July 3, 2025
From Shame To Self Worth: Healing After A Decade of Silence - with Tonya Peck
There’s something so magnetic about a woman who’s done the deep inner work - and still shows up with an open heart.
That’s exactly who Tonya Peck is.
In this episode of Thrive After 45™, Tonya shares her powerful story of healing, purpose, and transformation.
From navigating the shame of an unplanned pregnancy at 17 to building a life rooted in faith, authenticity, and emotional empowerment.
We talk about what it really takes to step into the fullness of who you are (especially when you’ve spent years feeling fragmented), how to create safe and nourishing community, and how discovering your primal emotional need can be the key to unlocking self-trust and healthier relationships.
Tonya doesn’t sugarcoat the process...she’s honest about the 10-year journey it took to untangle shame and finally let herself be fully loved. But that’s exactly why her story hits so deeply.
She’s lived it. She gets it. And now, she helps other women rewrite their inner scripts and reconnect with their worth.
You’ll walk away from this one with a fresh lens on healing, deeper compassion for yourself, and a reminder that you are allowed to take up space as your whole, unfiltered self.
If you’ve ever felt like you had to hide parts of yourself to belong… this conversation is the breath of fresh air you didn’t know you needed.
✨ Want to explore your own emotional blueprint and primal question? Visit Tonya’s website: motionandmindset.com to get more info, take the free assessment into your Primal Question and/or sign up to receive a weekly newsletter geared toward transformation.
Follow Tonya on Instagram at @motionandmindset to stay inspired by her work and message.
Thank you for spending time with me today on the Thrive After 45™ podcast! If this episode spoke to you, be sure to hit that follow button so you never miss one.
And if you loved it, I’d be so grateful if you left a review - it helps more amazing women like you find this show!
Your journey doesn’t stop here - let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me at denisedrinkwalter.com, and follow @thethriveafter45podcast for daily insp, tips, and support.
Remember, midlife isn’t the end - it’s just the beginning of a new, exciting chapter! Keep thriving, keep shining, and I’ll see you next time!
WEBVTT
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Hello and welcome to Thrive After 45, the podcast where we redefine what's possible in midlife.
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I'm Denise.
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Drink your Midlife renewal coach here to help you embrace your power.
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I.
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Purpose and potential.
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This is your space to let go of guilt, navigate transitions, rediscover joy and thrive for you by you because of you.
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It is such an honor and a privilege to introduce Tanya Peck to our show today.
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Tanya is a powerhouse of transformation and wisdom.
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A woman whose journey speaks to the resilience of the human spirit and the healing power of purpose.
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With over 18 years of experience helping others navigate their physical, emotional, and mental wellness, she has personally impacted the lives of.
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Over 1000 women, guiding them toward clarity, confidence, and inner peace.
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A certified life and wellness coach for women.
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Tanya draws from a deep well of lived experience from overcoming the shame and guilt of an unplanned teen pregnancy to navigating.
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35 years of marriage with grace, growth and fierce love.
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She's a trauma survivor and a servant leader with a heart rooted in the health and wellness space.
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Known for motivating and empowering others from the inside out Today.
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Tanya helps women identify their unique, primal question, their highest emotional need, the invisible driver behind their thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.
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Through this work, she helps unlock powerful insights that fuel personal and relational transformation.
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Get ready to be inspired by her story and powered by her tools and reminded that it is never too late to step into the life you are always meant to live.
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Tanya, welcome to Thrive after 45.
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I can't wait to have our conversation today.
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Well, thank you for having me.
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I feel honored to be a part of your.
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Episode and just, uh, getting to know you the last couple months.
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It's been such a blessing.
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It's so, so fun.
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I, I just, I love all of the pieces that come together in what you do.
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The emotional piece is a really big one for people, isn't it?
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Yes.
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Absolutely.
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Yeah.
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So your journey was filled with like incredible depth over the years from overcoming what we heard was your early life challenges to empowering like thousands of women through that emotional and wellness transformation.
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Could you take us back?
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Is there like a defining moment when you realized that your pain could actually become more of your purpose?
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Hmm, that's a great question.
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Yes, and, uh, sadly it was years after, um, the event occurred.
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And if there's anyone, you know, any hope that I can give to others is not to stay in that stuck or in that, um, place of doubt or shame any longer.
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Then you need to, like, there's so many things that you can do to move forward sooner than I did, which is why I'm passionate about sharing, you know, my story to make my mess the message, uh, to hopefully provide hope and healing for others.
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But you alluded to my unplanned pregnancy, and that happened when I was a senior in high school.
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Mm-hmm.
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And I was at a Christian school at the time and in a place of leadership and mentorship.
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And so the fact that that happened.
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Was not only devastating personally just because, you know, I let myself down.
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I felt like I left God down.
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But leading, letting down like the community, um, that I was involved in, in terms of the school, the church community, my friends, my grandparents, I was the oldest grandchild.
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So you're just like, ugh.
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So it was challenging and the guilt and shame that I felt from that, you know, took 10 years for me to evolve from.
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And I really think that it just was.
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Me not feeling like I should be forgiven, that I deserved the forgiveness that God so freely gives.
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And because of some opportunities that I had a safe place with a core group of women that I felt comfortable and confident to share.
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Mm-hmm.
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And their impact and their response was one of understanding of empathy, of, you know, encouragement and the reason I felt.
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Uh, reluctant to share my story up until that time was because I was afraid of not being loved or not being wanted in those settings of church environment or friend groups that I felt like if they knew that about me, I.
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They wouldn't, they wouldn't want to be my friend.
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Right.
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Really in the core of it.
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And so unfortunately as I look back, uh, the atmosphere was one in terms of the Christian school and it was the eighties and it was all about appearances and, you know, not sharing maybe.
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Uh, the depths of our challenges or of our sin, but being above board and just, you know, kind of acting like there's nothing going on.
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You know, we are all, you know, good people and we're gonna shift and move in a way that shows goodness.
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Mm-hmm.
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And, um.
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It was hard.
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It was definitely hard.
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Yeah.
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I bet that those around me knew, you know, uh, more of my story, right.
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But until I really was able to share it in that safe place and start to embrace that forgiveness and that love, that God so freely gives, but sometimes we don't accept, um, then that really opened the door for more healing and for me to become.
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Who I was and share my story with others that now I found have similar stories in the response, uh, in the re respect of maybe not an unplanned pregnancy, but maybe there was addiction, or maybe there was, you know, a broken home or trauma that was involved.
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And so having the opportunity to share and kind of connect.
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Uh, with women, um, especially as we're getting older and starting to see, you know, learn from our mistakes or to be, uh, speak into those, um, that are younger and say, okay, this is what I did, but here's how I can help you.
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Don't take 10 years, you know, to share something with someone that you feel could be really, really sensitive and deep.
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Right?
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Um, because there is that love and acceptance and we just have to lean into those safe people.
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Right.
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So, so, so many things are coming up as you're sharing your journey.
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Yeah.
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And one thing that's really resonating for me is, is there any tips that you can provide to help people find.
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That community.
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Find those people who you can trust and know that they are a safe space for you to be able to share some more of your authentic self, whatever that needs to be for you.
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Sure.
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Definitely.
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I would say faith places, you know, whether that's a church, whether that's a nonprofit, whether there's, you know, people kind of, that are like-minded.
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And when you start to maybe share those connections and get to know someone and feeling a little bit safer to open up those conversations and dialogues and boundaries I feel like are important.
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You know, sometimes maybe we feel like everyone is going to be loving and accepting, and so it's kind of finding that balance of not.
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Holding your heart, you know, captive and being an island, because I felt like that was, um, safer.
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Yeah.
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But to feel that vulnerability and to share with someone and maybe just share a little piece, right.
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And see if that starts to build that connection and that stronger bond.
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And if they aren't.
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Ready for it.
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Maybe they're in a different place then.
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Mm-hmm.
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You kind of know it before, maybe you shared all of your heart and then, you know, were in a situation where you didn't get the response or the, um, understanding that you were hoping for.
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So I would say in faith places, definitely.
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In, you know, the workplace, in your community, just kind of being aware, right.
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Sometimes the people that we are around or maybe cross paths with could be.
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An amazing friend that we just didn't, haven't even met yet.
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So I think being aware of those people in the places that we frequent, you know, inviting someone for coffee, kind of building that bridge and being the first one.
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'cause I know sometimes it's easy again for us to all sit in our house and be like, well, someone if wants to be my friend, they know where I live and they should come knock on the door.
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Yeah, right.
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Text me.
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But to be the person that takes that first initial step, whether that's coffee or lunch, or getting to know them and through those conversations and that getting to know each other, you'll be able to know a little more intuitively if this is someone that you would like to share more of you, um, and create that bond.
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Yeah, I, what you said there was really important from what I'm hearing, is that intuitive hit.
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Mm-hmm.
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Sharing little bits, but really tuning into does this feel like a connection that I can actually use as a support to be able to share what's on my heart.
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So I like the idea of the slow and steady and creating those, um, bonds.
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And that takes time, doesn't it?
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Yeah, absolutely.
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It does take time.
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Yeah.
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Yes.
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And give yourself that grace to take that time to be able to do that work for you, by you because of you.
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Right.
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And I, I'm, I'm, I'm going to say that I am so glad that you've taken the, the path you've taken.
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I always believe that everything happens the way it needs to happen.
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The way it does, even though when we're in the midst of it, it's like, what have I done to deserve all this on my head?
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Thank you very much.
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Exactly.
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So I believe in my heart, Tanya, that that 10 year span was there for a purpose and a reason, and to help.
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Help you do the work that you get to do now so that other, you see the value of not holding and making yourself, excuse me, divided out.
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Mm-hmm.
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And segregated out into sections and pieces.
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And like you were saying, like Here's the me on the outside in that group, and here's the me out there, and it fragments us, and then we don't know who we are anymore because we're playing so many roles in our lives.
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Do you find that with your clients as well, or is that.
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Yes.
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Something common.
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Yeah, a million percent.
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I think as we are cautious about being our authentic self, like you said, we, you know, kind of morph into who we think other people will want us to be.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And especially based on kind of our needs.
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For me, just connecting the dots as I grew up, right or wrong, you know, and this work with the primal question and some of those things, we really start back at our family of origin, but.
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Our parents.
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Kind of like when I was a parent, sometimes you're in survival mode and you're just trying to get food on the table.
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You're trying to get to the next thing.
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And so it's definitely connecting the dots in how our childhood, how we were brought up, the situations that occurred, is definitely not to re reflect in a place of blame because I really feel that the majority of us are just doing our best.
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Yeah.
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And we're, you know, doing what we know at the time.
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Yep.
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And.
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Sometimes the way that the dots are connected aren't from our parents, but maybe, um, an outside family member mm-hmm.
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That maybe, you know, um, hurt us in a way, you know, that left an imprint.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so all of those types of, um, just awareness and pieces as we.
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Grow and move and um, and for me, the am I wanted am I loved and so, and for my clients as well.
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Mm-hmm.
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Just being secure in who we are.
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Mm-hmm.
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And knowing that it's okay if we're not for everyone.
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Ab I think the loved and wanted, we want every, I want everyone to like me.
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Yeah.
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I want everyone to, to, to wanna be my friend.
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Like, I want people to think I'm fun and you know, I have.
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Cute clothes, like, I don't know, whatever that is.
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But, um, to just know that if we aren't, you know, connecting with someone that it's not us, you know, that we, it's just not a fit and it's not something that we need to change to be someone different.
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Right.
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Um, it's just the person that, you know, there's someone out there meant to have more of our time and effort and energy.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so to be really mindful that we shouldn't feel the need to change or shift, um, in a way that.
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Can be accepting of others, but which wanna be in a place where we are accepted as we are, right?
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That we come from a place of, instead of am I loved and am I wanted, and trying to change those behaviors to get that answer, to just know that I'm rooted, you know, in I, I am loved, I am wanted, um, I'm secure.
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You know, I have that, that foundation of, um, confidence really to help us move forward in a, in a healthier way.
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Yeah.
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And I love what you're saying.
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The healthier way is key, isn't it?
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Mm-hmm.
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And do you, I don't know if you find this, but I, I notice that the things that we tell ourselves that people are going, I'm going to be accepted when I do it this way, and I do it that way.
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Those are our thoughts, those are our expectations based on our.
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Vision not based on what other people are thinking and seeing and feeling.
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It's based on our interpretation of what we think and we can't Absolutely.
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And we can't think for others.
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Right, right.
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Yeah.
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So I think it's really important.
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And if you can speak to this as well, how you share.
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Your energy overall is also a reflection of what energy comes back to you.
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So if you're always doubting yourself, you're sending that energy out, and then the people you're connecting with, I find.
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They're doubting you as well, so the energy that's coming back and forth doesn't fit.
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And then you try to change things, but you're not gonna change it because it's stemming from you anyway.
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Exactly, yes.
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We just keep chasing each other in circles.
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Who the heck are you?
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Like, I don't know.
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Who do you want me to be and, yes, exactly.
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And it's exhausting, you know, when we do that too, just constantly, you know, thinking about.
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What should I say?
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What should I do?
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How should I act?
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So you're right in terms of the question of how to bring your, I guess, who you are forward, is that right?
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Right.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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For me, I think, uh, it first starts with just having a faith foundation to know who I am in mm-hmm.
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God's eyes, um, in, uh, that really.
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The only person ideally, that we should aim to please is God.
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And um, you know, others are just, uh, nice to have, I guess, and being in alignment with your values and what you stand for and what means something for you.
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And then coming to others in with those, um, values.
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First and foremost, um, so you know that you're acting and responding in a way that is true to you.
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Mm-hmm.
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Which then can bring that confidence.
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Um, and that, um, just your gifts, right?
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Really focusing on the gifts that you have to give others and maximizing that and using that as your platform to make change.
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You know, I talk about to be the change that you wanna see in the world, right?
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Where, you know, a lot of people, especially, you know.
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It's crazy times, um, that we want someone else to take that first step.
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Like whether it's with a friendship or whether it's a life change or a relationship change, but really to know that we have that capacity and that leadership to make those changes, have those hard conversations, you know, be the light in a world where we feel there needs more light and joy.
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Right?
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So taking that, taking that first step and having that confidence to do so, um, just by being true to yourself.
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Right.
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Right.
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I love that.
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So, so you've mentioned about primal question.
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Mm-hmm.
00:16:47.000 --> 00:16:57.440
Can you speak more to what are you referring to in regards to that and how you help people discover their highest emotional needs?
00:16:57.440 --> 00:16:57.470
I.
00:16:58.475 --> 00:16:59.254
Absolutely.
00:16:59.585 --> 00:17:02.495
So initially it started around fitness.
00:17:02.764 --> 00:17:19.055
Um, I've been in the fitness industry for 10 plus years, and as I was evolving into personal coaching, the ladies and men that I was working with, sometimes they have been trying to achieve a goal, whether it be a weight loss or um, more consistency, all of those types of things.
00:17:19.055 --> 00:17:20.105
And they kept hitting a wall.
00:17:20.105 --> 00:17:20.194
Mm-hmm.
00:17:20.644 --> 00:17:22.954
And so, as much as sometimes we all know.
00:17:23.464 --> 00:17:24.575
The behaviors.
00:17:24.575 --> 00:17:28.924
And a lot of times things are focused on the behaviors of Right as it relates to wellness.
00:17:28.924 --> 00:17:31.505
Like, do, do this, don't do that.
00:17:31.505 --> 00:17:32.404
Like, you know, and then, right.
00:17:32.734 --> 00:17:43.505
We sometimes get in our head about, well, if I was a good person or if I was, you know, better at being more consistent, or if I was stronger or just, and then it kind of turns into, um, something that we are.
00:17:43.835 --> 00:17:48.755
Doubting ourselves and putting ourselves down and in our internal self-talk, you know, tends to be affected.
00:17:48.755 --> 00:17:54.065
So yeah, as I was looking in the fitness area, I thought, okay, you know, most of the time people know.
00:17:54.845 --> 00:17:55.954
What they need to do.
00:17:56.345 --> 00:17:56.434
Mm-hmm.
00:17:56.674 --> 00:18:04.654
You know, we know where to go from point A to point B and C, but what is keeping them from achieving that?
00:18:04.684 --> 00:18:04.775
Mm-hmm.
00:18:05.015 --> 00:18:06.545
You know, what is the driver?
00:18:06.545 --> 00:18:17.974
So instead of focusing on behaviors, focusing on the core, the core needs, and what is shaping those beliefs and those feelings, that then leads to either healthy behaviors.
00:18:18.105 --> 00:18:19.545
Or unhealthy behaviors, right?
00:18:19.545 --> 00:18:20.265
As a result.
00:18:20.714 --> 00:18:37.904
So the primal question with Mike Foster and finding, um, the seven primal questions, and in learning that framework, it really spoke to me and my life and the things that I went through because instead of, and I'll explain the seven questions, but as it.
00:18:38.555 --> 00:18:40.115
Frames your needs.
00:18:40.115 --> 00:18:40.204
Mm-hmm.
00:18:40.444 --> 00:18:48.569
And that as you are continuing to evolve and grow as a person and into adulthood, your primary goal is to get.
00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:53.509
A yes answered to the very need that we need, right?
00:18:53.605 --> 00:18:57.829
And that a lot of times is just based on our family of origin.
00:18:57.829 --> 00:19:03.650
So the, um, primal questions, again, it's, it's not a science, it's an art.
00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:12.500
We can, we all have a little bit of all of this and so, you know, it's not a one size fits all, or you don't wanna put someone in a box and say, you definitely are this.
00:19:12.859 --> 00:19:14.720
But basically it goes around.
00:19:14.750 --> 00:19:17.839
Um, the seven questions are one, am I safe?
00:19:18.769 --> 00:19:19.970
Am I secure?
00:19:20.779 --> 00:19:21.859
Am I loved?
00:19:22.640 --> 00:19:26.480
Am I wanted, am I successful?
00:19:26.869 --> 00:19:29.509
Am I good enough and do I have purpose?
00:19:30.515 --> 00:19:35.434
And those questions, one of us, all of us have one kind of driver, I would say.
00:19:35.440 --> 00:19:35.640
Mm-hmm.
00:19:35.720 --> 00:19:35.721
Mm-hmm.
00:19:35.974 --> 00:19:48.605
And due to, um, the multiple divorces in my childhood, the fact that there was, you know, a, my mother was constant, but she was usually navigating health and mental health challenges.
00:19:48.845 --> 00:19:51.005
The males in my family, there was.
00:19:51.365 --> 00:19:54.964
Ended up being six divorces, you know, there was a, not a constant.
00:19:54.964 --> 00:19:55.055
Right.
00:19:55.055 --> 00:20:00.365
So that kind of led me on that, um, ship shafing, if you will, you know, about Sure.
00:20:00.394 --> 00:20:03.335
What I need to be, to be accepted and wanted.
00:20:03.335 --> 00:20:08.464
And so really for me, my primary need is to feel loved and to feel wanted.
00:20:08.470 --> 00:20:08.700
Mm-hmm.
00:20:08.884 --> 00:20:15.335
And when I'm in those environments and I'm getting a yes, and then you're, you know, as a person, more confident.
00:20:15.545 --> 00:20:16.954
We're living our best self.
00:20:16.954 --> 00:20:18.394
We're like, we've got this.
00:20:18.394 --> 00:20:19.744
Like bring it on.
00:20:20.345 --> 00:20:20.434
Right?
00:20:20.434 --> 00:20:29.224
But when we're in those environments, or maybe those relationship situations, work situations where for me that am I wanted or loved as being questioned, right.
00:20:29.224 --> 00:20:31.775
And maybe answered with a no or a maybe.
00:20:31.775 --> 00:20:33.454
Maybe yes.
00:20:33.454 --> 00:20:35.045
That's when those.
00:20:35.259 --> 00:20:45.694
Maybe unhealthier behaviors start to kick in where it's like, okay, I'm not feeling that they love or want me, so what am I gonna do to change that so they do want and love me, right?
00:20:45.849 --> 00:20:56.079
And where that's where it's changing our behaviors or maybe changing our beliefs, you know, to fit in or to, you know, all of those things that can lead to really not us being our authentic self.
00:20:56.380 --> 00:20:56.529
Right?
00:20:56.529 --> 00:20:58.869
But the core need is driving.
00:20:59.144 --> 00:21:01.454
To get that answer, uh, to a yes.
00:21:01.484 --> 00:21:08.865
And so as I looked back on my, um, you know, experience in high school and feeling like I let people down, mm-hmm.
00:21:09.105 --> 00:21:11.144
I, it's, that still happened.
00:21:11.144 --> 00:21:14.115
But instead of looking back at that and thinking what was wrong with me?
00:21:14.115 --> 00:21:22.095
Like why, what did you know that I was flawed or that there was, I was a bad person for making some of those decisions.
00:21:22.454 --> 00:21:24.555
Really, as I looked back, it was my.
00:21:24.825 --> 00:21:27.194
Way of trying to feel loved and wanted.
00:21:27.194 --> 00:21:27.285
Right.
00:21:27.375 --> 00:21:33.105
And the biggest way that I knew to do that, or thought was in physical relationships.
00:21:33.194 --> 00:21:33.315
Mm-hmm.
00:21:33.555 --> 00:21:35.835
So when I wasn't feeling secure, that was my go-to.
00:21:35.865 --> 00:21:37.275
I always had a boyfriend.
00:21:37.515 --> 00:21:40.214
I always had one in the wings before I broke up with another one.
00:21:40.214 --> 00:21:42.194
Like I didn't know how to be alone.
00:21:42.224 --> 00:21:43.005
And that.
00:21:43.085 --> 00:21:44.555
It terrified me.
00:21:44.765 --> 00:21:45.125
Right?
00:21:45.125 --> 00:21:51.365
So with the primal question, it's been, I, it initially started in more of a fitness, you know, um, sure.
00:21:51.454 --> 00:21:52.174
Platform.
00:21:52.384 --> 00:22:00.184
But then as I started to learn more about it and see the bigger picture, I was like, holy smokes, like this can connect so many dots.
00:22:00.190 --> 00:22:02.130
Dots because again, you just keep maybe ha getting.
00:22:02.769 --> 00:22:08.529
Those same roadblocks or those same behaviors or those same thoughts and you're just like, where is this coming from?
00:22:08.589 --> 00:22:17.589
And to be able to get really deep and figure out that this is how I operate, this is what, um, means something to me.
00:22:17.799 --> 00:22:22.569
This is why maybe unhealthy behaviors arise and to have more awareness.
00:22:22.569 --> 00:22:25.480
So then instead of taking in my example, like 10 years.
00:22:26.345 --> 00:22:26.525
Yeah.
00:22:26.525 --> 00:22:29.194
To unwind, you know, throw the ball of yarn.
00:22:29.224 --> 00:22:31.174
Then you can be like, okay, hold up.
00:22:31.384 --> 00:22:38.375
Like in that situation where I'm in a relationship or, or in a friendship that they're giving me a look or they're, I'm getting a vibe.
00:22:38.404 --> 00:22:38.464
Yeah.
00:22:38.525 --> 00:22:39.994
They might not live or want me anymore.
00:22:39.994 --> 00:22:44.105
I can be like, okay, this has more to do about them.
00:22:44.194 --> 00:22:44.269
Right.
00:22:44.269 --> 00:22:44.585
You know?
00:22:44.585 --> 00:22:53.674
Then me and I know who I am and I can be secure in that and, and if they don't choose to have me as a friend, that's okay.
00:22:53.674 --> 00:22:53.765
Right.
00:22:54.049 --> 00:22:54.319
Yeah.
00:22:54.380 --> 00:23:03.200
And to have that agency that, and so it doesn't send you, send you into a spiral of all these, you know, other behaviors that you can kind of stand firm in it.
00:23:03.230 --> 00:23:07.549
Know that this is who you are, know that this is, you know, um, how you are wired.
00:23:07.609 --> 00:23:12.890
And ultimately the thing that we need most, we give the best.
00:23:13.430 --> 00:23:18.440
So kind of the full circle is for those of us that have one of those as our questions, right?
00:23:18.710 --> 00:23:23.089
That's what we pour into others best so I can provide love.
00:23:23.974 --> 00:23:41.914
In amazing ways, you know, to my friends and my family and I see them and I, you know, I think of them first, um, in terms of the wanted, like if there's someone I teach spin classes and if there's a new person or someone that feels a little bit, looks a little bit lost, boom, I'm there, you know, I'm making sure that they are feeling included.
00:23:41.974 --> 00:23:45.845
And so I think the beautiful thing is seeing how we're wired.
00:23:46.210 --> 00:23:48.279
Why we make the decisions that we do.
00:23:48.339 --> 00:23:51.730
Um, being aware to make better decisions, right?
00:23:51.730 --> 00:24:07.359
To have healthier relationships, and then ultimately to lean into the gifts that we were given as a result and be able to really maximize those because as we're healthier are gifts and our, um, you know, uh, just.
00:24:08.704 --> 00:24:14.795
Pouring into others will be the most authentic, the most amazing way that we can do that, uh, right.
00:24:14.795 --> 00:24:16.055
And make that change So.
00:24:16.490 --> 00:24:25.700
So that's kind of the full circle about the primal questions and how it can impact and connect the dots not just in our past, but in our present and then ultimately, right.
00:24:26.119 --> 00:24:29.000
Amazing impact for our future, right?
00:24:29.000 --> 00:24:34.490
It you can take that information not only see, um.
00:24:34.650 --> 00:24:42.029
Where in the seven questions you land, in terms of which one is most prominent, and you might have a few, I don't know.
00:24:42.029 --> 00:24:42.869
Yeah, sure.
00:24:42.869 --> 00:24:43.079
Right?
00:24:43.079 --> 00:24:43.170
Mm-hmm.
00:24:43.559 --> 00:24:47.009
But it also mirrors your gift.
00:24:47.250 --> 00:24:47.339
Mm-hmm.
00:24:47.579 --> 00:24:52.500
When you put it into action, if it's a area of need.
00:24:52.710 --> 00:24:53.430
I love that.
00:24:53.970 --> 00:24:54.599
So.
00:24:55.565 --> 00:25:02.285
I know in our show notes we will have, um, the information in order for people to connect with you.
00:25:02.644 --> 00:25:02.825
Sure.
00:25:02.825 --> 00:25:10.865
So is there a specific place that you would tell people auditorily right now?
00:25:10.865 --> 00:25:13.924
So in case somebody doesn't have time to check the show notes Sure.
00:25:14.194 --> 00:25:18.305
Where can they go to get this kind of information through you?
00:25:18.545 --> 00:25:19.174
How does that work?
00:25:19.174 --> 00:25:19.775
Absolutely.
00:25:20.015 --> 00:25:23.494
The, the best place to go is to my website.
00:25:23.795 --> 00:25:34.894
It's motion and mindset.com and there just is a little bit more about me, but there is, on that first page and a free assessment, it's um, just a few questions.
00:25:34.894 --> 00:25:37.924
Literally takes three minutes and it's confidential.
00:25:37.924 --> 00:25:37.984
Yeah.
00:25:38.194 --> 00:25:40.595
So the results, um, will come to me.
00:25:40.805 --> 00:25:46.714
I will, you know, look at the assessment, see what questions you tend to lean more towards.
00:25:47.134 --> 00:25:52.355
Respond to you in an email with, you know, kind of the, the question that seems to be most prominent.
00:25:52.775 --> 00:26:05.224
Um, what maybe a scramble in terms of like unhealthy behaviors might look like, what your gifts would look like and just kind of start to create a dialogue or at least get the wheels turning a little bit and see if that makes sense.
00:26:05.224 --> 00:26:16.625
Again, since it's not like a, a perfect science, sometimes, like you said, of course, we may feel needs that need to be met in one way, in maybe our marriage relationship where if we have a career.
00:26:16.865 --> 00:26:22.500
We might feel like there's other things that are important in those environments, so it's a good place to start, start.
00:26:22.505 --> 00:26:22.805
Mm-hmm.
00:26:23.045 --> 00:26:32.974
Um, and then there's um, you know, a free consultation again, if someone took the assessment, gets information, has more questions, or wants to know more about like, what do I do with this?
00:26:33.035 --> 00:26:34.025
Yeah, yeah.
00:26:34.025 --> 00:26:34.026
Exactly.
00:26:34.030 --> 00:26:38.500
Then there can be more conversation as it results from there, so Perfect.
00:26:38.505 --> 00:26:38.734
Perfect.
00:26:38.734 --> 00:26:38.884
Yeah.
00:26:38.884 --> 00:26:40.505
So that would be a good place to start.
00:26:40.849 --> 00:26:41.750
Wonderful.
00:26:42.200 --> 00:26:56.930
Do you have any closing comments that you would love to share with our audience, um, to help them do whatever is resonating with them right now through our conversation?
00:26:56.960 --> 00:26:59.599
Any words, extra words of wisdom?
00:26:59.599 --> 00:27:07.430
'cause I know you've got tons of words of wisdom, but is there anything there you would love to share with the audience before we say our goodbyes?
00:27:08.089 --> 00:27:08.210
Mm-hmm.
00:27:10.519 --> 00:27:15.289
Yeah, the, the primary thing is that growth is not linear.
00:27:16.099 --> 00:27:28.759
I wish it was, I mean, it would be amazing to say, you know, we're just gonna keep riding that uphill, you know, we're gonna be growing, we're gonna be maximizing, we're doing all those things, but life happens and we're human.
00:27:28.759 --> 00:27:33.740
And sometimes we have those days, or maybe weeks or months where we're just like, what is going on?
00:27:33.769 --> 00:27:33.859
Mm-hmm.
00:27:34.099 --> 00:27:36.079
Whether it relates to our health.
00:27:36.464 --> 00:27:39.345
Physical health, mental health, maybe even relationships.
00:27:39.345 --> 00:27:48.404
You know, I feel like as you know, in marriage relationships, it can be on a upswing, and then other times you're just like, oh my, we need separate vacations.
00:27:49.755 --> 00:28:05.744
So when those moments happen or thoughts happen, to just know that it's okay, that it doesn't mean that it's not for you, that it's not a goal that's, um, not still worthy of pursuing a relationship that doesn't need more, you know, um, effort into it.
00:28:05.970 --> 00:28:16.440
But to just know that those days are gonna happen and that it's, um, it's still meant to be and to keep, keep growing, keep learning, because it's so much easier to stay stuck.
00:28:16.769 --> 00:28:21.269
Uh, I recently heard something that said fear is free, and that's not wrong.
00:28:21.269 --> 00:28:23.609
Like, our mind wants to go to the easiest.
00:28:24.095 --> 00:28:25.174
Solution.
00:28:25.384 --> 00:28:25.595
Mm-hmm.
00:28:25.865 --> 00:28:27.035
Quickest solution.
00:28:27.035 --> 00:28:30.785
And most often it's not benefiting us at all.
00:28:30.785 --> 00:28:30.875
Right.
00:28:31.204 --> 00:28:40.744
Um, but it, and it could be that fear or that stuck or the, or that mindset of just like, well, that was my family and it just is what it is and yeah, I can't change it.
00:28:40.744 --> 00:28:42.065
And woe is me.
00:28:42.065 --> 00:28:48.484
And it's like, no, we have the opportunity every single day to make it either our excuse.
00:28:48.490 --> 00:28:55.960
To stay stuck or our reason to be different, to grow and to continue to pursue and who God intended us to be.
00:28:55.960 --> 00:28:57.940
So I would just say, hang in there.
00:28:58.240 --> 00:29:00.460
Growth is not a steady incline.
00:29:00.490 --> 00:29:10.119
There's bumps and wobbles and you know, pitfalls and all the things, but it's still a million percent worth continuing that growth opportunity.
00:29:10.509 --> 00:29:11.349
Absolutely.
00:29:11.349 --> 00:29:17.380
Thank you so much for your time, your energy, your gifts.
00:29:17.809 --> 00:29:17.869
Yeah.
00:29:18.680 --> 00:29:27.230
And for the work that you put into the world and for all the women, you support it, it's a thousand plus.
00:29:27.230 --> 00:29:34.910
Now, next time we meet in a year from now, I'm sure it'll be way higher into the thousands instead of just.
00:29:35.384 --> 00:29:36.105
2000.
00:29:36.105 --> 00:29:38.355
It'll probably be way bigger than that.
00:29:38.355 --> 00:29:40.035
So keep doing you.
00:29:40.335 --> 00:29:42.974
Thank you so much for being on the show today.
00:29:42.974 --> 00:29:44.924
And make sure you check the show notes.
00:29:44.924 --> 00:29:48.734
Go in, make sure you check the website that Tanya referenced.
00:29:48.734 --> 00:29:52.095
Do you wanna say it one more time just to make sure our listeners grab it?
00:29:52.634 --> 00:29:53.265
Absolutely.
00:29:53.265 --> 00:29:56.869
It's motion and mindset.com.
00:29:56.869 --> 00:29:57.150
Perfect.
00:29:57.724 --> 00:29:58.414
Perfect.
00:29:58.744 --> 00:29:58.894
Yes.
00:29:59.434 --> 00:30:00.724
Thank you so much.
00:30:00.724 --> 00:30:06.484
And to the listeners, make sure that you are following Thrive after 45.
00:30:06.785 --> 00:30:13.474
You don't wanna miss any of these incredible conversations that we get to have every week and take care of yourselves.
00:30:13.474 --> 00:30:21.394
Make sure you do something for you by you because of you, and go and check out Tanya's work.
00:30:21.545 --> 00:30:23.045
Have a great day everyone.
00:30:23.045 --> 00:30:24.755
Bye bye.
00:00:00.047 --> 00:00:08.644
Hello and welcome to Thrive After 45, the podcast where we redefine what's possible in midlife.
00:00:08.688 --> 00:00:09.348
I'm Denise.
00:00:09.348 --> 00:00:13.637
Drink your Midlife renewal coach here to help you embrace your power.
00:00:13.637 --> 00:00:13.698
I.
00:00:13.714 --> 00:00:15.724
Purpose and potential.
00:00:15.746 --> 00:00:24.975
This is your space to let go of guilt, navigate transitions, rediscover joy and thrive for you by you because of you.
00:00:25.006 --> 00:00:30.376
It is such an honor and a privilege to introduce Tanya Peck to our show today.
00:00:30.414 --> 00:00:34.765
Tanya is a powerhouse of transformation and wisdom.
00:00:34.789 --> 00:00:42.859
A woman whose journey speaks to the resilience of the human spirit and the healing power of purpose.
00:00:42.918 --> 00:00:52.405
With over 18 years of experience helping others navigate their physical, emotional, and mental wellness, she has personally impacted the lives of.
00:00:52.640 --> 00:00:58.850
Over 1000 women, guiding them toward clarity, confidence, and inner peace.
00:00:58.868 --> 00:01:01.807
A certified life and wellness coach for women.
00:01:01.820 --> 00:01:11.233
Tanya draws from a deep well of lived experience from overcoming the shame and guilt of an unplanned teen pregnancy to navigating.
00:01:11.308 --> 00:01:16.608
35 years of marriage with grace, growth and fierce love.
00:01:16.632 --> 00:01:23.022
She's a trauma survivor and a servant leader with a heart rooted in the health and wellness space.
00:01:23.052 --> 00:01:29.647
Known for motivating and empowering others from the inside out Today.
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Tanya helps women identify their unique, primal question, their highest emotional need, the invisible driver behind their thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors.
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Through this work, she helps unlock powerful insights that fuel personal and relational transformation.
00:01:48.362 --> 00:02:00.164
Get ready to be inspired by her story and powered by her tools and reminded that it is never too late to step into the life you are always meant to live.
00:02:00.188 --> 00:02:04.837
Tanya, welcome to Thrive after 45.
00:02:04.837 --> 00:02:07.897
I can't wait to have our conversation today.
00:02:08.677 --> 00:02:10.598
Well, thank you for having me.
00:02:10.598 --> 00:02:12.818
I feel honored to be a part of your.
00:02:13.358 --> 00:02:16.598
Episode and just, uh, getting to know you the last couple months.
00:02:16.598 --> 00:02:17.978
It's been such a blessing.
00:02:17.995 --> 00:02:19.615
It's so, so fun.
00:02:19.645 --> 00:02:27.685
I, I just, I love all of the pieces that come together in what you do.
00:02:27.716 --> 00:02:32.725
The emotional piece is a really big one for people, isn't it?
00:02:32.746 --> 00:02:33.256
Yes.
00:02:33.275 --> 00:02:34.085
Absolutely.
00:02:34.264 --> 00:02:34.895
Yeah.
00:02:35.224 --> 00:02:51.215
So your journey was filled with like incredible depth over the years from overcoming what we heard was your early life challenges to empowering like thousands of women through that emotional and wellness transformation.
00:02:52.055 --> 00:02:53.585
Could you take us back?
00:02:53.585 --> 00:03:00.634
Is there like a defining moment when you realized that your pain could actually become more of your purpose?
00:03:01.294 --> 00:03:02.914
Hmm, that's a great question.
00:03:03.455 --> 00:03:09.034
Yes, and, uh, sadly it was years after, um, the event occurred.
00:03:09.034 --> 00:03:18.634
And if there's anyone, you know, any hope that I can give to others is not to stay in that stuck or in that, um, place of doubt or shame any longer.
00:03:18.840 --> 00:03:34.020
Then you need to, like, there's so many things that you can do to move forward sooner than I did, which is why I'm passionate about sharing, you know, my story to make my mess the message, uh, to hopefully provide hope and healing for others.
00:03:34.020 --> 00:03:39.659
But you alluded to my unplanned pregnancy, and that happened when I was a senior in high school.
00:03:39.854 --> 00:03:40.275
Mm-hmm.
00:03:40.360 --> 00:03:45.479
And I was at a Christian school at the time and in a place of leadership and mentorship.
00:03:45.479 --> 00:03:47.430
And so the fact that that happened.
00:03:47.824 --> 00:03:51.814
Was not only devastating personally just because, you know, I let myself down.
00:03:51.814 --> 00:03:53.314
I felt like I left God down.
00:03:53.645 --> 00:04:04.384
But leading, letting down like the community, um, that I was involved in, in terms of the school, the church community, my friends, my grandparents, I was the oldest grandchild.
00:04:04.384 --> 00:04:05.615
So you're just like, ugh.
00:04:06.004 --> 00:04:14.914
So it was challenging and the guilt and shame that I felt from that, you know, took 10 years for me to evolve from.
00:04:14.914 --> 00:04:16.985
And I really think that it just was.
00:04:17.735 --> 00:04:24.125
Me not feeling like I should be forgiven, that I deserved the forgiveness that God so freely gives.
00:04:24.125 --> 00:04:34.625
And because of some opportunities that I had a safe place with a core group of women that I felt comfortable and confident to share.
00:04:34.629 --> 00:04:35.000
Mm-hmm.
00:04:35.079 --> 00:04:45.545
And their impact and their response was one of understanding of empathy, of, you know, encouragement and the reason I felt.
00:04:45.904 --> 00:04:59.314
Uh, reluctant to share my story up until that time was because I was afraid of not being loved or not being wanted in those settings of church environment or friend groups that I felt like if they knew that about me, I.
00:04:59.629 --> 00:05:02.209
They wouldn't, they wouldn't want to be my friend.
00:05:02.629 --> 00:05:02.779
Right.
00:05:02.779 --> 00:05:03.889
Really in the core of it.
00:05:03.889 --> 00:05:16.610
And so unfortunately as I look back, uh, the atmosphere was one in terms of the Christian school and it was the eighties and it was all about appearances and, you know, not sharing maybe.
00:05:17.220 --> 00:05:25.889
Uh, the depths of our challenges or of our sin, but being above board and just, you know, kind of acting like there's nothing going on.
00:05:25.889 --> 00:05:32.910
You know, we are all, you know, good people and we're gonna shift and move in a way that shows goodness.
00:05:33.180 --> 00:05:33.449
Mm-hmm.
00:05:33.689 --> 00:05:34.529
And, um.
00:05:35.329 --> 00:05:36.050
It was hard.
00:05:36.050 --> 00:05:36.920
It was definitely hard.
00:05:36.925 --> 00:05:36.944
Yeah.
00:05:36.944 --> 00:05:40.490
I bet that those around me knew, you know, uh, more of my story, right.
00:05:40.490 --> 00:05:56.240
But until I really was able to share it in that safe place and start to embrace that forgiveness and that love, that God so freely gives, but sometimes we don't accept, um, then that really opened the door for more healing and for me to become.
00:05:56.514 --> 00:06:13.495
Who I was and share my story with others that now I found have similar stories in the response, uh, in the re respect of maybe not an unplanned pregnancy, but maybe there was addiction, or maybe there was, you know, a broken home or trauma that was involved.
00:06:13.495 --> 00:06:17.125
And so having the opportunity to share and kind of connect.
00:06:17.589 --> 00:06:30.310
Uh, with women, um, especially as we're getting older and starting to see, you know, learn from our mistakes or to be, uh, speak into those, um, that are younger and say, okay, this is what I did, but here's how I can help you.
00:06:31.360 --> 00:06:38.439
Don't take 10 years, you know, to share something with someone that you feel could be really, really sensitive and deep.
00:06:38.439 --> 00:06:38.769
Right?
00:06:38.860 --> 00:06:43.420
Um, because there is that love and acceptance and we just have to lean into those safe people.
00:06:43.774 --> 00:06:44.194
Right.
00:06:44.194 --> 00:06:48.305
So, so, so many things are coming up as you're sharing your journey.
00:06:48.305 --> 00:06:48.365
Yeah.
00:06:48.365 --> 00:06:59.795
And one thing that's really resonating for me is, is there any tips that you can provide to help people find.
00:07:00.214 --> 00:07:01.115
That community.
00:07:01.115 --> 00:07:16.625
Find those people who you can trust and know that they are a safe space for you to be able to share some more of your authentic self, whatever that needs to be for you.
00:07:17.464 --> 00:07:18.004
Sure.
00:07:18.665 --> 00:07:19.355
Definitely.
00:07:20.915 --> 00:07:28.535
I would say faith places, you know, whether that's a church, whether that's a nonprofit, whether there's, you know, people kind of, that are like-minded.
00:07:28.834 --> 00:07:40.204
And when you start to maybe share those connections and get to know someone and feeling a little bit safer to open up those conversations and dialogues and boundaries I feel like are important.
00:07:40.324 --> 00:07:48.995
You know, sometimes maybe we feel like everyone is going to be loving and accepting, and so it's kind of finding that balance of not.
00:07:49.365 --> 00:07:56.295
Holding your heart, you know, captive and being an island, because I felt like that was, um, safer.
00:07:56.654 --> 00:07:56.805
Yeah.
00:07:56.834 --> 00:08:02.985
But to feel that vulnerability and to share with someone and maybe just share a little piece, right.
00:08:03.105 --> 00:08:08.084
And see if that starts to build that connection and that stronger bond.
00:08:08.355 --> 00:08:10.574
And if they aren't.
00:08:11.285 --> 00:08:12.125
Ready for it.
00:08:12.125 --> 00:08:14.074
Maybe they're in a different place then.
00:08:14.079 --> 00:08:14.230
Mm-hmm.
00:08:14.314 --> 00:08:23.314
You kind of know it before, maybe you shared all of your heart and then, you know, were in a situation where you didn't get the response or the, um, understanding that you were hoping for.
00:08:23.314 --> 00:08:26.375
So I would say in faith places, definitely.
00:08:26.375 --> 00:08:31.444
In, you know, the workplace, in your community, just kind of being aware, right.
00:08:31.774 --> 00:08:37.384
Sometimes the people that we are around or maybe cross paths with could be.
00:08:37.879 --> 00:08:40.610
An amazing friend that we just didn't, haven't even met yet.
00:08:40.879 --> 00:08:50.179
So I think being aware of those people in the places that we frequent, you know, inviting someone for coffee, kind of building that bridge and being the first one.
00:08:50.179 --> 00:08:57.470
'cause I know sometimes it's easy again for us to all sit in our house and be like, well, someone if wants to be my friend, they know where I live and they should come knock on the door.
00:08:57.490 --> 00:08:59.139
Yeah, right.
00:08:59.139 --> 00:08:59.919
Text me.
00:09:00.129 --> 00:09:16.570
But to be the person that takes that first initial step, whether that's coffee or lunch, or getting to know them and through those conversations and that getting to know each other, you'll be able to know a little more intuitively if this is someone that you would like to share more of you, um, and create that bond.
00:09:16.909 --> 00:09:23.539
Yeah, I, what you said there was really important from what I'm hearing, is that intuitive hit.
00:09:24.049 --> 00:09:24.139
Mm-hmm.
00:09:24.379 --> 00:09:38.149
Sharing little bits, but really tuning into does this feel like a connection that I can actually use as a support to be able to share what's on my heart.
00:09:38.210 --> 00:09:45.200
So I like the idea of the slow and steady and creating those, um, bonds.
00:09:45.750 --> 00:09:47.159
And that takes time, doesn't it?
00:09:47.460 --> 00:09:48.389
Yeah, absolutely.
00:09:48.389 --> 00:09:49.559
It does take time.
00:09:49.860 --> 00:09:50.190
Yeah.
00:09:50.190 --> 00:09:50.429
Yes.
00:09:50.700 --> 00:09:57.389
And give yourself that grace to take that time to be able to do that work for you, by you because of you.
00:09:57.929 --> 00:09:58.019
Right.
00:09:58.019 --> 00:10:09.840
And I, I'm, I'm, I'm going to say that I am so glad that you've taken the, the path you've taken.
00:10:09.840 --> 00:10:14.610
I always believe that everything happens the way it needs to happen.
00:10:14.990 --> 00:10:23.000
The way it does, even though when we're in the midst of it, it's like, what have I done to deserve all this on my head?
00:10:23.000 --> 00:10:24.080
Thank you very much.
00:10:24.710 --> 00:10:24.980
Exactly.
00:10:24.980 --> 00:10:33.110
So I believe in my heart, Tanya, that that 10 year span was there for a purpose and a reason, and to help.
00:10:33.934 --> 00:10:44.735
Help you do the work that you get to do now so that other, you see the value of not holding and making yourself, excuse me, divided out.
00:10:44.899 --> 00:10:45.320
Mm-hmm.
00:10:45.404 --> 00:10:47.914
And segregated out into sections and pieces.
00:10:47.914 --> 00:11:00.455
And like you were saying, like Here's the me on the outside in that group, and here's the me out there, and it fragments us, and then we don't know who we are anymore because we're playing so many roles in our lives.
00:11:00.455 --> 00:11:02.914
Do you find that with your clients as well, or is that.
00:11:03.980 --> 00:11:04.340
Yes.
00:11:04.340 --> 00:11:04.850
Something common.
00:11:04.940 --> 00:11:06.559
Yeah, a million percent.
00:11:06.620 --> 00:11:16.370
I think as we are cautious about being our authentic self, like you said, we, you know, kind of morph into who we think other people will want us to be.
00:11:16.565 --> 00:11:17.360
Yeah, yeah.
00:11:17.419 --> 00:11:19.940
And especially based on kind of our needs.
00:11:19.940 --> 00:11:30.950
For me, just connecting the dots as I grew up, right or wrong, you know, and this work with the primal question and some of those things, we really start back at our family of origin, but.
00:11:31.279 --> 00:11:32.029
Our parents.
00:11:32.029 --> 00:11:36.679
Kind of like when I was a parent, sometimes you're in survival mode and you're just trying to get food on the table.
00:11:36.830 --> 00:11:38.509
You're trying to get to the next thing.
00:11:38.509 --> 00:11:52.100
And so it's definitely connecting the dots in how our childhood, how we were brought up, the situations that occurred, is definitely not to re reflect in a place of blame because I really feel that the majority of us are just doing our best.
00:11:52.100 --> 00:11:52.159
Yeah.
00:11:52.370 --> 00:11:55.700
And we're, you know, doing what we know at the time.
00:11:56.000 --> 00:11:56.149
Yep.
00:11:56.179 --> 00:11:56.659
And.
00:11:56.845 --> 00:12:01.945
Sometimes the way that the dots are connected aren't from our parents, but maybe, um, an outside family member mm-hmm.
00:12:02.184 --> 00:12:07.105
That maybe, you know, um, hurt us in a way, you know, that left an imprint.
00:12:07.164 --> 00:12:07.254
Mm-hmm.
00:12:07.674 --> 00:12:15.054
And so all of those types of, um, just awareness and pieces as we.
00:12:15.649 --> 00:12:23.240
Grow and move and um, and for me, the am I wanted am I loved and so, and for my clients as well.
00:12:23.299 --> 00:12:23.389
Mm-hmm.
00:12:23.629 --> 00:12:25.909
Just being secure in who we are.
00:12:25.940 --> 00:12:26.029
Mm-hmm.
00:12:26.299 --> 00:12:30.139
And knowing that it's okay if we're not for everyone.
00:12:31.190 --> 00:12:35.509
Ab I think the loved and wanted, we want every, I want everyone to like me.
00:12:35.690 --> 00:12:35.750
Yeah.
00:12:35.750 --> 00:12:38.570
I want everyone to, to, to wanna be my friend.
00:12:38.570 --> 00:12:41.240
Like, I want people to think I'm fun and you know, I have.
00:12:41.779 --> 00:12:44.210
Cute clothes, like, I don't know, whatever that is.
00:12:44.210 --> 00:12:56.090
But, um, to just know that if we aren't, you know, connecting with someone that it's not us, you know, that we, it's just not a fit and it's not something that we need to change to be someone different.
00:12:56.090 --> 00:12:56.179
Right.
00:12:56.480 --> 00:13:03.184
Um, it's just the person that, you know, there's someone out there meant to have more of our time and effort and energy.
00:13:03.245 --> 00:13:03.664
Mm-hmm.
00:13:03.750 --> 00:13:10.519
And so to be really mindful that we shouldn't feel the need to change or shift, um, in a way that.
00:13:10.840 --> 00:13:16.179
Can be accepting of others, but which wanna be in a place where we are accepted as we are, right?
00:13:16.509 --> 00:13:32.320
That we come from a place of, instead of am I loved and am I wanted, and trying to change those behaviors to get that answer, to just know that I'm rooted, you know, in I, I am loved, I am wanted, um, I'm secure.
00:13:32.470 --> 00:13:39.279
You know, I have that, that foundation of, um, confidence really to help us move forward in a, in a healthier way.
00:13:39.799 --> 00:13:40.159
Yeah.
00:13:40.159 --> 00:13:41.450
And I love what you're saying.
00:13:41.450 --> 00:13:43.370
The healthier way is key, isn't it?
00:13:43.544 --> 00:13:43.965
Mm-hmm.
00:13:44.049 --> 00:13:56.090
And do you, I don't know if you find this, but I, I notice that the things that we tell ourselves that people are going, I'm going to be accepted when I do it this way, and I do it that way.
00:13:56.629 --> 00:14:01.669
Those are our thoughts, those are our expectations based on our.
00:14:01.924 --> 00:14:06.934
Vision not based on what other people are thinking and seeing and feeling.
00:14:06.934 --> 00:14:12.370
It's based on our interpretation of what we think and we can't Absolutely.
00:14:12.514 --> 00:14:14.375
And we can't think for others.
00:14:14.460 --> 00:14:15.215
Right, right.
00:14:15.455 --> 00:14:15.514
Yeah.
00:14:15.995 --> 00:14:18.904
So I think it's really important.
00:14:18.904 --> 00:14:23.735
And if you can speak to this as well, how you share.
00:14:24.034 --> 00:14:30.365
Your energy overall is also a reflection of what energy comes back to you.
00:14:30.605 --> 00:14:37.414
So if you're always doubting yourself, you're sending that energy out, and then the people you're connecting with, I find.
00:14:37.730 --> 00:14:42.110
They're doubting you as well, so the energy that's coming back and forth doesn't fit.
00:14:42.110 --> 00:14:48.289
And then you try to change things, but you're not gonna change it because it's stemming from you anyway.
00:14:48.649 --> 00:14:52.879
Exactly, yes.
00:14:53.029 --> 00:14:54.740
We just keep chasing each other in circles.
00:14:55.279 --> 00:14:56.120
Who the heck are you?
00:14:56.120 --> 00:14:56.809
Like, I don't know.
00:14:56.809 --> 00:14:59.269
Who do you want me to be and, yes, exactly.
00:14:59.480 --> 00:15:04.309
And it's exhausting, you know, when we do that too, just constantly, you know, thinking about.
00:15:04.835 --> 00:15:05.975
What should I say?
00:15:05.975 --> 00:15:06.995
What should I do?
00:15:06.995 --> 00:15:07.774
How should I act?
00:15:07.774 --> 00:15:14.465
So you're right in terms of the question of how to bring your, I guess, who you are forward, is that right?
00:15:14.470 --> 00:15:14.580
Right.
00:15:14.705 --> 00:15:15.065
Yeah.
00:15:15.245 --> 00:15:15.514
Yeah.
00:15:16.924 --> 00:15:23.460
For me, I think, uh, it first starts with just having a faith foundation to know who I am in mm-hmm.
00:15:24.034 --> 00:15:27.335
God's eyes, um, in, uh, that really.
00:15:27.695 --> 00:15:33.125
The only person ideally, that we should aim to please is God.
00:15:33.754 --> 00:15:43.865
And um, you know, others are just, uh, nice to have, I guess, and being in alignment with your values and what you stand for and what means something for you.
00:15:43.865 --> 00:15:49.325
And then coming to others in with those, um, values.
00:15:49.674 --> 00:15:55.495
First and foremost, um, so you know that you're acting and responding in a way that is true to you.
00:15:55.495 --> 00:15:55.585
Mm-hmm.
00:15:55.825 --> 00:15:57.774
Which then can bring that confidence.
00:15:57.835 --> 00:16:01.075
Um, and that, um, just your gifts, right?
00:16:01.105 --> 00:16:08.004
Really focusing on the gifts that you have to give others and maximizing that and using that as your platform to make change.
00:16:08.004 --> 00:16:10.884
You know, I talk about to be the change that you wanna see in the world, right?
00:16:11.184 --> 00:16:13.764
Where, you know, a lot of people, especially, you know.
00:16:14.350 --> 00:16:19.029
It's crazy times, um, that we want someone else to take that first step.
00:16:19.059 --> 00:16:35.230
Like whether it's with a friendship or whether it's a life change or a relationship change, but really to know that we have that capacity and that leadership to make those changes, have those hard conversations, you know, be the light in a world where we feel there needs more light and joy.
00:16:35.230 --> 00:16:35.320
Right?
00:16:35.590 --> 00:16:41.049
So taking that, taking that first step and having that confidence to do so, um, just by being true to yourself.
00:16:41.509 --> 00:16:42.019
Right.
00:16:42.049 --> 00:16:42.379
Right.
00:16:42.379 --> 00:16:43.279
I love that.
00:16:43.639 --> 00:16:46.580
So, so you've mentioned about primal question.
00:16:46.669 --> 00:16:46.759
Mm-hmm.
00:16:47.000 --> 00:16:57.440
Can you speak more to what are you referring to in regards to that and how you help people discover their highest emotional needs?
00:16:57.440 --> 00:16:57.470
I.
00:16:58.475 --> 00:16:59.254
Absolutely.
00:16:59.585 --> 00:17:02.495
So initially it started around fitness.
00:17:02.764 --> 00:17:19.055
Um, I've been in the fitness industry for 10 plus years, and as I was evolving into personal coaching, the ladies and men that I was working with, sometimes they have been trying to achieve a goal, whether it be a weight loss or um, more consistency, all of those types of things.
00:17:19.055 --> 00:17:20.105
And they kept hitting a wall.
00:17:20.105 --> 00:17:20.194
Mm-hmm.
00:17:20.644 --> 00:17:22.954
And so, as much as sometimes we all know.
00:17:23.464 --> 00:17:24.575
The behaviors.
00:17:24.575 --> 00:17:28.924
And a lot of times things are focused on the behaviors of Right as it relates to wellness.
00:17:28.924 --> 00:17:31.505
Like, do, do this, don't do that.
00:17:31.505 --> 00:17:32.404
Like, you know, and then, right.
00:17:32.734 --> 00:17:43.505
We sometimes get in our head about, well, if I was a good person or if I was, you know, better at being more consistent, or if I was stronger or just, and then it kind of turns into, um, something that we are.
00:17:43.835 --> 00:17:48.755
Doubting ourselves and putting ourselves down and in our internal self-talk, you know, tends to be affected.
00:17:48.755 --> 00:17:54.065
So yeah, as I was looking in the fitness area, I thought, okay, you know, most of the time people know.
00:17:54.845 --> 00:17:55.954
What they need to do.
00:17:56.345 --> 00:17:56.434
Mm-hmm.
00:17:56.674 --> 00:18:04.654
You know, we know where to go from point A to point B and C, but what is keeping them from achieving that?
00:18:04.684 --> 00:18:04.775
Mm-hmm.
00:18:05.015 --> 00:18:06.545
You know, what is the driver?
00:18:06.545 --> 00:18:17.974
So instead of focusing on behaviors, focusing on the core, the core needs, and what is shaping those beliefs and those feelings, that then leads to either healthy behaviors.
00:18:18.105 --> 00:18:19.545
Or unhealthy behaviors, right?
00:18:19.545 --> 00:18:20.265
As a result.
00:18:20.714 --> 00:18:37.904
So the primal question with Mike Foster and finding, um, the seven primal questions, and in learning that framework, it really spoke to me and my life and the things that I went through because instead of, and I'll explain the seven questions, but as it.
00:18:38.555 --> 00:18:40.115
Frames your needs.
00:18:40.115 --> 00:18:40.204
Mm-hmm.
00:18:40.444 --> 00:18:48.569
And that as you are continuing to evolve and grow as a person and into adulthood, your primary goal is to get.
00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:53.509
A yes answered to the very need that we need, right?
00:18:53.605 --> 00:18:57.829
And that a lot of times is just based on our family of origin.
00:18:57.829 --> 00:19:03.650
So the, um, primal questions, again, it's, it's not a science, it's an art.
00:19:03.680 --> 00:19:12.500
We can, we all have a little bit of all of this and so, you know, it's not a one size fits all, or you don't wanna put someone in a box and say, you definitely are this.
00:19:12.859 --> 00:19:14.720
But basically it goes around.
00:19:14.750 --> 00:19:17.839
Um, the seven questions are one, am I safe?
00:19:18.769 --> 00:19:19.970
Am I secure?
00:19:20.779 --> 00:19:21.859
Am I loved?
00:19:22.640 --> 00:19:26.480
Am I wanted, am I successful?
00:19:26.869 --> 00:19:29.509
Am I good enough and do I have purpose?
00:19:30.515 --> 00:19:35.434
And those questions, one of us, all of us have one kind of driver, I would say.
00:19:35.440 --> 00:19:35.640
Mm-hmm.
00:19:35.720 --> 00:19:35.721
Mm-hmm.
00:19:35.974 --> 00:19:48.605
And due to, um, the multiple divorces in my childhood, the fact that there was, you know, a, my mother was constant, but she was usually navigating health and mental health challenges.
00:19:48.845 --> 00:19:51.005
The males in my family, there was.
00:19:51.365 --> 00:19:54.964
Ended up being six divorces, you know, there was a, not a constant.
00:19:54.964 --> 00:19:55.055
Right.
00:19:55.055 --> 00:20:00.365
So that kind of led me on that, um, ship shafing, if you will, you know, about Sure.
00:20:00.394 --> 00:20:03.335
What I need to be, to be accepted and wanted.
00:20:03.335 --> 00:20:08.464
And so really for me, my primary need is to feel loved and to feel wanted.
00:20:08.470 --> 00:20:08.700
Mm-hmm.
00:20:08.884 --> 00:20:15.335
And when I'm in those environments and I'm getting a yes, and then you're, you know, as a person, more confident.
00:20:15.545 --> 00:20:16.954
We're living our best self.
00:20:16.954 --> 00:20:18.394
We're like, we've got this.
00:20:18.394 --> 00:20:19.744
Like bring it on.
00:20:20.345 --> 00:20:20.434
Right?
00:20:20.434 --> 00:20:29.224
But when we're in those environments, or maybe those relationship situations, work situations where for me that am I wanted or loved as being questioned, right.
00:20:29.224 --> 00:20:31.775
And maybe answered with a no or a maybe.
00:20:31.775 --> 00:20:33.454
Maybe yes.
00:20:33.454 --> 00:20:35.045
That's when those.
00:20:35.259 --> 00:20:45.694
Maybe unhealthier behaviors start to kick in where it's like, okay, I'm not feeling that they love or want me, so what am I gonna do to change that so they do want and love me, right?
00:20:45.849 --> 00:20:56.079
And where that's where it's changing our behaviors or maybe changing our beliefs, you know, to fit in or to, you know, all of those things that can lead to really not us being our authentic self.
00:20:56.380 --> 00:20:56.529
Right?
00:20:56.529 --> 00:20:58.869
But the core need is driving.
00:20:59.144 --> 00:21:01.454
To get that answer, uh, to a yes.
00:21:01.484 --> 00:21:08.865
And so as I looked back on my, um, you know, experience in high school and feeling like I let people down, mm-hmm.
00:21:09.105 --> 00:21:11.144
I, it's, that still happened.
00:21:11.144 --> 00:21:14.115
But instead of looking back at that and thinking what was wrong with me?
00:21:14.115 --> 00:21:22.095
Like why, what did you know that I was flawed or that there was, I was a bad person for making some of those decisions.
00:21:22.454 --> 00:21:24.555
Really, as I looked back, it was my.
00:21:24.825 --> 00:21:27.194
Way of trying to feel loved and wanted.
00:21:27.194 --> 00:21:27.285
Right.
00:21:27.375 --> 00:21:33.105
And the biggest way that I knew to do that, or thought was in physical relationships.
00:21:33.194 --> 00:21:33.315
Mm-hmm.
00:21:33.555 --> 00:21:35.835
So when I wasn't feeling secure, that was my go-to.
00:21:35.865 --> 00:21:37.275
I always had a boyfriend.
00:21:37.515 --> 00:21:40.214
I always had one in the wings before I broke up with another one.
00:21:40.214 --> 00:21:42.194
Like I didn't know how to be alone.
00:21:42.224 --> 00:21:43.005
And that.
00:21:43.085 --> 00:21:44.555
It terrified me.
00:21:44.765 --> 00:21:45.125
Right?
00:21:45.125 --> 00:21:51.365
So with the primal question, it's been, I, it initially started in more of a fitness, you know, um, sure.
00:21:51.454 --> 00:21:52.174
Platform.
00:21:52.384 --> 00:22:00.184
But then as I started to learn more about it and see the bigger picture, I was like, holy smokes, like this can connect so many dots.
00:22:00.190 --> 00:22:02.130
Dots because again, you just keep maybe ha getting.
00:22:02.769 --> 00:22:08.529
Those same roadblocks or those same behaviors or those same thoughts and you're just like, where is this coming from?
00:22:08.589 --> 00:22:17.589
And to be able to get really deep and figure out that this is how I operate, this is what, um, means something to me.
00:22:17.799 --> 00:22:22.569
This is why maybe unhealthy behaviors arise and to have more awareness.
00:22:22.569 --> 00:22:25.480
So then instead of taking in my example, like 10 years.
00:22:26.345 --> 00:22:26.525
Yeah.
00:22:26.525 --> 00:22:29.194
To unwind, you know, throw the ball of yarn.
00:22:29.224 --> 00:22:31.174
Then you can be like, okay, hold up.
00:22:31.384 --> 00:22:38.375
Like in that situation where I'm in a relationship or, or in a friendship that they're giving me a look or they're, I'm getting a vibe.
00:22:38.404 --> 00:22:38.464
Yeah.
00:22:38.525 --> 00:22:39.994
They might not live or want me anymore.
00:22:39.994 --> 00:22:44.105
I can be like, okay, this has more to do about them.
00:22:44.194 --> 00:22:44.269
Right.
00:22:44.269 --> 00:22:44.585
You know?
00:22:44.585 --> 00:22:53.674
Then me and I know who I am and I can be secure in that and, and if they don't choose to have me as a friend, that's okay.
00:22:53.674 --> 00:22:53.765
Right.
00:22:54.049 --> 00:22:54.319
Yeah.
00:22:54.380 --> 00:23:03.200
And to have that agency that, and so it doesn't send you, send you into a spiral of all these, you know, other behaviors that you can kind of stand firm in it.
00:23:03.230 --> 00:23:07.549
Know that this is who you are, know that this is, you know, um, how you are wired.
00:23:07.609 --> 00:23:12.890
And ultimately the thing that we need most, we give the best.
00:23:13.430 --> 00:23:18.440
So kind of the full circle is for those of us that have one of those as our questions, right?
00:23:18.710 --> 00:23:23.089
That's what we pour into others best so I can provide love.
00:23:23.974 --> 00:23:41.914
In amazing ways, you know, to my friends and my family and I see them and I, you know, I think of them first, um, in terms of the wanted, like if there's someone I teach spin classes and if there's a new person or someone that feels a little bit, looks a little bit lost, boom, I'm there, you know, I'm making sure that they are feeling included.
00:23:41.974 --> 00:23:45.845
And so I think the beautiful thing is seeing how we're wired.
00:23:46.210 --> 00:23:48.279
Why we make the decisions that we do.
00:23:48.339 --> 00:23:51.730
Um, being aware to make better decisions, right?
00:23:51.730 --> 00:24:07.359
To have healthier relationships, and then ultimately to lean into the gifts that we were given as a result and be able to really maximize those because as we're healthier are gifts and our, um, you know, uh, just.
00:24:08.704 --> 00:24:14.795
Pouring into others will be the most authentic, the most amazing way that we can do that, uh, right.
00:24:14.795 --> 00:24:16.055
And make that change So.
00:24:16.490 --> 00:24:25.700
So that's kind of the full circle about the primal questions and how it can impact and connect the dots not just in our past, but in our present and then ultimately, right.
00:24:26.119 --> 00:24:29.000
Amazing impact for our future, right?
00:24:29.000 --> 00:24:34.490
It you can take that information not only see, um.
00:24:34.650 --> 00:24:42.029
Where in the seven questions you land, in terms of which one is most prominent, and you might have a few, I don't know.
00:24:42.029 --> 00:24:42.869
Yeah, sure.
00:24:42.869 --> 00:24:43.079
Right?
00:24:43.079 --> 00:24:43.170
Mm-hmm.
00:24:43.559 --> 00:24:47.009
But it also mirrors your gift.
00:24:47.250 --> 00:24:47.339
Mm-hmm.
00:24:47.579 --> 00:24:52.500
When you put it into action, if it's a area of need.
00:24:52.710 --> 00:24:53.430
I love that.
00:24:53.970 --> 00:24:54.599
So.
00:24:55.565 --> 00:25:02.285
I know in our show notes we will have, um, the information in order for people to connect with you.
00:25:02.644 --> 00:25:02.825
Sure.
00:25:02.825 --> 00:25:10.865
So is there a specific place that you would tell people auditorily right now?
00:25:10.865 --> 00:25:13.924
So in case somebody doesn't have time to check the show notes Sure.
00:25:14.194 --> 00:25:18.305
Where can they go to get this kind of information through you?
00:25:18.545 --> 00:25:19.174
How does that work?
00:25:19.174 --> 00:25:19.775
Absolutely.
00:25:20.015 --> 00:25:23.494
The, the best place to go is to my website.
00:25:23.795 --> 00:25:34.894
It's motion and mindset.com and there just is a little bit more about me, but there is, on that first page and a free assessment, it's um, just a few questions.
00:25:34.894 --> 00:25:37.924
Literally takes three minutes and it's confidential.
00:25:37.924 --> 00:25:37.984
Yeah.
00:25:38.194 --> 00:25:40.595
So the results, um, will come to me.
00:25:40.805 --> 00:25:46.714
I will, you know, look at the assessment, see what questions you tend to lean more towards.
00:25:47.134 --> 00:25:52.355
Respond to you in an email with, you know, kind of the, the question that seems to be most prominent.
00:25:52.775 --> 00:26:05.224
Um, what maybe a scramble in terms of like unhealthy behaviors might look like, what your gifts would look like and just kind of start to create a dialogue or at least get the wheels turning a little bit and see if that makes sense.
00:26:05.224 --> 00:26:16.625
Again, since it's not like a, a perfect science, sometimes, like you said, of course, we may feel needs that need to be met in one way, in maybe our marriage relationship where if we have a career.
00:26:16.865 --> 00:26:22.500
We might feel like there's other things that are important in those environments, so it's a good place to start, start.
00:26:22.505 --> 00:26:22.805
Mm-hmm.
00:26:23.045 --> 00:26:32.974
Um, and then there's um, you know, a free consultation again, if someone took the assessment, gets information, has more questions, or wants to know more about like, what do I do with this?
00:26:33.035 --> 00:26:34.025
Yeah, yeah.
00:26:34.025 --> 00:26:34.026
Exactly.
00:26:34.030 --> 00:26:38.500
Then there can be more conversation as it results from there, so Perfect.
00:26:38.505 --> 00:26:38.734
Perfect.
00:26:38.734 --> 00:26:38.884
Yeah.
00:26:38.884 --> 00:26:40.505
So that would be a good place to start.
00:26:40.849 --> 00:26:41.750
Wonderful.
00:26:42.200 --> 00:26:56.930
Do you have any closing comments that you would love to share with our audience, um, to help them do whatever is resonating with them right now through our conversation?
00:26:56.960 --> 00:26:59.599
Any words, extra words of wisdom?
00:26:59.599 --> 00:27:07.430
'cause I know you've got tons of words of wisdom, but is there anything there you would love to share with the audience before we say our goodbyes?
00:27:08.089 --> 00:27:08.210
Mm-hmm.
00:27:10.519 --> 00:27:15.289
Yeah, the, the primary thing is that growth is not linear.
00:27:16.099 --> 00:27:28.759
I wish it was, I mean, it would be amazing to say, you know, we're just gonna keep riding that uphill, you know, we're gonna be growing, we're gonna be maximizing, we're doing all those things, but life happens and we're human.
00:27:28.759 --> 00:27:33.740
And sometimes we have those days, or maybe weeks or months where we're just like, what is going on?
00:27:33.769 --> 00:27:33.859
Mm-hmm.
00:27:34.099 --> 00:27:36.079
Whether it relates to our health.
00:27:36.464 --> 00:27:39.345
Physical health, mental health, maybe even relationships.
00:27:39.345 --> 00:27:48.404
You know, I feel like as you know, in marriage relationships, it can be on a upswing, and then other times you're just like, oh my, we need separate vacations.
00:27:49.755 --> 00:28:05.744
So when those moments happen or thoughts happen, to just know that it's okay, that it doesn't mean that it's not for you, that it's not a goal that's, um, not still worthy of pursuing a relationship that doesn't need more, you know, um, effort into it.
00:28:05.970 --> 00:28:16.440
But to just know that those days are gonna happen and that it's, um, it's still meant to be and to keep, keep growing, keep learning, because it's so much easier to stay stuck.
00:28:16.769 --> 00:28:21.269
Uh, I recently heard something that said fear is free, and that's not wrong.
00:28:21.269 --> 00:28:23.609
Like, our mind wants to go to the easiest.
00:28:24.095 --> 00:28:25.174
Solution.
00:28:25.384 --> 00:28:25.595
Mm-hmm.
00:28:25.865 --> 00:28:27.035
Quickest solution.
00:28:27.035 --> 00:28:30.785
And most often it's not benefiting us at all.
00:28:30.785 --> 00:28:30.875
Right.
00:28:31.204 --> 00:28:40.744
Um, but it, and it could be that fear or that stuck or the, or that mindset of just like, well, that was my family and it just is what it is and yeah, I can't change it.
00:28:40.744 --> 00:28:42.065
And woe is me.
00:28:42.065 --> 00:28:48.484
And it's like, no, we have the opportunity every single day to make it either our excuse.
00:28:48.490 --> 00:28:55.960
To stay stuck or our reason to be different, to grow and to continue to pursue and who God intended us to be.
00:28:55.960 --> 00:28:57.940
So I would just say, hang in there.
00:28:58.240 --> 00:29:00.460
Growth is not a steady incline.
00:29:00.490 --> 00:29:10.119
There's bumps and wobbles and you know, pitfalls and all the things, but it's still a million percent worth continuing that growth opportunity.
00:29:10.509 --> 00:29:11.349
Absolutely.
00:29:11.349 --> 00:29:17.380
Thank you so much for your time, your energy, your gifts.
00:29:17.809 --> 00:29:17.869
Yeah.
00:29:18.680 --> 00:29:27.230
And for the work that you put into the world and for all the women, you support it, it's a thousand plus.
00:29:27.230 --> 00:29:34.910
Now, next time we meet in a year from now, I'm sure it'll be way higher into the thousands instead of just.
00:29:35.384 --> 00:29:36.105
2000.
00:29:36.105 --> 00:29:38.355
It'll probably be way bigger than that.
00:29:38.355 --> 00:29:40.035
So keep doing you.
00:29:40.335 --> 00:29:42.974
Thank you so much for being on the show today.
00:29:42.974 --> 00:29:44.924
And make sure you check the show notes.
00:29:44.924 --> 00:29:48.734
Go in, make sure you check the website that Tanya referenced.
00:29:48.734 --> 00:29:52.095
Do you wanna say it one more time just to make sure our listeners grab it?
00:29:52.634 --> 00:29:53.265
Absolutely.
00:29:53.265 --> 00:29:56.869
It's motion and mindset.com.
00:29:56.869 --> 00:29:57.150
Perfect.
00:29:57.724 --> 00:29:58.414
Perfect.
00:29:58.744 --> 00:29:58.894
Yes.
00:29:59.434 --> 00:30:00.724
Thank you so much.
00:30:00.724 --> 00:30:06.484
And to the listeners, make sure that you are following Thrive after 45.
00:30:06.785 --> 00:30:13.474
You don't wanna miss any of these incredible conversations that we get to have every week and take care of yourselves.
00:30:13.474 --> 00:30:21.394
Make sure you do something for you by you because of you, and go and check out Tanya's work.
00:30:21.545 --> 00:30:23.045
Have a great day everyone.
00:30:23.045 --> 00:30:24.755
Bye bye.