Jan. 29, 2026
The #1 Lie Women Believe About Divorce - with Kimberly Lorah
After over 25 years with her partner, Kimberly’s world was completely upended by a divorce she never saw coming.
She describes that season as "temporary insanity," and honestly...
Who hasn't felt that way when life pulls the rug out from under you?
But instead of letting that be the end of her story, she used that rock bottom as a launchpad.
Kimberly took her 20 years of experience as a therapist and her own lived heartbreak to become a certified divorce coach. She founded Blossom Coaching because she realized there was a massive gap in support for women who feel untethered and lost in the middle of a life transition.
We talk about the "red flags" we often paint green just to keep the peace, the struggle of losing your identity when a long-term marriage ends, and the incredible gift of finding your own voice again.
She’s living proof that your life is not over just because a chapter ended. In fact, she’s happier now at 55 than she’s ever been, and she’s helping other women realize that they can be "better than okay" too.
If you’ve been feeling lonely, stuck, or like you’re just "chugging along" in a life that doesn't feel true to you, Kimberly’s wisdom is the hug and the nudge you’ve been looking for.
We dive into:
- Navigating the "temporary insanity" of major life changes
- Why we ignore our intuition and how to start trusting it again
- Rebuilding an identity that belongs entirely to you
- The power of finding a community that actually gets it
This episode is such a reminder that even the hardest endings are just making space for a brand new, more authentic beginning.
Connect with Kimberly:
- Website: https://kimberlylorahcoaching.com/
- Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/blossomcoachingllc/
https://www.facebook.com/kimberlylorahcoaching
Thank you for spending time with me today on the Thrive After 45™ podcast! If this episode spoke to you, be sure to hit that follow button so you never miss one.
And if you loved it, I’d be so grateful if you left a review - it helps more amazing women like you find this show!
Your journey doesn’t stop here - let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me at denisedrinkwalter.com, and follow @thethriveafter45podcast for daily insp, tips, and support.
Remember, midlife isn’t the end - it’s just the beginning of a new, exciting chapter! Keep thriving, keep shining, and I’ll see you next time!
WEBVTT
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Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Thrive after 45.
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I'm Denise Drink Walter heart whisperer, midlife mirror and mentor.
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And every week I am honored to share energy and space with inspiring guests whose stories reflect so many possibilities of thriving beyond 45.
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Together we'll uncover the whispers of the heart, the power of midlife transformation, and that wisdom that fuels expansion.
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What if.
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Rock bottom wasn't a place of collapse, but the launchpad to your rebirth.
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Today's guest, Kimberly Laura, knows that truth in her bones.
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A licensed professional counselor, a certified divorce coach, and a divorced single mom.
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Two young adults.
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Kimberly carries both professional mastery and lived experience.
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After 23 years of marriage, more than 25 years together, her life was shattered by divorce a season.
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She describes as temporary insanity where everything she knew.
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Fell apart, but here's where her story.
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Ignites instead of staying broken, she actually transformed seeing the deep lack of support for people suffering during and after divorce.
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She became the guide she once needed.
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She turned her pain into purpose and founded.
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Blossom coaching over six years ago with more than two decades As a therapist and hundreds of lives impacted, Kimberly now helps women move through the pain of divorce, rediscover their strengths, claim that new identity, and build a life.
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That finally feels true.
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Her work is powerful, it is grounded, and it changes the trajectory of women's lives.
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Thank you so much for being here today with us, Kimberly.
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I can't wait to have this conversation.
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Thank you so much.
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I'm delighted to be here.
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If I would, I would love to have our audience.
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Understand a bit more.
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I mean, in the intro we talked about the trials and tribulations in terms of what hit and how it was blindsided.
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You tell us more about some of those pieces that really brought you to where you are today and doing the incredible work you are doing to support women going through similar journeys.
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Sure.
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Um, so I got married in 1995.
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Mm-hmm.
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And I was 25 years old and Yep.
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You know, I thought that.
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I thought my life was, was moving along.
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Right.
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I went to college, I went to grad school, I started working.
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I was engaged.
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You know, then I, you know, we bought a house.
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We had two kids, we had two dogs, we had two cats.
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We love animals.
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Um, and, you know, we're just kind of chugging along and then all of a sudden we weren't.
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And I, I, um, in retrospect, I think that there were signs that I chose to ignore because I was scared.
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And why, why rock the boat?
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Right?
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We're just chugging along.
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And, um, he said he wanted a divorce, major betrayal, and mm-hmm.
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The day before my 47th birthday, he moved out.
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Wow.
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And I was like, what do I do now?
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Mm-hmm.
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What do I do?
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The rug was pulled out from under my feet.
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Um, you know, here I am with these two kids mm-hmm.
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And, you know, a house and, and what I thought was a marriage like, so my whole identity, you know, was just kind of like ripped apart.
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What do I do?
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Who am I?
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Where do I go from here?
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Will I be okay?
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Will my kids be okay?
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Um.
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And then I realized like I needed some support, you know?
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Mm-hmm.
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I mentioned, you know, um, before I, I frequently mentioned, and you mentioned in the intro, I felt.
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This temporary insanity.
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Yeah.
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Which is really difficult for a person whose career as a therapist.
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Right.
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My, uh, my world is falling apart.
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Yep.
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Trying to help other people, you know, trying sometimes just to get my kids off to school.
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Um, like that, that was a big chore.
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Yeah.
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Uh, when I was like really just falling apart and, um, I realized that there was a need for specialized support for this temporary insanity.
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Mm.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know, I had a therapist, um, for mm-hmm.
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Other issues I had.
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Mm-hmm.
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Uh, you know, friends, I had family.
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Um, but there was something.
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Kind of wrong with all of those scenarios.
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I didn't wanna burden my friends therapist, you know, she kind of got it.
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But this was like right here, right now.
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What do I do next?
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Right?
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What do I go, what are my steps?
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Um, so once I kind of got through my divorce, which lasted 18 months, um, I said, I gotta do something about this.
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Mm.
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And I became a certified divorce coach.
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Mm-hmm.
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And now this is where I am.
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Who, who would've, who would've thought it?
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I just, uh, you know, this year it was seven years that I've been diviv divorced and yeah, it would've been my 30th wedding anniversary.
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And here I am happier than ever and helping people find their happily ever after part two, no matter what that looks like.
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So, yeah, I mean, what a, what a strange, what a strange journey our lives take us on.
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And you know what's so interesting to me?
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Is that temporary insanity.
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I love the fact that you're calling it temporary.
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Mm-hmm.
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A lot of women that I speak with and support don't see it as a temporary piece.
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When you were in the throes of it, did it, could you see it as temporary or did that, um.
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I'm gonna say label, just for lack of a better term right now.
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Mm-hmm.
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Did that come after when things moved differently as you worked through your Yeah.
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I mean, it definitely is one of those things when I look back and say, oh yeah, that was temporary in the time.
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At the time I just, right.
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Felt crazy.
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I just felt untethered.
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Right.
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So, I mean, I knew I couldn't feel like that forever, but I also didn't know when that crazy feeling was gonna stop.
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Crazy when we break it down.
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I mean, crazy is normal, right?
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Yeah.
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When you're going through a divorce, it's normal to feel crazy because I used the term crazy loosely, but if we break it down, what is it?
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It's fear, it's uncertainty, it's uh, loss of identity.
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Like I said before, it's betrayal.
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Like that really deep betrayal that, that this is, this isn't who.
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I thought I was with you.
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Yeah.
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This isn't who I thought we were together.
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You're not who I thought you were.
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So what the heck's going on?
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Mm-hmm.
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Um, so, you know, there's a lot of emotions that bundled together.
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Of course you feel crazy.
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Yeah.
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But with time.
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Mm-hmm.
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And with, with support, I was gonna say time is one big piece of it, but I.
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I would hazard a guess that the support is a huge piece and I like how you shared, I didn't wanna burden the family.
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I know a lot of people feel like that.
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Like yes, I will talk to them and lean on them, but I don't want to make that relationship a burden and make it all about my me and my issues and my worries and fears and.
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So having that support from somebody like yourself who's not only experienced it, but has the training and knowledge and skills behind it.
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Before you became a certified divorce coach specialist, you were a counselor and therapist, right?
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Yeah.
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It's, it's an incredible package of wealth and knowledge you bring to the table.
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So I'm, unfortunately, but I think sometimes these things do happen for a reason.
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I agree.
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And I, I often say, um, you know, to my clients and just like mm-hmm.
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When I'm, I'm feeling a moment of gratitude.
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You know, I think that divorce is the hardest thing that I've been through, but it was the best thing that ever could have happened.
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Mm-hmm.
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Because if it didn't, I don't know where I'd be.
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I'd be in a, I'd be in a really unhappy marriage and I would not be doing what I'm doing, and I would probably not be loving life.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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You mentioned that you, when you look back, it sounds like you're a big reflector.
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When you look back, you could see some of those signs.
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There's probably women in the audience who are listening, going, I know the signs.
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I am not happy right now.
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We haven't been happy for, you know, a while.
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Or when I think about it, it's eternity.
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What, what?
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Can you share with our audience not having any details in terms of what's going on, actually, but are there any, um, strategies, techniques, things you would recommend people who are listening right now?
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Going, what, what can I do?
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I, I don't wanna be stuck, but I don't know what to do.
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Yeah.
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Um, you know, a lot of times we paint our red flags green.
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Right.
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That's, that's something that we do, right?
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Mm-hmm.
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We see these red flags and, and, and we, we see them and our intuition's like, yeah, that's a red flag, but we want what we want so badly, whatever that is.
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Peace, stability, you know, a big wedding.
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Um.
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Not mm-hmm.
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Disrupting the status quo.
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Right.
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So we get out our little, you know, can of green paint and we paint our red flags.
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So I think the biggest thing is to really trust your intuition.
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Mm-hmm.
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And don't doubt yourself.
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And, you know, a lot of times, um, you know, you're, you're hearing these external voices.
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Maybe they're, you know, somebody's gaslighting or maybe culturally you can't get.
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Divorced or maybe the stigma of divorce.
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You know, like, so all of these things are bombarding.
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Mm-hmm.
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Us just stay, it's not that bad, blah, blah.
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But you know, really trusting your intuition and, and also reaching out for support.
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You know, there are a lot of things you could do to kind of, you know.
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Hey, I don't feel right, but I'm not quite sure what, what's, what's wrong, right?
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Mm-hmm.
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What's going on?
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Mm-hmm.
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Something doesn't feel right.
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Mm-hmm.
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And you know, having somebody as a sounding board to help you Right.
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Get that clarity and even if it's just validate you because it's so lonely.
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Mm-hmm.
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A lot of times we as women are in these really lonely situations.
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Um.
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We just need somebody to listen and to validate and say, I hear you.
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I support you.
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I'm, I'm here for you.
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Mm-hmm.
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Talk.
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So, yeah.
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I love that.
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And if you're listening right now, and you might be the listener, you might be the person who needs to be there to support and listen and give the validation.
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I hear what you're saying.
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What I'm hearing you say is, you know.
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Mm-hmm.
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Um, we.
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We don't, we, I'd say we underestimate the value of listening.
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This is very true.
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And listening to ourselves also.
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Mm.
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So how do you do that?
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How do you listen to yourself without pulling up, changing the color of the flag?
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I think, you know, it's really important to, that's easier said than done, but to try and like, like really.
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Push out the noise because there's a lot of noise coming to us all the time.
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Mm-hmm.
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And just really sit with ourselves.
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I, I work a lot with people, um, with their, the, the.
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Connection between their, their heart, their mind, and their selves.
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And when we really get into our heart, our mind, and ourselves, that's when you know these, these revelations come through.
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That's when our intuition speaks the most loudly and clearly to us.
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Mm-hmm.
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Perfect.
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And it's like, you know, a lot of times it's fear chattering.
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Yep.
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Or it's, it's, you know, uh, fear is the big one.
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The uncertainty, the what ifs, da da.
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But just mm-hmm.
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Okay.
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This is where I am right now.
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We don't even really have to figure out where you wanna go.
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We could just be like, this is where, where I am right now.
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Yeah.
00:13:10.096 --> 00:13:10.336
Yeah.
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Just getting clarity, like you say, right?
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The awareness, what's really true.
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Right.
00:13:16.216 --> 00:13:18.106
And you mentioned about the identity.
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Yeah.
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Mm-hmm.
00:13:19.216 --> 00:13:19.606
Right.
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The identity is huge because we do, we talk about this all the time in the show, and that's why the underpinning, the foundational piece of our show is Thrive after 45, and you do this for you by you because of you, so that we start to peel back that.
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Onion layer and start to really understand who we are as a person, not through the roles we play.
00:13:47.687 --> 00:13:57.586
And we, yes, we've done that, we do that, and then all of a sudden these situations, these life altering, um.
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Presentations that come into our lives really hit us upside the head, and if we have the opportunity to do this work as we go along, instead of waiting for the bottom to fall out.
00:14:13.317 --> 00:14:13.407
Mm-hmm.
00:14:14.366 --> 00:14:15.897
Wouldn't it be even mm-hmm.
00:14:16.136 --> 00:14:20.427
Better overall for us as well as those who are in our sphere of influence.
00:14:20.486 --> 00:14:20.576
Mm-hmm.
00:14:20.581 --> 00:14:20.642
Right.
00:14:20.642 --> 00:14:20.881
Mm-hmm.
00:14:20.888 --> 00:14:21.417
Yeah.
00:14:21.746 --> 00:14:22.167
Yeah.
00:14:22.616 --> 00:14:23.427
Absolutely.
00:14:23.697 --> 00:14:23.966
Yeah.
00:14:25.142 --> 00:14:41.221
So what do you know now about div divorce identity rebuilding that you wish someone had maybe whispered to you at the very beginning of your circumstances?
00:14:43.922 --> 00:14:52.231
Yeah, I think this is, um, one of, you know, one of the things that anyone who is contemplating in the middle of after divorce mm-hmm.
00:14:52.562 --> 00:14:58.562
It's so important to remember your marriage may have ended, but your life is not over.
00:14:58.951 --> 00:15:02.761
So, um, that's a hundred percent true.
00:15:04.322 --> 00:15:07.052
I love that your marriage might have ended, your life's not over.
00:15:07.442 --> 00:15:10.292
In some ways, every ending is a new beginning.
00:15:10.322 --> 00:15:10.412
Mm-hmm.
00:15:10.652 --> 00:15:17.376
So maybe, you know, like you said before, the launchpad, our marriage is over us.
00:15:17.596 --> 00:15:18.017
Mm-hmm.
00:15:19.022 --> 00:15:19.322
Yeah.
00:15:19.322 --> 00:15:20.522
You know, it could look like anything.
00:15:20.522 --> 00:15:24.392
It could look like, you know, going back to school mm-hmm.
00:15:24.631 --> 00:15:26.912
Specializing in divorce as a divorce coach.
00:15:27.062 --> 00:15:33.542
Um, it could mean, uh, you know, downsizing and, and moving someplace you've always wanted to.
00:15:33.841 --> 00:15:36.361
It could be something, you know, like you get a pottery class.
00:15:36.361 --> 00:15:37.412
It could be anything.
00:15:37.412 --> 00:15:37.471
Yeah.
00:15:37.741 --> 00:15:38.341
Any new the game.
00:15:39.331 --> 00:15:39.721
Yeah.
00:15:39.782 --> 00:15:40.381
Love that.
00:15:40.591 --> 00:15:40.892
Yeah.
00:15:41.596 --> 00:15:45.376
The end, the end of something is the beginning of something else.
00:15:45.466 --> 00:15:48.136
It's just waiting for you to find it.
00:15:48.136 --> 00:15:54.437
So the end is opening up more space for you to be able to explore that.
00:15:54.706 --> 00:15:55.067
Right?
00:15:55.787 --> 00:15:56.206
Yeah.
00:15:57.017 --> 00:16:02.626
Because you mentioned near the beginning, I don't know what I'd be doing now if I were still married.
00:16:03.616 --> 00:16:03.947
Yeah.
00:16:04.951 --> 00:16:05.221
Yeah.
00:16:05.251 --> 00:16:05.581
Yeah.
00:16:05.912 --> 00:16:06.361
Yeah.
00:16:07.142 --> 00:16:13.231
And, and as you process it, you probably look at it and go, I'm in a much better spot than I know I would've been back.
00:16:13.892 --> 00:16:14.162
Yeah.
00:16:14.221 --> 00:16:16.621
If this thankful every day for that Right.
00:16:17.192 --> 00:16:17.792
Single day.
00:16:18.152 --> 00:16:18.511
Yeah.
00:16:20.822 --> 00:16:21.841
It was meant to be.
00:16:22.532 --> 00:16:23.402
I think it was.
00:16:23.402 --> 00:16:29.461
And, and that's, I think, a really important thing for people to understand too, that things don't go as planned.
00:16:29.461 --> 00:16:30.091
Mm-hmm.
00:16:31.187 --> 00:16:32.506
But you'll be okay.
00:16:32.596 --> 00:16:32.687
Yeah.
00:16:32.687 --> 00:16:38.836
It might be a little bit rocky and you might not be able to see the finish line, but what if the finish line kept changing?
00:16:38.927 --> 00:16:39.317
Right?
00:16:39.317 --> 00:16:39.376
Yeah.
00:16:39.376 --> 00:16:44.506
What if, what if your paths, you know, new paths kept opening up for you?
00:16:44.506 --> 00:16:48.226
What if, you know, it's, it's not cut and dry, black and white.
00:16:48.226 --> 00:16:51.136
What if life is just so fluid, which I think it is.
00:16:51.136 --> 00:16:51.197
Yeah.
00:16:51.256 --> 00:16:58.636
Um, you know, just take taking what comes the best that you can with surrounded by people.
00:16:59.716 --> 00:17:13.936
Who you love and who love you and loving yourself also, and I don't know about you, but I know with the women that I support, that is one of the biggest hurdles that.
00:17:14.686 --> 00:17:25.817
Women experience is the love for self because the conditioning, the years of practice, that making sure everybody else is well taken care of.
00:17:25.846 --> 00:17:25.936
Yeah.
00:17:26.116 --> 00:17:31.547
And when you do that, that gives you the, you know, the love.
00:17:32.027 --> 00:17:33.406
But really that's all.
00:17:34.372 --> 00:17:35.182
Conditional.
00:17:35.332 --> 00:17:42.771
It's not self-love at all, and I know I've had clients who are like, oh, but I feel guilty.
00:17:42.771 --> 00:17:57.801
I feel again, the reason why we have the show do this for you by you because of you, and as you start to really, really love you for whom you really are and not the masks you've worn and wear.
00:17:57.832 --> 00:17:58.011
Right.
00:17:59.071 --> 00:18:00.692
Everything changes.
00:18:00.692 --> 00:18:02.791
I don't know if you notice that, but mm-hmm.
00:18:03.152 --> 00:18:03.991
I sure do.
00:18:04.771 --> 00:18:05.971
And I think I, I do too.
00:18:05.971 --> 00:18:09.932
And I think that when you love yourself, you tolerate less.
00:18:10.412 --> 00:18:18.362
So like if you, you know, when you start to realize like, you know, I, I being taken advantage of.
00:18:18.422 --> 00:18:18.511
Mm-hmm.
00:18:18.751 --> 00:18:26.582
I, uh, this doesn't, you know, that's not in alignment with who I am and I'm not enjoying the way I'm being treated.
00:18:26.642 --> 00:18:27.241
Um.
00:18:28.997 --> 00:18:33.886
That, you know, that in and of itself, because I think we do, we give, give, give.
00:18:34.156 --> 00:18:37.126
We love, love, love, and there's nothing left over for us.
00:18:37.217 --> 00:18:37.396
Mm-hmm.
00:18:37.696 --> 00:18:42.436
And looking to see like, well, where can I find time for myself?
00:18:42.436 --> 00:18:47.176
Maybe I need to stop doing this or doing that, or being spoken to like this.
00:18:47.281 --> 00:18:47.701
Mm-hmm.
00:18:47.866 --> 00:18:48.287
Mm-hmm.
00:18:48.527 --> 00:18:51.047
I think just being true to yourself is.
00:18:52.457 --> 00:18:54.616
So important, especially as we get older.
00:18:54.616 --> 00:18:54.676
Yeah.
00:18:54.946 --> 00:19:00.106
I mean all the time, but I think with age comes wisdom, so absolutely.
00:19:00.106 --> 00:19:02.807
Thrive after 45, that's why we're doing this.
00:19:02.957 --> 00:19:03.916
Yeah, absolutely.
00:19:03.916 --> 00:19:08.297
Because, and I've spoken to different people on the show, in my opinion.
00:19:08.866 --> 00:19:09.346
Um.
00:19:09.751 --> 00:19:22.142
As we age, there are layers of experience that build and expand and, um, absolutely combine to give us even more wisdom.
00:19:22.142 --> 00:19:22.231
Mm-hmm.
00:19:22.471 --> 00:19:24.571
So as age continues.
00:19:25.757 --> 00:19:28.997
For everyone, hopefully as much as we can.
00:19:29.686 --> 00:19:39.886
Then all of our experiences build upon one another to help us become more and more well-rounded.
00:19:40.307 --> 00:19:47.866
More and more, like you say, true to yourself without any other expectations.
00:19:47.866 --> 00:19:49.096
It's just because we get to.
00:19:50.057 --> 00:19:59.237
Everybody gets to, but there's so many other players and as we age and things come together in such a beautiful way, why not?
00:19:59.537 --> 00:19:59.717
Yeah.
00:19:59.717 --> 00:20:00.106
Right.
00:20:00.467 --> 00:20:00.856
Yeah.
00:20:01.247 --> 00:20:06.676
And I think that it's so interesting because most of my clients are, are like me, right?
00:20:06.737 --> 00:20:06.916
Yeah.
00:20:07.007 --> 00:20:10.156
Long term marriages, kids are a little bit older.
00:20:10.156 --> 00:20:10.336
Sure.
00:20:10.606 --> 00:20:14.592
This is our time and I often, again, reflecting back with my clients mm-hmm.
00:20:14.692 --> 00:20:15.676
And on my own life.
00:20:16.186 --> 00:20:20.987
We're not who we were when we got married at 22, 25, even 30.
00:20:20.987 --> 00:20:29.086
I mean, I'm 55, almost 56, and and I don't even really remember that that young 25-year-old who was walking down the aisle.
00:20:29.386 --> 00:20:34.487
We evolve and sometimes people don't come with us during our evolution.
00:20:34.487 --> 00:20:34.547
Yeah.
00:20:34.846 --> 00:20:37.007
Sometimes it's better that they don't.
00:20:37.547 --> 00:20:38.086
Right.
00:20:38.146 --> 00:20:43.217
Yeah, and and what a great way to put it, you know, the evolution.
00:20:43.622 --> 00:20:51.541
And growth of one person is so important, and maybe you grow together, maybe you don't.
00:20:51.602 --> 00:20:52.862
And that's okay.
00:20:53.192 --> 00:20:54.186
It's absolutely okay.
00:20:54.192 --> 00:20:54.451
Yeah.
00:20:54.721 --> 00:20:55.412
Right.
00:20:55.471 --> 00:20:56.192
Yeah.
00:20:56.791 --> 00:20:59.821
And like you say, it might blindside you.
00:21:00.241 --> 00:21:07.711
And I know that that happens a lot for couples in midlife, especially when kids move away.
00:21:07.741 --> 00:21:07.832
Mm-hmm.
00:21:08.372 --> 00:21:09.721
Or don't move away.
00:21:11.011 --> 00:21:11.102
Yep.
00:21:11.102 --> 00:21:12.721
Whatever the case may be.
00:21:12.721 --> 00:21:13.082
And.
00:21:13.592 --> 00:21:14.612
They're gone.
00:21:14.612 --> 00:21:19.922
And so the focus is no longer on raising, per se.
00:21:19.922 --> 00:21:21.991
It's on one another and Yeah.
00:21:22.951 --> 00:21:23.852
Who are you?
00:21:23.852 --> 00:21:28.592
Because we've been so busy running everybody around and doing that, pouring into that.
00:21:28.951 --> 00:21:29.041
Mm-hmm.
00:21:29.281 --> 00:21:32.041
I don't even know myself, let alone who you are, so.
00:21:32.761 --> 00:21:33.241
Yeah.
00:21:33.692 --> 00:21:34.082
Yeah.
00:21:34.231 --> 00:21:36.692
And sometimes our jobs are ending, we're retiring.
00:21:36.721 --> 00:21:36.932
Yes.
00:21:36.991 --> 00:21:38.852
Or, you know, we're downsizing.
00:21:38.852 --> 00:21:42.392
You know, there's just a lot of things going on, um, yeah.
00:21:42.632 --> 00:21:44.011
At this stage of our lives.
00:21:44.011 --> 00:21:51.991
So again, you know, different, different doors are opening, different paths are are opening for us, and what are we gonna do?
00:21:52.741 --> 00:21:53.852
Which, where are we gonna go?
00:21:53.856 --> 00:21:56.446
And, and isn't it incredible that we all.
00:21:57.241 --> 00:21:58.382
Are in this journey together.
00:21:58.382 --> 00:21:58.471
Mm-hmm.
00:21:58.741 --> 00:22:06.781
So even though we feel isolated, when we start talking to one another, we start to realize, oh my gosh, you mean I'm not the only one freaking out over here?
00:22:06.811 --> 00:22:06.902
Mm-hmm.
00:22:07.622 --> 00:22:09.152
No, sister, you are not.
00:22:09.481 --> 00:22:10.291
That is true.
00:22:10.747 --> 00:22:10.906
Absolutely.
00:22:10.906 --> 00:22:11.146
Right.
00:22:11.257 --> 00:22:11.547
True.
00:22:11.672 --> 00:22:12.211
Yeah.
00:22:12.422 --> 00:22:14.192
Where there's a whole tribe of us.
00:22:15.332 --> 00:22:15.961
Absolutely.
00:22:15.961 --> 00:22:21.902
And so that's what I love about this show is that we show, we're showing people you're not alone.
00:22:22.291 --> 00:22:22.501
Yeah.
00:22:23.027 --> 00:22:30.767
You don't need to travel this road alone and your road will be different than this person's road, than this person's road.
00:22:30.767 --> 00:22:41.267
There's a commonality, but we're here to support and make sure that you know that this journey, as tough as it can be, has a silver lining.
00:22:41.446 --> 00:22:42.737
It exists.
00:22:43.037 --> 00:22:43.426
Yeah.
00:22:44.116 --> 00:22:44.356
Yeah.
00:22:44.356 --> 00:22:45.707
A thousand percent.
00:22:45.767 --> 00:22:49.576
And when you start to take the reins, everything gets to change.
00:22:49.606 --> 00:22:49.906
Yeah.
00:22:50.596 --> 00:22:55.936
And it's, it's really like my, my passion to help women see that.
00:22:56.237 --> 00:22:56.297
Yeah.
00:22:56.297 --> 00:23:03.321
Like there's nothing more satisfying to me than that aha moment when, when a woman says, you know what?
00:23:04.711 --> 00:23:06.571
I did it, I'm doing it.
00:23:06.721 --> 00:23:11.582
I'm gonna keep doing it, and I'm, I am gonna be okay and I'm gonna be better than, okay.
00:23:11.852 --> 00:23:11.971
Mm-hmm.
00:23:12.392 --> 00:23:12.571
Right.
00:23:12.571 --> 00:23:13.922
Because we wanna raise that bar.
00:23:13.922 --> 00:23:17.221
We want to dream big, we want to see well, what's possible.
00:23:17.221 --> 00:23:17.311
Mm-hmm.
00:23:17.912 --> 00:23:19.501
And then even maybe push it.
00:23:19.741 --> 00:23:20.102
Yep.
00:23:20.642 --> 00:23:20.942
Yeah.
00:23:21.122 --> 00:23:21.842
Exactly.
00:23:22.112 --> 00:23:22.981
Exactly.
00:23:24.902 --> 00:23:33.211
Is there one or the most important thing for people to know as.
00:23:34.067 --> 00:23:36.737
They're navigating divorce itself.
00:23:36.737 --> 00:23:45.557
Is there something that's most important in your opinion, what people really do need to know as they navigate divorce?
00:23:46.606 --> 00:23:51.136
And it's, this is just a perfect segue because you really don't have to go through it alone.
00:23:51.737 --> 00:23:53.777
You know, back to what we were just talking about.
00:23:53.777 --> 00:23:55.757
You don't have to go through it alone.
00:23:55.936 --> 00:23:56.027
Mm-hmm.
00:23:56.267 --> 00:23:57.676
There are people.
00:23:58.666 --> 00:23:59.207
To help you.
00:23:59.207 --> 00:23:59.606
Mm-hmm.
00:23:59.686 --> 00:24:02.372
I mean, there are people to help you with finances.
00:24:02.372 --> 00:24:07.261
There are people to help you with, with issues.
00:24:07.261 --> 00:24:12.392
There are all kinds of support people, um, friends and family.
00:24:12.451 --> 00:24:15.211
Um, you gotta be careful though, because you gotta make sure that they're right.
00:24:15.211 --> 00:24:15.392
Mental.
00:24:16.442 --> 00:24:18.332
'cause that was another thing, you know?
00:24:18.362 --> 00:24:21.422
Um, people take sides and people were taking my side.
00:24:21.571 --> 00:24:24.211
Of course, my friends were taking my side and kind of fueling the fire.
00:24:24.211 --> 00:24:24.271
So.
00:24:25.186 --> 00:24:25.517
You know Right.
00:24:25.517 --> 00:24:28.727
Finding somebody objective and nonjudgmental.
00:24:28.727 --> 00:24:28.817
Mm-hmm.
00:24:29.507 --> 00:24:32.416
Um, you know, like a therapist or a coach.
00:24:32.446 --> 00:24:40.517
'cause you really don't have to go through it alone and don't even try because it's, it's lonely and isolating enough.
00:24:40.517 --> 00:24:48.856
So surround yourself with your cheerleaders and your people that, that build you up and support you and maybe call you out if you are.
00:24:48.916 --> 00:24:49.211
Um, mm-hmm.
00:24:50.132 --> 00:24:50.432
Yep.
00:24:50.701 --> 00:24:53.757
You know, like, you know, it stuck a little bit, um mm-hmm.
00:24:53.836 --> 00:24:54.037
Right.
00:24:54.362 --> 00:24:56.432
You know, in victim mentality or something.
00:24:56.461 --> 00:25:03.116
Um, you know, just really finding people that have your back and that are your cheerleaders, um mm-hmm.
00:25:03.196 --> 00:25:05.132
Because you really don't have to go through it alone.
00:25:05.136 --> 00:25:05.477
Mm-hmm.
00:25:08.102 --> 00:25:17.791
Is there anything, and there's lots of things we haven't touched on, is there anything that you would love to share with our audience before we wrap it up today?
00:25:18.031 --> 00:25:18.632
Kimberly?
00:25:20.356 --> 00:25:33.436
Yeah, just, you know, it's really important, again, to reach out and to, to have that mindset, that intention, that things might be hard, but they're gonna get better.
00:25:33.497 --> 00:25:40.517
And they might be really hard for a while and they might really suck for a while, but that's part of the process and trust in the process.
00:25:40.936 --> 00:25:43.517
And, uh, you know, again, reaching out for support.
00:25:43.517 --> 00:25:44.386
I do run.
00:25:44.957 --> 00:25:45.977
Support groups.
00:25:45.977 --> 00:25:49.366
I work with people individually, um mm-hmm.
00:25:50.146 --> 00:25:52.517
And, you know, I would love to talk to anybody.
00:25:52.517 --> 00:26:02.547
I offer complimentary consultations, um, you know, just to, just to kind of sometimes get out of your own head and mm-hmm.
00:26:02.862 --> 00:26:05.122
And let it, let it breathe.
00:26:05.821 --> 00:26:06.041
Yes.
00:26:06.102 --> 00:26:10.156
And then, then you kind of, you know, you're able to refocus a little bit more.
00:26:10.156 --> 00:26:10.817
So finding out.
00:26:11.582 --> 00:26:12.632
Who can help me?
00:26:12.692 --> 00:26:12.842
Mm-hmm.
00:26:13.082 --> 00:26:14.067
What do I need to do?
00:26:14.356 --> 00:26:14.707
Right.
00:26:14.757 --> 00:26:16.142
Where do I go next?
00:26:16.142 --> 00:26:18.392
You know, they're, they're real legit questions.
00:26:18.451 --> 00:26:19.412
Um, yeah.
00:26:19.412 --> 00:26:20.791
And they can be really overwhelming.
00:26:20.791 --> 00:26:26.192
So having people kind of help you along that path, guide you along that path is so important.
00:26:26.342 --> 00:26:27.902
Mm-hmm.
00:26:28.142 --> 00:26:31.501
I know we have a global audience.
00:26:31.741 --> 00:26:31.832
Mm-hmm.
00:26:32.102 --> 00:26:38.086
So just curious, the supports that you give and if you get into, um, you know.
00:26:39.136 --> 00:26:46.787
The, the different layers and levels that are involved in a divorce beyond just the emotional piece.
00:26:47.416 --> 00:26:49.636
Um, do you provide.
00:26:50.041 --> 00:26:58.382
Information that will be able to be accessed globally as well, or is it more central to a specific area?
00:26:59.041 --> 00:27:00.511
Um, well I'm in New Jersey.
00:27:00.511 --> 00:27:01.771
I'm at the Jersey Shore.
00:27:01.832 --> 00:27:03.031
Uh, that's where I'm located.
00:27:03.031 --> 00:27:06.156
But I do work, um, virtually and I do work globally.
00:27:06.227 --> 00:27:06.517
Okay.
00:27:07.007 --> 00:27:12.196
So, and I have a nice network of people that are in the divorce field.
00:27:12.257 --> 00:27:14.836
Um, nice people that you don't even know exist.
00:27:14.836 --> 00:27:17.717
I didn't even know these careers and professions Right.
00:27:17.717 --> 00:27:19.277
Existed until I got divorced.
00:27:19.277 --> 00:27:24.196
But now since I'm part of it, I'm part of a lot of networking groups and associations.
00:27:24.196 --> 00:27:29.416
So if you are getting divorced and you do need to find out what to do, should I sell the house?
00:27:29.416 --> 00:27:30.227
Should I keep the house?
00:27:30.227 --> 00:27:30.946
Well, right.
00:27:31.126 --> 00:27:34.876
There is a specialist in divorce mortgage planning.
00:27:35.281 --> 00:27:36.031
Who would've known.
00:27:36.136 --> 00:27:36.957
Who knew, right?
00:27:37.057 --> 00:27:37.277
Yes.
00:27:37.416 --> 00:27:38.192
Who knew, right.
00:27:38.192 --> 00:27:47.162
So I am, I might not be able to tell you exactly who it is in England, but I can say, Hey, check it out.
00:27:47.162 --> 00:27:52.352
Or I could ask my network, who knows anybody in England that might help.
00:27:52.382 --> 00:27:59.971
Um, so I am, I am, I am well versed in helping find, helping find help.
00:28:00.047 --> 00:28:00.336
Yeah.
00:28:00.646 --> 00:28:01.136
Perfect.
00:28:01.136 --> 00:28:01.817
Think that's really it.
00:28:01.846 --> 00:28:02.136
Yeah.
00:28:02.142 --> 00:28:02.192
Yeah.
00:28:02.882 --> 00:28:03.152
Yeah.
00:28:03.721 --> 00:28:04.592
I love that.
00:28:04.592 --> 00:28:25.021
So you, you were, I'm trying to think like, you were like an epicenter epicenter of the, of the connections and um, not only have you experienced and with your knowledge as we spoke later, but your networks that you have based on all of your expertise.
00:28:25.071 --> 00:28:27.711
You have an opportunity to support globally.
00:28:27.711 --> 00:28:34.791
So yeah, if you are listening, because I look at my, my, um, my listener base, and we are global.
00:28:34.791 --> 00:28:36.592
I'm just honored and thrilled.
00:28:36.592 --> 00:28:36.652
Yeah.
00:28:37.011 --> 00:28:37.672
As such.
00:28:37.672 --> 00:28:41.182
And so it's great to know that you can.
00:28:41.551 --> 00:28:43.682
Find Kimberly in our show notes.
00:28:43.711 --> 00:28:45.362
'cause all of that will be in our show notes.
00:28:45.991 --> 00:28:46.122
Thank you.
00:28:46.122 --> 00:28:52.112
And you can reach out to her and she did mention that she has that free consultation.
00:28:52.112 --> 00:28:52.201
Mm-hmm.
00:28:52.741 --> 00:28:57.721
And see if you're a match and start the process.
00:28:57.932 --> 00:28:58.291
Yeah.
00:28:58.321 --> 00:28:59.491
Don't do this alone.
00:28:59.642 --> 00:29:00.872
You don't have to do it solo.
00:29:01.501 --> 00:29:01.801
Yeah.
00:29:02.311 --> 00:29:16.412
And I do love what you've shared throughout the show today as well, that yes, there are people close to you, friends and whatnot, but there are pieces that not everybody understands the way that you do.
00:29:16.412 --> 00:29:16.501
Yes.
00:29:16.561 --> 00:29:19.352
And your network does because this is your.
00:29:19.951 --> 00:29:22.082
Forte, this is your skillset.
00:29:22.082 --> 00:29:26.672
So not saying don't talk to friends and relatives that support you.
00:29:26.672 --> 00:29:27.692
That's not what we're saying.
00:29:27.692 --> 00:29:35.011
But we're saying when it comes to all the ins and outs, not everybody understands it the way that Kimberly does.
00:29:35.011 --> 00:29:37.291
So reach out.
00:29:37.501 --> 00:29:38.942
She is there.
00:29:39.241 --> 00:29:39.557
Yes.
00:29:39.557 --> 00:29:46.382
And that's why support groups are so nice too, because yes, I facilitate them in a way that is for support.
00:29:47.162 --> 00:29:48.991
And recovery, right?
00:29:48.991 --> 00:29:51.451
So it's not a gripe session.
00:29:51.692 --> 00:29:52.471
There is, thank you.
00:29:52.471 --> 00:29:53.761
Structure and support.
00:29:53.761 --> 00:29:58.396
So we learn, you know, uh, we work on communication and then maybe.
00:29:59.342 --> 00:30:04.142
You know, we share different, different areas that we're having struggles communicating.
00:30:04.142 --> 00:30:11.582
We talk about dreams, we talk about identities, and you know, there is, we go through clarity with emotions.
00:30:11.582 --> 00:30:13.801
We go through confidence to make decisions.
00:30:14.517 --> 00:30:15.866
Courage to move forward.
00:30:15.866 --> 00:30:17.096
That's the structure.
00:30:17.277 --> 00:30:19.017
And you're with people Yeah.
00:30:19.317 --> 00:30:20.457
Who really get it.
00:30:20.727 --> 00:30:20.846
Yeah.
00:30:20.906 --> 00:30:25.916
So you're not talking to your lawyer at, I don't know, in New Jersey it's like$500 an hour.
00:30:26.096 --> 00:30:28.527
You are not, you know, burdening your friends Yeah.
00:30:29.247 --> 00:30:36.777
Down, or you're not, you know, talking to friends that say, oh, you know, get that SOB forever take a worth.
00:30:37.076 --> 00:30:41.517
You know, you're, you're with people that really understand in a supportive.
00:30:42.047 --> 00:30:42.856
Community.
00:30:42.862 --> 00:30:43.231
Mm-hmm.
00:30:43.612 --> 00:30:43.997
So, mm-hmm.
00:30:44.267 --> 00:30:48.676
Um, I love running groups too, so just for that reason.
00:30:49.037 --> 00:30:49.967
Absolutely.
00:30:50.057 --> 00:30:50.987
Absolutely.
00:30:51.076 --> 00:30:51.707
Absolutely.
00:30:51.707 --> 00:30:56.531
And I think it's really important what you've shared too, in terms of.
00:30:58.142 --> 00:31:04.652
It shows that you're not alone, but it also isn't a just a gripe session that just goes around in a circle and you get nowhere.
00:31:04.652 --> 00:31:04.741
Right.
00:31:04.981 --> 00:31:11.461
You're building strategies and skills so that you can have a voice as your voice continues to grow.
00:31:11.582 --> 00:31:11.672
Mm-hmm.
00:31:12.001 --> 00:31:18.301
As your vision, your, you talk about intention setting, all those are things that.
00:31:19.666 --> 00:31:20.626
We love family.
00:31:20.747 --> 00:31:25.096
I love my family, but they wouldn't guide me to set intentions.
00:31:25.096 --> 00:31:25.186
Right?
00:31:25.396 --> 00:31:35.416
Like I just know that that would not be something that would come up in a conversation like right, it's just right and, and that's absolutely fine and fair.
00:31:35.416 --> 00:31:41.836
However, what you do is so important and the world is so stressful.
00:31:42.196 --> 00:31:47.027
So having that support and the group is just.
00:31:47.402 --> 00:31:51.001
Beautiful because you get to hear other voices you get to see.
00:31:51.571 --> 00:31:51.632
Yeah.
00:31:51.632 --> 00:31:54.751
And I know it's a non-judgmental group.
00:31:54.781 --> 00:31:55.382
Yeah, I know.
00:31:55.382 --> 00:31:58.231
You won't let that happen because you are who you are.
00:31:58.231 --> 00:32:00.932
We talked before we started about authenticity.
00:32:01.261 --> 00:32:01.352
Yeah.
00:32:01.832 --> 00:32:02.221
Right.
00:32:02.221 --> 00:32:04.201
It's like this is what we do people.
00:32:04.201 --> 00:32:04.261
Yeah.
00:32:04.291 --> 00:32:06.692
So if something happens, we're just being real.
00:32:06.961 --> 00:32:07.412
Right?
00:32:07.592 --> 00:32:08.076
That's right.
00:32:08.576 --> 00:32:11.221
And you said you get to hear other voices.
00:32:12.241 --> 00:32:14.192
You get to find your own.
00:32:14.251 --> 00:32:17.221
And that's, you know, finding your own voice again.
00:32:17.731 --> 00:32:21.182
I mean, what a gift, what a, what a amazing gift.
00:32:21.842 --> 00:32:22.201
Yeah.
00:32:22.201 --> 00:32:22.261
Yeah.
00:32:23.132 --> 00:32:29.221
And on that note, I'd like to put a little question to the audience.
00:32:29.971 --> 00:32:35.701
Um, what resonates in your body when you hear that it's time to find your voice?
00:32:35.791 --> 00:32:38.402
Like that sent shivers up my spine.
00:32:38.402 --> 00:32:39.751
I'm like, oh yeah.
00:32:40.576 --> 00:32:43.277
How powerful is that?
00:32:43.727 --> 00:32:43.906
Yeah.
00:32:43.967 --> 00:32:44.807
I love it.
00:32:45.467 --> 00:32:55.007
Kimberly, what a pleasure to spend time with you today and learn more about, uh, your journey and what you have to offer to the world.
00:32:55.426 --> 00:33:10.067
So thank you for continuing to be you using your voice and using your skills and supporting so many people through the challenges and the beauty that that's true, that sits inside divorce.
00:33:11.582 --> 00:33:13.592
And thank you so much for having me.
00:33:13.622 --> 00:33:14.701
Thank you so much.
00:33:14.701 --> 00:33:15.176
This was lovely.
00:33:16.007 --> 00:33:16.876
My pleasure.
00:33:17.656 --> 00:33:28.666
If something resonated with in you from our conversation today, make sure you follow, share, subscribe, um, give us reviews.
00:33:28.666 --> 00:33:33.676
We'd love to know how our conversations land for you, our audience.
00:33:34.126 --> 00:33:43.277
Make sure you take care of yourselves and go and do something and to thrive after 45 and do it for you by you because of you.
00:33:43.497 --> 00:33:52.916
Have a great day everyone, and I forgot to mention in the show notes we have all the information as always, on how to contact and find Kimberly.
00:33:53.576 --> 00:33:54.656
Take care, everyone.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.820
Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Thrive after 45.
00:00:05.820 --> 00:00:10.769
I'm Denise Drink Walter heart whisperer, midlife mirror and mentor.
00:00:10.769 --> 00:00:23.344
And every week I am honored to share energy and space with inspiring guests whose stories reflect so many possibilities of thriving beyond 45.
00:00:23.817 --> 00:00:34.676
Together we'll uncover the whispers of the heart, the power of midlife transformation, and that wisdom that fuels expansion.
00:00:34.676 --> 00:00:35.606
What if.
00:00:35.993 --> 00:00:43.043
Rock bottom wasn't a place of collapse, but the launchpad to your rebirth.
00:00:43.043 --> 00:00:48.804
Today's guest, Kimberly Laura, knows that truth in her bones.
00:00:48.804 --> 00:00:55.194
A licensed professional counselor, a certified divorce coach, and a divorced single mom.
00:00:55.463 --> 00:00:57.054
Two young adults.
00:00:57.054 --> 00:01:02.124
Kimberly carries both professional mastery and lived experience.
00:01:02.124 --> 00:01:12.233
After 23 years of marriage, more than 25 years together, her life was shattered by divorce a season.
00:01:12.233 --> 00:01:18.403
She describes as temporary insanity where everything she knew.
00:01:18.879 --> 00:01:22.810
Fell apart, but here's where her story.
00:01:22.810 --> 00:01:33.730
Ignites instead of staying broken, she actually transformed seeing the deep lack of support for people suffering during and after divorce.
00:01:33.730 --> 00:01:36.579
She became the guide she once needed.
00:01:36.579 --> 00:01:39.879
She turned her pain into purpose and founded.
00:01:39.959 --> 00:01:57.659
Blossom coaching over six years ago with more than two decades As a therapist and hundreds of lives impacted, Kimberly now helps women move through the pain of divorce, rediscover their strengths, claim that new identity, and build a life.
00:01:57.659 --> 00:02:00.239
That finally feels true.
00:02:00.239 --> 00:02:07.319
Her work is powerful, it is grounded, and it changes the trajectory of women's lives.
00:02:07.319 --> 00:02:11.039
Thank you so much for being here today with us, Kimberly.
00:02:11.039 --> 00:02:13.080
I can't wait to have this conversation.
00:02:13.080 --> 00:02:14.159
Thank you so much.
00:02:14.159 --> 00:02:15.509
I'm delighted to be here.
00:02:17.094 --> 00:02:20.177
If I would, I would love to have our audience.
00:02:20.682 --> 00:02:22.362
Understand a bit more.
00:02:22.362 --> 00:02:29.622
I mean, in the intro we talked about the trials and tribulations in terms of what hit and how it was blindsided.
00:02:29.622 --> 00:02:41.983
You tell us more about some of those pieces that really brought you to where you are today and doing the incredible work you are doing to support women going through similar journeys.
00:02:42.137 --> 00:02:42.556
Sure.
00:02:42.646 --> 00:02:45.616
Um, so I got married in 1995.
00:02:45.651 --> 00:02:46.072
Mm-hmm.
00:02:46.157 --> 00:02:49.336
And I was 25 years old and Yep.
00:02:49.336 --> 00:02:50.176
You know, I thought that.
00:02:50.776 --> 00:02:52.967
I thought my life was, was moving along.
00:02:52.967 --> 00:02:53.236
Right.
00:02:53.236 --> 00:02:56.657
I went to college, I went to grad school, I started working.
00:02:56.657 --> 00:02:58.097
I was engaged.
00:02:58.396 --> 00:03:01.097
You know, then I, you know, we bought a house.
00:03:01.097 --> 00:03:03.796
We had two kids, we had two dogs, we had two cats.
00:03:03.796 --> 00:03:04.787
We love animals.
00:03:04.817 --> 00:03:11.687
Um, and, you know, we're just kind of chugging along and then all of a sudden we weren't.
00:03:12.377 --> 00:03:18.437
And I, I, um, in retrospect, I think that there were signs that I chose to ignore because I was scared.
00:03:18.437 --> 00:03:21.317
And why, why rock the boat?
00:03:21.317 --> 00:03:21.556
Right?
00:03:21.556 --> 00:03:23.537
We're just chugging along.
00:03:23.537 --> 00:03:31.787
And, um, he said he wanted a divorce, major betrayal, and mm-hmm.
00:03:31.877 --> 00:03:35.956
The day before my 47th birthday, he moved out.
00:03:36.002 --> 00:03:36.062
Wow.
00:03:36.842 --> 00:03:39.181
And I was like, what do I do now?
00:03:39.692 --> 00:03:39.812
Mm-hmm.
00:03:40.111 --> 00:03:40.861
What do I do?
00:03:40.921 --> 00:03:43.442
The rug was pulled out from under my feet.
00:03:43.831 --> 00:03:46.877
Um, you know, here I am with these two kids mm-hmm.
00:03:47.102 --> 00:03:58.021
And, you know, a house and, and what I thought was a marriage like, so my whole identity, you know, was just kind of like ripped apart.
00:03:58.352 --> 00:03:58.831
What do I do?
00:03:58.891 --> 00:03:59.431
Who am I?
00:03:59.762 --> 00:04:00.722
Where do I go from here?
00:04:00.752 --> 00:04:01.801
Will I be okay?
00:04:01.951 --> 00:04:03.241
Will my kids be okay?
00:04:03.632 --> 00:04:04.322
Um.
00:04:06.032 --> 00:04:09.252
And then I realized like I needed some support, you know?
00:04:09.252 --> 00:04:09.262
Mm-hmm.
00:04:09.296 --> 00:04:14.576
I mentioned, you know, um, before I, I frequently mentioned, and you mentioned in the intro, I felt.
00:04:15.181 --> 00:04:16.531
This temporary insanity.
00:04:16.591 --> 00:04:16.682
Yeah.
00:04:16.922 --> 00:04:21.391
Which is really difficult for a person whose career as a therapist.
00:04:21.632 --> 00:04:21.961
Right.
00:04:21.961 --> 00:04:24.601
My, uh, my world is falling apart.
00:04:24.932 --> 00:04:25.141
Yep.
00:04:25.322 --> 00:04:30.781
Trying to help other people, you know, trying sometimes just to get my kids off to school.
00:04:31.081 --> 00:04:33.646
Um, like that, that was a big chore.
00:04:33.646 --> 00:04:33.692
Yeah.
00:04:33.932 --> 00:04:43.201
Uh, when I was like really just falling apart and, um, I realized that there was a need for specialized support for this temporary insanity.
00:04:43.201 --> 00:04:43.711
Mm.
00:04:43.716 --> 00:04:43.987
Mm-hmm.
00:04:45.076 --> 00:04:47.416
You know, I had a therapist, um, for mm-hmm.
00:04:47.807 --> 00:04:49.276
Other issues I had.
00:04:49.307 --> 00:04:49.396
Mm-hmm.
00:04:49.637 --> 00:04:51.466
Uh, you know, friends, I had family.
00:04:51.526 --> 00:04:54.226
Um, but there was something.
00:04:55.096 --> 00:04:57.797
Kind of wrong with all of those scenarios.
00:04:57.797 --> 00:05:02.326
I didn't wanna burden my friends therapist, you know, she kind of got it.
00:05:02.326 --> 00:05:04.937
But this was like right here, right now.
00:05:04.937 --> 00:05:06.317
What do I do next?
00:05:06.526 --> 00:05:06.916
Right?
00:05:06.922 --> 00:05:08.507
What do I go, what are my steps?
00:05:08.567 --> 00:05:17.026
Um, so once I kind of got through my divorce, which lasted 18 months, um, I said, I gotta do something about this.
00:05:17.747 --> 00:05:17.776
Mm.
00:05:17.776 --> 00:05:20.237
And I became a certified divorce coach.
00:05:20.242 --> 00:05:20.471
Mm-hmm.
00:05:20.552 --> 00:05:22.096
And now this is where I am.
00:05:22.096 --> 00:05:23.612
Who, who would've, who would've thought it?
00:05:24.091 --> 00:05:32.401
I just, uh, you know, this year it was seven years that I've been diviv divorced and yeah, it would've been my 30th wedding anniversary.
00:05:32.641 --> 00:05:40.891
And here I am happier than ever and helping people find their happily ever after part two, no matter what that looks like.
00:05:41.101 --> 00:05:46.771
So, yeah, I mean, what a, what a strange, what a strange journey our lives take us on.
00:05:47.401 --> 00:05:50.672
And you know what's so interesting to me?
00:05:50.672 --> 00:05:53.701
Is that temporary insanity.
00:05:53.762 --> 00:05:57.451
I love the fact that you're calling it temporary.
00:05:58.172 --> 00:05:58.322
Mm-hmm.
00:05:59.432 --> 00:06:06.752
A lot of women that I speak with and support don't see it as a temporary piece.
00:06:07.262 --> 00:06:13.351
When you were in the throes of it, did it, could you see it as temporary or did that, um.
00:06:13.951 --> 00:06:16.771
I'm gonna say label, just for lack of a better term right now.
00:06:16.771 --> 00:06:16.862
Mm-hmm.
00:06:17.252 --> 00:06:22.651
Did that come after when things moved differently as you worked through your Yeah.
00:06:22.651 --> 00:06:30.242
I mean, it definitely is one of those things when I look back and say, oh yeah, that was temporary in the time.
00:06:30.242 --> 00:06:31.932
At the time I just, right.
00:06:31.932 --> 00:06:32.791
Felt crazy.
00:06:32.911 --> 00:06:35.401
I just felt untethered.
00:06:35.641 --> 00:06:35.971
Right.
00:06:35.971 --> 00:06:43.562
So, I mean, I knew I couldn't feel like that forever, but I also didn't know when that crazy feeling was gonna stop.
00:06:44.581 --> 00:06:45.992
Crazy when we break it down.
00:06:45.992 --> 00:06:47.701
I mean, crazy is normal, right?
00:06:47.701 --> 00:06:47.762
Yeah.
00:06:47.762 --> 00:06:55.112
When you're going through a divorce, it's normal to feel crazy because I used the term crazy loosely, but if we break it down, what is it?
00:06:55.291 --> 00:06:59.581
It's fear, it's uncertainty, it's uh, loss of identity.
00:06:59.581 --> 00:07:01.531
Like I said before, it's betrayal.
00:07:01.562 --> 00:07:08.041
Like that really deep betrayal that, that this is, this isn't who.
00:07:09.257 --> 00:07:10.396
I thought I was with you.
00:07:10.396 --> 00:07:10.456
Yeah.
00:07:10.456 --> 00:07:12.166
This isn't who I thought we were together.
00:07:12.166 --> 00:07:13.607
You're not who I thought you were.
00:07:13.607 --> 00:07:15.047
So what the heck's going on?
00:07:15.586 --> 00:07:15.706
Mm-hmm.
00:07:15.947 --> 00:07:20.627
Um, so, you know, there's a lot of emotions that bundled together.
00:07:20.627 --> 00:07:23.057
Of course you feel crazy.
00:07:23.476 --> 00:07:23.956
Yeah.
00:07:24.317 --> 00:07:25.427
But with time.
00:07:25.786 --> 00:07:26.057
Mm-hmm.
00:07:27.677 --> 00:07:33.617
And with, with support, I was gonna say time is one big piece of it, but I.
00:07:34.846 --> 00:07:43.817
I would hazard a guess that the support is a huge piece and I like how you shared, I didn't wanna burden the family.
00:07:43.817 --> 00:07:45.706
I know a lot of people feel like that.
00:07:45.706 --> 00:07:59.507
Like yes, I will talk to them and lean on them, but I don't want to make that relationship a burden and make it all about my me and my issues and my worries and fears and.
00:07:59.726 --> 00:08:11.456
So having that support from somebody like yourself who's not only experienced it, but has the training and knowledge and skills behind it.
00:08:11.817 --> 00:08:18.596
Before you became a certified divorce coach specialist, you were a counselor and therapist, right?
00:08:19.047 --> 00:08:19.377
Yeah.
00:08:19.776 --> 00:08:25.266
It's, it's an incredible package of wealth and knowledge you bring to the table.
00:08:25.266 --> 00:08:31.802
So I'm, unfortunately, but I think sometimes these things do happen for a reason.
00:08:33.706 --> 00:08:34.397
I agree.
00:08:34.397 --> 00:08:39.136
And I, I often say, um, you know, to my clients and just like mm-hmm.
00:08:39.376 --> 00:08:41.596
When I'm, I'm feeling a moment of gratitude.
00:08:41.927 --> 00:08:48.496
You know, I think that divorce is the hardest thing that I've been through, but it was the best thing that ever could have happened.
00:08:48.496 --> 00:08:48.586
Mm-hmm.
00:08:49.126 --> 00:08:52.157
Because if it didn't, I don't know where I'd be.
00:08:52.427 --> 00:08:59.356
I'd be in a, I'd be in a really unhappy marriage and I would not be doing what I'm doing, and I would probably not be loving life.
00:08:59.746 --> 00:09:00.136
Mm-hmm.
00:09:00.826 --> 00:09:01.187
Yeah.
00:09:02.236 --> 00:09:02.596
Yeah.
00:09:03.616 --> 00:09:07.817
You mentioned that you, when you look back, it sounds like you're a big reflector.
00:09:07.876 --> 00:09:12.346
When you look back, you could see some of those signs.
00:09:12.346 --> 00:09:16.787
There's probably women in the audience who are listening, going, I know the signs.
00:09:17.027 --> 00:09:18.856
I am not happy right now.
00:09:19.277 --> 00:09:22.996
We haven't been happy for, you know, a while.
00:09:22.996 --> 00:09:25.937
Or when I think about it, it's eternity.
00:09:26.267 --> 00:09:27.466
What, what?
00:09:28.022 --> 00:09:41.461
Can you share with our audience not having any details in terms of what's going on, actually, but are there any, um, strategies, techniques, things you would recommend people who are listening right now?
00:09:41.461 --> 00:09:43.981
Going, what, what can I do?
00:09:44.221 --> 00:09:46.892
I, I don't wanna be stuck, but I don't know what to do.
00:09:47.221 --> 00:09:47.611
Yeah.
00:09:48.091 --> 00:09:52.501
Um, you know, a lot of times we paint our red flags green.
00:09:53.086 --> 00:09:53.447
Right.
00:09:53.447 --> 00:09:55.486
That's, that's something that we do, right?
00:09:55.517 --> 00:09:55.606
Mm-hmm.
00:09:55.606 --> 00:10:04.817
We see these red flags and, and, and we, we see them and our intuition's like, yeah, that's a red flag, but we want what we want so badly, whatever that is.
00:10:04.996 --> 00:10:08.206
Peace, stability, you know, a big wedding.
00:10:08.236 --> 00:10:08.297
Um.
00:10:09.236 --> 00:10:09.657
Not mm-hmm.
00:10:09.956 --> 00:10:11.456
Disrupting the status quo.
00:10:11.456 --> 00:10:11.547
Right.
00:10:11.547 --> 00:10:16.256
So we get out our little, you know, can of green paint and we paint our red flags.
00:10:16.496 --> 00:10:20.486
So I think the biggest thing is to really trust your intuition.
00:10:20.486 --> 00:10:20.576
Mm-hmm.
00:10:20.876 --> 00:10:22.287
And don't doubt yourself.
00:10:22.346 --> 00:10:29.547
And, you know, a lot of times, um, you know, you're, you're hearing these external voices.
00:10:29.547 --> 00:10:33.716
Maybe they're, you know, somebody's gaslighting or maybe culturally you can't get.
00:10:34.052 --> 00:10:36.542
Divorced or maybe the stigma of divorce.
00:10:36.542 --> 00:10:39.091
You know, like, so all of these things are bombarding.
00:10:40.142 --> 00:10:40.351
Mm-hmm.
00:10:40.591 --> 00:10:43.471
Us just stay, it's not that bad, blah, blah.
00:10:43.802 --> 00:10:48.601
But you know, really trusting your intuition and, and also reaching out for support.
00:10:48.812 --> 00:10:52.621
You know, there are a lot of things you could do to kind of, you know.
00:10:53.356 --> 00:10:58.456
Hey, I don't feel right, but I'm not quite sure what, what's, what's wrong, right?
00:10:58.591 --> 00:10:59.011
Mm-hmm.
00:10:59.091 --> 00:10:59.611
What's going on?
00:10:59.611 --> 00:10:59.851
Mm-hmm.
00:10:59.897 --> 00:11:00.892
Something doesn't feel right.
00:11:01.351 --> 00:11:01.772
Mm-hmm.
00:11:01.851 --> 00:11:05.057
And you know, having somebody as a sounding board to help you Right.
00:11:05.417 --> 00:11:09.886
Get that clarity and even if it's just validate you because it's so lonely.
00:11:10.037 --> 00:11:10.126
Mm-hmm.
00:11:10.366 --> 00:11:14.356
A lot of times we as women are in these really lonely situations.
00:11:14.716 --> 00:11:15.226
Um.
00:11:15.586 --> 00:11:19.246
We just need somebody to listen and to validate and say, I hear you.
00:11:19.456 --> 00:11:20.417
I support you.
00:11:20.417 --> 00:11:22.187
I'm, I'm here for you.
00:11:22.427 --> 00:11:23.177
Mm-hmm.
00:11:23.417 --> 00:11:23.506
Talk.
00:11:23.506 --> 00:11:24.256
So, yeah.
00:11:25.246 --> 00:11:25.907
I love that.
00:11:25.907 --> 00:11:37.246
And if you're listening right now, and you might be the listener, you might be the person who needs to be there to support and listen and give the validation.
00:11:37.246 --> 00:11:38.326
I hear what you're saying.
00:11:38.326 --> 00:11:40.787
What I'm hearing you say is, you know.
00:11:40.792 --> 00:11:40.991
Mm-hmm.
00:11:41.292 --> 00:11:42.731
Um, we.
00:11:43.456 --> 00:11:48.047
We don't, we, I'd say we underestimate the value of listening.
00:11:50.177 --> 00:11:51.136
This is very true.
00:11:51.136 --> 00:11:52.817
And listening to ourselves also.
00:11:53.206 --> 00:11:53.836
Mm.
00:11:55.277 --> 00:11:56.836
So how do you do that?
00:11:57.136 --> 00:12:02.027
How do you listen to yourself without pulling up, changing the color of the flag?
00:12:03.136 --> 00:12:12.197
I think, you know, it's really important to, that's easier said than done, but to try and like, like really.
00:12:13.096 --> 00:12:17.807
Push out the noise because there's a lot of noise coming to us all the time.
00:12:18.136 --> 00:12:18.226
Mm-hmm.
00:12:18.466 --> 00:12:21.047
And just really sit with ourselves.
00:12:21.437 --> 00:12:25.042
I, I work a lot with people, um, with their, the, the.
00:12:26.402 --> 00:12:31.052
Connection between their, their heart, their mind, and their selves.
00:12:31.351 --> 00:12:39.902
And when we really get into our heart, our mind, and ourselves, that's when you know these, these revelations come through.
00:12:39.902 --> 00:12:44.101
That's when our intuition speaks the most loudly and clearly to us.
00:12:44.892 --> 00:12:45.312
Mm-hmm.
00:12:45.767 --> 00:12:46.006
Perfect.
00:12:46.006 --> 00:12:48.346
And it's like, you know, a lot of times it's fear chattering.
00:12:48.376 --> 00:12:48.496
Yep.
00:12:48.677 --> 00:12:52.216
Or it's, it's, you know, uh, fear is the big one.
00:12:52.216 --> 00:12:54.677
The uncertainty, the what ifs, da da.
00:12:54.826 --> 00:12:56.116
But just mm-hmm.
00:12:56.657 --> 00:12:57.167
Okay.
00:13:00.136 --> 00:13:02.297
This is where I am right now.
00:13:02.596 --> 00:13:04.846
We don't even really have to figure out where you wanna go.
00:13:05.086 --> 00:13:07.996
We could just be like, this is where, where I am right now.
00:13:09.287 --> 00:13:09.557
Yeah.
00:13:10.096 --> 00:13:10.336
Yeah.
00:13:10.996 --> 00:13:13.126
Just getting clarity, like you say, right?
00:13:13.126 --> 00:13:15.496
The awareness, what's really true.
00:13:15.557 --> 00:13:15.647
Right.
00:13:16.216 --> 00:13:18.106
And you mentioned about the identity.
00:13:18.106 --> 00:13:18.167
Yeah.
00:13:18.317 --> 00:13:18.407
Mm-hmm.
00:13:19.216 --> 00:13:19.606
Right.
00:13:19.606 --> 00:13:39.496
The identity is huge because we do, we talk about this all the time in the show, and that's why the underpinning, the foundational piece of our show is Thrive after 45, and you do this for you by you because of you, so that we start to peel back that.
00:13:39.947 --> 00:13:47.687
Onion layer and start to really understand who we are as a person, not through the roles we play.
00:13:47.687 --> 00:13:57.586
And we, yes, we've done that, we do that, and then all of a sudden these situations, these life altering, um.
00:13:58.917 --> 00:14:13.317
Presentations that come into our lives really hit us upside the head, and if we have the opportunity to do this work as we go along, instead of waiting for the bottom to fall out.
00:14:13.317 --> 00:14:13.407
Mm-hmm.
00:14:14.366 --> 00:14:15.897
Wouldn't it be even mm-hmm.
00:14:16.136 --> 00:14:20.427
Better overall for us as well as those who are in our sphere of influence.
00:14:20.486 --> 00:14:20.576
Mm-hmm.
00:14:20.581 --> 00:14:20.642
Right.
00:14:20.642 --> 00:14:20.881
Mm-hmm.
00:14:20.888 --> 00:14:21.417
Yeah.
00:14:21.746 --> 00:14:22.167
Yeah.
00:14:22.616 --> 00:14:23.427
Absolutely.
00:14:23.697 --> 00:14:23.966
Yeah.
00:14:25.142 --> 00:14:41.221
So what do you know now about div divorce identity rebuilding that you wish someone had maybe whispered to you at the very beginning of your circumstances?
00:14:43.922 --> 00:14:52.231
Yeah, I think this is, um, one of, you know, one of the things that anyone who is contemplating in the middle of after divorce mm-hmm.
00:14:52.562 --> 00:14:58.562
It's so important to remember your marriage may have ended, but your life is not over.
00:14:58.951 --> 00:15:02.761
So, um, that's a hundred percent true.
00:15:04.322 --> 00:15:07.052
I love that your marriage might have ended, your life's not over.
00:15:07.442 --> 00:15:10.292
In some ways, every ending is a new beginning.
00:15:10.322 --> 00:15:10.412
Mm-hmm.
00:15:10.652 --> 00:15:17.376
So maybe, you know, like you said before, the launchpad, our marriage is over us.
00:15:17.596 --> 00:15:18.017
Mm-hmm.
00:15:19.022 --> 00:15:19.322
Yeah.
00:15:19.322 --> 00:15:20.522
You know, it could look like anything.
00:15:20.522 --> 00:15:24.392
It could look like, you know, going back to school mm-hmm.
00:15:24.631 --> 00:15:26.912
Specializing in divorce as a divorce coach.
00:15:27.062 --> 00:15:33.542
Um, it could mean, uh, you know, downsizing and, and moving someplace you've always wanted to.
00:15:33.841 --> 00:15:36.361
It could be something, you know, like you get a pottery class.
00:15:36.361 --> 00:15:37.412
It could be anything.
00:15:37.412 --> 00:15:37.471
Yeah.
00:15:37.741 --> 00:15:38.341
Any new the game.
00:15:39.331 --> 00:15:39.721
Yeah.
00:15:39.782 --> 00:15:40.381
Love that.
00:15:40.591 --> 00:15:40.892
Yeah.
00:15:41.596 --> 00:15:45.376
The end, the end of something is the beginning of something else.
00:15:45.466 --> 00:15:48.136
It's just waiting for you to find it.
00:15:48.136 --> 00:15:54.437
So the end is opening up more space for you to be able to explore that.
00:15:54.706 --> 00:15:55.067
Right?
00:15:55.787 --> 00:15:56.206
Yeah.
00:15:57.017 --> 00:16:02.626
Because you mentioned near the beginning, I don't know what I'd be doing now if I were still married.
00:16:03.616 --> 00:16:03.947
Yeah.
00:16:04.951 --> 00:16:05.221
Yeah.
00:16:05.251 --> 00:16:05.581
Yeah.
00:16:05.912 --> 00:16:06.361
Yeah.
00:16:07.142 --> 00:16:13.231
And, and as you process it, you probably look at it and go, I'm in a much better spot than I know I would've been back.
00:16:13.892 --> 00:16:14.162
Yeah.
00:16:14.221 --> 00:16:16.621
If this thankful every day for that Right.
00:16:17.192 --> 00:16:17.792
Single day.
00:16:18.152 --> 00:16:18.511
Yeah.
00:16:20.822 --> 00:16:21.841
It was meant to be.
00:16:22.532 --> 00:16:23.402
I think it was.
00:16:23.402 --> 00:16:29.461
And, and that's, I think, a really important thing for people to understand too, that things don't go as planned.
00:16:29.461 --> 00:16:30.091
Mm-hmm.
00:16:31.187 --> 00:16:32.506
But you'll be okay.
00:16:32.596 --> 00:16:32.687
Yeah.
00:16:32.687 --> 00:16:38.836
It might be a little bit rocky and you might not be able to see the finish line, but what if the finish line kept changing?
00:16:38.927 --> 00:16:39.317
Right?
00:16:39.317 --> 00:16:39.376
Yeah.
00:16:39.376 --> 00:16:44.506
What if, what if your paths, you know, new paths kept opening up for you?
00:16:44.506 --> 00:16:48.226
What if, you know, it's, it's not cut and dry, black and white.
00:16:48.226 --> 00:16:51.136
What if life is just so fluid, which I think it is.
00:16:51.136 --> 00:16:51.197
Yeah.
00:16:51.256 --> 00:16:58.636
Um, you know, just take taking what comes the best that you can with surrounded by people.
00:16:59.716 --> 00:17:13.936
Who you love and who love you and loving yourself also, and I don't know about you, but I know with the women that I support, that is one of the biggest hurdles that.
00:17:14.686 --> 00:17:25.817
Women experience is the love for self because the conditioning, the years of practice, that making sure everybody else is well taken care of.
00:17:25.846 --> 00:17:25.936
Yeah.
00:17:26.116 --> 00:17:31.547
And when you do that, that gives you the, you know, the love.
00:17:32.027 --> 00:17:33.406
But really that's all.
00:17:34.372 --> 00:17:35.182
Conditional.
00:17:35.332 --> 00:17:42.771
It's not self-love at all, and I know I've had clients who are like, oh, but I feel guilty.
00:17:42.771 --> 00:17:57.801
I feel again, the reason why we have the show do this for you by you because of you, and as you start to really, really love you for whom you really are and not the masks you've worn and wear.
00:17:57.832 --> 00:17:58.011
Right.
00:17:59.071 --> 00:18:00.692
Everything changes.
00:18:00.692 --> 00:18:02.791
I don't know if you notice that, but mm-hmm.
00:18:03.152 --> 00:18:03.991
I sure do.
00:18:04.771 --> 00:18:05.971
And I think I, I do too.
00:18:05.971 --> 00:18:09.932
And I think that when you love yourself, you tolerate less.
00:18:10.412 --> 00:18:18.362
So like if you, you know, when you start to realize like, you know, I, I being taken advantage of.
00:18:18.422 --> 00:18:18.511
Mm-hmm.
00:18:18.751 --> 00:18:26.582
I, uh, this doesn't, you know, that's not in alignment with who I am and I'm not enjoying the way I'm being treated.
00:18:26.642 --> 00:18:27.241
Um.
00:18:28.997 --> 00:18:33.886
That, you know, that in and of itself, because I think we do, we give, give, give.
00:18:34.156 --> 00:18:37.126
We love, love, love, and there's nothing left over for us.
00:18:37.217 --> 00:18:37.396
Mm-hmm.
00:18:37.696 --> 00:18:42.436
And looking to see like, well, where can I find time for myself?
00:18:42.436 --> 00:18:47.176
Maybe I need to stop doing this or doing that, or being spoken to like this.
00:18:47.281 --> 00:18:47.701
Mm-hmm.
00:18:47.866 --> 00:18:48.287
Mm-hmm.
00:18:48.527 --> 00:18:51.047
I think just being true to yourself is.
00:18:52.457 --> 00:18:54.616
So important, especially as we get older.
00:18:54.616 --> 00:18:54.676
Yeah.
00:18:54.946 --> 00:19:00.106
I mean all the time, but I think with age comes wisdom, so absolutely.
00:19:00.106 --> 00:19:02.807
Thrive after 45, that's why we're doing this.
00:19:02.957 --> 00:19:03.916
Yeah, absolutely.
00:19:03.916 --> 00:19:08.297
Because, and I've spoken to different people on the show, in my opinion.
00:19:08.866 --> 00:19:09.346
Um.
00:19:09.751 --> 00:19:22.142
As we age, there are layers of experience that build and expand and, um, absolutely combine to give us even more wisdom.
00:19:22.142 --> 00:19:22.231
Mm-hmm.
00:19:22.471 --> 00:19:24.571
So as age continues.
00:19:25.757 --> 00:19:28.997
For everyone, hopefully as much as we can.
00:19:29.686 --> 00:19:39.886
Then all of our experiences build upon one another to help us become more and more well-rounded.
00:19:40.307 --> 00:19:47.866
More and more, like you say, true to yourself without any other expectations.
00:19:47.866 --> 00:19:49.096
It's just because we get to.
00:19:50.057 --> 00:19:59.237
Everybody gets to, but there's so many other players and as we age and things come together in such a beautiful way, why not?
00:19:59.537 --> 00:19:59.717
Yeah.
00:19:59.717 --> 00:20:00.106
Right.
00:20:00.467 --> 00:20:00.856
Yeah.
00:20:01.247 --> 00:20:06.676
And I think that it's so interesting because most of my clients are, are like me, right?
00:20:06.737 --> 00:20:06.916
Yeah.
00:20:07.007 --> 00:20:10.156
Long term marriages, kids are a little bit older.
00:20:10.156 --> 00:20:10.336
Sure.
00:20:10.606 --> 00:20:14.592
This is our time and I often, again, reflecting back with my clients mm-hmm.
00:20:14.692 --> 00:20:15.676
And on my own life.
00:20:16.186 --> 00:20:20.987
We're not who we were when we got married at 22, 25, even 30.
00:20:20.987 --> 00:20:29.086
I mean, I'm 55, almost 56, and and I don't even really remember that that young 25-year-old who was walking down the aisle.
00:20:29.386 --> 00:20:34.487
We evolve and sometimes people don't come with us during our evolution.
00:20:34.487 --> 00:20:34.547
Yeah.
00:20:34.846 --> 00:20:37.007
Sometimes it's better that they don't.
00:20:37.547 --> 00:20:38.086
Right.
00:20:38.146 --> 00:20:43.217
Yeah, and and what a great way to put it, you know, the evolution.
00:20:43.622 --> 00:20:51.541
And growth of one person is so important, and maybe you grow together, maybe you don't.
00:20:51.602 --> 00:20:52.862
And that's okay.
00:20:53.192 --> 00:20:54.186
It's absolutely okay.
00:20:54.192 --> 00:20:54.451
Yeah.
00:20:54.721 --> 00:20:55.412
Right.
00:20:55.471 --> 00:20:56.192
Yeah.
00:20:56.791 --> 00:20:59.821
And like you say, it might blindside you.
00:21:00.241 --> 00:21:07.711
And I know that that happens a lot for couples in midlife, especially when kids move away.
00:21:07.741 --> 00:21:07.832
Mm-hmm.
00:21:08.372 --> 00:21:09.721
Or don't move away.
00:21:11.011 --> 00:21:11.102
Yep.
00:21:11.102 --> 00:21:12.721
Whatever the case may be.
00:21:12.721 --> 00:21:13.082
And.
00:21:13.592 --> 00:21:14.612
They're gone.
00:21:14.612 --> 00:21:19.922
And so the focus is no longer on raising, per se.
00:21:19.922 --> 00:21:21.991
It's on one another and Yeah.
00:21:22.951 --> 00:21:23.852
Who are you?
00:21:23.852 --> 00:21:28.592
Because we've been so busy running everybody around and doing that, pouring into that.
00:21:28.951 --> 00:21:29.041
Mm-hmm.
00:21:29.281 --> 00:21:32.041
I don't even know myself, let alone who you are, so.
00:21:32.761 --> 00:21:33.241
Yeah.
00:21:33.692 --> 00:21:34.082
Yeah.
00:21:34.231 --> 00:21:36.692
And sometimes our jobs are ending, we're retiring.
00:21:36.721 --> 00:21:36.932
Yes.
00:21:36.991 --> 00:21:38.852
Or, you know, we're downsizing.
00:21:38.852 --> 00:21:42.392
You know, there's just a lot of things going on, um, yeah.
00:21:42.632 --> 00:21:44.011
At this stage of our lives.
00:21:44.011 --> 00:21:51.991
So again, you know, different, different doors are opening, different paths are are opening for us, and what are we gonna do?
00:21:52.741 --> 00:21:53.852
Which, where are we gonna go?
00:21:53.856 --> 00:21:56.446
And, and isn't it incredible that we all.
00:21:57.241 --> 00:21:58.382
Are in this journey together.
00:21:58.382 --> 00:21:58.471
Mm-hmm.
00:21:58.741 --> 00:22:06.781
So even though we feel isolated, when we start talking to one another, we start to realize, oh my gosh, you mean I'm not the only one freaking out over here?
00:22:06.811 --> 00:22:06.902
Mm-hmm.
00:22:07.622 --> 00:22:09.152
No, sister, you are not.
00:22:09.481 --> 00:22:10.291
That is true.
00:22:10.747 --> 00:22:10.906
Absolutely.
00:22:10.906 --> 00:22:11.146
Right.
00:22:11.257 --> 00:22:11.547
True.
00:22:11.672 --> 00:22:12.211
Yeah.
00:22:12.422 --> 00:22:14.192
Where there's a whole tribe of us.
00:22:15.332 --> 00:22:15.961
Absolutely.
00:22:15.961 --> 00:22:21.902
And so that's what I love about this show is that we show, we're showing people you're not alone.
00:22:22.291 --> 00:22:22.501
Yeah.
00:22:23.027 --> 00:22:30.767
You don't need to travel this road alone and your road will be different than this person's road, than this person's road.
00:22:30.767 --> 00:22:41.267
There's a commonality, but we're here to support and make sure that you know that this journey, as tough as it can be, has a silver lining.
00:22:41.446 --> 00:22:42.737
It exists.
00:22:43.037 --> 00:22:43.426
Yeah.
00:22:44.116 --> 00:22:44.356
Yeah.
00:22:44.356 --> 00:22:45.707
A thousand percent.
00:22:45.767 --> 00:22:49.576
And when you start to take the reins, everything gets to change.
00:22:49.606 --> 00:22:49.906
Yeah.
00:22:50.596 --> 00:22:55.936
And it's, it's really like my, my passion to help women see that.
00:22:56.237 --> 00:22:56.297
Yeah.
00:22:56.297 --> 00:23:03.321
Like there's nothing more satisfying to me than that aha moment when, when a woman says, you know what?
00:23:04.711 --> 00:23:06.571
I did it, I'm doing it.
00:23:06.721 --> 00:23:11.582
I'm gonna keep doing it, and I'm, I am gonna be okay and I'm gonna be better than, okay.
00:23:11.852 --> 00:23:11.971
Mm-hmm.
00:23:12.392 --> 00:23:12.571
Right.
00:23:12.571 --> 00:23:13.922
Because we wanna raise that bar.
00:23:13.922 --> 00:23:17.221
We want to dream big, we want to see well, what's possible.
00:23:17.221 --> 00:23:17.311
Mm-hmm.
00:23:17.912 --> 00:23:19.501
And then even maybe push it.
00:23:19.741 --> 00:23:20.102
Yep.
00:23:20.642 --> 00:23:20.942
Yeah.
00:23:21.122 --> 00:23:21.842
Exactly.
00:23:22.112 --> 00:23:22.981
Exactly.
00:23:24.902 --> 00:23:33.211
Is there one or the most important thing for people to know as.
00:23:34.067 --> 00:23:36.737
They're navigating divorce itself.
00:23:36.737 --> 00:23:45.557
Is there something that's most important in your opinion, what people really do need to know as they navigate divorce?
00:23:46.606 --> 00:23:51.136
And it's, this is just a perfect segue because you really don't have to go through it alone.
00:23:51.737 --> 00:23:53.777
You know, back to what we were just talking about.
00:23:53.777 --> 00:23:55.757
You don't have to go through it alone.
00:23:55.936 --> 00:23:56.027
Mm-hmm.
00:23:56.267 --> 00:23:57.676
There are people.
00:23:58.666 --> 00:23:59.207
To help you.
00:23:59.207 --> 00:23:59.606
Mm-hmm.
00:23:59.686 --> 00:24:02.372
I mean, there are people to help you with finances.
00:24:02.372 --> 00:24:07.261
There are people to help you with, with issues.
00:24:07.261 --> 00:24:12.392
There are all kinds of support people, um, friends and family.
00:24:12.451 --> 00:24:15.211
Um, you gotta be careful though, because you gotta make sure that they're right.
00:24:15.211 --> 00:24:15.392
Mental.
00:24:16.442 --> 00:24:18.332
'cause that was another thing, you know?
00:24:18.362 --> 00:24:21.422
Um, people take sides and people were taking my side.
00:24:21.571 --> 00:24:24.211
Of course, my friends were taking my side and kind of fueling the fire.
00:24:24.211 --> 00:24:24.271
So.
00:24:25.186 --> 00:24:25.517
You know Right.
00:24:25.517 --> 00:24:28.727
Finding somebody objective and nonjudgmental.
00:24:28.727 --> 00:24:28.817
Mm-hmm.
00:24:29.507 --> 00:24:32.416
Um, you know, like a therapist or a coach.
00:24:32.446 --> 00:24:40.517
'cause you really don't have to go through it alone and don't even try because it's, it's lonely and isolating enough.
00:24:40.517 --> 00:24:48.856
So surround yourself with your cheerleaders and your people that, that build you up and support you and maybe call you out if you are.
00:24:48.916 --> 00:24:49.211
Um, mm-hmm.
00:24:50.132 --> 00:24:50.432
Yep.
00:24:50.701 --> 00:24:53.757
You know, like, you know, it stuck a little bit, um mm-hmm.
00:24:53.836 --> 00:24:54.037
Right.
00:24:54.362 --> 00:24:56.432
You know, in victim mentality or something.
00:24:56.461 --> 00:25:03.116
Um, you know, just really finding people that have your back and that are your cheerleaders, um mm-hmm.
00:25:03.196 --> 00:25:05.132
Because you really don't have to go through it alone.
00:25:05.136 --> 00:25:05.477
Mm-hmm.
00:25:08.102 --> 00:25:17.791
Is there anything, and there's lots of things we haven't touched on, is there anything that you would love to share with our audience before we wrap it up today?
00:25:18.031 --> 00:25:18.632
Kimberly?
00:25:20.356 --> 00:25:33.436
Yeah, just, you know, it's really important, again, to reach out and to, to have that mindset, that intention, that things might be hard, but they're gonna get better.
00:25:33.497 --> 00:25:40.517
And they might be really hard for a while and they might really suck for a while, but that's part of the process and trust in the process.
00:25:40.936 --> 00:25:43.517
And, uh, you know, again, reaching out for support.
00:25:43.517 --> 00:25:44.386
I do run.
00:25:44.957 --> 00:25:45.977
Support groups.
00:25:45.977 --> 00:25:49.366
I work with people individually, um mm-hmm.
00:25:50.146 --> 00:25:52.517
And, you know, I would love to talk to anybody.
00:25:52.517 --> 00:26:02.547
I offer complimentary consultations, um, you know, just to, just to kind of sometimes get out of your own head and mm-hmm.
00:26:02.862 --> 00:26:05.122
And let it, let it breathe.
00:26:05.821 --> 00:26:06.041
Yes.
00:26:06.102 --> 00:26:10.156
And then, then you kind of, you know, you're able to refocus a little bit more.
00:26:10.156 --> 00:26:10.817
So finding out.
00:26:11.582 --> 00:26:12.632
Who can help me?
00:26:12.692 --> 00:26:12.842
Mm-hmm.
00:26:13.082 --> 00:26:14.067
What do I need to do?
00:26:14.356 --> 00:26:14.707
Right.
00:26:14.757 --> 00:26:16.142
Where do I go next?
00:26:16.142 --> 00:26:18.392
You know, they're, they're real legit questions.
00:26:18.451 --> 00:26:19.412
Um, yeah.
00:26:19.412 --> 00:26:20.791
And they can be really overwhelming.
00:26:20.791 --> 00:26:26.192
So having people kind of help you along that path, guide you along that path is so important.
00:26:26.342 --> 00:26:27.902
Mm-hmm.
00:26:28.142 --> 00:26:31.501
I know we have a global audience.
00:26:31.741 --> 00:26:31.832
Mm-hmm.
00:26:32.102 --> 00:26:38.086
So just curious, the supports that you give and if you get into, um, you know.
00:26:39.136 --> 00:26:46.787
The, the different layers and levels that are involved in a divorce beyond just the emotional piece.
00:26:47.416 --> 00:26:49.636
Um, do you provide.
00:26:50.041 --> 00:26:58.382
Information that will be able to be accessed globally as well, or is it more central to a specific area?
00:26:59.041 --> 00:27:00.511
Um, well I'm in New Jersey.
00:27:00.511 --> 00:27:01.771
I'm at the Jersey Shore.
00:27:01.832 --> 00:27:03.031
Uh, that's where I'm located.
00:27:03.031 --> 00:27:06.156
But I do work, um, virtually and I do work globally.
00:27:06.227 --> 00:27:06.517
Okay.
00:27:07.007 --> 00:27:12.196
So, and I have a nice network of people that are in the divorce field.
00:27:12.257 --> 00:27:14.836
Um, nice people that you don't even know exist.
00:27:14.836 --> 00:27:17.717
I didn't even know these careers and professions Right.
00:27:17.717 --> 00:27:19.277
Existed until I got divorced.
00:27:19.277 --> 00:27:24.196
But now since I'm part of it, I'm part of a lot of networking groups and associations.
00:27:24.196 --> 00:27:29.416
So if you are getting divorced and you do need to find out what to do, should I sell the house?
00:27:29.416 --> 00:27:30.227
Should I keep the house?
00:27:30.227 --> 00:27:30.946
Well, right.
00:27:31.126 --> 00:27:34.876
There is a specialist in divorce mortgage planning.
00:27:35.281 --> 00:27:36.031
Who would've known.
00:27:36.136 --> 00:27:36.957
Who knew, right?
00:27:37.057 --> 00:27:37.277
Yes.
00:27:37.416 --> 00:27:38.192
Who knew, right.
00:27:38.192 --> 00:27:47.162
So I am, I might not be able to tell you exactly who it is in England, but I can say, Hey, check it out.
00:27:47.162 --> 00:27:52.352
Or I could ask my network, who knows anybody in England that might help.
00:27:52.382 --> 00:27:59.971
Um, so I am, I am, I am well versed in helping find, helping find help.
00:28:00.047 --> 00:28:00.336
Yeah.
00:28:00.646 --> 00:28:01.136
Perfect.
00:28:01.136 --> 00:28:01.817
Think that's really it.
00:28:01.846 --> 00:28:02.136
Yeah.
00:28:02.142 --> 00:28:02.192
Yeah.
00:28:02.882 --> 00:28:03.152
Yeah.
00:28:03.721 --> 00:28:04.592
I love that.
00:28:04.592 --> 00:28:25.021
So you, you were, I'm trying to think like, you were like an epicenter epicenter of the, of the connections and um, not only have you experienced and with your knowledge as we spoke later, but your networks that you have based on all of your expertise.
00:28:25.071 --> 00:28:27.711
You have an opportunity to support globally.
00:28:27.711 --> 00:28:34.791
So yeah, if you are listening, because I look at my, my, um, my listener base, and we are global.
00:28:34.791 --> 00:28:36.592
I'm just honored and thrilled.
00:28:36.592 --> 00:28:36.652
Yeah.
00:28:37.011 --> 00:28:37.672
As such.
00:28:37.672 --> 00:28:41.182
And so it's great to know that you can.
00:28:41.551 --> 00:28:43.682
Find Kimberly in our show notes.
00:28:43.711 --> 00:28:45.362
'cause all of that will be in our show notes.
00:28:45.991 --> 00:28:46.122
Thank you.
00:28:46.122 --> 00:28:52.112
And you can reach out to her and she did mention that she has that free consultation.
00:28:52.112 --> 00:28:52.201
Mm-hmm.
00:28:52.741 --> 00:28:57.721
And see if you're a match and start the process.
00:28:57.932 --> 00:28:58.291
Yeah.
00:28:58.321 --> 00:28:59.491
Don't do this alone.
00:28:59.642 --> 00:29:00.872
You don't have to do it solo.
00:29:01.501 --> 00:29:01.801
Yeah.
00:29:02.311 --> 00:29:16.412
And I do love what you've shared throughout the show today as well, that yes, there are people close to you, friends and whatnot, but there are pieces that not everybody understands the way that you do.
00:29:16.412 --> 00:29:16.501
Yes.
00:29:16.561 --> 00:29:19.352
And your network does because this is your.
00:29:19.951 --> 00:29:22.082
Forte, this is your skillset.
00:29:22.082 --> 00:29:26.672
So not saying don't talk to friends and relatives that support you.
00:29:26.672 --> 00:29:27.692
That's not what we're saying.
00:29:27.692 --> 00:29:35.011
But we're saying when it comes to all the ins and outs, not everybody understands it the way that Kimberly does.
00:29:35.011 --> 00:29:37.291
So reach out.
00:29:37.501 --> 00:29:38.942
She is there.
00:29:39.241 --> 00:29:39.557
Yes.
00:29:39.557 --> 00:29:46.382
And that's why support groups are so nice too, because yes, I facilitate them in a way that is for support.
00:29:47.162 --> 00:29:48.991
And recovery, right?
00:29:48.991 --> 00:29:51.451
So it's not a gripe session.
00:29:51.692 --> 00:29:52.471
There is, thank you.
00:29:52.471 --> 00:29:53.761
Structure and support.
00:29:53.761 --> 00:29:58.396
So we learn, you know, uh, we work on communication and then maybe.
00:29:59.342 --> 00:30:04.142
You know, we share different, different areas that we're having struggles communicating.
00:30:04.142 --> 00:30:11.582
We talk about dreams, we talk about identities, and you know, there is, we go through clarity with emotions.
00:30:11.582 --> 00:30:13.801
We go through confidence to make decisions.
00:30:14.517 --> 00:30:15.866
Courage to move forward.
00:30:15.866 --> 00:30:17.096
That's the structure.
00:30:17.277 --> 00:30:19.017
And you're with people Yeah.
00:30:19.317 --> 00:30:20.457
Who really get it.
00:30:20.727 --> 00:30:20.846
Yeah.
00:30:20.906 --> 00:30:25.916
So you're not talking to your lawyer at, I don't know, in New Jersey it's like$500 an hour.
00:30:26.096 --> 00:30:28.527
You are not, you know, burdening your friends Yeah.
00:30:29.247 --> 00:30:36.777
Down, or you're not, you know, talking to friends that say, oh, you know, get that SOB forever take a worth.
00:30:37.076 --> 00:30:41.517
You know, you're, you're with people that really understand in a supportive.
00:30:42.047 --> 00:30:42.856
Community.
00:30:42.862 --> 00:30:43.231
Mm-hmm.
00:30:43.612 --> 00:30:43.997
So, mm-hmm.
00:30:44.267 --> 00:30:48.676
Um, I love running groups too, so just for that reason.
00:30:49.037 --> 00:30:49.967
Absolutely.
00:30:50.057 --> 00:30:50.987
Absolutely.
00:30:51.076 --> 00:30:51.707
Absolutely.
00:30:51.707 --> 00:30:56.531
And I think it's really important what you've shared too, in terms of.
00:30:58.142 --> 00:31:04.652
It shows that you're not alone, but it also isn't a just a gripe session that just goes around in a circle and you get nowhere.
00:31:04.652 --> 00:31:04.741
Right.
00:31:04.981 --> 00:31:11.461
You're building strategies and skills so that you can have a voice as your voice continues to grow.
00:31:11.582 --> 00:31:11.672
Mm-hmm.
00:31:12.001 --> 00:31:18.301
As your vision, your, you talk about intention setting, all those are things that.
00:31:19.666 --> 00:31:20.626
We love family.
00:31:20.747 --> 00:31:25.096
I love my family, but they wouldn't guide me to set intentions.
00:31:25.096 --> 00:31:25.186
Right?
00:31:25.396 --> 00:31:35.416
Like I just know that that would not be something that would come up in a conversation like right, it's just right and, and that's absolutely fine and fair.
00:31:35.416 --> 00:31:41.836
However, what you do is so important and the world is so stressful.
00:31:42.196 --> 00:31:47.027
So having that support and the group is just.
00:31:47.402 --> 00:31:51.001
Beautiful because you get to hear other voices you get to see.
00:31:51.571 --> 00:31:51.632
Yeah.
00:31:51.632 --> 00:31:54.751
And I know it's a non-judgmental group.
00:31:54.781 --> 00:31:55.382
Yeah, I know.
00:31:55.382 --> 00:31:58.231
You won't let that happen because you are who you are.
00:31:58.231 --> 00:32:00.932
We talked before we started about authenticity.
00:32:01.261 --> 00:32:01.352
Yeah.
00:32:01.832 --> 00:32:02.221
Right.
00:32:02.221 --> 00:32:04.201
It's like this is what we do people.
00:32:04.201 --> 00:32:04.261
Yeah.
00:32:04.291 --> 00:32:06.692
So if something happens, we're just being real.
00:32:06.961 --> 00:32:07.412
Right?
00:32:07.592 --> 00:32:08.076
That's right.
00:32:08.576 --> 00:32:11.221
And you said you get to hear other voices.
00:32:12.241 --> 00:32:14.192
You get to find your own.
00:32:14.251 --> 00:32:17.221
And that's, you know, finding your own voice again.
00:32:17.731 --> 00:32:21.182
I mean, what a gift, what a, what a amazing gift.
00:32:21.842 --> 00:32:22.201
Yeah.
00:32:22.201 --> 00:32:22.261
Yeah.
00:32:23.132 --> 00:32:29.221
And on that note, I'd like to put a little question to the audience.
00:32:29.971 --> 00:32:35.701
Um, what resonates in your body when you hear that it's time to find your voice?
00:32:35.791 --> 00:32:38.402
Like that sent shivers up my spine.
00:32:38.402 --> 00:32:39.751
I'm like, oh yeah.
00:32:40.576 --> 00:32:43.277
How powerful is that?
00:32:43.727 --> 00:32:43.906
Yeah.
00:32:43.967 --> 00:32:44.807
I love it.
00:32:45.467 --> 00:32:55.007
Kimberly, what a pleasure to spend time with you today and learn more about, uh, your journey and what you have to offer to the world.
00:32:55.426 --> 00:33:10.067
So thank you for continuing to be you using your voice and using your skills and supporting so many people through the challenges and the beauty that that's true, that sits inside divorce.
00:33:11.582 --> 00:33:13.592
And thank you so much for having me.
00:33:13.622 --> 00:33:14.701
Thank you so much.
00:33:14.701 --> 00:33:15.176
This was lovely.
00:33:16.007 --> 00:33:16.876
My pleasure.
00:33:17.656 --> 00:33:28.666
If something resonated with in you from our conversation today, make sure you follow, share, subscribe, um, give us reviews.
00:33:28.666 --> 00:33:33.676
We'd love to know how our conversations land for you, our audience.
00:33:34.126 --> 00:33:43.277
Make sure you take care of yourselves and go and do something and to thrive after 45 and do it for you by you because of you.
00:33:43.497 --> 00:33:52.916
Have a great day everyone, and I forgot to mention in the show notes we have all the information as always, on how to contact and find Kimberly.
00:33:53.576 --> 00:33:54.656
Take care, everyone.