.
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And IT, it's matchmaking that is
about matchmaking for sure.
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We do set up people one-on-one,
but it's also about events and
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bringing people together and
strengthening social fabric and
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friendships and having people to
go to those events with.
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So it's a lot more than just
like, you know, you and you get
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together.
It's, it's more holistic than
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that and thinking about the
whole person and all of their
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needs and really creating a
sense of belonging and making
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the feeling of being single
suckless and just feel better
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overall and making that whole
experience of searching for your
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person a better experience.
Neil, what I what I love about
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that and now that we're talking
about because I knew you were
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doing this, but I didn't know in
detail.
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And I think what's really
lacking in our society, not just
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in the US worldwide, is this
lack of community and that
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people don't have places where
they can congregate and get
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together and meet and actually
end up in, you know, couples and
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marriages.
Because right now there is this
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massive loneliness epidemic and
men are not approaching women.
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There's a low birth rate, low
marriage rate.
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And I think that what you're
doing could be spread all over
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the world and in different types
of communities, different niches
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or whatever and really create
that unity that is so lacking
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right now in our society.
What are you?
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What are your thoughts?
Yeah, I couldn't agree more,
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honestly.
And what's cool is that when I
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started doing this work, which
was about a decade ago, I did
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feel like I was like one of the
only people sort of thinking
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this way.
And over the years, I've gotten
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the opportunity to meet more
people who are doing similar,
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like community matchmaking work.
So there are amazing
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matchmakers.
So I feel like, you know as
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well, like Rachel Joy Barrel,
who has like a hyper local
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matchmaking work going on in
Columbus, OH, Angelica Morris,
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who works with digital nomads.
So people who are like linked by
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a shared sort of career
philosophy or identity, but
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aren't necessarily in the same
place.
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There's like Armenian
matchmakers, Catholic
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matchmakers, people who
basically take one community and
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say, like, I'm going to hold
this community and think about
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what works best for them and all
of their needs, matchmaking
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included, and then make that
like the the thing that helps
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them.
Like a rising tide lifts all
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ships.
Absolutely.
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You've helped 60 couples and
probably more because they don't
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always come forward and let
matchmakers know.
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But looking back, is there like
a common thread in those like
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success stories?
Yeah, I would say a common
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quality that seems to help
people succeed with batchmaking,
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especially in this kind of
community matchmaking work, is
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just optimists.
So people who are naturally
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positive and are yes, people,
they're like, they're just
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willing to come to like the
weirdest thing that I put on the
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calendar, right?
Or they're willing to go on like
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a date with their, you know,
best friends, moms, cousins,
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brother or whatever.
Like there's just people who
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are, are looking for reasons to
say yes in the match speaking
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process as opposed to looking
for reasons to put up a
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roadblock.
And I have seen those people
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find their person in the most
roundabout, bizarre ways that,
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you know, none of us could have
predicted or even worked
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towards.
But it works that way when you
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say yes and when you just have
like an optimistic approach.
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When you, I guess when you like
dating too, when you're enjoying
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the process and not just feeling
like you're slogging through it
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to get to a result.
Do you find that too?
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I'm so curious about your work.
I mean, and you know, coming
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from a place of yes is so true
because that's how I ended up
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with my husband because I had so
many reasons to say no
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geographically undesirable.
We were over an hour away from
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each other.
He didn't have a photo on his
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profile because we met through
an online platform.
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Another reason he told me his
whole life story, the first
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conversation, it was almost like
too much too soon.
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Another reason, you know, he had
been married before multiple
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times.
Another like there were so many
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reasons.
And fortunately I had this
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little bird in my head who's my
daughter?
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She's like next level.
This kid could be anybody's
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therapist.
And so when I said so, well,
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he's been married multiple
times.
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She's like, well, at least he's
the marrying kind.
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And I'm like, he just told me
his whole life story.
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And one conversation says, well,
at least he's honest.
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You know, like, everything that
I wanted to say no to, she was
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like, mom, get over yourself.
I ended up going on a date with
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him.
And, you know, it's almost 15
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years now that we're together.
But it's like, you have to come
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from a place of yes.
And I think that's really what,
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when matchmakers tell their
clients, you know, open heart,
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open mind, that's really what
we're talking about because
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that's when you do have success.
And I, I, if nobody takes
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anything away from this
conversation, this is the mic
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drop moment of coming from a
place of yes, like this.
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I think that is amazing.
Yes.
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And I love that story because,
you know, what it also
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exemplifies is that you were in
that moment, maybe not coming
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from like a yes approach or that
wasn't your instinct at that
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time, but you had someone in
your corner, in this case your
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daughter.
But sometimes it's the
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matchmaker saying, maybe you
should look at this a different
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way, Maybe you should judge more
favorably, and suddenly you're
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in a situation where 15 years
later, you're so happy.
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Absolutely.
OK, so we're going to shift
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gears a little bit and I'm, you
know, we talk about the Jewish
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community and obviously Jews are
not a monolith.
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Can you share some stories where
cultural competency made a
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difference in matchmaking?
Definitely, yeah.
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And the cultural competency
piece plays in the Jewish
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community specifically in some
obvious ways and some less
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obvious ways.
So we're talking about basically
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like what is unique to this
community and what are the
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unique considerations when
matchmaking.
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So some of the more obvious ones
are things like observance
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level, right?
Like how strongly or strictly do
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people observe Jewish customs
like the Sabbath or kosher,
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which is a way of eating dietary
restrictions, or how much are
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the holidays a part of their
cadence of their year?
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Right.
But it's also a little more
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subtle sometimes where things
like community involvement and
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how much they care about Judaism
and their Jewish identity also
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comes up.
So I recently made a match that
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turned out to not be a great
match.
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And it was basically because one
of the people was strongly
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rooted in their Jewish
community.
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That was a part of their weekly
life.
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They were accustomed to going to
a Shabbat dinner, even if that
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wasn't, they weren't strictly
observing.
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They were accustomed to having
mostly Jewish friends with the
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other person.
They were really sort of removed
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from their Judaism.
It was something they had grown
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up with and even felt strongly
growing up.
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But it wasn't part of their
day-to-day life.
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And for this particular couple,
that won't, this won't always be
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a problem.
But for them, they just weren't
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able to find that synchronicity
between the way that they view
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Judaism as part of their life.
So some of that is unpredictable
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as a matchmaker, as you know,
you can just, you just see when
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they get together if it works.
But in this case, that was
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enough that they were too far
apart.
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It's, it's interesting and that,
I mean, that's across the board
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with any religion and any kind
of, you know, belief.
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I also find that as of 2016,
politics became a very big thing
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in all communities.
And again, they're Jewish people
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who are conservative, some who
are liberal.
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I I've had clients, you know,
either way.
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And what advice would you give
matchmakers who feel like
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nervous about addressing like
sensitive topics like what's
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going on right now in politics
in Israel and or the politics in
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the US?
Because that does have a big
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weight on matchmaking today.
It didn't used to be, you know,
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before 2016, we, you know,
people had different politics.
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It didn't matter as much.
But now it's a huge thing.
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I mean, and I know certain
matchmakers, and I have a Jewish
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matchmaker who, you know, feels
very strongly about certain
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things that are going on right
now in Israel and will not work
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with clients who are not on the
same page as her.
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I mean, that's a whole different
thing.
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But I'm saying even putting
people together.
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What are your thoughts about
that?
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Yeah, yeah.
I have a really specific memory
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in 2016 of I was just starting
in matchmaking.
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And I remember that the biggest
deal breaker people would tell
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me was smoking at the time.
And then as soon as that
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election happened, the biggest
deal breaker I heard switched
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and it was politics.
And from then on, like you said,
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it's been like that.
And because of recent events in
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Israel in the past two years,
it's absolutely become alive
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with matchmaking.
And I think what it comes down
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to is understanding two things.
It's understanding how people
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feel about politics, Israel
American included, but also how
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much that plays into their
choices for dating, right?
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So there are people who can feel
extremely strongly in One
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Direction or another and have
these like deep rooted
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philosophies and follow the news
very carefully or have family in
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Israel.
But when you actually ask them
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directly if that affects their
dating choices, they might say
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no.
So it's sometimes also not about
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making about not making
assumptions that people are
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using that as one of their deal
Breakers or criteria for dating,
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I've noticed.
Yeah, I mean, and of course, you
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know, usually in this world of
matchmaking, I find that people
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have a much longer list of deal
Breakers than they do of their
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wants and needs.
It's like, you know, and so
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there people are always looking
for another thing to to rule
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people out.
And I'm all about like, let's
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look for a reason to rule people
in.
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So what unique challenges do you
find with working in the LGBTQIA
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community now that you're now
working in that area as well?
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And I kind of, and I also want
to ask a little bit about your
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journey into, into going into
this area and working with
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Doctor Frankie Bhushan, who I
absolutely adore.
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So what's what's happening in
that on that front?
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And also are they all Jewish as
well or is it?
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Or is it just any LGBTQIA plus
individual?
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Yeah, yeah.
So this is some of my more
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recent work, which is working in
partnership with Doctor Frankie
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Bishan at Little Gay Book to
open a Jewish division of their
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matchmaking agency.
So Doctor Frankie is herself
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Jewish as well.
And over the years, she's served
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tons and tons of Jewish clients,
but had never had sort of like a
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holding place for all of them
where we could serve them as
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just one community, including
events and including other ways
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to to connect them, not just
match making, but of course
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matchmaking too.
And so my work with Little Gay
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Book is exclusively for Jewish
LGBTQ folks, all locations and
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all ages.
And so that's different than my
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work in Philadelphia.
And the way this came about is
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truly from Matchmaker
Connections.
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So a mutual friend of yours as
well, Arlene, Mikhail Nestetter,
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had this like dream of what if
there was a landing place for
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Jewish LGBTQ folks and connect
to Doctor Frankie and I for a
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conversation.
And I had known her from the
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conferences and things and had a
relationship with her.
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But we worked together to create
this.
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And it's been really gratifying
so far just seeing people
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absolutely come out of the
woodwork and say how grateful
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they are for this type of space.
And you know, we're talking to
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matchmakers now from a sales
perspective.
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It's been amazing the way that
it's generating leads and people
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who want to now work in
matchmaking with a Jewish
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matchmaker specifically in which
that with that cultural
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00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:32,560
competency piece.
I know I, I love it because I'm
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a big proponent of matchmakers
going into the industry, really
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starting with a niche that you
understand where you have that
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competency as, as we've
discussed and, and knowing that
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you actually are probably going
to get more clients, unless it's
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a, a, like a micro niche, that's
a different story.
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But like, I just find that
everybody wants to be everything
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to everyone and you, you know,
you basically end up not getting
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the right clients when you do
that versus having that, you
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know, that group that you can
serve because you have other
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people that are, you know, are
willing to date and meet with
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them, etcetera, versus having a
database that has everyone and
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anyone.
So I love that you're doing this
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and, and I also love the fact
that it's about inclusivity,
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which I want to see other
communities do this.
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And when I say communities, I
mean other religions like the
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Christian, you know, Christian
folks that are actually in the
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LGBTQIA community or maybe it's
Muslim or whatever.
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Like, I just want to see that
kind of inclusivity because
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people's religion is separate
from their sexuality and they
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shouldn't be shunned or, or
thought of as like, go over
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there, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
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And that's that's some feedback
that we've heard, which is that
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people historically have felt
like when they're dating, they
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have to leave one part of
themselves at the door, either
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their Jewish side or their queer
side, right?
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They can't integrate as a whole
person into dating.
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And so I think that's what has
made this work really come alive
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for people and get them excited
about being part of it, to be
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able to just be your whole self.
Exactly.
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I love it.
I know that you have, you're
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connected to the LGBTQIA plus
community in your own personal
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life.
And I would love if you're open
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to sharing a little bit about
that so people understand who
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you are.
And I love you are like a
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radical inclusive, you know,
radical.
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You're into radically
inclusiveness, which makes a lot
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of sense because of who you are.
And yeah, I mean, I could just
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go on and on about my thoughts
about you, the kind of human
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being that you are, but tell the
audience a little bit about
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yourself and how you came to
connect with this community as
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well.
Yeah, thank you.
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You're so sweet, Darlene.
So this, my story is that I was
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married for 10 years to a man
and at around the 10 year mark,
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actually on Father's Day, very
poetically, he came to me and
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told me that he is transgender
and wanted to transition and and
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become a woman.
And this was about four years
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ago.
And so from that moment on, it
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became a journey of now I'll say
her, her doing that transition
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and figuring out together what
that would look like for our
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family.
We have three children.
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What that might look like for
us.
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We eventually did separate and
aren't romantically together
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anymore.
And what it looks like today is
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that, you know, I Co parent with
another woman and our children
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have two moms and that's what
our family looks like.
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And we've made it work and have
a really great Co parenting
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relationship.
And our kids, you know, have two
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great parents.
But it was sort of a crash
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course in becoming part of the
LGBTQ community, right?
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Because when we go out of the
family now, that's how we
365
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present as a family with two
moms and sort of folding
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00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,560
ourselves into that community
and what it looked like and
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especially the Jewish LGBT
community has been really
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interesting.
So that's the story on one foot.
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And were you immediately
accepting or was or did it take
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a while for you to embrace the
the concept of being a family
371
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with two moms and so forth?
Yeah, I certainly had an
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adjustment period just like
anybody would.
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And you know, I'm very grateful
to therapists and friends and
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family for helping me sort of
work through that and what it
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would look like.
I will say that almost from
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moment when I was certainly
accepting of the fact that she
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00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,120
was transgender and was
identifying as a woman, I didn't
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00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:51,880
question that or try to change
her mind.
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00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:57,480
But it did take time for that
to, you know, adjust for me
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00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,120
interpersonally with the life
that I had expected and the
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00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:02,440
person that I expected to be
with for the rest of my life.
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00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:06,960
That was big change.
And so there were considerations
383
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:10,800
about our relationship, our
parenting, everything at once.
384
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,120
But now, you know, we're at
almost the five year mark of
385
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that now.
It's honestly like our normal
386
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,760
and our family's normal.
And our kids were pretty young
387
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,040
at the time as well.
So for them, they didn't have a,
388
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:24,680
they don't have a memory, a
recollection of having a dad and
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a mom.
They only know life with two
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00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:28,840
moms.
Yes, and I met your beautiful
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00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,960
family and everybody.
You know, this word normal is
392
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:37,320
just like a should we should
cross it off the the dictionary
393
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:40,800
because we're just all what
whatever it is that we are.
394
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:44,560
You know, normal just doesn't
exist in my opinion.
395
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:50,080
Yeah, no such thing.
Yeah, I mean that that is is
396
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:54,120
just an incredible story and not
uncommon.
397
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:59,920
When I was a matchmaker, I had
two clients that had gone
398
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:04,960
through similar experiences.
And I just think that we're in,
399
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:11,000
in a world now where a people
are speaking up and living their
400
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:15,320
truth, which I think is really
important because I can't
401
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,120
imagine how painful it is not
to.
402
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,040
And you know, this stuff
happens.
403
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,600
Humans are humans and they just
have to, they should be true to
404
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:26,600
themselves.
And I, I'm all for that.
405
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,880
And fortunately, you know, the
kids are doing well and
406
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,200
everything else.
So I think it's great.
407
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:37,240
And so I really do think that
that makes you a very like
408
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:42,640
auspicious person to be in the
position that you're in, knowing
409
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,920
what you know about Judaism,
working with the LGBTQIA
410
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:51,720
community and understanding, you
know, now with the, with the
411
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,360
group, I, I was under the
impression that Frankie's
412
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:57,640
clientele were all women.
Is that not the case anymore?
413
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,360
It's actually not the case.
Historically, it's been mostly
414
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:06,080
women, but in the past, I would
say 2 years, the organization
415
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:09,960
has really expanded to include
men and really has always
416
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,000
included transgender folks.
I remember Doctor Frankie
417
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,920
actually telling me a story
about early and founding Little
418
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,480
Gay Book.
This was about 20 years ago that
419
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,200
it was very controversial to
include bisexual people.
420
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,360
That was like the big
controversy at the time.
421
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,480
And Doctor Frankie was like, no,
we're of course including them.
422
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:27,920
Come on in.
We're, you know, you're part of
423
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,720
our community.
And so today's sort of
424
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,400
equivalent to that might be
including transgender people in
425
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,560
work, right?
And Doctor Frankie was also on
426
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,240
the forefront of that.
So, you know, now I have this
427
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,760
really interesting experience
where I work with transgender
428
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,080
clients and transgender matches
for my clients.
429
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:48,640
And so I'm able to understand,
not understand, but certainly
430
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,400
empathize with their experience
and what transition looks like
431
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,840
and how it may have affected
their life and specifically
432
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:55,440
being Jewish and transitioning
too.
433
00:23:55,840 --> 00:24:00,760
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.
How has the collaboration been
434
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:04,200
with, you know, what's what's
working well with Frankie?
435
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,600
I know a few of the people on
her team are amazing, wonderful
436
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,720
people.
What has that been like?
437
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:15,120
Yeah, that's been exciting for
me because, you know, until now
438
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,920
I had mostly been working as
like a solo shop.
439
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,160
I do have some part time
matchmakers that I work with in
440
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,640
Philly, but this is my first
time being on a team of
441
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,360
matchmakers and getting to
collaborate with them in real
442
00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:29,560
time, sharing clients, sharing
ideas.
443
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,960
Like the most exciting thing is
when we can like match someone's
444
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,720
client with someone's client on
the team.
445
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,840
I don't know if you've
experienced that, but we really
446
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,680
love those moments.
And yeah, you know, being part
447
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,840
of of a network, there's like a
marketing team and a sales team.
448
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,800
And so I'm really like learning
new aspects of the matchmaking
449
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:51,520
business here in year 10.
So I've had a blast.
450
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:56,880
I love it and I am all for
collaboration and you guys are
451
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,280
collaborating outside of your
company as well.
452
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,360
You're also collaborating with
other matchmakers.
453
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,480
You mean through little gay
books work?
454
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,680
Well, you know, I mean
collaboration within the
455
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,480
matchmakers that are in the
company is one thing, but also
456
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:15,760
collaborating with other other
companies, are you doing that as
457
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,360
well?
Yeah, So Little Gate book is a
458
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:21,560
member of the Matchmaker's
alliance and has representation
459
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:25,360
at the different conferences
that we all enjoy going to and
460
00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:28,440
sharing, sharing clients with
each other and trying to find
461
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:29,880
matches among each of our
networks.
462
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,880
Yeah, there's a ton of
collaboration going on.
463
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:35,000
And I'm, I'm team, there's no
such thing as competition, only
464
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,720
collaboration.
Like I just believe that the
465
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,680
more collaboration, the better
in our especially in work like
466
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,480
ours, because there's no,
there's no shortage of people to
467
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,640
work with us, right.
So we're not, we're not going to
468
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,040
be like Siphon keeping people
off from each other.
469
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,040
We're just going to keep helping
each other out.
470
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,800
I mean, I am 100% for
collaboration from day one that
471
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,840
I got into this industry, which
is now almost 15 years.
472
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,840
And I honestly didn't even
understand why some matchmakers
473
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,560
wouldn't.
I had had an experience as a
474
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,120
real estate agent and I looked
at it as like, you have a buyer,
475
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,960
have a seller, like let's help
these people get together.
476
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,760
You know, that's kind of my, my
mindset.
477
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:16,760
And when I first came on board,
I saw that some matchmakers were
478
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:20,400
like siloed and they had these
blinders on and they don't even
479
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,680
look even till this day on
LinkedIn.
480
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,960
I'll, I'll try to connect with
other matchmakers and they won't
481
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,480
accept my connection.
And I'm like, what is, why
482
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:30,720
wouldn't you accept my
connection?
483
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,280
I can actually provide matches
for your clients.
484
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,800
I can help you with your
business for free.
485
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,360
I'm not, not even, you know what
I mean?
486
00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:43,280
Like because we, we run a
database of daters that join the
487
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:47,080
worldwide referral network.
And just today I reached out to
488
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,240
a matchmaker.
I saw that she was looking for a
489
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,080
match for her client.
I'm like, I think I have the
490
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:54,480
match for you.
And it's weird, like on LinkedIn
491
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,440
and all these places where
matchmakers refuse to connect,
492
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,720
especially, I shouldn't say
especially, but sometimes the
493
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,520
old school matchmakers who have
been around for a long time,
494
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,360
they refuse.
And that does not make sense.
495
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,800
You're hurting your business,
you're hurting your clients.
496
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:13,440
Collaboration is key to success
and being able to get to the
497
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:17,120
goal faster in my opinion.
Yeah, I agree with you.
498
00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:20,160
And I wonder if it's just sort
of like old thinking or people,
499
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:21,760
people who have done things in a
certain way.
500
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:27,200
But I do think that matchmaking
today is just a giant soup of
501
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,240
collaboration.
Like most people want to
502
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:33,440
collaborate and most people want
to work together and find ways
503
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:36,000
to work together.
I'm in like a lovely WhatsApp of
504
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,520
about, like, 18 matchmakers who
are, you know, community
505
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,200
matchmakers, which is this model
we're speaking about, of being
506
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,920
like, embedded in a community
and having a more holistic
507
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:47,600
approach, you know, and just
bouncing ideas off each other,
508
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,520
like, hey, how do you do this
one thing at an event?
509
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:51,960
Or how do you make people do
this?
510
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,000
Or what do you do when this
person doesn't want that?
511
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,080
You know, just, like, using it
as a brain trust even.
512
00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,840
And even if that doesn't
translate directly to, like,
513
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,720
matches or referral fees, it
does translate to better service
514
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,120
for clients and also a better
experience as a matchmaker
515
00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:07,640
because you feel like you're
being successful.
516
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,240
So yeah, I really can't imagine
matchmaking without
517
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,080
collaboration.
I wouldn't be able to do it.
518
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,480
Well, and when I first got into
it also, it's like you kind of
519
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,640
feel like like you're on an
island because, you know, now I
520
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,880
run mastermind groups for
matchmakers, but I used to join
521
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,280
mastermind groups and they were
all different types of
522
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,520
businesses.
And it was very difficult to for
523
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,800
people to understand what I did
or to even take me serious for
524
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:32,880
that matter.
I mean, once they got to talk to
525
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,120
me, they would realize like I'm
a serious businesswoman.
526
00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:38,880
But you know, initially you tell
people you're a matchmaker and
527
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,800
you know, aside from knowing
Fiddler on the Roof, they
528
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:43,920
they're like, they're looking at
you like what, what are you
529
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,160
talking about?
And I'm like, this is serious
530
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,320
business, OK?
There's nothing more serious in
531
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:51,200
life than the partner that you
choose.
532
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,440
I don't care how much money you
have or how many things you own
533
00:28:55,440 --> 00:29:00,320
or what you've accomplished.
That partnership is so critical
534
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,600
to your life and to your
children and everything in
535
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,840
between that for people to act
like it's not a serious thing,
536
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:11,400
it just boggles my mind.
I've heard people say that who
537
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:15,080
you choose your spouse is or the
person you're with is the best,
538
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,880
the most important business
decision you'll make because it
539
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,120
affects also like how your life
will go and your money and your
540
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:23,680
everything.
Absolutely.
541
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:27,440
I was just on LinkedIn, which is
my home away from home on social
542
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:28,640
media.
I don't really like.
543
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,280
I don't like all the other
platforms.
544
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,240
For some reason.
LinkedIn is my favorite and I
545
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:38,480
saw a friend who he does a lot
of Gottman type content, which I
546
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:40,400
love.
Gottman, who, by the way, was
547
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,720
born in the Dominican Republic.
I don't know if you know that
548
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:46,560
he's Jewish, but there's this
huge community in the Dominican
549
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,920
Republic, lot of history.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
550
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:54,320
We I could, I could teach you a
thing or two, you knowledge.
551
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,080
Yeah, tell me.
Well, even because I told you
552
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:02,480
when I did my ancestry.com, I
came, it came back Oscar Nazi
553
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:06,240
for me because anybody in the
Caribbean is hypothetically
554
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:10,280
European and African for the
most part at least, you know, in
555
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:14,640
certain countries.
And there was a huge Jewish
556
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,720
community.
But even going back to when
557
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,400
Christopher Columbus landed in
La Espanola, which is the Dr.
558
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:25,840
and Haiti, that island, a lot of
the men that came on that boat
559
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:29,240
with them were Jewish.
And there's been a huge Jewish
560
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:31,640
community community there for
many, many years.
561
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:37,680
And at one point there before
Israel, people, they were
562
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:41,080
looking for a place to go to and
countries would not open their
563
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,480
doors to the Jews, except for
the Dominican Republic.
564
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,960
That was the entire country that
did so.
565
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,280
So he I was talking about this
gentleman.
566
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:55,160
He, he does a lot of Gottman
content, which I love Gottman.
567
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:59,560
And I was listening to him
talking about men don't want to,
568
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,200
you know, like about how they
feel about marriage versus how
569
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:05,920
women feel about marriage.
And it inspired me to write an
570
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:09,520
article because I write a weekly
article for LinkedIn for daters,
571
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:13,320
because I love to stay connected
with them about the benefits of
572
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:17,120
men getting married.
The laundry list goes on and on.
573
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:21,000
They they're healthier,
wealthier, happier by being
574
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,320
married.
And, and actually the same
575
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:24,440
cannot be.
And we're talking
576
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,880
heteronormative, of course,
we're talking about men and
577
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,880
women.
Women are don't have the exact
578
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,360
same benefits as the men do,
which is very interesting.
579
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:35,880
But I want to talk to you a
little about this because this
580
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:39,600
is something that just is top of
mind for me in our society
581
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:41,720
today.
Is what's happening to the men,
582
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:45,040
the challenges that men are
dealing with in dating.
583
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:49,280
I'm sure this community
situation makes it easier, I
584
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,120
would think, for men to be able
to connect with women because I
585
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,200
don't know what's happening in
our society today.
586
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:59,120
Yeah.
Yeah, what's interesting is, and
587
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:01,600
I'll speak about my work in
Philly for a moment because
588
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,600
that's the, you know,
heteronormative work.
589
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:08,720
The people who come to us for
matchmaking are typically the
590
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,240
men who come to us are typically
ready.
591
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:14,440
Like, in other words, you don't
come to a matchmaker and sign up
592
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,840
for, you know, a one hour
discovery conversation without
593
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:21,400
having some sense in your mind
that you are actually ready to
594
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:25,200
find something serious.
You know, and, and that there's
595
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:27,800
still a huge range of what that
actually looks like in terms of
596
00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:30,680
readiness.
But I will say that there's a
597
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:34,680
little bit of like a pre
qualified buyer thing going on
598
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:38,480
in our community when someone
has opted into matchmaking.
599
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:41,520
So I think the thing would be
true if somebody who signs on as
600
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:44,160
like a client.
So with my model, everyone
601
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:47,000
essentially looks like a
database member because we're so
602
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:50,200
events based and we're not doing
guaranteed matches for anybody.
603
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,280
But the same would be true for a
man that comes to a matchmaker
604
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,680
to work as a client, right?
They're saying this is a
605
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:58,440
priority for me.
This is something I'm willing to
606
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,040
invest in and I'm actually
willing to think about
607
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,960
commitment and think about my
own hang ups and work through
608
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,920
them with a professional.
So yeah.
609
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,800
That's amazing.
That's amazing to hear.
610
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:15,200
And I mean, I know there's a lot
of pressure in certain
611
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,760
communities from parents like
you need to get ready.
612
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:25,320
I know I was talking to Jazbina,
who works with Indian and SE
613
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:30,080
Asians, and she was saying like,
you know, our parents are like,
614
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,480
don't date, don't date because
you have to get an education and
615
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:37,160
then now get married, like, and
no dating experience.
616
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,680
And all of a sudden it's like
you go from focus on your
617
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,640
education, become a lawyer,
doctor, whatever it is, and then
618
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,680
boom, now go get married.
And, you know, and that's
619
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:49,960
traditionally a culture that has
also done a lot of arranged
620
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:51,880
marriages.
And I believe in the Jewish
621
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:56,640
community as well.
Yeah, so, so, yeah.
622
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,000
So it's interesting because I
know there's that pressure
623
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,320
coming from the parents of like,
what are you doing?
624
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,240
What are you waiting for?
You got to get married.
625
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:07,840
Yeah, so, and this is where that
cultural competency piece comes
626
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:09,480
in, right?
There are certain communities,
627
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,760
Indian and Jewish being 2 great
examples, where the role of
628
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:16,080
family really matters, right?
Whereas sometimes people are
629
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,320
dating in a silo and their their
family's considerations that
630
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,800
their family will meet their
person at the altar, like that's
631
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,480
the first time they're going to
meet on the wedding day.
632
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:27,080
It's not typically like that in
in Jewish communities.
633
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:30,800
And what's interesting is that
this may just be a, a religious
634
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:34,480
community thing because I was
listening to matchmaker Madigan.
635
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,120
I don't know if you know her
personally, but she has a
636
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:39,320
podcast called Love that.
It's the Catholic dating
637
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,280
podcast.
And she was speaking about this
638
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:46,679
exact thing, about how strongly
family plays into considerations
639
00:34:46,679 --> 00:34:49,719
regarding matchmaking, where
when you're a matchmaker and
640
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,199
you're in a religious community,
you're probably going to be
641
00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:54,679
talking to the parents of the
person or the sister of the
642
00:34:54,679 --> 00:34:57,440
person, you know, in the
extended circle.
643
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:01,160
Whereas in other communities,
that's barely a consideration.
644
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,480
It's not even relevant.
Yeah.
645
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:07,400
But you know what, I, I love it
because I think that that taps
646
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:12,360
into core values because, you
know, you, you came from a
647
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,680
background, you have parents
that raise you in a particular
648
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:20,440
way and, you know, even socio
economic backgrounds, there's a
649
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:24,760
lot of alignment when families
are, are connected in that way.
650
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:28,160
And I think a lot of the
matching back in the day was
651
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:31,800
based on that.
And there's a lot of data that
652
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:37,000
shows that that's actually more
effective than just random, you
653
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:42,800
know, putting people together.
When I hear people say that,
654
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,120
when I ask them, you know, how
important is it for you to date
655
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:46,640
Jewish, right?
Is it a deal breaker?
656
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,240
Is it a preference?
Is it neutral?
657
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:50,000
People have all different
answers.
658
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,360
But sometimes when they say it's
either a preference or a deal
659
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,240
breaker, they simply just say
it's because it's easier.
660
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,400
They like having that shared
language, the shared references
661
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:01,000
to holidays.
Your humor might match, right?
662
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:05,000
But I also think that baked into
that can be assumptions about
663
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:08,040
what it looks like to be Jewish
or to grow up Jewish, right?
664
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,600
Because some people have a
picture in their head of like
665
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:14,720
what a Jewish person looks like.
And sometimes I like to sort of,
666
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:18,200
I don't know, subvert these
those pictures by asking, for
667
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,240
example, the way that I talk
about race in the Jewish
668
00:36:20,240 --> 00:36:22,600
community, I'll say, you know,
even within the Jewish
669
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,920
community, there's so many
different races and ethnicities
670
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:28,200
represented, Black Jews and
Asian Jews and Indian Jews.
671
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,960
Who were you open to meeting?
And sometimes I can tell in
672
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:33,400
people's faces that it's the
first time they've been.
673
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:37,000
Yeah, exactly.
They're like, and they, they
674
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,600
realize that by talking to a
Jewish matchmaker, they're not
675
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:43,200
just thinking about, you know, a
white presenting Ashkenazi Jew.
676
00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:45,000
They actually have to be
thinking about other Jewish
677
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,160
people too.
So it can be like a little bit
678
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,880
of a educational moment.
I love that.
679
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:54,560
And yeah, my daughter's
grandparents were all Jewish.
680
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:59,400
And so growing up, we, we, I
was, you know, I was never
681
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,400
really a religious person.
I mean, I went to Catholic
682
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,040
school.
My mom was going to be a nun
683
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:08,480
before she got married, but I
have a lot of religious trauma
684
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,720
and so I was not religious.
But what I did raising my
685
00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:16,760
daughter was to read a book
about every holiday.
686
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:21,000
So when we, when there was a
holiday, we, I would go by she's
687
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,400
this, this kid.
I mean, well, she's a grown
688
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:27,400
woman now, almost 40, but she
devours books because from day
689
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,560
one I always read to her.
And we would read about the
690
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,640
holiday, not just hours, but any
holiday.
691
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:37,040
We, you know, did celebrate some
Jewish holidays because our, you
692
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:41,920
know, my in laws were Jewish,
but also she understood why and
693
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:46,000
what was being celebrated
because I often find that, you
694
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,960
know, yes, holidays are about
community and, you know, they're
695
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:53,440
centered around food and being
around family.
696
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:58,480
But understanding why, you know,
this is a holiday and that was
697
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,600
really important for me to teach
her.
698
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:04,360
And so that's what we did.
Yeah.
699
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,320
It's it's it's a very
interesting thing.
700
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:09,240
And of course, you know, I was,
I grew up in a Jewish community
701
00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:11,240
also.
And when I was in New York, so
702
00:38:11,240 --> 00:38:14,600
all my best friends were Jewish
because there was a synagogue
703
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:17,960
that people can walk to.
So I was always surrounded by
704
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:20,480
the Jewish community, even
though I was going to Catholic
705
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:25,160
school, my best friend was going
to, you know, learning about
706
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:29,120
Hebrew and what not, right?
And so isn't that interesting,
707
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:32,120
like you had this adjacency to
Judaism for pretty much your
708
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:35,800
whole life, like in every stage
of your life, which, you know,
709
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,880
when it comes to dating, like,
isn't it interesting that that
710
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,120
could make you a good match for
a Jewish person, right?
711
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,080
Like, like somebody might not
think that way, but realizing
712
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,280
that there are Jewish people who
didn't even grow up with as much
713
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:49,720
Judaism as you just described,
they might not be as good of a
714
00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:52,000
fit.
So it's interesting to, like,
715
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:54,640
take away the assumptions about
what like growing up or being
716
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:58,960
Jewish might look like.
Yeah, it's, it's, you know, I
717
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:02,840
just, I almost wish and I
understand all the things that
718
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,480
people have in common and so
forth, but I almost wish that
719
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,800
people would just treat people
for who they are, forget what
720
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:11,440
they look like, forget what
they, you know, assumptions you
721
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:13,360
made.
Like when I when I went to
722
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:16,760
China, I mean, I'm thinking I'm
going to a communist country,
723
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,080
you know, like you have ideas in
your head.
724
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:20,480
I show up over there, I'm in
Shanghai.
725
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:22,960
I'm like, Oh my God, this is
like the most beautiful hotel
726
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,800
I've ever been to in my life.
And this is coming from someone
727
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:29,240
who grew up, you know, in the
pharma industry when we were at
728
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:33,280
Four Seasons and Ritz Carlton's
and all these fancy places.
729
00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:37,520
And I'm in China thinking, wow,
this is incredible, you know,
730
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:41,920
And so I just wish people would
just take all that stuff out of
731
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:46,400
your head and just show up, you
know, come from a place of yes
732
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:49,480
and just be open to the
possibilities and you might
733
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:52,120
learn something that you you
didn't know.
734
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:57,800
Yeah, yeah, this, this comes up
at a specific point of
735
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:03,280
matchmaking conversations too,
which is when I ask people for
736
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,840
their personal definition of who
is Jewish.
737
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:08,600
And it's dicey, right?
Like people have all different
738
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:10,840
definitions.
So in the Jewish community, some
739
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:13,960
people believe that only if
someone's mother is Jewish, does
740
00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:16,560
that make them Jewish.
And then there's another
741
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:20,720
question about if someone can.
Are they Jewish or are least are
742
00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:23,000
they Jewish enough for you to
date person I'm talking to?
743
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:27,080
And so it's really things that
people wrestle with and try to
744
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,040
figure out.
Yeah.
745
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,240
And that's when this comes up.
And I'm thinking of like a
746
00:40:31,240 --> 00:40:36,160
personal narrative too, which is
that at some point I dated a
747
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:39,040
Mormon missionary who had become
Jewish.
748
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:41,240
Later in life he had discovered
that his mother was Jewish and
749
00:40:41,240 --> 00:40:45,400
he sort of found it.
So us trying to figure out how
750
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:49,640
to form a relationship around to
complete completely different
751
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:53,360
upbringing than backgrounds, but
with a current shared religion
752
00:40:53,720 --> 00:40:58,120
was like its own giant mess and
thing that we really had to
753
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:01,200
navigate because we didn't have
anything to cling to about a
754
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,280
shared background or anything
like that.
755
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:07,320
So I just thought of that.
Yeah, it's, well, you know, it's
756
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:10,040
good and bad because like, I
look at my relationship with my
757
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:12,760
husband, we came from totally
different backgrounds.
758
00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:16,800
He grew up in the country where
we live now.
759
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:20,040
It's very rural.
You know, he grew up milking
760
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:24,880
cows and he's a white man.
He's like the whitest guy on the
761
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,440
planet.
He's so white.
762
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:30,640
He's see through.
And I'm a person of color from
763
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:33,800
the city, from I'm originally
from New York, then grew, you
764
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:35,640
know, in the suburbs of New
Jersey.
765
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:40,200
And somehow we connected.
We we have so many of the same
766
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:45,560
core values that everything else
just became more of, of
767
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,680
interesting.
Like, you know, it was just
768
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:49,760
interesting.
Like, let me learn more about
769
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:52,080
his world and he wanted to learn
about my world.
770
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:56,760
And we almost came at it with a,
a lot of respect too, because
771
00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:00,880
when you think you come from the
same thing and you're very
772
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,960
similar, you make a lot of
assumptions and you sort of take
773
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:08,400
things for granted versus when
you feel like you, you don't
774
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,560
know, it's not that you're tippy
toeing, but you're trying to
775
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:15,080
like navigate it and learn it.
And you have a curiosity, which
776
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:18,120
I think is one of the most
beautiful things that a person
777
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:23,800
can have is curiosity.
And so I, I like that when you
778
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:25,920
have people coming from
different backgrounds.
779
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,680
Yeah, exactly.
I think curiosity is the word to
780
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:34,440
highlight there because if you
come at dating with curiosity
781
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:37,320
and you look at that other
person and you assume that
782
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,880
they're special and there's
great things to discover about
783
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,800
them, and you just pull away
every assumption that you might
784
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:44,560
have had.
Even if you think you're similar
785
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,680
or you think you're so
different, you're always going
786
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,080
to find surprises.
I mean, it kind of comes back to
787
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:50,840
what we spoke about in the
beginning about like an
788
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:53,560
optimistic or a positive
viewpoint, right?
789
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,560
Look at that person, assume that
that great things are there, and
790
00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:59,480
then find them.
Absolutely.
791
00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:03,040
I love the love goggles, so to
speak.
792
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:07,120
It's like when you're dating,
just have those love, love
793
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:08,680
goggles.
Don't be a fool.
794
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:12,280
I'm not saying go, you know, be
OK with everything or let people
795
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:16,320
run rough shots over you or you
know, disrespect your boundaries
796
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:19,280
and things like that.
But go into it with a genuine
797
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,440
desire.
I don't know, maybe that's why
798
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:24,840
I'm a matchmaker, because and my
my daughter would make fun of
799
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:26,360
me.
She actually worked with me for
800
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:28,320
a little bit.
She she would say, mom, you fall
801
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:31,920
in love with everybody as far as
the clients go, because I would
802
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:33,600
see something beautiful in
everyone.
803
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:37,040
And my daughter would be like,
yeah, I mean, that person's not
804
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:39,000
as attractive as you're making
them out to me.
805
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:40,600
I'm like, really?
And she's.
806
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:44,080
Like, you know, because.
I don't know what it is with
807
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:46,920
like, and some mass speakers are
very different.
808
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:50,560
Some are very jaded and they're
like not pretty enough or not
809
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,320
thin enough or whatever.
I, I'm not like that.
810
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,280
I, I see the beauty in people.
I'm like, what are you talking
811
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:57,800
about?
They're gorgeous.
812
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:01,600
I'm so with you.
Yeah, I'm like famously non
813
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,120
judgmental and I just think
everyone is so gorgeous and
814
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:06,440
great and it can get me in
trouble.
815
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,520
But I think it's I do think it's
better on the whole to be that
816
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:11,440
way, right?
We see the beauty in people and
817
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:15,080
then there are special parts.
And I think you also approach
818
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:18,400
matchmaking differently.
If you feel that you can help
819
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:21,920
someone and that you see the
beauty in them, you, you are
820
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:26,320
open to the possibilities.
And I believe that you need to
821
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:29,720
have your mind, your heart, and
your hands congruent.
822
00:44:29,720 --> 00:44:33,320
In other words, if you think
something and then you feel it
823
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:36,840
with your heart, then you can go
out and do it and accomplish it.
824
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:40,120
And you end up putting someone
in a relationship that ends up
825
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:44,240
working out because it started
with that mindset of like, yeah,
826
00:44:44,240 --> 00:44:46,360
this is a beautiful person.
I can help them.
827
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:50,320
If you go into it.
I don't know this and that.
828
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:53,560
Don't even take the client.
I mean, let's get into the
829
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:55,880
ethics and the trust in this
industry, right?
830
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,240
Like, do not take a client if
you really are already thinking
831
00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:01,480
that you can't help them because
you're not going to help them.
832
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:04,520
Yeah, exactly.
And that's where like a referral
833
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:06,440
might be great, right, Because
the first match is with the
834
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:08,560
matchmaker, right?
Another matchmaker might see
835
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,920
everything great in them and be
able to match them easily.
836
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:14,200
But you have to like them.
And that's something that works
837
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,480
well for me with with my model
in Philly.
838
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,320
I don't do any guaranteed
matches.
839
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,800
So when somebody's coming
through and becoming part of our
840
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:25,600
community, they are invited to
events and invited to different
841
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:28,560
opportunities and they have the
eligibility to be matched, but
842
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:30,520
they don't necessarily get
matched.
843
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,560
So if I do, on the rare
occasions that I do meet someone
844
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:38,080
that for whatever reason I don't
feel comfortable matching, it's
845
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:41,280
OK and there's nothing that I
have to do to, you know, enable
846
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:44,600
that.
I really love this concept and
847
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:49,000
I'm curious if it's possible for
you, Like are you helping others
848
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,520
create this concept in other
places as well?
849
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:55,640
Because I think for some people,
let's just say someone's not
850
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:59,600
traditionally beautiful or
whatever, but I think that
851
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:04,680
showing up and having the
frequency, having exposure and
852
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:07,160
interacting with people.
If you have a great personality.
853
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:10,000
Because that I know I, I have
found a lot of men attractive
854
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:14,200
that weren't beautiful or
traditionally good looking, but
855
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:17,840
their personality was like
amazing and they were smart.
856
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:20,720
And to me, I'm a sapiosexual
anyway.
857
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:22,960
If you could be the most
beautiful person in the world.
858
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:25,880
If you're dumb, no offense.
I don't mean to be mean about
859
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:29,360
it, but it's like if I don't
find, if there's no intellectual
860
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:32,800
curiosity and you have no desire
to keep learning or whatever,
861
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:36,240
it's very difficult for me to be
in connection with someone like
862
00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:37,440
that.
Doesn't even have to be the same
863
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,880
kind of stuff that I'm into.
At least I, you know, like my
864
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:44,360
husband and I are like into
totally different things.
865
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:47,360
But he's so smart and he can
teach me stuff.
866
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:51,080
Like he watches all this history
stuff that I now find find
867
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:55,200
interesting that I'm older.
When I was younger I did not.
868
00:46:56,040 --> 00:47:00,160
And now he talks about all this
stuff, and it's not exactly the
869
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:03,080
thing that I'm into, but he
makes it interesting for me and
870
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:08,360
I learned from him.
And so I love this concept of
871
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:11,600
the community thing because
people being able to go over and
872
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:14,280
over again to a place where they
meet and run into the same
873
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:16,920
people, it opens up so much
possibility.
874
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:19,200
Are you able to help others
create this?
875
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:22,400
Yeah, I have.
I'm very proud to have done that
876
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:25,560
a few times.
So there's a matchmaker in DC,
877
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:29,560
her name is Miriam Leviton.
And she, I essentially trained
878
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:31,960
her to open a really similar
model is what we have in
879
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,760
Philadelphia, but in DC and it's
going really well and I'm really
880
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:38,360
proud of her.
And then I've done some other
881
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:40,480
trainings for other folks.
But the other example of someone
882
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,360
who truly like used the exact
same model pretty much, you
883
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:46,760
know, with their own spin, is
actually a matchmaker in Sydney,
884
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:48,720
Australia.
So in the Jewish community of
885
00:47:48,720 --> 00:47:52,200
Sydney, Australia, there's a
organization similar to Tribe 12
886
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:55,680
called Project NextGen.
And Mandy Dadia there opened up
887
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:59,600
a similar branch.
So they're not like affiliated,
888
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:02,360
they're not under my umbrella,
but I trained them in exactly
889
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:05,840
this model that I built.
So I'm very happy and thrilled.
890
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:08,880
And in fact, I hope it's OK that
I share this, that Mandy sent me
891
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,160
an e-mail recently telling me
that they had their first
892
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:14,240
engagement.
So it was like a brand new fresh
893
00:48:14,240 --> 00:48:16,160
community with great successes
already.
894
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:20,160
That is so wonderful.
And we didn't talk much about
895
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:24,040
numbers, but I would assume that
this is relatively inexpensive
896
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:27,360
compared to what matchmakers
charge for them to become
897
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,160
members.
I would, I would think right.
898
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:32,080
Yeah, exactly.
So this is under the umbrella of
899
00:48:32,080 --> 00:48:34,840
a nonprofit organization, which
means it's donor supported.
900
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:37,680
So that means that there's
donors that are interested
901
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:40,840
enough in this work and in
people finding Jewish partners
902
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:43,680
that they support it.
And what's really important
903
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,800
about that though is that when
someone needs more than what we
904
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:50,160
can offer, right, which is like
a more, a less, much less hands
905
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:53,280
on service than a traditional
matchmaker, that's when we refer
906
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:56,280
out to our matchmaker friends.
So I love to have my network of
907
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:57,960
matchmakers.
When someone says I need more
908
00:48:57,960 --> 00:49:01,160
hands on help, I want guaranteed
match, I want someone to search
909
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:04,800
on my behalf, That's when I can
tell them, hey, I've got so many
910
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:06,360
matchmakers for you that can do
that.
911
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:09,400
I'm not the one to do that in
Philadelphia, but it's a little
912
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:12,320
gay book I do work with.
Client, I love that.
913
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:16,760
I think I think it's fabulous.
I am just like I can keep
914
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:21,160
talking to you forever.
Is there anything you want to
915
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:24,200
share with the community about
the work that you're doing or
916
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:27,880
anything that we didn't cover
that anybody should know about
917
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:30,440
you aside from knowing that
you're amazing?
918
00:49:38,350 --> 00:49:40,870
Sorry, I had a little Internet
issue for a moment, but I think
919
00:49:40,870 --> 00:49:44,870
we're back.
Yeah, I guess I'll just say
920
00:49:44,870 --> 00:49:48,350
that, yeah, it's really
gratifying to do work with both
921
00:49:48,350 --> 00:49:50,590
the Jewish and Jewish queer
communities.
922
00:49:50,590 --> 00:49:52,910
And I'm always open to
conversations about what
923
00:49:52,910 --> 00:49:56,950
collections might look like with
Matchmakers and beyond, so I'll
924
00:49:56,950 --> 00:50:00,120
end with that.
Danielle, thank you so much for
925
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:03,880
this powerful conversation.
You've given us a master class
926
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:07,680
on cultural competency,
collaboration, and leading with
927
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:09,840
values.
And for those who want to learn
928
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:15,400
more about Danielle work, check
out Tribe, tribe12.org and
929
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:19,480
Little Gay book dot com and
connect with her on LinkedIn.
930
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,080
She's on there too.
That's my home away from home.
931
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:25,160
And of course, for anyone who's
interested in becoming a
932
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:30,280
matchmaker or maybe you even
want to start a similar group,
933
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:33,040
reach out to us.
I'm happy to connect you with
934
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:34,720
Danielle.
Or if you want to become a
935
00:50:34,720 --> 00:50:36,800
matchmaker, go to
lovepromastermind.
936
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:41,080
Com Don't forget to subscribe on
Apple Spotify.
937
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:45,640
Share the episode with another
matchmaker industry pro who
938
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:49,400
would benefit from hearing this.
And until next time, remember,
939
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:52,680
collaboration is where the magic
really begins.
940
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:56,400
Have you ever felt called to
help others find love?
941
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,720
You might have the heart for
matchmaking, but without the
942
00:50:59,720 --> 00:51:03,120
right training, turning that
passion into a thriving business
943
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:07,080
can feel impossible.
Most matchmaking courses give
944
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:10,840
you outdated theories and a
certificate, but no real world
945
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:13,000
strategy to build a successful
business.
946
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:16,320
That's where Love Pro Mastermind
Academy is different.
947
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:20,240
Our Live Done with You training
goes beyond theory, helping you
948
00:51:20,240 --> 00:51:23,920
develop matchmaking expertise,
implement sales and marketing
949
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:27,120
strategies, and master the art
of client success.
950
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:31,160
With expert LED instruction,
accountability, and a community
951
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:35,280
of like minded professionals,
you'll learn how to identify
952
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:40,840
your niche, attract high quality
clients, create a seamless
953
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:44,360
matchmaking process, grow a
sustainable, profitable
954
00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:47,400
business.
With over a decade of
955
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:50,000
experience.
We don't just train matchmakers,
956
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:52,120
we create leaders in the
industry.
957
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:56,880
Are you ready to become an LPMA
Certified Matchmaker and build a
958
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,880
business that changes lives?
Apply today at
959
00:51:59,880 --> 00:52:02,960
lovepromastermind.com.
Thank you for tuning in to the
960
00:52:02,960 --> 00:52:06,440
Matchmaker Mentor Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode,
961
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:09,280
don't forget to subscribe, leave
a review, and share it with
962
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:13,520
fellow matchmakers and friends.
For more resources, training,
963
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:17,440
and inspiration, visit
lovepromastermind.com and follow
964
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:21,560
us on social media.
Remember, matchmaking isn't just
965
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:25,160
a career, it's a calling.
Let's keep building connections,
966
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:27,200
changing lives, and growing
together.
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,320
Your host is Arlene Washburn, an
award-winning ethical
2
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,320
matchmaking advocate, mentor,
and industry innovator.
3
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:11,000
Let's dive in.
Welcome back to the Matchmaker
4
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:14,880
Mentor Podcast, where we support
aspiring and established
5
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:19,000
matchmakers and the clients who
rely on them with real
6
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:23,160
conversations about business,
psychology, lifestyle, and love.
7
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:27,640
And today's episode is a little
special one because we're diving
8
00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:33,040
into cultural competency, values
driven matchmaking, and how
9
00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:36,880
collaboration can make our
entire industry stronger.
10
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:41,840
And I'm so excited to introduce
my guest, Danielle Selber.
11
00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:46,000
Danielle is a matchmaker with
nearly a decade of experience
12
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:50,240
serving Jewish and the LGBTQIA
communities.
13
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,600
She leads Tribe 12's
groundbreaking community
14
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,880
matchmaking program in
Philadelphia and heads the
15
00:00:56,880 --> 00:01:00,800
Jewish division of Little Gay
Book, The Country's premier
16
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:04,959
queer dating firm.
She helped over 60 couples find
17
00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:09,120
lasting connection and guided
hundreds more with her signature
18
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:13,040
blend of radical inclusion and
non judgment.
19
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:17,640
Her guiding philosophy is that
everything is matchmaking, from
20
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:21,840
strengthening social fabric to
combating the loneliness
21
00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,520
epidemic.
You know, that's my favorite
22
00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,640
subject.
So Danielle, welcome to the
23
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:28,200
show.
Hi, Arlene, Thank you so much
24
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,040
for having me.
I'm so excited to have this
25
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:34,320
conversation with you.
You are someone that from day
26
00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:36,560
one that I met, I've always
admired you.
27
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,720
You may not know that because
it's not always obvious, but
28
00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:43,040
yeah, you are just, you just
have this amazing way about you.
29
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,720
And yeah, I'm super excited to
talk about the type of
30
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,440
matchmaking that you do, which
is not the the conventional
31
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:54,240
thing that the professional
matchmakers are doing today with
32
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,880
matchmaking companies.
Yours is a little bit different.
33
00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,400
So first I want to know what
inspired you to go into
34
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,320
matchmaking?
Sure.
35
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,640
And I'm so honored for you to
say that you admire because I
36
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,920
admire you so much and follow
all your work.
37
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,960
And wow, So what actually
inspired me?
38
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,680
I actually came to matchmaking
through the academia round.
39
00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,600
So I got my master's in Jewish
studies, and the subject of my
40
00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:21,040
thesis was Jewish matchmaking,
the history of it, and also
41
00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,960
modern application.
And so through that work, I
42
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,680
discovered that there was sort
of a gap in the Jewish community
43
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,880
where religious communities,
people who are more
44
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:32,480
traditionally practicing, were
very well served by matchmakers
45
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:36,560
and that that sort of system.
But in more secular or just
46
00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:38,640
culturally Jewish communities,
that wasn't the case.
47
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:41,440
And so I kind of had a theory.
What if we took the things that
48
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,960
have worked for millennia and
Jewish matchmaking and applied
49
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:48,760
them to cultural and secular
Jews and it worked basically.
50
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,960
That is so amazing.
I didn't even know that about
51
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,840
you.
And you know, and everybody
52
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:58,240
should know, you are invited to
be on the faculty of the Love
53
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,640
Pro Mastermind Academy.
And I just instinctually had
54
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:06,960
this desire to invite you in.
And lo and behold, I didn't even
55
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,760
know that you had this
background, which is amazing.
56
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:12,720
You didn't know I was.
I was a nerd, basically.
57
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,120
So am I.
I'm a secret nerd.
58
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,040
But you know, I, it's, it's
weird.
59
00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:20,320
It's how like instincts really
kick in and they just kind of
60
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,680
like I, I follow my instincts
all the time.
61
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,720
And you know, the minute I met
you, I was like, I need to work
62
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,040
with her.
I just like, I'm looking for
63
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,200
that opportunity.
So here it is.
64
00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:38,440
So this, this new concept of
Tribe 12 evolved into a full
65
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,560
matchmaking program.
Tell me how that came to be and
66
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,760
a little bit more about it,
because I remember I had a
67
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,720
student at the Love Pro who
actually wanted to create that
68
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:50,280
in Chicago.
I know, I know, you know, Talia
69
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,560
as well.
Like anytime people hear about
70
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:53,960
it, they're like, oh, I want to
do that.
71
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,880
So let the audience know a
little bit about what you're
72
00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,000
doing with matchmaking, which is
a little different.
73
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,320
So I actually work under the
umbrella of an established
74
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,720
nonprofit in Philadelphia's
Jewish community.
75
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,920
So it's called Tribe 12.
And when I started working
76
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,200
there, I said, you know what?
If I take this theory that I've
77
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,480
got that our community could be
served by matchmaking as it's
78
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:20,640
worked for many years for other
Jewish people, and sort of
79
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:24,200
applied it to the social and
networking work that the
80
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:27,160
organization was already doing.
So in Philadelphia, I work
81
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,720
specifically with Jewish 20s and
30s who live in this area.
82
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:35,840
And IT, it's matchmaking that is
about matchmaking for sure.
83
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:39,480
We do set up people one-on-one,
but it's also about events and
84
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,360
bringing people together and
strengthening social fabric and
85
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,160
friendships and having people to
go to those events with.
86
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,320
So it's a lot more than just
like, you know, you and you get
87
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:51,800
together.
It's, it's more holistic than
88
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,280
that and thinking about the
whole person and all of their
89
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:57,720
needs and really creating a
sense of belonging and making
90
00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:02,200
the feeling of being single
suckless and just feel better
91
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,200
overall and making that whole
experience of searching for your
92
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:10,160
person a better experience.
Neil, what I what I love about
93
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,640
that and now that we're talking
about because I knew you were
94
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,960
doing this, but I didn't know in
detail.
95
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:19,320
And I think what's really
lacking in our society, not just
96
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:24,240
in the US worldwide, is this
lack of community and that
97
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,520
people don't have places where
they can congregate and get
98
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:33,160
together and meet and actually
end up in, you know, couples and
99
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,920
marriages.
Because right now there is this
100
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:40,400
massive loneliness epidemic and
men are not approaching women.
101
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,360
There's a low birth rate, low
marriage rate.
102
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:46,920
And I think that what you're
doing could be spread all over
103
00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:50,680
the world and in different types
of communities, different niches
104
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:54,880
or whatever and really create
that unity that is so lacking
105
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,480
right now in our society.
What are you?
106
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:59,480
What are your thoughts?
Yeah, I couldn't agree more,
107
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,440
honestly.
And what's cool is that when I
108
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,320
started doing this work, which
was about a decade ago, I did
109
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,040
feel like I was like one of the
only people sort of thinking
110
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,240
this way.
And over the years, I've gotten
111
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,560
the opportunity to meet more
people who are doing similar,
112
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:15,120
like community matchmaking work.
So there are amazing
113
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:16,560
matchmakers.
So I feel like, you know as
114
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,840
well, like Rachel Joy Barrel,
who has like a hyper local
115
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:24,240
matchmaking work going on in
Columbus, OH, Angelica Morris,
116
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,040
who works with digital nomads.
So people who are like linked by
117
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,080
a shared sort of career
philosophy or identity, but
118
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,440
aren't necessarily in the same
place.
119
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:34,320
There's like Armenian
matchmakers, Catholic
120
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,880
matchmakers, people who
basically take one community and
121
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,320
say, like, I'm going to hold
this community and think about
122
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:42,240
what works best for them and all
of their needs, matchmaking
123
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:45,760
included, and then make that
like the the thing that helps
124
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,560
them.
Like a rising tide lifts all
125
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,520
ships.
Absolutely.
126
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,640
You've helped 60 couples and
probably more because they don't
127
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,600
always come forward and let
matchmakers know.
128
00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:01,880
But looking back, is there like
a common thread in those like
129
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:07,760
success stories?
Yeah, I would say a common
130
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,120
quality that seems to help
people succeed with batchmaking,
131
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,920
especially in this kind of
community matchmaking work, is
132
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,760
just optimists.
So people who are naturally
133
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:20,200
positive and are yes, people,
they're like, they're just
134
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,800
willing to come to like the
weirdest thing that I put on the
135
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,920
calendar, right?
Or they're willing to go on like
136
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:28,160
a date with their, you know,
best friends, moms, cousins,
137
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,840
brother or whatever.
Like there's just people who
138
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:34,480
are, are looking for reasons to
say yes in the match speaking
139
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,040
process as opposed to looking
for reasons to put up a
140
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,120
roadblock.
And I have seen those people
141
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:44,360
find their person in the most
roundabout, bizarre ways that,
142
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,560
you know, none of us could have
predicted or even worked
143
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,640
towards.
But it works that way when you
144
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,080
say yes and when you just have
like an optimistic approach.
145
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:54,040
When you, I guess when you like
dating too, when you're enjoying
146
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,400
the process and not just feeling
like you're slogging through it
147
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,560
to get to a result.
Do you find that too?
148
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,920
I'm so curious about your work.
I mean, and you know, coming
149
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:05,200
from a place of yes is so true
because that's how I ended up
150
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:09,640
with my husband because I had so
many reasons to say no
151
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:13,840
geographically undesirable.
We were over an hour away from
152
00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,000
each other.
He didn't have a photo on his
153
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,240
profile because we met through
an online platform.
154
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,880
Another reason he told me his
whole life story, the first
155
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,600
conversation, it was almost like
too much too soon.
156
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:30,920
Another reason, you know, he had
been married before multiple
157
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,880
times.
Another like there were so many
158
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,840
reasons.
And fortunately I had this
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little bird in my head who's my
daughter?
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She's like next level.
This kid could be anybody's
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therapist.
And so when I said so, well,
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he's been married multiple
times.
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She's like, well, at least he's
the marrying kind.
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And I'm like, he just told me
his whole life story.
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And one conversation says, well,
at least he's honest.
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You know, like, everything that
I wanted to say no to, she was
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like, mom, get over yourself.
I ended up going on a date with
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him.
And, you know, it's almost 15
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years now that we're together.
But it's like, you have to come
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from a place of yes.
And I think that's really what,
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when matchmakers tell their
clients, you know, open heart,
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open mind, that's really what
we're talking about because
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that's when you do have success.
And I, I, if nobody takes
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anything away from this
conversation, this is the mic
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drop moment of coming from a
place of yes, like this.
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I think that is amazing.
Yes.
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And I love that story because,
you know, what it also
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exemplifies is that you were in
that moment, maybe not coming
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from like a yes approach or that
wasn't your instinct at that
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time, but you had someone in
your corner, in this case your
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daughter.
But sometimes it's the
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matchmaker saying, maybe you
should look at this a different
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way, Maybe you should judge more
favorably, and suddenly you're
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in a situation where 15 years
later, you're so happy.
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Absolutely.
OK, so we're going to shift
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gears a little bit and I'm, you
know, we talk about the Jewish
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community and obviously Jews are
not a monolith.
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Can you share some stories where
cultural competency made a
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difference in matchmaking?
Definitely, yeah.
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And the cultural competency
piece plays in the Jewish
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community specifically in some
obvious ways and some less
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obvious ways.
So we're talking about basically
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like what is unique to this
community and what are the
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unique considerations when
matchmaking.
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So some of the more obvious ones
are things like observance
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level, right?
Like how strongly or strictly do
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people observe Jewish customs
like the Sabbath or kosher,
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which is a way of eating dietary
restrictions, or how much are
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the holidays a part of their
cadence of their year?
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Right.
But it's also a little more
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subtle sometimes where things
like community involvement and
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how much they care about Judaism
and their Jewish identity also
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comes up.
So I recently made a match that
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turned out to not be a great
match.
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And it was basically because one
of the people was strongly
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rooted in their Jewish
community.
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That was a part of their weekly
life.
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They were accustomed to going to
a Shabbat dinner, even if that
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wasn't, they weren't strictly
observing.
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They were accustomed to having
mostly Jewish friends with the
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other person.
They were really sort of removed
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from their Judaism.
It was something they had grown
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up with and even felt strongly
growing up.
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But it wasn't part of their
day-to-day life.
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And for this particular couple,
that won't, this won't always be
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a problem.
But for them, they just weren't
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able to find that synchronicity
between the way that they view
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Judaism as part of their life.
So some of that is unpredictable
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as a matchmaker, as you know,
you can just, you just see when
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they get together if it works.
But in this case, that was
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enough that they were too far
apart.
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It's, it's interesting and that,
I mean, that's across the board
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with any religion and any kind
of, you know, belief.
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I also find that as of 2016,
politics became a very big thing
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in all communities.
And again, they're Jewish people
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who are conservative, some who
are liberal.
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I I've had clients, you know,
either way.
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And what advice would you give
matchmakers who feel like
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nervous about addressing like
sensitive topics like what's
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going on right now in politics
in Israel and or the politics in
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the US?
Because that does have a big
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weight on matchmaking today.
It didn't used to be, you know,
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before 2016, we, you know,
people had different politics.
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It didn't matter as much.
But now it's a huge thing.
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I mean, and I know certain
matchmakers, and I have a Jewish
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matchmaker who, you know, feels
very strongly about certain
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things that are going on right
now in Israel and will not work
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with clients who are not on the
same page as her.
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I mean, that's a whole different
thing.
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But I'm saying even putting
people together.
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What are your thoughts about
that?
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Yeah, yeah.
I have a really specific memory
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in 2016 of I was just starting
in matchmaking.
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And I remember that the biggest
deal breaker people would tell
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me was smoking at the time.
And then as soon as that
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election happened, the biggest
deal breaker I heard switched
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and it was politics.
And from then on, like you said,
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it's been like that.
And because of recent events in
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Israel in the past two years,
it's absolutely become alive
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with matchmaking.
And I think what it comes down
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to is understanding two things.
It's understanding how people
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feel about politics, Israel
American included, but also how
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much that plays into their
choices for dating, right?
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So there are people who can feel
extremely strongly in One
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Direction or another and have
these like deep rooted
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philosophies and follow the news
very carefully or have family in
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Israel.
But when you actually ask them
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directly if that affects their
dating choices, they might say
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no.
So it's sometimes also not about
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making about not making
assumptions that people are
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using that as one of their deal
Breakers or criteria for dating,
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I've noticed.
Yeah, I mean, and of course, you
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know, usually in this world of
matchmaking, I find that people
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have a much longer list of deal
Breakers than they do of their
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wants and needs.
It's like, you know, and so
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there people are always looking
for another thing to to rule
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people out.
And I'm all about like, let's
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look for a reason to rule people
in.
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So what unique challenges do you
find with working in the LGBTQIA
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community now that you're now
working in that area as well?
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And I kind of, and I also want
to ask a little bit about your
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journey into, into going into
this area and working with
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Doctor Frankie Bhushan, who I
absolutely adore.
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So what's what's happening in
that on that front?
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And also are they all Jewish as
well or is it?
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Or is it just any LGBTQIA plus
individual?
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Yeah, yeah.
So this is some of my more
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recent work, which is working in
partnership with Doctor Frankie
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Bishan at Little Gay Book to
open a Jewish division of their
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matchmaking agency.
So Doctor Frankie is herself
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Jewish as well.
And over the years, she's served
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tons and tons of Jewish clients,
but had never had sort of like a
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holding place for all of them
where we could serve them as
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just one community, including
events and including other ways
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to to connect them, not just
match making, but of course
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matchmaking too.
And so my work with Little Gay
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Book is exclusively for Jewish
LGBTQ folks, all locations and
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all ages.
And so that's different than my
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work in Philadelphia.
And the way this came about is
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truly from Matchmaker
Connections.
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So a mutual friend of yours as
well, Arlene, Mikhail Nestetter,
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had this like dream of what if
there was a landing place for
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Jewish LGBTQ folks and connect
to Doctor Frankie and I for a
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conversation.
And I had known her from the
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conferences and things and had a
relationship with her.
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But we worked together to create
this.
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And it's been really gratifying
so far just seeing people
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absolutely come out of the
woodwork and say how grateful
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they are for this type of space.
And you know, we're talking to
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matchmakers now from a sales
perspective.
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It's been amazing the way that
it's generating leads and people
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who want to now work in
matchmaking with a Jewish
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matchmaker specifically in which
that with that cultural
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competency piece.
I know I, I love it because I'm
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a big proponent of matchmakers
going into the industry, really
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starting with a niche that you
understand where you have that
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competency as, as we've
discussed and, and knowing that
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you actually are probably going
to get more clients, unless it's
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a, a, like a micro niche, that's
a different story.
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But like, I just find that
everybody wants to be everything
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to everyone and you, you know,
you basically end up not getting
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the right clients when you do
that versus having that, you
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know, that group that you can
serve because you have other
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people that are, you know, are
willing to date and meet with
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them, etcetera, versus having a
database that has everyone and
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anyone.
So I love that you're doing this
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and, and I also love the fact
that it's about inclusivity,
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which I want to see other
communities do this.
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And when I say communities, I
mean other religions like the
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Christian, you know, Christian
folks that are actually in the
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LGBTQIA community or maybe it's
Muslim or whatever.
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Like, I just want to see that
kind of inclusivity because
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people's religion is separate
from their sexuality and they
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shouldn't be shunned or, or
thought of as like, go over
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there, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah.
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And that's that's some feedback
that we've heard, which is that
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people historically have felt
like when they're dating, they
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have to leave one part of
themselves at the door, either
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their Jewish side or their queer
side, right?
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They can't integrate as a whole
person into dating.
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And so I think that's what has
made this work really come alive
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for people and get them excited
about being part of it, to be
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able to just be your whole self.
Exactly.
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I love it.
I know that you have, you're
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connected to the LGBTQIA plus
community in your own personal
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life.
And I would love if you're open
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to sharing a little bit about
that so people understand who
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you are.
And I love you are like a
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radical inclusive, you know,
radical.
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You're into radically
inclusiveness, which makes a lot
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of sense because of who you are.
And yeah, I mean, I could just
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go on and on about my thoughts
about you, the kind of human
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being that you are, but tell the
audience a little bit about
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yourself and how you came to
connect with this community as
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well.
Yeah, thank you.
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You're so sweet, Darlene.
So this, my story is that I was
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married for 10 years to a man
and at around the 10 year mark,
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actually on Father's Day, very
poetically, he came to me and
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told me that he is transgender
and wanted to transition and and
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become a woman.
And this was about four years
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ago.
And so from that moment on, it
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became a journey of now I'll say
her, her doing that transition
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and figuring out together what
that would look like for our
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family.
We have three children.
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What that might look like for
us.
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We eventually did separate and
aren't romantically together
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anymore.
And what it looks like today is
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that, you know, I Co parent with
another woman and our children
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have two moms and that's what
our family looks like.
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And we've made it work and have
a really great Co parenting
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relationship.
And our kids, you know, have two
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great parents.
But it was sort of a crash
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course in becoming part of the
LGBTQ community, right?
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Because when we go out of the
family now, that's how we
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present as a family with two
moms and sort of folding
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ourselves into that community
and what it looked like and
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especially the Jewish LGBT
community has been really
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interesting.
So that's the story on one foot.
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And were you immediately
accepting or was or did it take
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a while for you to embrace the
the concept of being a family
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with two moms and so forth?
Yeah, I certainly had an
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adjustment period just like
anybody would.
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And you know, I'm very grateful
to therapists and friends and
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family for helping me sort of
work through that and what it
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would look like.
I will say that almost from
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moment when I was certainly
accepting of the fact that she
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was transgender and was
identifying as a woman, I didn't
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00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:51,880
question that or try to change
her mind.
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But it did take time for that
to, you know, adjust for me
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interpersonally with the life
that I had expected and the
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person that I expected to be
with for the rest of my life.
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That was big change.
And so there were considerations
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about our relationship, our
parenting, everything at once.
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But now, you know, we're at
almost the five year mark of
385
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:16,360
that now.
It's honestly like our normal
386
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,760
and our family's normal.
And our kids were pretty young
387
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,040
at the time as well.
So for them, they didn't have a,
388
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:24,680
they don't have a memory, a
recollection of having a dad and
389
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,120
a mom.
They only know life with two
390
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:28,840
moms.
Yes, and I met your beautiful
391
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,960
family and everybody.
You know, this word normal is
392
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:37,320
just like a should we should
cross it off the the dictionary
393
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:40,800
because we're just all what
whatever it is that we are.
394
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:44,560
You know, normal just doesn't
exist in my opinion.
395
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:50,080
Yeah, no such thing.
Yeah, I mean that that is is
396
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:54,120
just an incredible story and not
uncommon.
397
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:59,920
When I was a matchmaker, I had
two clients that had gone
398
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:04,960
through similar experiences.
And I just think that we're in,
399
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:11,000
in a world now where a people
are speaking up and living their
400
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:15,320
truth, which I think is really
important because I can't
401
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,120
imagine how painful it is not
to.
402
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,040
And you know, this stuff
happens.
403
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,600
Humans are humans and they just
have to, they should be true to
404
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:26,600
themselves.
And I, I'm all for that.
405
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,880
And fortunately, you know, the
kids are doing well and
406
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,200
everything else.
So I think it's great.
407
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:37,240
And so I really do think that
that makes you a very like
408
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:42,640
auspicious person to be in the
position that you're in, knowing
409
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,920
what you know about Judaism,
working with the LGBTQIA
410
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:51,720
community and understanding, you
know, now with the, with the
411
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,360
group, I, I was under the
impression that Frankie's
412
00:22:54,360 --> 00:22:57,640
clientele were all women.
Is that not the case anymore?
413
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,360
It's actually not the case.
Historically, it's been mostly
414
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:06,080
women, but in the past, I would
say 2 years, the organization
415
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:09,960
has really expanded to include
men and really has always
416
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,000
included transgender folks.
I remember Doctor Frankie
417
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,920
actually telling me a story
about early and founding Little
418
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,480
Gay Book.
This was about 20 years ago that
419
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,200
it was very controversial to
include bisexual people.
420
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,360
That was like the big
controversy at the time.
421
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,480
And Doctor Frankie was like, no,
we're of course including them.
422
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:27,920
Come on in.
We're, you know, you're part of
423
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,720
our community.
And so today's sort of
424
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,400
equivalent to that might be
including transgender people in
425
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,560
work, right?
And Doctor Frankie was also on
426
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:38,240
the forefront of that.
So, you know, now I have this
427
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:40,760
really interesting experience
where I work with transgender
428
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,080
clients and transgender matches
for my clients.
429
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:48,640
And so I'm able to understand,
not understand, but certainly
430
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,400
empathize with their experience
and what transition looks like
431
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,840
and how it may have affected
their life and specifically
432
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:55,440
being Jewish and transitioning
too.
433
00:23:55,840 --> 00:24:00,760
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.
How has the collaboration been
434
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:04,200
with, you know, what's what's
working well with Frankie?
435
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,600
I know a few of the people on
her team are amazing, wonderful
436
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,720
people.
What has that been like?
437
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:15,120
Yeah, that's been exciting for
me because, you know, until now
438
00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:17,920
I had mostly been working as
like a solo shop.
439
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,160
I do have some part time
matchmakers that I work with in
440
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,640
Philly, but this is my first
time being on a team of
441
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,360
matchmakers and getting to
collaborate with them in real
442
00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:29,560
time, sharing clients, sharing
ideas.
443
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,960
Like the most exciting thing is
when we can like match someone's
444
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,720
client with someone's client on
the team.
445
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,840
I don't know if you've
experienced that, but we really
446
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,680
love those moments.
And yeah, you know, being part
447
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,840
of of a network, there's like a
marketing team and a sales team.
448
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,800
And so I'm really like learning
new aspects of the matchmaking
449
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:51,520
business here in year 10.
So I've had a blast.
450
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:56,880
I love it and I am all for
collaboration and you guys are
451
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,280
collaborating outside of your
company as well.
452
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,360
You're also collaborating with
other matchmakers.
453
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,480
You mean through little gay
books work?
454
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,680
Well, you know, I mean
collaboration within the
455
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,480
matchmakers that are in the
company is one thing, but also
456
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:15,760
collaborating with other other
companies, are you doing that as
457
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,360
well?
Yeah, So Little Gate book is a
458
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:21,560
member of the Matchmaker's
alliance and has representation
459
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:25,360
at the different conferences
that we all enjoy going to and
460
00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:28,440
sharing, sharing clients with
each other and trying to find
461
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:29,880
matches among each of our
networks.
462
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,880
Yeah, there's a ton of
collaboration going on.
463
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:35,000
And I'm, I'm team, there's no
such thing as competition, only
464
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,720
collaboration.
Like I just believe that the
465
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,680
more collaboration, the better
in our especially in work like
466
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,480
ours, because there's no,
there's no shortage of people to
467
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,640
work with us, right.
So we're not, we're not going to
468
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,040
be like Siphon keeping people
off from each other.
469
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:50,040
We're just going to keep helping
each other out.
470
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:54,800
I mean, I am 100% for
collaboration from day one that
471
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,840
I got into this industry, which
is now almost 15 years.
472
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,840
And I honestly didn't even
understand why some matchmakers
473
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,560
wouldn't.
I had had an experience as a
474
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,120
real estate agent and I looked
at it as like, you have a buyer,
475
00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:09,960
have a seller, like let's help
these people get together.
476
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,760
You know, that's kind of my, my
mindset.
477
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:16,760
And when I first came on board,
I saw that some matchmakers were
478
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:20,400
like siloed and they had these
blinders on and they don't even
479
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:23,680
look even till this day on
LinkedIn.
480
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:26,960
I'll, I'll try to connect with
other matchmakers and they won't
481
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,480
accept my connection.
And I'm like, what is, why
482
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:30,720
wouldn't you accept my
connection?
483
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,280
I can actually provide matches
for your clients.
484
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,800
I can help you with your
business for free.
485
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,360
I'm not, not even, you know what
I mean?
486
00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:43,280
Like because we, we run a
database of daters that join the
487
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:47,080
worldwide referral network.
And just today I reached out to
488
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,240
a matchmaker.
I saw that she was looking for a
489
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,080
match for her client.
I'm like, I think I have the
490
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:54,480
match for you.
And it's weird, like on LinkedIn
491
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,440
and all these places where
matchmakers refuse to connect,
492
00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:00,720
especially, I shouldn't say
especially, but sometimes the
493
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,520
old school matchmakers who have
been around for a long time,
494
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,360
they refuse.
And that does not make sense.
495
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:08,800
You're hurting your business,
you're hurting your clients.
496
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:13,440
Collaboration is key to success
and being able to get to the
497
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:17,120
goal faster in my opinion.
Yeah, I agree with you.
498
00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:20,160
And I wonder if it's just sort
of like old thinking or people,
499
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:21,760
people who have done things in a
certain way.
500
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:27,200
But I do think that matchmaking
today is just a giant soup of
501
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,240
collaboration.
Like most people want to
502
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:33,440
collaborate and most people want
to work together and find ways
503
00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:36,000
to work together.
I'm in like a lovely WhatsApp of
504
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,520
about, like, 18 matchmakers who
are, you know, community
505
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,200
matchmakers, which is this model
we're speaking about, of being
506
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:43,920
like, embedded in a community
and having a more holistic
507
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:47,600
approach, you know, and just
bouncing ideas off each other,
508
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,520
like, hey, how do you do this
one thing at an event?
509
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:51,960
Or how do you make people do
this?
510
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,000
Or what do you do when this
person doesn't want that?
511
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,080
You know, just, like, using it
as a brain trust even.
512
00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,840
And even if that doesn't
translate directly to, like,
513
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,720
matches or referral fees, it
does translate to better service
514
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,120
for clients and also a better
experience as a matchmaker
515
00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:07,640
because you feel like you're
being successful.
516
00:28:07,640 --> 00:28:10,240
So yeah, I really can't imagine
matchmaking without
517
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,080
collaboration.
I wouldn't be able to do it.
518
00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:15,480
Well, and when I first got into
it also, it's like you kind of
519
00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,640
feel like like you're on an
island because, you know, now I
520
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,880
run mastermind groups for
matchmakers, but I used to join
521
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:24,280
mastermind groups and they were
all different types of
522
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,520
businesses.
And it was very difficult to for
523
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,800
people to understand what I did
or to even take me serious for
524
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:32,880
that matter.
I mean, once they got to talk to
525
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,120
me, they would realize like I'm
a serious businesswoman.
526
00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:38,880
But you know, initially you tell
people you're a matchmaker and
527
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,800
you know, aside from knowing
Fiddler on the Roof, they
528
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:43,920
they're like, they're looking at
you like what, what are you
529
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,160
talking about?
And I'm like, this is serious
530
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,320
business, OK?
There's nothing more serious in
531
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:51,200
life than the partner that you
choose.
532
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,440
I don't care how much money you
have or how many things you own
533
00:28:55,440 --> 00:29:00,320
or what you've accomplished.
That partnership is so critical
534
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,600
to your life and to your
children and everything in
535
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:06,840
between that for people to act
like it's not a serious thing,
536
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:11,400
it just boggles my mind.
I've heard people say that who
537
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:15,080
you choose your spouse is or the
person you're with is the best,
538
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,880
the most important business
decision you'll make because it
539
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,120
affects also like how your life
will go and your money and your
540
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:23,680
everything.
Absolutely.
541
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:27,440
I was just on LinkedIn, which is
my home away from home on social
542
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:28,640
media.
I don't really like.
543
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:31,280
I don't like all the other
platforms.
544
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,240
For some reason.
LinkedIn is my favorite and I
545
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:38,480
saw a friend who he does a lot
of Gottman type content, which I
546
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:40,400
love.
Gottman, who, by the way, was
547
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,720
born in the Dominican Republic.
I don't know if you know that
548
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:46,560
he's Jewish, but there's this
huge community in the Dominican
549
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,920
Republic, lot of history.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
550
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:54,320
We I could, I could teach you a
thing or two, you knowledge.
551
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:58,080
Yeah, tell me.
Well, even because I told you
552
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:02,480
when I did my ancestry.com, I
came, it came back Oscar Nazi
553
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:06,240
for me because anybody in the
Caribbean is hypothetically
554
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:10,280
European and African for the
most part at least, you know, in
555
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:14,640
certain countries.
And there was a huge Jewish
556
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,720
community.
But even going back to when
557
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:20,400
Christopher Columbus landed in
La Espanola, which is the Dr.
558
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:25,840
and Haiti, that island, a lot of
the men that came on that boat
559
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:29,240
with them were Jewish.
And there's been a huge Jewish
560
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:31,640
community community there for
many, many years.
561
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:37,680
And at one point there before
Israel, people, they were
562
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:41,080
looking for a place to go to and
countries would not open their
563
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,480
doors to the Jews, except for
the Dominican Republic.
564
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,960
That was the entire country that
did so.
565
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,280
So he I was talking about this
gentleman.
566
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:55,160
He, he does a lot of Gottman
content, which I love Gottman.
567
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:59,560
And I was listening to him
talking about men don't want to,
568
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,200
you know, like about how they
feel about marriage versus how
569
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:05,920
women feel about marriage.
And it inspired me to write an
570
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:09,520
article because I write a weekly
article for LinkedIn for daters,
571
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:13,320
because I love to stay connected
with them about the benefits of
572
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:17,120
men getting married.
The laundry list goes on and on.
573
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:21,000
They they're healthier,
wealthier, happier by being
574
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,320
married.
And, and actually the same
575
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:24,440
cannot be.
And we're talking
576
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,880
heteronormative, of course,
we're talking about men and
577
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,880
women.
Women are don't have the exact
578
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:33,360
same benefits as the men do,
which is very interesting.
579
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:35,880
But I want to talk to you a
little about this because this
580
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:39,600
is something that just is top of
mind for me in our society
581
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:41,720
today.
Is what's happening to the men,
582
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:45,040
the challenges that men are
dealing with in dating.
583
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:49,280
I'm sure this community
situation makes it easier, I
584
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,120
would think, for men to be able
to connect with women because I
585
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,200
don't know what's happening in
our society today.
586
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:59,120
Yeah.
Yeah, what's interesting is, and
587
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:01,600
I'll speak about my work in
Philly for a moment because
588
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,600
that's the, you know,
heteronormative work.
589
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:08,720
The people who come to us for
matchmaking are typically the
590
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,240
men who come to us are typically
ready.
591
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:14,440
Like, in other words, you don't
come to a matchmaker and sign up
592
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:17,840
for, you know, a one hour
discovery conversation without
593
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:21,400
having some sense in your mind
that you are actually ready to
594
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:25,200
find something serious.
You know, and, and that there's
595
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:27,800
still a huge range of what that
actually looks like in terms of
596
00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:30,680
readiness.
But I will say that there's a
597
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:34,680
little bit of like a pre
qualified buyer thing going on
598
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:38,480
in our community when someone
has opted into matchmaking.
599
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:41,520
So I think the thing would be
true if somebody who signs on as
600
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:44,160
like a client.
So with my model, everyone
601
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:47,000
essentially looks like a
database member because we're so
602
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:50,200
events based and we're not doing
guaranteed matches for anybody.
603
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,280
But the same would be true for a
man that comes to a matchmaker
604
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,680
to work as a client, right?
They're saying this is a
605
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:58,440
priority for me.
This is something I'm willing to
606
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,040
invest in and I'm actually
willing to think about
607
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,960
commitment and think about my
own hang ups and work through
608
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,920
them with a professional.
So yeah.
609
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,800
That's amazing.
That's amazing to hear.
610
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:15,200
And I mean, I know there's a lot
of pressure in certain
611
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,760
communities from parents like
you need to get ready.
612
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:25,320
I know I was talking to Jazbina,
who works with Indian and SE
613
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:30,080
Asians, and she was saying like,
you know, our parents are like,
614
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,480
don't date, don't date because
you have to get an education and
615
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:37,160
then now get married, like, and
no dating experience.
616
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,680
And all of a sudden it's like
you go from focus on your
617
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,640
education, become a lawyer,
doctor, whatever it is, and then
618
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,680
boom, now go get married.
And, you know, and that's
619
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:49,960
traditionally a culture that has
also done a lot of arranged
620
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:51,880
marriages.
And I believe in the Jewish
621
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:56,640
community as well.
Yeah, so, so, yeah.
622
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,000
So it's interesting because I
know there's that pressure
623
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,320
coming from the parents of like,
what are you doing?
624
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,240
What are you waiting for?
You got to get married.
625
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:07,840
Yeah, so, and this is where that
cultural competency piece comes
626
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:09,480
in, right?
There are certain communities,
627
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,760
Indian and Jewish being 2 great
examples, where the role of
628
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:16,080
family really matters, right?
Whereas sometimes people are
629
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,320
dating in a silo and their their
family's considerations that
630
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,800
their family will meet their
person at the altar, like that's
631
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,480
the first time they're going to
meet on the wedding day.
632
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:27,080
It's not typically like that in
in Jewish communities.
633
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:30,800
And what's interesting is that
this may just be a, a religious
634
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:34,480
community thing because I was
listening to matchmaker Madigan.
635
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,120
I don't know if you know her
personally, but she has a
636
00:34:37,120 --> 00:34:39,320
podcast called Love that.
It's the Catholic dating
637
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,280
podcast.
And she was speaking about this
638
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:46,679
exact thing, about how strongly
family plays into considerations
639
00:34:46,679 --> 00:34:49,719
regarding matchmaking, where
when you're a matchmaker and
640
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,199
you're in a religious community,
you're probably going to be
641
00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:54,679
talking to the parents of the
person or the sister of the
642
00:34:54,679 --> 00:34:57,440
person, you know, in the
extended circle.
643
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:01,160
Whereas in other communities,
that's barely a consideration.
644
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,480
It's not even relevant.
Yeah.
645
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:07,400
But you know what, I, I love it
because I think that that taps
646
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:12,360
into core values because, you
know, you, you came from a
647
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,680
background, you have parents
that raise you in a particular
648
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:20,440
way and, you know, even socio
economic backgrounds, there's a
649
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:24,760
lot of alignment when families
are, are connected in that way.
650
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:28,160
And I think a lot of the
matching back in the day was
651
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:31,800
based on that.
And there's a lot of data that
652
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:37,000
shows that that's actually more
effective than just random, you
653
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:42,800
know, putting people together.
When I hear people say that,
654
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,120
when I ask them, you know, how
important is it for you to date
655
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:46,640
Jewish, right?
Is it a deal breaker?
656
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,240
Is it a preference?
Is it neutral?
657
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:50,000
People have all different
answers.
658
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,360
But sometimes when they say it's
either a preference or a deal
659
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,240
breaker, they simply just say
it's because it's easier.
660
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,400
They like having that shared
language, the shared references
661
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:01,000
to holidays.
Your humor might match, right?
662
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:05,000
But I also think that baked into
that can be assumptions about
663
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:08,040
what it looks like to be Jewish
or to grow up Jewish, right?
664
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,600
Because some people have a
picture in their head of like
665
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:14,720
what a Jewish person looks like.
And sometimes I like to sort of,
666
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:18,200
I don't know, subvert these
those pictures by asking, for
667
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,240
example, the way that I talk
about race in the Jewish
668
00:36:20,240 --> 00:36:22,600
community, I'll say, you know,
even within the Jewish
669
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,920
community, there's so many
different races and ethnicities
670
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:28,200
represented, Black Jews and
Asian Jews and Indian Jews.
671
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,960
Who were you open to meeting?
And sometimes I can tell in
672
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:33,400
people's faces that it's the
first time they've been.
673
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:37,000
Yeah, exactly.
They're like, and they, they
674
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,600
realize that by talking to a
Jewish matchmaker, they're not
675
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:43,200
just thinking about, you know, a
white presenting Ashkenazi Jew.
676
00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:45,000
They actually have to be
thinking about other Jewish
677
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,160
people too.
So it can be like a little bit
678
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,880
of a educational moment.
I love that.
679
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:54,560
And yeah, my daughter's
grandparents were all Jewish.
680
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:59,400
And so growing up, we, we, I
was, you know, I was never
681
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,400
really a religious person.
I mean, I went to Catholic
682
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,040
school.
My mom was going to be a nun
683
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:08,480
before she got married, but I
have a lot of religious trauma
684
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,720
and so I was not religious.
But what I did raising my
685
00:37:11,720 --> 00:37:16,760
daughter was to read a book
about every holiday.
686
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:21,000
So when we, when there was a
holiday, we, I would go by she's
687
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:23,400
this, this kid.
I mean, well, she's a grown
688
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:27,400
woman now, almost 40, but she
devours books because from day
689
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,560
one I always read to her.
And we would read about the
690
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,640
holiday, not just hours, but any
holiday.
691
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:37,040
We, you know, did celebrate some
Jewish holidays because our, you
692
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:41,920
know, my in laws were Jewish,
but also she understood why and
693
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:46,000
what was being celebrated
because I often find that, you
694
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,960
know, yes, holidays are about
community and, you know, they're
695
00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:53,440
centered around food and being
around family.
696
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:58,480
But understanding why, you know,
this is a holiday and that was
697
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,600
really important for me to teach
her.
698
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:04,360
And so that's what we did.
Yeah.
699
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,320
It's it's it's a very
interesting thing.
700
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:09,240
And of course, you know, I was,
I grew up in a Jewish community
701
00:38:09,240 --> 00:38:11,240
also.
And when I was in New York, so
702
00:38:11,240 --> 00:38:14,600
all my best friends were Jewish
because there was a synagogue
703
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:17,960
that people can walk to.
So I was always surrounded by
704
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:20,480
the Jewish community, even
though I was going to Catholic
705
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:25,160
school, my best friend was going
to, you know, learning about
706
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:29,120
Hebrew and what not, right?
And so isn't that interesting,
707
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:32,120
like you had this adjacency to
Judaism for pretty much your
708
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:35,800
whole life, like in every stage
of your life, which, you know,
709
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,880
when it comes to dating, like,
isn't it interesting that that
710
00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,120
could make you a good match for
a Jewish person, right?
711
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,080
Like, like somebody might not
think that way, but realizing
712
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,280
that there are Jewish people who
didn't even grow up with as much
713
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:49,720
Judaism as you just described,
they might not be as good of a
714
00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:52,000
fit.
So it's interesting to, like,
715
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:54,640
take away the assumptions about
what like growing up or being
716
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:58,960
Jewish might look like.
Yeah, it's, it's, you know, I
717
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:02,840
just, I almost wish and I
understand all the things that
718
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,480
people have in common and so
forth, but I almost wish that
719
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,800
people would just treat people
for who they are, forget what
720
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:11,440
they look like, forget what
they, you know, assumptions you
721
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:13,360
made.
Like when I when I went to
722
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:16,760
China, I mean, I'm thinking I'm
going to a communist country,
723
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,080
you know, like you have ideas in
your head.
724
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:20,480
I show up over there, I'm in
Shanghai.
725
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:22,960
I'm like, Oh my God, this is
like the most beautiful hotel
726
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,800
I've ever been to in my life.
And this is coming from someone
727
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:29,240
who grew up, you know, in the
pharma industry when we were at
728
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:33,280
Four Seasons and Ritz Carlton's
and all these fancy places.
729
00:39:33,720 --> 00:39:37,520
And I'm in China thinking, wow,
this is incredible, you know,
730
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:41,920
And so I just wish people would
just take all that stuff out of
731
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:46,400
your head and just show up, you
know, come from a place of yes
732
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:49,480
and just be open to the
possibilities and you might
733
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:52,120
learn something that you you
didn't know.
734
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:57,800
Yeah, yeah, this, this comes up
at a specific point of
735
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:03,280
matchmaking conversations too,
which is when I ask people for
736
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:05,840
their personal definition of who
is Jewish.
737
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:08,600
And it's dicey, right?
Like people have all different
738
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:10,840
definitions.
So in the Jewish community, some
739
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:13,960
people believe that only if
someone's mother is Jewish, does
740
00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:16,560
that make them Jewish.
And then there's another
741
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:20,720
question about if someone can.
Are they Jewish or are least are
742
00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:23,000
they Jewish enough for you to
date person I'm talking to?
743
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:27,080
And so it's really things that
people wrestle with and try to
744
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:29,040
figure out.
Yeah.
745
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,240
And that's when this comes up.
And I'm thinking of like a
746
00:40:31,240 --> 00:40:36,160
personal narrative too, which is
that at some point I dated a
747
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:39,040
Mormon missionary who had become
Jewish.
748
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:41,240
Later in life he had discovered
that his mother was Jewish and
749
00:40:41,240 --> 00:40:45,400
he sort of found it.
So us trying to figure out how
750
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:49,640
to form a relationship around to
complete completely different
751
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:53,360
upbringing than backgrounds, but
with a current shared religion
752
00:40:53,720 --> 00:40:58,120
was like its own giant mess and
thing that we really had to
753
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:01,200
navigate because we didn't have
anything to cling to about a
754
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,280
shared background or anything
like that.
755
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:07,320
So I just thought of that.
Yeah, it's, well, you know, it's
756
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:10,040
good and bad because like, I
look at my relationship with my
757
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:12,760
husband, we came from totally
different backgrounds.
758
00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:16,800
He grew up in the country where
we live now.
759
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:20,040
It's very rural.
You know, he grew up milking
760
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:24,880
cows and he's a white man.
He's like the whitest guy on the
761
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:27,440
planet.
He's so white.
762
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:30,640
He's see through.
And I'm a person of color from
763
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:33,800
the city, from I'm originally
from New York, then grew, you
764
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:35,640
know, in the suburbs of New
Jersey.
765
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:40,200
And somehow we connected.
We we have so many of the same
766
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:45,560
core values that everything else
just became more of, of
767
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,680
interesting.
Like, you know, it was just
768
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:49,760
interesting.
Like, let me learn more about
769
00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:52,080
his world and he wanted to learn
about my world.
770
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:56,760
And we almost came at it with a,
a lot of respect too, because
771
00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:00,880
when you think you come from the
same thing and you're very
772
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,960
similar, you make a lot of
assumptions and you sort of take
773
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:08,400
things for granted versus when
you feel like you, you don't
774
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,560
know, it's not that you're tippy
toeing, but you're trying to
775
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:15,080
like navigate it and learn it.
And you have a curiosity, which
776
00:42:15,080 --> 00:42:18,120
I think is one of the most
beautiful things that a person
777
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:23,800
can have is curiosity.
And so I, I like that when you
778
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:25,920
have people coming from
different backgrounds.
779
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,680
Yeah, exactly.
I think curiosity is the word to
780
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:34,440
highlight there because if you
come at dating with curiosity
781
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:37,320
and you look at that other
person and you assume that
782
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,880
they're special and there's
great things to discover about
783
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,800
them, and you just pull away
every assumption that you might
784
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:44,560
have had.
Even if you think you're similar
785
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:46,680
or you think you're so
different, you're always going
786
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:49,080
to find surprises.
I mean, it kind of comes back to
787
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:50,840
what we spoke about in the
beginning about like an
788
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:53,560
optimistic or a positive
viewpoint, right?
789
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,560
Look at that person, assume that
that great things are there, and
790
00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:59,480
then find them.
Absolutely.
791
00:42:59,560 --> 00:43:03,040
I love the love goggles, so to
speak.
792
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:07,120
It's like when you're dating,
just have those love, love
793
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:08,680
goggles.
Don't be a fool.
794
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:12,280
I'm not saying go, you know, be
OK with everything or let people
795
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:16,320
run rough shots over you or you
know, disrespect your boundaries
796
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:19,280
and things like that.
But go into it with a genuine
797
00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:21,440
desire.
I don't know, maybe that's why
798
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:24,840
I'm a matchmaker, because and my
my daughter would make fun of
799
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:26,360
me.
She actually worked with me for
800
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:28,320
a little bit.
She she would say, mom, you fall
801
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:31,920
in love with everybody as far as
the clients go, because I would
802
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:33,600
see something beautiful in
everyone.
803
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:37,040
And my daughter would be like,
yeah, I mean, that person's not
804
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:39,000
as attractive as you're making
them out to me.
805
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:40,600
I'm like, really?
And she's.
806
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:44,080
Like, you know, because.
I don't know what it is with
807
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:46,920
like, and some mass speakers are
very different.
808
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:50,560
Some are very jaded and they're
like not pretty enough or not
809
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,320
thin enough or whatever.
I, I'm not like that.
810
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,280
I, I see the beauty in people.
I'm like, what are you talking
811
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:57,800
about?
They're gorgeous.
812
00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:01,600
I'm so with you.
Yeah, I'm like famously non
813
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,120
judgmental and I just think
everyone is so gorgeous and
814
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:06,440
great and it can get me in
trouble.
815
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,520
But I think it's I do think it's
better on the whole to be that
816
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:11,440
way, right?
We see the beauty in people and
817
00:44:11,440 --> 00:44:15,080
then there are special parts.
And I think you also approach
818
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:18,400
matchmaking differently.
If you feel that you can help
819
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:21,920
someone and that you see the
beauty in them, you, you are
820
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:26,320
open to the possibilities.
And I believe that you need to
821
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:29,720
have your mind, your heart, and
your hands congruent.
822
00:44:29,720 --> 00:44:33,320
In other words, if you think
something and then you feel it
823
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:36,840
with your heart, then you can go
out and do it and accomplish it.
824
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:40,120
And you end up putting someone
in a relationship that ends up
825
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:44,240
working out because it started
with that mindset of like, yeah,
826
00:44:44,240 --> 00:44:46,360
this is a beautiful person.
I can help them.
827
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:50,320
If you go into it.
I don't know this and that.
828
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:53,560
Don't even take the client.
I mean, let's get into the
829
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:55,880
ethics and the trust in this
industry, right?
830
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,240
Like, do not take a client if
you really are already thinking
831
00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:01,480
that you can't help them because
you're not going to help them.
832
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:04,520
Yeah, exactly.
And that's where like a referral
833
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:06,440
might be great, right, Because
the first match is with the
834
00:45:06,440 --> 00:45:08,560
matchmaker, right?
Another matchmaker might see
835
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,920
everything great in them and be
able to match them easily.
836
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:14,200
But you have to like them.
And that's something that works
837
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,480
well for me with with my model
in Philly.
838
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,320
I don't do any guaranteed
matches.
839
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:20,800
So when somebody's coming
through and becoming part of our
840
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:25,600
community, they are invited to
events and invited to different
841
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:28,560
opportunities and they have the
eligibility to be matched, but
842
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:30,520
they don't necessarily get
matched.
843
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:33,560
So if I do, on the rare
occasions that I do meet someone
844
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:38,080
that for whatever reason I don't
feel comfortable matching, it's
845
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:41,280
OK and there's nothing that I
have to do to, you know, enable
846
00:45:41,280 --> 00:45:44,600
that.
I really love this concept and
847
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:49,000
I'm curious if it's possible for
you, Like are you helping others
848
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,520
create this concept in other
places as well?
849
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:55,640
Because I think for some people,
let's just say someone's not
850
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:59,600
traditionally beautiful or
whatever, but I think that
851
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:04,680
showing up and having the
frequency, having exposure and
852
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:07,160
interacting with people.
If you have a great personality.
853
00:46:07,160 --> 00:46:10,000
Because that I know I, I have
found a lot of men attractive
854
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:14,200
that weren't beautiful or
traditionally good looking, but
855
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:17,840
their personality was like
amazing and they were smart.
856
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:20,720
And to me, I'm a sapiosexual
anyway.
857
00:46:20,720 --> 00:46:22,960
If you could be the most
beautiful person in the world.
858
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:25,880
If you're dumb, no offense.
I don't mean to be mean about
859
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:29,360
it, but it's like if I don't
find, if there's no intellectual
860
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:32,800
curiosity and you have no desire
to keep learning or whatever,
861
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:36,240
it's very difficult for me to be
in connection with someone like
862
00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:37,440
that.
Doesn't even have to be the same
863
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,880
kind of stuff that I'm into.
At least I, you know, like my
864
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:44,360
husband and I are like into
totally different things.
865
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:47,360
But he's so smart and he can
teach me stuff.
866
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:51,080
Like he watches all this history
stuff that I now find find
867
00:46:51,080 --> 00:46:55,200
interesting that I'm older.
When I was younger I did not.
868
00:46:56,040 --> 00:47:00,160
And now he talks about all this
stuff, and it's not exactly the
869
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:03,080
thing that I'm into, but he
makes it interesting for me and
870
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:08,360
I learned from him.
And so I love this concept of
871
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:11,600
the community thing because
people being able to go over and
872
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:14,280
over again to a place where they
meet and run into the same
873
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:16,920
people, it opens up so much
possibility.
874
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:19,200
Are you able to help others
create this?
875
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:22,400
Yeah, I have.
I'm very proud to have done that
876
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:25,560
a few times.
So there's a matchmaker in DC,
877
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:29,560
her name is Miriam Leviton.
And she, I essentially trained
878
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:31,960
her to open a really similar
model is what we have in
879
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,760
Philadelphia, but in DC and it's
going really well and I'm really
880
00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:38,360
proud of her.
And then I've done some other
881
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:40,480
trainings for other folks.
But the other example of someone
882
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,360
who truly like used the exact
same model pretty much, you
883
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:46,760
know, with their own spin, is
actually a matchmaker in Sydney,
884
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:48,720
Australia.
So in the Jewish community of
885
00:47:48,720 --> 00:47:52,200
Sydney, Australia, there's a
organization similar to Tribe 12
886
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:55,680
called Project NextGen.
And Mandy Dadia there opened up
887
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:59,600
a similar branch.
So they're not like affiliated,
888
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:02,360
they're not under my umbrella,
but I trained them in exactly
889
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:05,840
this model that I built.
So I'm very happy and thrilled.
890
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:08,880
And in fact, I hope it's OK that
I share this, that Mandy sent me
891
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,160
an e-mail recently telling me
that they had their first
892
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:14,240
engagement.
So it was like a brand new fresh
893
00:48:14,240 --> 00:48:16,160
community with great successes
already.
894
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:20,160
That is so wonderful.
And we didn't talk much about
895
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:24,040
numbers, but I would assume that
this is relatively inexpensive
896
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:27,360
compared to what matchmakers
charge for them to become
897
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,160
members.
I would, I would think right.
898
00:48:29,880 --> 00:48:32,080
Yeah, exactly.
So this is under the umbrella of
899
00:48:32,080 --> 00:48:34,840
a nonprofit organization, which
means it's donor supported.
900
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:37,680
So that means that there's
donors that are interested
901
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:40,840
enough in this work and in
people finding Jewish partners
902
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:43,680
that they support it.
And what's really important
903
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,800
about that though is that when
someone needs more than what we
904
00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:50,160
can offer, right, which is like
a more, a less, much less hands
905
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:53,280
on service than a traditional
matchmaker, that's when we refer
906
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:56,280
out to our matchmaker friends.
So I love to have my network of
907
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:57,960
matchmakers.
When someone says I need more
908
00:48:57,960 --> 00:49:01,160
hands on help, I want guaranteed
match, I want someone to search
909
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:04,800
on my behalf, That's when I can
tell them, hey, I've got so many
910
00:49:04,800 --> 00:49:06,360
matchmakers for you that can do
that.
911
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:09,400
I'm not the one to do that in
Philadelphia, but it's a little
912
00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:12,320
gay book I do work with.
Client, I love that.
913
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:16,760
I think I think it's fabulous.
I am just like I can keep
914
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:21,160
talking to you forever.
Is there anything you want to
915
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:24,200
share with the community about
the work that you're doing or
916
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:27,880
anything that we didn't cover
that anybody should know about
917
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:30,440
you aside from knowing that
you're amazing?
918
00:49:38,350 --> 00:49:40,870
Sorry, I had a little Internet
issue for a moment, but I think
919
00:49:40,870 --> 00:49:44,870
we're back.
Yeah, I guess I'll just say
920
00:49:44,870 --> 00:49:48,350
that, yeah, it's really
gratifying to do work with both
921
00:49:48,350 --> 00:49:50,590
the Jewish and Jewish queer
communities.
922
00:49:50,590 --> 00:49:52,910
And I'm always open to
conversations about what
923
00:49:52,910 --> 00:49:56,950
collections might look like with
Matchmakers and beyond, so I'll
924
00:49:56,950 --> 00:50:00,120
end with that.
Danielle, thank you so much for
925
00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:03,880
this powerful conversation.
You've given us a master class
926
00:50:03,880 --> 00:50:07,680
on cultural competency,
collaboration, and leading with
927
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:09,840
values.
And for those who want to learn
928
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:15,400
more about Danielle work, check
out Tribe, tribe12.org and
929
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:19,480
Little Gay book dot com and
connect with her on LinkedIn.
930
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,080
She's on there too.
That's my home away from home.
931
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:25,160
And of course, for anyone who's
interested in becoming a
932
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:30,280
matchmaker or maybe you even
want to start a similar group,
933
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:33,040
reach out to us.
I'm happy to connect you with
934
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:34,720
Danielle.
Or if you want to become a
935
00:50:34,720 --> 00:50:36,800
matchmaker, go to
lovepromastermind.
936
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:41,080
Com Don't forget to subscribe on
Apple Spotify.
937
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:45,640
Share the episode with another
matchmaker industry pro who
938
00:50:45,640 --> 00:50:49,400
would benefit from hearing this.
And until next time, remember,
939
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:52,680
collaboration is where the magic
really begins.
940
00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:56,400
Have you ever felt called to
help others find love?
941
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,720
You might have the heart for
matchmaking, but without the
942
00:50:59,720 --> 00:51:03,120
right training, turning that
passion into a thriving business
943
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:07,080
can feel impossible.
Most matchmaking courses give
944
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:10,840
you outdated theories and a
certificate, but no real world
945
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:13,000
strategy to build a successful
business.
946
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:16,320
That's where Love Pro Mastermind
Academy is different.
947
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:20,240
Our Live Done with You training
goes beyond theory, helping you
948
00:51:20,240 --> 00:51:23,920
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implement sales and marketing
949
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:27,120
strategies, and master the art
of client success.
950
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:31,160
With expert LED instruction,
accountability, and a community
951
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:35,280
of like minded professionals,
you'll learn how to identify
952
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:40,840
your niche, attract high quality
clients, create a seamless
953
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:44,360
matchmaking process, grow a
sustainable, profitable
954
00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:47,400
business.
With over a decade of
955
00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:50,000
experience.
We don't just train matchmakers,
956
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:52,120
we create leaders in the
industry.
957
00:51:52,800 --> 00:51:56,880
Are you ready to become an LPMA
Certified Matchmaker and build a
958
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,880
business that changes lives?
Apply today at
959
00:51:59,880 --> 00:52:02,960
lovepromastermind.com.
Thank you for tuning in to the
960
00:52:02,960 --> 00:52:06,440
Matchmaker Mentor Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode,
961
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:09,280
don't forget to subscribe, leave
a review, and share it with
962
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:13,520
fellow matchmakers and friends.
For more resources, training,
963
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:17,440
and inspiration, visit
lovepromastermind.com and follow
964
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:21,560
us on social media.
Remember, matchmaking isn't just
965
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:25,160
a career, it's a calling.
Let's keep building connections,
966
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:27,200
changing lives, and growing
together.