Midlife Puberty: Why Your Mind and Body Are Changing - with Terri Hanson Mead

Speaker 0:00

Hello and welcome to today's episode of Thrive After 45. I'm Denise Drink, heart whisperer, midlife mirror and mentor. And every week it is such an honor to share energy and space with inspiring guests whose stories reflect. So many possibilities of thriving beyond 45. Together we uncover the whispers of the heart, the power of midlife transformation, and the wisdom that fuels expansion. So what happens when a woman who has built a full successful life realizes that she still wants. More, not more achievement, not more applause, but more agency. That's the work that our wonderful guest, Terry Hansen Mead has devoted herself to. Terry is the founder of Piloting Your Life, an author Stanford continuing studies instructor and life strategy coach. For more than 25 years, she's worked in leadership and life design, and for the past eight. She's focused specifically on midlife women ready to move from autopilot to intentional authorship. Through her course Navigating Midlife for Women, her hundred episode podcast, her writing and her investing in women-led companies. She has helped hundreds. Directly and reached thousands more. At the heart of her work are women who look accomplished on paper yet feel quite restless that they cannot ignore anymore. Women asking things like, if I designed this next chapter on purpose, what would it really look like? Terry, I am so honored. To share this space and conversation with you today. Welcome to Thrive after 45.

Speaker 2 1:56

Oh my God, I have chills. Just'cause of the work that you and I get to do with the, with the women of this world and how we are gonna take it over

Speaker 2:06

one step at a time. Right.

Speaker 2 2:08

One step at a time.

Speaker 2:10

Yeah. We were talking before we started recording about not necessarily dismantling, but infusing. Infusing change possibility, shining that light as it were, so that we can continue to grow, expand, and do what brings our hearts full purpose. Right.

Speaker 2 2:36

Absolutely. And as you were just saying, I was just like, what fills our hearts? Yeah. Rather than always being in service to other women or other people in society, et cetera. But doing what fills our hearts, fills our souls and makes us feel, uh, like our life is worth li living, like our life has the meaning that we want it to have. And that is why I really think midlife is an opportunity and not a crisis for, for, for women. After we get through the yucky forties when we're trying to figure everything out and we get it to, I wanna say the more fulfilling fifties. And beyond, but I'm not there yet.

Speaker 3:15

Yeah, and you know what? We get to do whatever it is. Like you say, that lights our heart on fire because the pathway from before is spreading itself further and further away from that. Dig in, gotta go, gotta move. You know, here's this line. I've gotta hit that goal. All the stuff that we've been. Not only condition, but also training ourselves to be, you know, in the world. I've gotta make this, do this, do this, do this. We get to step back and take a breath more, so don't we? Yeah,

Speaker 2 3:47

yeah. And that's the thing that I don't think I realized in my forties was, um, you know, I am, I am a recovering type, a overachieving perfectionist. I will probably always be, uh, a, a recovering. You know, some alcoholics are always in recovery. I am, this is something that I will always be, be in recovery.'cause I'm constantly having to fight that drive, um, for perfection, the drive to achieve, because it was, I always had, uh, positive feedback loops around that. But in our forties when we are potentially going through natural, uh, menopause, transition perimenopause, right? So women go through it earlier for, you know, due to surgery or. Radiation or you know, whatever else is happening. But a lot of women go through the menopause transition. In our forties, our bodies change. Our minds change. And as you said, we start asking, is this, it is there, is there more? We also lose the capacity in this change and this midlife, pre puberty to handle as much as we were able to handle before. Mm. A lot of us don't recognize it while we're in it, because at least here in the United States, I can't speak to Canada and other parts of the world. There has not been enough, uh, attention paid to women's health in general, but then also to aging women. Uh, because women are not supposed to age, you know, there's no, uh, women equivalent of a silver fox. You know, we're just supposed to slide into old hag. I'm actually realizing that sliding into old hag is a delicious vision versus, you know,'cause we're not as tied to all of the expectations of our society, but in our forties, so much is changing and as if, if we can look to it as, okay, just going through midlife puberty, there are gonna be a lot of changes. I can't do as much because so much is changing in my body and my mind. Let me, as you said, take a step back, take a breath. Use this as an opportunity to. Really reassess, where am I now? What, what is important to me? Start to experiment, to figure out, because so many of us lose through, um, you know. Uh, you know, this is really more in like a cisgender he heteronormative situation, but you know, you, you get your job, you get your, your spouse, you get the dog, you get the house, you get the kids, you get, you know, you know. Mm-hmm. You get so lost in that because it's so busy and it's so consuming mm-hmm. That when you hit your forties and all of a sudden the, your body is like, whoa. And it's like you are, you can either fight it like I did and like so many of us women do. Or if we can talk more about it and say, Hey, this is just natural to be able to go, it is perfectly okay to take a pause. Mm-hmm. There is nothing wrong with you. This is absolutely appropriate. You get to take a step back and figure out what really is most important. And for those of us who had, you know, uh, I had my children when I was 31 and 34. So they didn't need me as much in my mid forties. Right. Uh, women that I talked to when I was researching for my book, piloting Your Life, some of them were younger when they had kids, some of them were older and they were like, I can't take the time to do this. My kids are four, five, and six. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, just, just, just wait. You know? I, I, I appreciate where you are. Um. Mm-hmm. This may not resonate'cause you don't feel like you have the time. But your body's gonna tell you. Um, and then for those women who, who do not have children for, for whatever reason, sure there are different factors that may drive that, that pause. Whether it's a health issue, changing careers, um, parents who need more help. Um, yes. You know, there, there, there are so many different factors. I think there are at least seven and I talk about them in the book, that really like hit you in the head and go,

Speaker 7:46

yeah,

Speaker 2 7:46

you need to take a break.

Speaker 7:48

Yeah, and the conversations that we have in this show are multiple purpose, but one of the reasons why I think what you're talking about is so important is if we can help women not hit those walls, but start processing and thinking about possibilities before that, um, we don't all have to go down that slippery slope. If we, we know more, we can do differently as a result, right?

Speaker 2 8:20

Yeah, absolutely. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And that's, you know, one of the reasons I wrote my book Piloting Your Light. I'm sorry about the printer, my 25-year-old. Oh,

Speaker 8:30

that's okay.

Speaker 2 8:32

My, my son is studying for his master's degree at San Francisco State, and it looks like he's printing out something, uh, to read. So we were an empty nest,

Speaker 8:40

we're,

Speaker 2 8:41

we were an empty nest. We're no longer an empty nest.

Speaker 8:44

Yeah.

Speaker 2 8:44

Anyway, one of the reasons why I wrote my book is I didn't know what to expect. I hit that wall and I was like, why didn't anyone tell me what to expect when I turned 40? And I so much do not want the women coming up behind me to suffer the same thing. So like, as you said, if we can talk about it so that you don't feel crazy, you are like, oh, this is just a normal, normal part of aging. Just like we tell kids when they're going through puberty. That it's just a normal part of, uh, normal part of the, um, aging process.

Speaker 9:18

Yeah.

Speaker 2 9:18

It just happens to be, um, earlier in life.

Speaker 9:21

Absolutely. Uh, tell us about your book Piloting Your Life. How did you come up with the name?

Speaker 2 9:30

That's a, that's a good question. So, um, I am a commercially rated helicopter pilot. Um, I know. Let's just, I

Speaker 9:37

love it.

Speaker 2 9:38

Not in there. I,

Speaker 9:39

I knew that and I'm like, tell me you're a helicopter

Speaker 2 9:42

pilot. Yeah. Um, all of my branding is around aviation. I have worked in predominantly male uh, spaces and whether it was my life sciences consulting, I do IT strategy and IT compliance with biotech, med device diagnostic and digital health companies. Um, and as a result, it was, it was a lot of guys. And then I started angel investing, investing in, uh, startups that expanded the power and influence of women and, uh. I told him, by the way, I told him I have a podcast I'm recording.

Speaker 10:19

Honestly, we can't even hear it.

Speaker 2 10:20

Okay, good, good, good, good. Okay. I feel better. Uh, distraction of kids. Um. So, um, angel investing, I was often the only woman in the room. And, um, the, so that's why the branding was so important around, um, being a helicopter pilot, I would often walk into rooms where it was all guys, and I'd say, yeah, I, an angel investor focused on this, and they just wouldn't pay attention to me at all. When they found out, and by the way, to be at that table, I had to have a certain amount of money to invest. I had to have certain network. Um, it's like I had the same credentials coming in. Mm-hmm. Other than I could think circles around most of the guys.'cause most of us women have to overperform in order to compete in these spaces. Right. And um, then I'd say, Hey, yeah, I'm a commercially rated helicopter pilot. And then they would perk up. And it was almost like my table stakes were so much higher in being that way. And why, why helicopters? Um, when I was, uh, eight, um, my dad had a Csna 1 52 take me flying around Hayward, which is in the East Bay of the San Francisco Bay area. Mm-hmm. And one day I got to go up in a helicopter and I just said, one day I'm gonna fly one of these things. And I didn't tell anybody. I looked into it in college and it was just too expensive.

Speaker 11:38

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 11:38

And then when my husband and I moved from San Francisco down the peninsula, there's a local airport, port San Carlos, and had a bunch of helicopters. And I just said, every time I went by, I'm like, one day I'm gonna fly one of those. One day I'm gonna fly one of those. Well, for my 37th birthday, 38th, no 38th birthday, my husband decided he'd had enough of hearing me say that. They gave me a discovery flight hoping that I would shut up. And, you know, thinking that it was, I would think it was too expensive. It was too hard. It was too. Whatever, too much.

Speaker 12:10

Yep.

Speaker 2 12:10

And you know, at 38, my youngest was four, my oldest was seven. And it was like, if I don't do it now, I'll never do it. And it was one of the most, it's, it's, I'm so proud of being a helicopter pilot. And then five years later I became a commercially rated because in the San Francisco Bay area, it's busy. It. It's, um, it's busy airspace. I mean, we have San Francisco Airport, Oakland Airport, and San Jose Airport all within, you know, uh, small geo geography.

Speaker 12:39

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 12:40

And I learned this much. And then over time, my knowledge shrank. And so then I wanted to expand it because as the sole breadwinner, as the one, um,'cause my husband stayed home with the kids. Um, yeah. I wanted to mitigate risk. I am a calculated risk taker. Yeah. So people are like, oh, you take a lot of risk. And I'm No, no, no, no. Calculated risk taker.

Speaker 13:03

Okay.

Speaker 2 13:03

And, um, so I be, I got my commercial rating in order to be safer. So. As, um, after about 10 years of consulting, I decided I wanted to do more at like 45. Yes. And a fellow helicopter pilot suggested I get into angel investing and I thought if I go into angel investing, then I could see what's next. You know? Sure. I could open up some opportunities and, and I'm still answering your question and I'm Why piloting? No,

Speaker 13:32

this is good.

Speaker 2 13:33

So, um, when, um, I started listening, I, I went to some meetings. I joined Sandhill Angels and I absolutely loved it. I got to take my mm-hmm. Multi multidisciplinary background. I got to pick do, do, do, do, do, do pull things together. Mm-hmm. I got to, um, learn so much and then meet these amazing people and. Invest in what turned out to be mostly women-led businesses. Yeah. And it was because women-led businesses were solving problems that I wanted to see solved in the world.

Speaker 14:08

Mm.

Speaker 2 14:08

Um, 92% of VCs at the last statistic, um, venture capitalists, uh mm-hmm. In the US are men. And 47% of them come from the same two schools. So there's a lot of group think involved.

Speaker 14:22

Yep.

Speaker 2 14:22

And when I was listening to, I was listening to podcasts, I was reading stuff to be a better angel investor. It was like the total brochure and I was like, there's gotta be something more. I know that there are a lot of women out there. There are a lot of people out there who cannot be it unless they see it. So I thought, why don't I launch a podcast called Piloting Your Life to interview people who don't exactly look like or come from the backgrounds that match what. Is is typical. And very quickly I realized that I only wanted to focus on women. Um, I did a, an investing trip, um, in Europe and I was in talent Estonia, uh, meeting with digital health companies. I was in Berlin talking a gr to a group of women founders. I was in niece, uh, talking to an accelerator and then in Paris. Mm-hmm. And this was self-funded solo trip that I went on. And at the end of that I was like, I only wanna. Work. I, I only wanna focus on women. Mm-hmm. And so my podcast narrow narrowed, focused on the women. And then it was at that, kind of, that point, I realized it was going to pick through perimenopause and I was like, I really only wanna focus on women who are at the age of 40. This is what I can relate to. Mm-hmm. Right now. Mm-hmm. I, I see a huge opportunity. If I see an opportunity, I'm going after it. Yeah. Right?

Speaker 15:39

Yep.

Speaker 2 15:40

And, um, so I interviewed 35 diverse women from around the world, um, and did a ton of research and created what somebody called a, an inspiring, well-researched beach read on what to expect when you turn 40.

Speaker 15:56

Hmm.

Speaker 2 15:57

That. That's how, that's how we got to piloting, piloting your life. And since then, um, my podcast is over. I switched over to YouTube. Um, I'm still blog. Yeah, I'm still writing. Um, the, while I was going to go, um, so I wrote the book, uh, worked with a coach, self-published. Mm-hmm. It's audiobook, ebook, and paperback. Um mm-hmm. Which I love having all three options. Mm-hmm. So if you want my book and you love my voice, audiobook is great. If you don't like it, it sounds just like. So, yeah,

Speaker 16:27

yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 16:28

But, um, uh, I published it September 1st, 2019 was starting book tour stuff and the world closed down. Right? Of course. And the unfortunate thing is this is something that you don't need. You don't know you need it until you read it.'cause we don't wanna recognize there are a lot of us who are in denial. Yeah. In our forties as we're going through the transition. So I was doing house parties where people would come and they would throw a cocktail party or something like that.

Speaker 16:57

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 16:57

And I, we would, we would, I would ask provocative questions, you know? Mm-hmm. After cocktails, in order for women to open up and start realizing they're not isolated and alone in their experience.

Speaker 17:09

Yeah.

Speaker 2 17:09

Which is so huge because the patriarch needs us to be quiet, needs us to not talk about it and not realize the power of community, the power of getting out of our own shame and isolation, especially when it comes to women in aging.

Speaker 17:25

Absolutely. Absolutely. And so thank you for not only sharing that full story because it, it brings a lot of. Questions that come forward for me in that conversation. And the one thing I'm gonna land on is from the beginning when you shared, but I didn't tell anybody. I said I was gonna be a helicopter pilot, but I never told anybody two questions that are coming out of that particular state statement. Oh, get for that. So first question is. Do you know why you hid that and part two? Is this something that you continue to do is wait.'cause you are very, you know, you're a risk taker, but you're very calculated. You're very specific. So I'm curious to know, is this still you today? Or, or do you, okay.

Speaker 2 18:23

No, no, no, no. I mean, I have not. I didn't realize until, um, I was going through the menopause transition and that I have a DHD, so it explains a, a lot and, and my son also does, uh, as well. Mm-hmm. And it's, that's an amazing dynamic. Um, so I am no longer masking the way that I used to mask. I just, okay. I just don't have the energy and bandwidth to do it. And so if I have an idea, I go after it there. Uh, and then I'm also very vocal about it. I've always been one of those people who ask questions that other people aren't asking. Yeah. Um, because I am so focused on my own education, I'm like, I wanna know this information. And then I came to find out that other people had the same questions. Sure. So whatever mask, whatever filter was on, that's, that's completely gone. So, no, now I, now I will, I will share. What I'm doing, it's also a little bit for accountability. Um, okay. Yeah. That I, um, I do that. Now. You're, you're, I have never thought about why I didn't tell anybody. Um, it could be because, um, I was rewarded for success. I was rewarded for perfection. I was rewarded for achieving. And so if I put that out there and made it. Vocalized it not, not realizing that that the universe could actually help me. Mm-hmm. I thought that if I didn't do it, I would be perceived as a failure. And so I think subconsciously I was afraid that if I put it out there that, I mean, I had very few like dreams that I would put out there. Yeah. Because the thought of failure, the thought of being mediocre was just horrifying.

Speaker 20:09

Yeah.

Speaker 2 20:09

To me. So I think I probably hid it because I was, I was afraid that I would not achieve one of the few things that was probably a dream in my life that I never really allowed myself. Um,'cause I felt like there were so many people telling me as, you know, uh, a beautiful, smart, talented, energetic, everybody's telling me, stop being so much. You're too much. You're too much. Mm-hmm. There's one, um, this, this is kind of painful. Um, my, I used to work for my dad's CPA firm. Growing up I was doing tax returns and audits, uh, tax returns and financial statements at 16 audits and reviews at 20. I had more work experience when I graduated from college at 22 than most people do by 30.

Speaker 20:57

Hmm.

Speaker 2 20:57

And I remember I went out to lunch with my mom and somebody else I worked with, and we went to a local place and I just ordered as normal, whatever. And my mom said, um, you know, I wish we could put a bag over your head sometimes so the rest of us could get some attention. I know, I laugh, I laugh about it. I have major, I love my mother. I have, um, I have a very interesting relationship with her. Uh, but it's, it's, um, it was more telling about her than it was about me. Um, but the number of times also, I worked for a biotech company and we partnered with GlaxoSmithKline and I would be calling stuff out, challenging people. I didn't care what, where they were in the hierarchy. And I would have two guys on either side of me constantly kicking me going, you can't say that. You can't say that. Like, why can't I say that? It's true. Why can't I say that? That's true. Mm-hmm. So, so many times being told you're too much. You need to quiet down, you know, all this stuff. So I think there was probably a lot of that mm-hmm. Conditioning in there that I did not want somebody bursting the bubble of one thing that I was holding onto. That could be exclusively mine. I'm also an identical twin. My sister is, my sister is Sherry, I'm Terry. Our names are Terry Lynn and Sherry Lynn. We are the girls, the twins, the Hansons, Terry and Sherry. Sherry and Terry and I, we both fought so hard for our own identities in the world. Mm-hmm. And so I think this was just like a precious little thing. And um. I'm, I haven't flown in a couple of years because of mitigating risk there. There are some extenuating circumstances, but this year I plan to get back up in the air because I love to get above it all to get above it all.

Speaker 22:48

I love that. I wanna thank you for sharing the depth of that conversation with us. I know there will be people in the audience resonating so deeply with what you just shared, and they're putting their hand up going, I am not alone. Yeah, that's exactly what I did. I held that nugget for safety reasons because I didn't want to get crushed. I didn't wanna crush all those that were expecting this of me. And isn't it beautiful that now over the years of experience and opportunities that you are here showing women. We don't need to do that game anymore, and when we don't do that game anymore, everything gets to change. We're the drivers, the possi. Yeah.

Speaker 2 23:38

The possibilities open up. The world gets a little bit easier. I mean, there's still gonna be people who are gonna try to crush us and change us

Speaker 23:44

totally

Speaker 2 23:45

much, but when when we can share it with one another and we can be in support of one another, then it makes it easier. I mean, we're seeing it, um, like the women's us, I don't know when this is gonna air, but the women's US hockey team and how so much of the world is galvanizing. Around supporting in light of what happened in the locker room. Yeah. By the way, sorry, Canada for taking second place. The game was amazing. So, but, but how in speaking up and the galvanization Yeah. Is, um, it's absolutely beautiful to watch. Yeah. Because I think that energy, those voices and the, the Flava Flav pulling stuff together to get the party and Vegas and all of the companies that are stepping up in order to support that in terms of Alaska Airlines and flights and. Um, I think like, is it Stub Hub is like doing tickets and a bunch of women owned businesses are donating products to, to that. Mm-hmm. The, it's, it is drowning out so much of the negativity that we're seeing.

Speaker 24:56

Right, right.

Speaker 2 24:56

It's just, it's beautiful to watch. Yeah. It's beautiful to, you know, even though I'm not there, it's just I still feel like I'm a part of it. Yeah. The energy is just so beautiful.

Speaker 25:09

And what timing? Oh

Speaker 2 25:12

yeah.

Speaker 25:12

Like,

Speaker 2 25:13

yeah.

Speaker 25:14

Right. What timing?

Speaker 2 25:17

Yeah.

Speaker 25:18

And there's a reason I'm getting chills. There's a reason for it happening. The way it's happening and why it's happening now.

Speaker 2 25:24

Yeah.

Speaker 25:25

And it just goes to show that. What we're talking about, what we are doing in the world, what you can do in the world, whatever it is that's coming through for you, what can you put in place for you by you because of you so that you can turn those wheels of possibility? And when you do this, everything, like we've talked about in this show multiple times, and we continue to say. Everything in your sphere of influence will change as you change to give back to yourself because there's nobody more important and that's not egocentric at all.

Speaker 2 26:02

No. Well, and yeah, so, um, I mentioned to you before we started recording the, the book by Elise l and call called on our Best Behavior. That is the weaponization of the seven deadly sins in, um, uh, oppressing and suppressing women. And, um, talks about how, um, the, the PA patriarchy, the we need to comply in or, and be the good girls. In order to, for patriarchy to exist. And the moment that we start saying, Hmm, no, that doesn't work.

Speaker 26:38

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 26:38

And the moment that we start talking to one another, it's almost like in the movie Bugs Life where the ants realize that there were more of them than of the grass. Soccers realize. And we claim our power, whether it's voting with our pocketbooks, voting with our attention, um. And the attention thing is so important. It's, it's not only outward attention, it's not just social media attention. It's, it's uh, not just deciding what you're gonna watch or not. Um, it's also where we spend our, our brain cycles. And we were also talking briefly, um, earlier,'cause I listened to your podcast with Alina Wilson. Wilson. Oh my gosh. It's so powerful in terms of I am so tired of expending so many brain cycles on my appearance. I am so tired of worrying about how I look, uh, about my weight, about, uh, other than for, for health reasons. Yeah. Um, I am, I'm so tired about the amount of time that I spend and I'm like, am I doing it because I am focus, you know, I. But why am I doing it? Yes. And I know it's because how I've been conditioned and how I've been rewarded. Mm-hmm. And for a lot of us as we age, and, um, I have a little bit of a filter on, I have makeup on. I mean, I'm looking pretty good right now. But, you know, I didn't wake up in the morning looking like this, and, and it's just, I just hate the amount of time that I spend and also the flogging as, as we age. Mm. You know, the wrinkles, the skins, the imperfections, the, the cellulite, the things are not as firm as they used to be. Um, it's, it's, I, I hate that when I look in the mirror. I don't love who I see. And so I ordered Alina's book, thoughtful Aging because she talks about wanting us to love who we see in the mirror.

Speaker 28:30

Yeah.

Speaker 2 28:31

And I, every second that I worry about my appearance is a second that I'm contributing to the patriarchy. It is a second that is taking away from me, you, and it's taking away from, um, being in support of the things that I think are important, being in support of women. Being in support of LGBTQ plus in mm-hmm. Uh, immigration rights, uh, black people, brown people. Yeah. General equality and humanity, our environment. Right. It takes away from me being able to contribute the goodness'cause I'm focusing on the negativity.

Speaker 29:07

Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 29:08

And my therapist gets back from her, um, month long vacation next week, and this is definitely gonna be the topic for next week.

Speaker 29:15

Yeah.

Speaker 2 29:15

You know, also finding a way to stop de uh, centralizing men in my life, which I know I do subconsciously, and I catch myself. I'm like, why are you doing that? Stop.

Speaker 29:30

The beautiful thing that you shared there, there, which I, I believe wholeheartedly. When we are aware, that's when we can start to take the action. When we are totally oblivious and don't even see it, we'll never be able to wait a minute, do that, step back and go, hold on here. Is this really how I wanna live my life? We don't know when our last breath will be. It could be. Mm-hmm. 10 minutes from now. I don't know when my last breath is gonna be, but I will be darned if I don't give back to myself because when I don't do that, like you say, I am not being fully present for anyone else including me, and that's not fair. That's not fair. It's not fair to me, priority. It's not fair to anyone else near me in my sphere of influence. So Alina was amazing and I'm so glad that you had an opportunity to not only hear but share the nuggets from the conversation that came through for you. And I am so. So happy and blessed that that has happened and that you've been sharing it here today. So thank you for that.

Speaker 2 30:39

Well, and I'll be sharing it elsewhere. So, um, I do book reviews and I, I read, um, nonfiction, uh, for fiction and nonfiction. Sure. But for nonfiction, a lot of times what I'll do is I'll read a book I get through and highlight it. And then I do my takeaways, and then I push that my takeaways out onto my blog On Medium. I'm gonna start pushing more onto my website, Terry Hanson mead.com. Um, uh, just to, um, to share because not, not everybody either likes to read or has time to read. And so if I can make, if I can make it easier for another woman out there by just giving my takeaways. Or by somebody will read the takeaways and go, oh, I want to learn more. So then they'll go and, and buy the book and I say, go buy the book from an independent bookstore, you know? Yeah. Preferably women owned women.

Speaker 31:29

Yeah. Thank you.

Speaker 2 31:30

Women owned, uh. So, um, so I, I look forward to it, um, in, I'm going on a solo trip to Mexico City for a week. My husband does cycling trips around the world. Mm-hmm. Um, we have a travel channel called Zeke and Terry Adventures to inspire people over the age of 50 to get out, get uncomfortable, and go adventure. Um, when we get out and go meet people where they're at, experience different cultures, experience different places, get outside of our comfort zones, it makes us better humans and it makes the planet at a better place. Mm-hmm. And so his, he's in, uh, Costa Rica right now, cycling for two weeks. I'm gonna do Mexico City for a week by myself, and then I'm doing 11 or 12 days in Nicaragua to visit a friend of mine. It's also where I'm gonna be doing my first retreat next year. Piloting your life retreats.com if you wanna check it out. Um, but a friend of mine is an American expat. She's, uh, lives down there, has been down there for 10 years, and I'm gonna get time to read and then write my summaries and then be able to share them out. Mm. So I'm bringing, um, Alina's book down. I'm bringing, um, I think financial feminist down. I'm bringing a couple of books. That I will then share my takeaways and hope of inspiring, educating or making the life easier of other women, and also promoting women authors on topics that I think are important.

Speaker 32:54

Hmm. Beautiful. Terry. Thank you. Not only for the conversation but for the depth and for the vulnerability today when you model such, you are opening up so many doors for our listeners and we can't thank you enough and appreciate you so, so much for all you've done and continue to do and I can't wait to have another conversation'cause I know we will. I,

Speaker 2 33:24

I am too. Yeah. I told you you have a friend in the bay and I have another friend. I have another Canadian friend. I love it. I love it.

Speaker 33:32

Ta Um,

Speaker 2 33:33

yeah.

Speaker 33:33

Is there, thank you. Is there anything you would love? For our audience, women who are wanting to and desiring to, and moving towards or building momentum in thriving after 45. Any nuggets of wisdom as we wrap up our conversation today?

Speaker 2 33:54

If you're feeling stuck, I mean, so forties are different from fifties and, um, I know that you and Alina talk about, you know, being happiest in your sixties. Um, uh, you know, if you're feeling stuck, please know that you're not alone. Mm. Please know that the experience that you're ha it doesn't mean that you're not special, but you can be special in other ways and not feeling alone and isolated and experience. If there's anything you can do to talk to your friends, to get outside of that feeling of shame. Um, do it. Take the step knowing that a single step, I mean, you don't have to have it all figured out. Just take a step, take another step, because that will give you some momentum if, whether it's, you know, getting my book, piloting your life. Um, if you're really, really stuck, there's a great book. Buy two Stanford authors. They're men. We're gonna, we'll give it to, we'll give this to them called Designing Your Life. You're Like, it, it's a really, really great book. Um, ask for some help. Take a class.

Speaker 34:50

Yeah,

Speaker 2 34:51

just do something to get outside of what you're currently stuck in, in order to see the possibilities open up. Um, I, I'm a true believer in the path presents itself. Um, and then filters and lenses. Just like you could get a red car, all of a sudden you see red cars, you get pregnant, all of a sudden you see everybody who's pregnant.

Speaker 35:11

Yeah.

Speaker 2 35:12

If you take a step in a direction and um, all of a sudden things will open up because your filters will expand. Mm-hmm. Your view will, I mean, you talk about this, your view expands and the possibilities at a time when we feel like they're shutting down. I really like to see it as it's, we really have unlimited possibilities for so many people in midlife, for women especially, we see this wide open terrain where they're no longer any sort of set milestones. You're not graduating from high school, college, right. And kids, you know, getting that, you know, career, whatever. Um, and then your kids' milestones kind of end. If you have kids, all of a sudden there's this wide open terrain, which can feel. Terrifying. But you don't have to have it all figured out.

Speaker 35:56

Yeah.

Speaker 2 35:56

You can just figure out what's next and what's next and what's next. Mm-hmm. And not feel the magnitude. Feel the magnitude of the possibilities, but not overwhelmed by them, you know? Right. You don't have to boil the ocean.

Speaker 36:09

Yeah. Love that. Don't have to boil the ocean. I love that. Thank you for that. Just your

Speaker 2 36:14

little cup of tea.

Speaker 36:15

Yep. Cup of tea. Two minutes a day. Take some time and just sit and be. How many times do we do that? Right. Yeah, I know, I know. And it's such a hard hurdle. It's really, when you think of it, just have a cup of tea and don't do anything for that two minutes of cup of tea, whatever. And people are like, oh, I could do that. And then it's like, Ooh, no, that didn't work out so well.'cause I had to go over there and do that laundry. Right? Yeah. And so it sounds easy and. It can be, but you have to give yourself permission to do it. And thank you, Terry, for providing not only that permission.

Speaker 2 36:58

I'm writing

Speaker 36:58

that

Speaker 2 36:58

down by the way. Two minutes of space.

Speaker 37:01

Yeah. Make it small and manageable. Right. Rome was not built in a day like my father always used to say.

Speaker 2 37:11

Came down pretty fast.

Speaker 37:12

Yeah. Well, and you know what things get can get dismantled rather abruptly as we spoke about for whatever reason, but that opens up doors of possibility. If you see it through that lens, it will help shift everything. And you're not alone. You're not alone. You're not alone. Know that. Wonderful. Thank you so much for being here. We will have all the information in the show notes, so we'll make sure we give your piloting your life.com that's coming out and your book that's there and all the stuff. Um, you'll make sure that I have all of that so it goes in our show notes. And before we close, I do wanna share something. Gently, and yet very clearly in November, this coming November, I am hosting what I believe is so important right now, a live in-person experience called Ignite the Inner Uprising, and it will be a two day immersive gathering. I'm looking at 1200 women coming together. I am so jazzed about this concept. Women who are feeling a quiet pull towards something more truthful, embodied more fully your own. It's an extension of the conversations we get to have virtually in this space. So it's where reflection is gonna become embodiment, where insight's gonna be integrated, where women who have held so much. For others are gonna gather and stand fully in their own sovereignty. So if something stirred today in your conversation that we just had, if your body started to lean in and your hands started to raise. That's not accidental. The wait list is open, so if Ignite it feels like something in your future, we would absolutely love for you to join us. So join that wait list and thank you for being here and sharing. Following, leave us a review so that more women can find these incredible conversations because we are here to thrive after 45, and there will be a place for us to gather. Thank you for being here, Terry. It's been amazing.

Speaker 2 39:36

It's been fun.