Jan. 15, 2026
Why You're Stuck In A Cycle (And the One Step To Break It) with John James Santangelo
John James Santangelo is an expert in NLP and has spent over thirty years helping people get their sparkle back, but he does it in such a grounded and no nonsense way.
We really dug into the idea that none of us are actually broken. We just have these old mental programs from childhood that keep us playing small and feeling stuck in the same cycles.
In this episode of Thrive After 45™, John explains why happiness is something we do rather than something we just wait for. He shared this great metaphor about being your own travel agent and finally deciding on a destination instead of just complaining about where you have already been.
It is such a powerful shift from the way most of us look at our lives in midlife.
We also touched on why we stay stuck because we are so worried about what other people think of us. John’s advice on how to stop holding all our stress in like an overstuffed closet was a huge lightbulb moment for me.
He even walked me through a simple way to override negative self talk using just three little words and a whole lot of heart.
If you have been feeling a bit lost in your own identity lately, this chat is going to feel like a warm hug and a much needed nudge to take the wheel again.
Grab your coffee and join us for this one.
You can find more about John here:
Website: www.LANLP.com
New Book - www.ControlYourEmotions.com
Thank you for spending time with me today on the Thrive After 45™ podcast! If this episode spoke to you, be sure to hit that follow button so you never miss one.
And if you loved it, I’d be so grateful if you left a review - it helps more amazing women like you find this show!
Your journey doesn’t stop here - let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me at denisedrinkwalter.com, and follow @thethriveafter45podcast for daily insp, tips, and support.
Remember, midlife isn’t the end - it’s just the beginning of a new, exciting chapter! Keep thriving, keep shining, and I’ll see you next time!
WEBVTT
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Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Thrive after 45.
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I'm Denise Drink Walter heart whisperer, midlife mirror and mentor.
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Every week I am honored to share energy and space with inspiring guests whose stories reflect so many possibilities of thriving.
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Beyond 45.
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Together we'll uncover the whispers of the heart, the power of midlife transformation, and the wisdom that fuels expansion.
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Have you ever had a moment when you quietly realized I can't keep going on like this?
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These moments have a way of shifting us softly, deeply, and.
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Often without warning, today's guests, John James Sanje PhD, knows that turning point.
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Well, there was a time when he felt stuck, overwhelmed, and moving through a depression with no one.
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Who could help guide him out.
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So he did what some or many of us eventually learned to do.
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He began helping himself one honest step at a time, and that journey led him to NLP, and it changed the entire direction of his life.
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John is now an NLP trainer, PhD Clinical High.
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Hypnotherapist and results coach with 35 years of experience and for more than 25 years, he has led an NLP training center that has supported thousands of individuals to rebuild self-worth.
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Clarify goals and reconnect with their true direction.
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John has written numerous powerful books.
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His latest authored book is Control Your Emotions Master Your Life, and I am honored to share this space with you today.
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John, thank you for coming on the show.
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Yay.
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Thanks, Denise.
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Oh my God.
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You know what's so funny, honey?
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Every time somebody reads something like that, I go, that's not me.
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I didn't, I didn't do all that.
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You know what you imagine what 10 years can do?
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25 years is amazing.
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It really is.
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You know, and, and what's great about what you're doing, Denise, you're giving people the roadmap and that's truly what we need as adults.
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Yeah.
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Because as children, we never learned it.
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Right.
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Absolutely.
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As children, we followed what we were told to do, what we were guided to do, and the women that I work with are in the throes of understanding their identity is totally lost because they've been, yeah.
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Steering the steering, the ship from others' viewpoints instead of their own.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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That, that is so true.
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Especially I think nowadays with women it's, it's expanding a little bit.
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Yeah.
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Because you know, back when my parents, my dad, grandfather came from Italy and my dad is all about respect and the Italian thing, and you, the wife stays home and does that.
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Yeah.
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And my mom was the same thing.
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I mean, thank God she loved her job as raising her five kids.
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Mm-hmm.
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You know, it gave her that identity.
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But what happens when the relationship failed like it did where my mom after 30 years and she had to go look for that.
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Right.
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You know, who am I now?
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Right.
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And that's the real question that everybody asked people.
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I don't care who you're listening to this, it's the question of.
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Who am I and what's my purpose here?
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And that's exactly what I am finding.
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People are dying, quote unquote, literally for, and what you do share with us how the work that you do helps with that.
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In terms of understanding themselves as individuals.
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Well, that's, that is the million dollar question, right?
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'cause if you can, if you can figure that out, yeah.
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Right.
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If you can figure out, not that in, in neurolinguistic programming or NLP, we say this, no one's broken.
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We're not, and that's what a lot of people think, I need to be fixed, I'm broken.
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No, you're not.
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The challenge is that you just have the wrong strategies or mental programs that we've learned, as we were just saying.
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Right.
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Most of them from childhood.
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Right.
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And by the time we were eight or 10 years old, the, the unconscious mind really doesn't develop so that that small infant literally, I mean literally believes.
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Everything it sees and hears and feels.
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And so if your parent just says to you one time, well, my dad said this when I was eight.
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I know he didn't mean it, but he goes, God, you're so damn lazy.
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Mm-hmm.
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Right.
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And you, so we, we own that, right?
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That becomes our identity because we go, oh, well it's dad.
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And you know, he's just amazing.
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He's powerful.
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He must be right.
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Or your, your, your teacher in school says, you're so bad at speaking.
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Which is really what happens to a lot of people.
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They get up in class, they do a thing, and, oh, that's wrong.
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Oh, really?
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It's wrong.
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That becomes their identity and it's such a shame because now to answer your question really is this, yeah.
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What is the real question that ultimately we want every single person wants?
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That's my, that's gonna be the new title of my book.
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Right?
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I just wanna be happy.
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Mm-hmm.
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I just wanna be happy.
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It doesn't matter what I'm doing.
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Right.
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Right.
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So we were just talking that about that off camera.
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Right.
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I just wanna be happy in what I do and if I'm, if I'm doing it, sometimes, sometimes the money's not that important and usually the money's attracted to people that have that kind of energy.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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And, and people, people wanna gravitate towards that.
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Right.
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'cause it's infectious.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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And if you can, and, and here's the, and here really is the answer.
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What do you want?
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That's the first question I ask my, my clients.
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I, I put it like this, and this is almost funny.
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I said, pretend I'm your travel agent.
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Mm-hmm.
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What's the first question I'm gonna ask you?
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Where do you wanna go?
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Where do you wanna go?
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Because it doesn't matter if we go, oh, well we could take a skateboard, a bike, a plane, a car, a bus.
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It doesn't matter.
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The vehicle.
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Yeah.
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If we don't know the destination right, is like one of the quotes says, and then any place will do.
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Right.
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Right.
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So that's one of the first things I do with people is really, you know, of course they come in like this, I all my life and then this, I'm not getting this and I'm my job and the kids, and I kick the dog when I get home and Right.
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Life is just so hard.
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I go, okay, I get that.
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Right.
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And where do you want to go?
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Right.
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Well, you know, here's what, here's what they, this is almost every time Denise.
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Yeah.
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It's almost, it's almost hysterical.
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Well, you know.
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Give you an example about the travel agent.
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Yeah.
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Where do you wanna go?
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Well, you know, I've been to New York.
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I don't wanna go there.
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I just, yeah, I'm, I'm just tired of that weather.
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Yeah.
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I've been to Hawaii so many times.
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I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that.
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But where do you wanna go?
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Oh, well, I was thinking about Europe, but you know, Europe's just so expensive nowadays and, and it's all of that.
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Yeah.
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'cause it's, it's the, like we were saying, it's the mind clutter.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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It's one of the things that we don't learn from our primary caretakers is decision making.
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Mm.
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Mm-hmm.
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Making prominent, healthy decisions about what truly makes us happy mm-hmm.
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And what we want.
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Mm-hmm.
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So question is, is what's the cause of that?
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Uh, it, it's not just one thing.
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Okay.
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'cause think about this.
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I love giving metaphors.
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We're, we're in school.
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Mm-hmm.
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And usually by the time, well, let me back up a bit.
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You already know this.
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I'm gonna ask your listeners what are the three biggest problems that we have in life?
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There's only three.
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Only three.
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And every other problem you think of falls under one of these categories.
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The first one is relationships.
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Mm-hmm.
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And we learn that by the time we're 13 and the hormones kick in and we, we get into relationships and we get out and we mess'em up and we get, you know, we get screwed somehow, like I did when I was 13 in my first relationship.
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That sets the precedence for a lot of'em after that.
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Mm-hmm.
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The second one, the second issue is money.
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Right.
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We get outta school, we're going to college, we realize I gotta get a job.
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Mm-hmm.
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Right.
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Money becomes important.
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Right.
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And then the third one usually doesn't happen till way down the line.
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By the time you're 30, 40, 50, 60 years old sometimes is your health.
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Health.
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Yep.
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Yep.
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The Dai Alma was a great quote.
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He says, I'm paraphrasing.
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We spend all our time making money, and then we spend all our money trying to recoup our health down the road.
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Totally.
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And it's so sad, you know?
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Yeah.
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Because we're not.
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We're not conditioned, and I guess this is the answer to your question.
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We're not conditioned to find happiness.
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Right, right, right.
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Look at, I can ask anyone.
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I don't care who it is.
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Can you get unhappy right now?
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Like you can make yourself unhappy?
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Mm-hmm.
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It's pretty easy to do.
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Just think about some negative things that happen.
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They don't have to be dramatic.
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Yeah.
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But when I ask, do you know how to make yourself happy?
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That's a whole nother realm because most people go, no.
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Mm-hmm.
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I don't.
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And that's, as I was saying before, that's the next title of my book, is it's gonna be, happiness is a verb because it's in the doing.
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It's in the doing.
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Sitting around thinking about happiness, right?
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Thinking about your problems ruminating in negative emotions, don't help us.
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Right.
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Yeah, so, so when and, and tell me what resonates when I ask this question.
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'cause I'm very curious when people think about happiness, is the default outside in?
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Well, you really can't see anything other than your perspective through your own eyes.
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Right.
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We call that associated.
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You're associated.
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You're seeing your life through your own eyes.
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You can't step out of yourself and look back at you.
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Now, there's an exercise, it's called perceptual positions.
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There's three positions in, in fact, NLP started from Fritz Pearls, Virginia Satir, and Milton Erickson.
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Fritz did some what he called gestalt therapy, where you'd have other people sit in another chair.
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Mm-hmm.
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Right?
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And you go pretend that's your dad over there.
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Become your dad.
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Right.
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And then look back at yourself over here and talk to you as your dad would.
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Of course.
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Usually if they're having issues with their dad, it's never good.
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Right?
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Right.
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But you're such a lazy boy.
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Your your husband pain, you never work hard, you know, you can't do anything.
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You sit around all day, blah, blah, blah.
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Well, okay, then you become the silent observer.
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Mm-hmm.
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Sit and watch these two actors you and your dad perform.
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What kind of perception do you get?
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It's a completely different perspective.
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So coming back to the question really is you can't see anything other than yourself.
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Mm-hmm.
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And so everything outside of ourselves, as I say, life, remember, I think this is the most important quote I'm gonna tell you people today.
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Life is nothing more than a mirrored reflection of what you see inside.
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Mm-hmm.
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Mm-hmm.
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What you see and tell yourself inside, you get outside.
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It shows up, and you can call that manifesting abundance, whatever you want to call it.
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Right?
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Because we can all do it.
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We all, my God, I, I thought about a parking lot and it showed up, right?
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Or a parking space, or, I was thinking about a friend and he, and he called, that's called manifesting.
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But it really is the art of deciding what you want.
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'cause the universe is a wonderful thing.
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It gives you exactly what you ask for.
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And most people, like you were just saying, Denise, spend so much time looking outside of themselves.
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Exactly.
00:12:01.041 --> 00:12:05.480
Hoping, hoping that, oh, you know, happiness is gonna show up at their door.
00:12:05.510 --> 00:12:06.676
Like, Don, Don, Don, Don.
00:12:06.801 --> 00:12:09.140
Oh, there, it's now I finally can be happy.
00:12:09.650 --> 00:12:09.740
Mm-hmm.
00:12:09.740 --> 00:12:09.921
Right.
00:12:09.980 --> 00:12:11.600
I got that job or that relationship.
00:12:11.600 --> 00:12:15.350
My kid did this, or you know, I achieved that certain amount of income, or I'm healthy now.
00:12:15.350 --> 00:12:16.010
Whatever that is.
00:12:16.071 --> 00:12:16.701
No, it's not.
00:12:16.730 --> 00:12:17.870
It's not never outside of you.
00:12:17.870 --> 00:12:19.160
It's always within you.
00:12:19.370 --> 00:12:22.221
And you always have the power because I believe this, I'm a godly man.
00:12:22.461 --> 00:12:24.410
I believe that our creator gave us two things.
00:12:25.265 --> 00:12:30.275
Free will to choose anything we want in life, and ultimate power to create it.
00:12:30.846 --> 00:12:33.846
Love that, ultimate power to create it.
00:12:33.966 --> 00:12:38.556
The challenge is, as you were just saying, we're not taught Right.
00:12:38.556 --> 00:12:39.905
That that's possible.
00:12:40.416 --> 00:12:44.196
Yeah, because what do, what's the first word we learn as children?
00:12:44.676 --> 00:12:46.431
The first, I mean the, what is it?
00:12:47.255 --> 00:12:50.645
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:12:51.696 --> 00:12:51.966
Right.
00:12:52.235 --> 00:12:58.625
Well, if that's the very first word, and that's your parameters of your life, the world that you live in, don't go there.
00:12:58.625 --> 00:13:00.456
Don't step outside, don't touch the dog.
00:13:00.635 --> 00:13:01.745
Don't, don't hit mommy.
00:13:02.975 --> 00:13:05.765
What do you think you're gonna be like when you grow up?
00:13:06.245 --> 00:13:06.336
Mm-hmm.
00:13:06.336 --> 00:13:08.495
The world then just expands, right?
00:13:08.676 --> 00:13:09.785
It doesn't change.
00:13:10.260 --> 00:13:10.610
Right?
00:13:10.615 --> 00:13:10.956
Right.
00:13:10.956 --> 00:13:12.096
It just expands.
00:13:12.666 --> 00:13:14.676
So, oh, I can't have that kind of relationship.
00:13:14.676 --> 00:13:15.650
I'll never make that kind of money.
00:13:16.926 --> 00:13:21.245
And that's the next step in, in the evolution of when I work with people is what are your limiting beliefs?
00:13:21.515 --> 00:13:21.635
Right?
00:13:21.635 --> 00:13:22.535
What do you believe about yourself?
00:13:22.926 --> 00:13:24.005
I can tell you this, Denise.
00:13:24.365 --> 00:13:26.586
You guys are listening to this'cause she's a brilliant woman.
00:13:29.615 --> 00:13:35.961
Every single person I've ever worked with over the last 25 years, and we, we call it this, it's the onion of your life.
00:13:36.890 --> 00:13:37.191
Right.
00:13:37.191 --> 00:13:39.140
People talk in surface level language.
00:13:39.140 --> 00:13:39.500
Yeah.
00:13:39.620 --> 00:13:40.341
It's okay.
00:13:40.490 --> 00:13:41.331
You start peeling it away.
00:13:41.360 --> 00:13:43.551
Oh man, it's not okay because this happened.
00:13:43.551 --> 00:13:45.620
Or then you start getting the deeper feelings.
00:13:45.681 --> 00:13:47.421
Every single person.
00:13:48.020 --> 00:13:48.260
Right?
00:13:48.260 --> 00:13:49.791
Every single person.
00:13:50.270 --> 00:13:52.701
The core is self-worth.
00:13:53.451 --> 00:13:53.600
Mm-hmm.
00:13:54.650 --> 00:14:03.831
Self-worth, how I feel about myself determines the decisions I make, therefore, shapes the quality of life I ultimately have.
00:14:05.181 --> 00:14:05.571
So.
00:14:06.591 --> 00:14:10.760
Tagging into that self-worth part at the beginning.
00:14:10.760 --> 00:14:14.931
You mentioned your dad when you were eight said you were lazy.
00:14:15.801 --> 00:14:25.221
Is that a pivotal piece that eats your self-worth and then you play that track on repeat until you come into the other two pieces?
00:14:25.221 --> 00:14:28.640
You talked about free will and choice and decision, right?
00:14:28.640 --> 00:14:29.331
Absolutely.
00:14:29.510 --> 00:14:29.660
Yeah.
00:14:29.660 --> 00:14:35.721
So think about like your, think about your life like a giant building a wall.
00:14:36.171 --> 00:14:39.260
And everything that has been said you've done is a brick in that wall.
00:14:39.681 --> 00:14:39.951
Yeah.
00:14:40.250 --> 00:14:43.431
And it's being constructed throughout your years.
00:14:44.061 --> 00:14:44.240
Yeah.
00:14:44.331 --> 00:14:48.921
Everything you believe about yourself, most importantly, everything that has been said to you.
00:14:48.921 --> 00:14:49.010
Right.
00:14:49.010 --> 00:14:53.630
Everything you've done because of the things you believe about yourself constructs this life.
00:14:54.171 --> 00:14:54.291
Yeah.
00:14:54.291 --> 00:14:54.740
Right.
00:14:56.480 --> 00:15:01.400
NLP Neurolinguistic programming, these two gentlemen in Santa Cruz in 1970.
00:15:02.046 --> 00:15:08.885
Deciphered what the three best therapists in the world were doing at the time, and they extracted out mm-hmm.
00:15:09.125 --> 00:15:18.576
Their techniques and attitude, because if you could sit with like, let's say three billionaires and learn what they do, and they could teach you, you'd become a billionaire too.
00:15:19.416 --> 00:15:30.755
Well, these guys develop neurolinguistic programming and the basis of it really is, as we were talking about, it's the owner's manual of how the brain operates, and that's what was fascinating to me.
00:15:30.995 --> 00:15:33.395
I'm like, I never knew I did that before.
00:15:34.921 --> 00:15:35.191
Right.
00:15:35.191 --> 00:15:39.270
Because if you ha you, everybody's got a computer or a phone or some, a tablet or something.
00:15:39.390 --> 00:15:39.480
Mm-hmm.
00:15:39.510 --> 00:15:42.270
If it goes on the rye, if it goes wacky, right?
00:15:42.270 --> 00:15:43.620
And you could go, oh, I know how to do that.
00:15:43.620 --> 00:15:50.191
Take off the back and plug in a different, you know, motherboard or change the software, close it back up and it worked, done perfectly.
00:15:50.490 --> 00:15:52.530
That should be the way your life operates.
00:15:52.530 --> 00:15:56.056
But we're not taught how to work the owner's manual of the mind.
00:15:56.750 --> 00:16:03.980
And so therefore we choose to go back in our past and look at our past and go, it was their fault that happened to me.
00:16:03.980 --> 00:16:05.150
Therefore, I feel this way.
00:16:05.360 --> 00:16:08.691
Or, so the first, the first secret.
00:16:09.216 --> 00:16:12.485
Really is about awareness, right?
00:16:12.485 --> 00:16:13.926
It's about, that's everything, right?
00:16:13.956 --> 00:16:16.385
And ab, you've heard this a billion time, I'm sure.
00:16:17.196 --> 00:16:17.466
Absolutely.
00:16:17.916 --> 00:16:19.206
AA is all about that, right?
00:16:19.625 --> 00:16:20.586
I'm an alcoholic.
00:16:20.586 --> 00:16:21.875
Hi, I'm John, I'm alcoholic.
00:16:21.875 --> 00:16:22.775
That's awareness.
00:16:22.806 --> 00:16:24.035
You've gotta take ownership.
00:16:24.216 --> 00:16:24.655
As Dr.
00:16:24.655 --> 00:16:27.245
Wayne Dyer said, it's being responsible.
00:16:27.245 --> 00:16:32.255
He called it responsibility, responding with ability, right?
00:16:32.556 --> 00:16:35.375
And most people, we don't wanna do that because why?
00:16:36.096 --> 00:16:37.956
The unconscious brain mind.
00:16:37.956 --> 00:16:38.046
Mm-hmm.
00:16:38.285 --> 00:16:40.086
That runs 90% of us.
00:16:40.326 --> 00:16:42.186
It's number one prime directive.
00:16:42.186 --> 00:16:42.995
This is all it does.
00:16:42.995 --> 00:16:45.456
90% of it is there to keep us safe.
00:16:46.056 --> 00:16:47.105
Right, of course.
00:16:47.285 --> 00:16:47.346
Yeah.
00:16:47.346 --> 00:16:51.725
And new, new and something we want is not safe.
00:16:52.056 --> 00:16:52.206
Right.
00:16:52.206 --> 00:16:53.135
'cause it takes risk.
00:16:53.826 --> 00:16:54.035
Right.
00:16:54.096 --> 00:16:57.005
It, we wanna be comfortable and what they, what do they say?
00:16:57.216 --> 00:16:59.735
Life exists outside your comfort zone.
00:17:00.005 --> 00:17:01.145
Sure, sure.
00:17:01.416 --> 00:17:01.566
Yeah.
00:17:01.566 --> 00:17:02.135
Absolutely.
00:17:02.135 --> 00:17:04.861
And so if you want anything different folks than you have.
00:17:06.006 --> 00:17:07.415
Number one awareness.
00:17:08.976 --> 00:17:09.096
Mm-hmm.
00:17:09.695 --> 00:17:11.766
Is what you're doing working right?
00:17:11.766 --> 00:17:16.175
If not, you don't have to go inside of it and do therapy for a hundred years.
00:17:16.175 --> 00:17:16.806
I don't do that.
00:17:17.465 --> 00:17:17.526
Yeah.
00:17:17.526 --> 00:17:20.286
I just ask them, where do you wanna go instead?
00:17:20.915 --> 00:17:21.365
Right.
00:17:21.665 --> 00:17:23.046
Where would you rather be?
00:17:23.286 --> 00:17:24.336
Let's go there.
00:17:24.576 --> 00:17:30.395
The second process,'cause there's four steps in what they call the NLP Success formula is number one, outcome.
00:17:30.486 --> 00:17:31.385
Knowing what you want.
00:17:31.776 --> 00:17:32.105
Mm-hmm.
00:17:32.990 --> 00:17:35.510
Number two is taking some form of action.
00:17:35.691 --> 00:17:36.921
Yeah, exactly.
00:17:36.980 --> 00:17:38.121
You gotta that.
00:17:38.121 --> 00:17:41.570
In fact, in thinking Grow Rich in the book, that was the secret he kept alluding to.
00:17:41.990 --> 00:17:42.621
He never told you.
00:17:43.040 --> 00:17:44.330
It's, it's taking action.
00:17:44.330 --> 00:17:49.611
Because if you don't take action, I don't care how much you wanna go to New York on a plane, you're stuck.
00:17:49.611 --> 00:17:49.820
Right?
00:17:49.911 --> 00:17:51.080
Yeah, exactly.
00:17:51.080 --> 00:17:51.830
You gotta do something.
00:17:52.040 --> 00:17:58.010
The third piece is awareness, which mm-hmm is called, we say, is it working?
00:17:58.340 --> 00:18:00.770
Is what you're doing working right.
00:18:01.625 --> 00:18:02.165
Action.
00:18:02.915 --> 00:18:03.395
Excuse me.
00:18:03.395 --> 00:18:04.895
Outcome action awareness.
00:18:05.016 --> 00:18:08.286
Fourth piece to the secret is flexibility.
00:18:09.665 --> 00:18:09.786
Mm-hmm.
00:18:10.145 --> 00:18:13.895
You've gotta do something different other than what you just did if it didn't work.
00:18:14.141 --> 00:18:14.976
Right, right.
00:18:15.036 --> 00:18:15.365
Totally.
00:18:15.371 --> 00:18:16.385
Here's here, here's an example.
00:18:16.385 --> 00:18:16.776
Denise.
00:18:17.195 --> 00:18:19.836
Oh my God, all my relationships don't work out well.
00:18:20.016 --> 00:18:21.455
Here's outcome, action, awareness.
00:18:21.455 --> 00:18:22.625
They don't get the flexibility.
00:18:22.625 --> 00:18:24.635
They go, well, outcome, I want to be in a relationship.
00:18:24.695 --> 00:18:25.385
I take action.
00:18:25.385 --> 00:18:25.986
I go meet'em.
00:18:26.135 --> 00:18:27.215
I do all the wonderful things.
00:18:27.875 --> 00:18:28.385
Awareness.
00:18:28.385 --> 00:18:28.925
Is it working?
00:18:28.925 --> 00:18:29.885
No, it's not working.
00:18:29.945 --> 00:18:31.415
And they go back up to outcome again.
00:18:31.415 --> 00:18:33.935
Well, I'll go to the next relationship, outcome action.
00:18:34.205 --> 00:18:40.776
And they never get to the fourth piece of going, Hey, maybe I'm the common denominator that's not working right.
00:18:41.046 --> 00:18:41.736
Maybe it's me, right?
00:18:41.736 --> 00:18:45.905
Maybe if I grow, I'll attract a different kind of energy into my life.
00:18:46.385 --> 00:18:47.375
Absolutely.
00:18:47.405 --> 00:18:47.736
Yeah.
00:18:48.486 --> 00:18:52.986
I, I love what you're saying because that fourth piece I think, gets missed.
00:18:53.286 --> 00:18:55.566
That's why the cycle continues, right?
00:18:55.596 --> 00:18:57.486
That's the only reason the cycle continues.
00:18:57.756 --> 00:18:59.226
Yeah, that's right.
00:18:59.226 --> 00:19:04.026
Because as, as Einstein, literally, Einstein said this, the definition of insanity Yeah.
00:19:04.026 --> 00:19:09.665
Is doing the same thing over and over again and again and again expecting different results.
00:19:09.816 --> 00:19:10.026
Yeah.
00:19:10.086 --> 00:19:12.230
Well, that's where you're right, that's where the flexibility comes in.
00:19:13.401 --> 00:19:13.730
Yeah.
00:19:14.421 --> 00:19:24.351
I think another piece, and I, and I know it's woven into the four steps, but, um, the, the honest reflection that's required.
00:19:24.675 --> 00:19:24.965
Yeah.
00:19:24.971 --> 00:19:25.161
Yeah.
00:19:25.461 --> 00:19:26.391
Well, that's in the beginning.
00:19:26.391 --> 00:19:28.221
That comes from the very onset.
00:19:28.431 --> 00:19:33.201
You can't, you can't decide on where you want to go if you're stuck in the past.
00:19:33.951 --> 00:19:37.340
And that's where most people, their mindset is, oh, it's not working.
00:19:37.340 --> 00:19:37.641
It's not.
00:19:37.641 --> 00:19:38.721
You've gotta be honest.
00:19:38.721 --> 00:19:41.661
And I say this, and here's the thing that some my clients don't like.
00:19:41.810 --> 00:19:45.230
I say, look, I need permission to be brutally honest with you.
00:19:45.471 --> 00:19:45.830
Sure.
00:19:45.830 --> 00:19:46.851
Brutally honest.
00:19:47.451 --> 00:19:47.601
Yeah.
00:19:48.381 --> 00:19:48.941
'cause you are not.
00:19:48.941 --> 00:19:48.971
You are not.
00:19:49.006 --> 00:19:49.296
Yeah.
00:19:50.135 --> 00:19:50.346
Yeah.
00:19:50.346 --> 00:19:58.086
And if I am and I can help you see that, then maybe together we can say, Ooh, I'm stuck in quicksand, or Right.
00:19:58.476 --> 00:20:03.516
You know, you could have a wonderful life, but here's the thing, even millionaires want to want more in their life.
00:20:04.026 --> 00:20:04.326
Mm-hmm.
00:20:05.300 --> 00:20:11.181
If I'm, because that's money's measurable or the most fittest individual, and I was in the fitness industry for 25 years.
00:20:11.240 --> 00:20:11.330
Mm-hmm.
00:20:11.601 --> 00:20:14.391
Even the fittest individual wants better more.
00:20:14.510 --> 00:20:14.601
Mm-hmm.
00:20:14.840 --> 00:20:18.986
We always want, you can have a great relationship with your, your house, spice, whatever, whatever.
00:20:19.161 --> 00:20:20.451
You always want more.
00:20:20.451 --> 00:20:23.181
That's just natural progression of the unconscious mind.
00:20:23.391 --> 00:20:24.921
We want to keep moving forward.
00:20:25.340 --> 00:20:25.641
Mm-hmm.
00:20:26.016 --> 00:20:27.171
Well, and that's growth.
00:20:28.250 --> 00:20:28.540
Yeah.
00:20:28.540 --> 00:20:28.550
Yeah.
00:20:28.955 --> 00:20:31.056
And we should, and we should want growth.
00:20:31.326 --> 00:20:31.596
Absolutely.
00:20:31.596 --> 00:20:33.066
'cause otherwise we're stagnant.
00:20:33.066 --> 00:20:34.296
So thank you for that.
00:20:34.296 --> 00:20:36.816
'cause I think that's absolutely imperative.
00:20:37.115 --> 00:20:38.060
My, absolutely.
00:20:38.060 --> 00:20:42.036
My whole lifespan, my goal is to never stop learning.
00:20:42.486 --> 00:20:45.336
When I stop learning, it'll be my last breath.
00:20:45.365 --> 00:20:46.506
That's how I see life.
00:20:46.506 --> 00:20:46.925
Right?
00:20:47.016 --> 00:20:47.316
Yeah.
00:20:47.346 --> 00:20:49.415
The number one thing you could do for yourself.
00:20:49.580 --> 00:20:57.560
Yeah, because even if you don't wanna learn something, that thing may trigger another thought of, Hey, I never thought of that.
00:20:57.560 --> 00:20:58.766
What if I did that instead?
00:20:59.705 --> 00:21:00.576
Absolutely.
00:21:00.635 --> 00:21:00.905
Yeah.
00:21:01.026 --> 00:21:09.425
Doors open up as a result, and it's the whole premise of our conversation for you by you, because of you, the ball is in your court.
00:21:09.425 --> 00:21:10.836
What are you going to do with it?
00:21:11.165 --> 00:21:13.115
Are you going to set it down and walk away?
00:21:13.115 --> 00:21:15.246
Are you going to pick it up and try and play it?
00:21:15.635 --> 00:21:18.185
Or are you going to even do more than just that?
00:21:18.365 --> 00:21:23.435
Learn how to play it really, really well and try a new sport because that rolls into a new one.
00:21:23.526 --> 00:21:23.915
Right?
00:21:24.365 --> 00:21:25.506
So many options.
00:21:26.046 --> 00:21:27.306
You never know something.
00:21:27.306 --> 00:21:30.905
You know, people have always said this, I never thought I was gonna do this for the rest of my life.
00:21:30.905 --> 00:21:31.355
And I love it.
00:21:31.355 --> 00:21:31.415
Yeah.
00:21:31.836 --> 00:21:33.336
Well, how'd you, how'd you come across that?
00:21:33.336 --> 00:21:34.806
Well, it was a total accident.
00:21:34.806 --> 00:21:37.326
It was a fluke, Uhhuh, right?
00:21:37.326 --> 00:21:39.635
Or, or, here's the great thing about relationships.
00:21:40.056 --> 00:21:45.185
I never, I never, and I hear this a lot, I, I, I, I've been divorced twice.
00:21:45.185 --> 00:21:46.326
I don't wanna get in another relationship.
00:21:46.326 --> 00:21:47.135
It's never gonna happen.
00:21:47.256 --> 00:21:50.346
And then someone shows up that just Yep.
00:21:50.346 --> 00:21:51.155
Melts them.
00:21:51.635 --> 00:21:51.905
Yep.
00:21:51.965 --> 00:21:53.256
I never would've thought that.
00:21:53.796 --> 00:21:54.006
Yeah.
00:21:54.635 --> 00:21:56.346
That's just not the way the brain works People.
00:21:56.346 --> 00:21:57.786
We want what we want, want.
00:21:57.786 --> 00:22:01.086
Sometimes we don't even know what we want Exactly.
00:22:01.086 --> 00:22:05.226
But to be open and available to those possibilities is what Yep.
00:22:05.675 --> 00:22:08.346
Is absolutely life changing.
00:22:09.125 --> 00:22:09.786
Absolutely.
00:22:10.086 --> 00:22:12.496
You know that, that, that really is the secret, right?
00:22:12.721 --> 00:22:16.056
'cause if I could say anything to anyone about.
00:22:16.431 --> 00:22:17.570
Their life itself.
00:22:17.570 --> 00:22:23.326
Again, I don't care how, where you're at in your life, whether you're 13 or you're 73 years old, what do you want?
00:22:23.506 --> 00:22:23.925
Mm-hmm.
00:22:24.395 --> 00:22:24.965
What do you want?
00:22:25.490 --> 00:22:25.641
Yeah.
00:22:25.701 --> 00:22:31.401
'cause you're over 45 doesn't mean you stopped learning and you stop growing and you stop achieving.
00:22:31.520 --> 00:22:39.891
Heck, you know, I'm 65 and I, I think this is the best part of my life right now because I'm actually, I'm actually settled into who I'm, yeah.
00:22:40.490 --> 00:22:40.611
Yeah.
00:22:40.611 --> 00:22:41.451
I, I know now.
00:22:41.540 --> 00:22:43.280
And here's the, here's really.
00:22:44.151 --> 00:22:44.451
Wow.
00:22:44.451 --> 00:22:46.040
And this took me a long time to learn.
00:22:47.121 --> 00:22:50.990
You wanna know the one thing that keeps people stuck Yes.
00:22:50.990 --> 00:22:53.780
Is worrying about, is worrying about what other people think.
00:22:55.546 --> 00:22:56.046
That's it.
00:22:57.951 --> 00:22:58.790
I used to laugh.
00:22:59.030 --> 00:22:59.330
Denise.
00:22:59.330 --> 00:22:59.840
I used to laugh.
00:22:59.840 --> 00:23:02.451
My grandfather, he came over from Italy, couldn't speak English.
00:23:02.631 --> 00:23:03.590
He did really well.
00:23:03.826 --> 00:23:05.780
My, my dad was very famous and rich.
00:23:06.681 --> 00:23:10.760
Yeah, of course he was never home'cause he worked right for, I mean, not seven days a week.
00:23:10.760 --> 00:23:11.121
Literally.
00:23:11.121 --> 00:23:11.181
Yeah.
00:23:11.780 --> 00:23:14.030
Um, I, I learned that.
00:23:15.986 --> 00:23:18.500
I watched my grandfather and my grandmother communicate.
00:23:19.070 --> 00:23:21.500
They just didn't care about who was around them.
00:23:22.070 --> 00:23:22.371
Right.
00:23:23.240 --> 00:23:24.891
They didn't care if they were talking to a merchant.
00:23:24.980 --> 00:23:25.641
They didn't care.
00:23:27.171 --> 00:23:29.361
If they were talking to somebody else, they didn't care.
00:23:29.691 --> 00:23:29.810
Mm-hmm.
00:23:30.141 --> 00:23:31.221
And that's kind of the secret.
00:23:31.221 --> 00:23:32.931
I don't mean don't care about people's feelings.
00:23:32.961 --> 00:23:33.621
Of course.
00:23:33.621 --> 00:23:33.681
Yeah.
00:23:33.681 --> 00:23:35.750
But don't care about what other people think about you.
00:23:35.750 --> 00:23:38.090
Because if you do, then you're always Yeah.
00:23:38.090 --> 00:23:43.340
Well I know if I say that, then somebody's, I'm gonna hurt somebody's and you know, what am I gonna think about me?
00:23:43.340 --> 00:23:45.171
'cause that's not, it's really not about them.
00:23:45.171 --> 00:23:47.391
It's really about you and rejection and ridicule.
00:23:47.391 --> 00:23:48.530
That's really what it's about.
00:23:48.951 --> 00:23:49.461
Absolutely.
00:23:50.121 --> 00:23:53.691
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be looked at like, you know, I'm some horrible person if I speak my mind.
00:23:54.080 --> 00:23:54.260
Yeah.
00:23:54.611 --> 00:23:54.820
Yeah.
00:23:54.851 --> 00:23:56.256
And it circle back and that's the key.
00:23:56.530 --> 00:24:04.990
And it circles back to what you were saying before, John, about your reflection of people coming back to you are a reflection of your soul.
00:24:05.256 --> 00:24:05.415
Absolutely.
00:24:05.415 --> 00:24:05.740
So, absolutely.
00:24:05.770 --> 00:24:10.961
If you're not releasing your soul into its truest form, all the stuff you're getting back, yeah.
00:24:10.961 --> 00:24:12.611
It's gonna be, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24:12.790 --> 00:24:17.441
You know, I, I love, I love NLP because it's technical.
00:24:18.290 --> 00:24:20.601
It gives you formulas and techniques.
00:24:21.320 --> 00:24:21.500
Okay.
00:24:21.500 --> 00:24:21.621
Yeah.
00:24:21.621 --> 00:24:22.671
Of things to do.
00:24:22.671 --> 00:24:26.391
It's not just the what to do because I, I attended millions of seminars.
00:24:26.421 --> 00:24:26.510
Sure.
00:24:26.601 --> 00:24:28.580
It was always the what to do, but never the how to do it.
00:24:28.641 --> 00:24:28.820
Right?
00:24:28.820 --> 00:24:28.881
Yeah.
00:24:29.211 --> 00:24:31.790
Well, NLP wears formulas and techniques you could actually do.
00:24:31.790 --> 00:24:33.891
I'm like, wow, this is, I like this.
00:24:34.101 --> 00:24:37.971
I can gravitate towards, I can grasp these things and see if it works.
00:24:37.971 --> 00:24:42.230
I'm gonna teach you guys be gimme five minutes before we end because I wanna teach you guys something.
00:24:42.560 --> 00:24:42.711
Yep.
00:24:42.740 --> 00:24:43.040
Um.
00:24:43.611 --> 00:24:48.050
The word from the book, from my book, controlling Emotions Master Your Life.
00:24:48.560 --> 00:24:48.800
Yep.
00:24:49.371 --> 00:24:50.931
And some people does don't know this.
00:24:51.530 --> 00:24:52.280
Doesn't know this.
00:24:52.280 --> 00:24:52.550
What?
00:24:52.550 --> 00:24:52.971
Good grammar.
00:24:55.250 --> 00:24:56.421
I'm just, so I'm talking so fast.
00:24:56.421 --> 00:24:57.141
So I'm trying to get everything.
00:24:58.760 --> 00:24:59.780
Um, sorry folks.
00:24:59.901 --> 00:25:04.580
Um, the word emotions, if you look it up, it means to emote.
00:25:05.270 --> 00:25:05.361
Mm-hmm.
00:25:05.601 --> 00:25:07.941
It means to get things out.
00:25:08.661 --> 00:25:08.871
Yeah.
00:25:09.651 --> 00:25:15.411
So the one thing, if you do learn anything from this podcast that mm-hmm.
00:25:15.651 --> 00:25:22.101
Denise is posting, learn to express yourself.
00:25:23.361 --> 00:25:23.750
Mm-hmm.
00:25:24.621 --> 00:25:26.211
Learn to express yourself.
00:25:26.510 --> 00:25:30.471
I can tell you I've written, again, one of the first books I wrote was Stress Reduction.
00:25:32.346 --> 00:25:36.875
It's one of the things that a lot of people, I don't care how good or bad your life is, we all deal with stress.
00:25:36.875 --> 00:25:37.925
Some people more than others.
00:25:38.375 --> 00:25:38.465
Sure.
00:25:38.465 --> 00:25:47.945
But do you know stress is only because we don't emote, we don't give our feelings credence.
00:25:49.040 --> 00:25:52.250
We push'em down, we, we push'em in the back.
00:25:52.340 --> 00:26:03.381
I kind of equate it to this Denise in my, in my courses, my live courses, say, imagine you have this closet in your house and every time you feel something bad, you throw it in the closet and shut the door.
00:26:03.560 --> 00:26:03.651
Mm-hmm.
00:26:03.891 --> 00:26:08.300
Well, imagine if that closet was like your, your sports equipment closet.
00:26:08.300 --> 00:26:13.250
And every time you learned a new sport, you put all this equipment in there and after a while, the door's not gonna close.
00:26:13.250 --> 00:26:16.701
And you try and try and try with all this energy.
00:26:17.161 --> 00:26:24.540
To hold that door closed, but one right time, once like the volcano, it comes exploding open.
00:26:24.780 --> 00:26:26.611
And that's what happens with our feelings.
00:26:26.851 --> 00:26:27.030
Mm-hmm.
00:26:27.276 --> 00:26:31.951
You, you subside them, you push'em away, you hide them, sweep'em under the rug, shut'em down.
00:26:32.221 --> 00:26:38.161
After a while they come exploding out and usually it's in divorce.
00:26:38.580 --> 00:26:38.701
Mm-hmm.
00:26:38.941 --> 00:26:39.871
Bankruptcy.
00:26:39.871 --> 00:26:40.560
Mm-hmm.
00:26:40.905 --> 00:26:41.395
Suicide.
00:26:42.611 --> 00:26:42.881
Right.
00:26:42.881 --> 00:26:43.280
Mm-hmm.
00:26:43.365 --> 00:26:48.875
Bad friendships, whatever those are, rather than saying, God, I don't like the way this feels.
00:26:49.385 --> 00:26:49.655
Mm-hmm.
00:26:50.346 --> 00:26:50.496
Yep.
00:26:50.496 --> 00:26:54.726
I'm just gonna go find somebody to talk about it or talk to God, talk to the mirror.
00:26:55.236 --> 00:26:55.385
Right.
00:26:55.385 --> 00:26:58.655
You know, get it out of your body because the body.
00:26:59.316 --> 00:27:01.715
Holds the cortisol in your body.
00:27:01.865 --> 00:27:02.135
Yes.
00:27:02.135 --> 00:27:02.976
And creates stress.
00:27:02.976 --> 00:27:10.655
And after a long period of time, I can tell you this folks, because I studied cancer for 10 years, I can ask any cancer patient what happened three to five years ago.
00:27:10.685 --> 00:27:10.986
Mm-hmm.
00:27:10.986 --> 00:27:12.185
Before you were diagnosed.
00:27:12.336 --> 00:27:15.006
And they will always come up with something traumatic in their life.
00:27:15.546 --> 00:27:15.846
Mm-hmm.
00:27:16.145 --> 00:27:17.046
Every single person.
00:27:17.451 --> 00:27:17.721
Yeah.
00:27:17.931 --> 00:27:18.111
Yeah.
00:27:18.141 --> 00:27:18.921
Oh, I had a divorce.
00:27:19.010 --> 00:27:19.881
I lost a child.
00:27:20.026 --> 00:27:21.740
I, I, you know, I lost all my money.
00:27:22.040 --> 00:27:29.510
Um, you know, I broke a leg and I couldn't work for months and something happened where it shook their world up to cancer because cancer's always in us.
00:27:29.840 --> 00:27:30.080
Mm-hmm.
00:27:30.320 --> 00:27:31.221
Then it just thrives.
00:27:31.611 --> 00:27:32.121
Right?
00:27:32.240 --> 00:27:33.050
Absolutely.
00:27:33.171 --> 00:27:34.040
Absolutely.
00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:36.891
Um, thank you for that.
00:27:37.611 --> 00:27:37.820
Yep.
00:27:38.030 --> 00:27:41.510
Um, I would love to hear what you were gonna share.
00:27:42.141 --> 00:27:42.711
Five minutes.
00:27:43.540 --> 00:27:44.711
Yeah, give me your five minutes.
00:27:44.711 --> 00:27:48.905
It's gonna take, it's gonna take only one, but I wanna explain why because Absolutely.
00:27:49.056 --> 00:27:49.776
Yeah.
00:27:50.226 --> 00:27:51.030
Remember this folks.
00:27:52.236 --> 00:27:53.766
Your brain and your system.
00:27:53.766 --> 00:27:55.266
That's part of the neurolinguistic.
00:27:55.296 --> 00:28:01.355
The language that we use to our talk, to ourselves and to other people is the programming part.
00:28:01.355 --> 00:28:05.736
We literally program our minds by the words we use and we program other people, right?
00:28:05.736 --> 00:28:07.086
Neuro meaning mind, body.
00:28:07.086 --> 00:28:07.865
Mm-hmm.
00:28:07.872 --> 00:28:10.296
The mind body is gonna hold these emotions.
00:28:10.296 --> 00:28:16.266
It holds these belief systems in literally inside different parts of our body.
00:28:16.790 --> 00:28:17.211
Right.
00:28:17.391 --> 00:28:18.621
Different chakra points, right?
00:28:18.891 --> 00:28:23.151
Different meridian points if you're into that, into reiki and all this, right?
00:28:23.361 --> 00:28:27.681
And so what you wanna do is you wanna override those systems.
00:28:27.681 --> 00:28:30.080
You wanna override those feelings.
00:28:30.530 --> 00:28:33.651
And how you do it is you've gotta talk to yourself.
00:28:34.010 --> 00:28:38.096
More empowering than that negative belief, okay?
00:28:38.615 --> 00:28:39.036
Mm-hmm.
00:28:39.121 --> 00:28:40.490
That's, it's that simple folks.
00:28:40.490 --> 00:28:44.300
But I'm gonna give you the words to use to actually change your life.
00:28:44.391 --> 00:28:44.631
Brilliant.
00:28:44.750 --> 00:28:51.921
Literally, because it changed mine within a couple of months, and I mean a couple, it probably would've done it sooner if I was more serious.
00:28:53.451 --> 00:28:53.691
Okay.
00:28:53.691 --> 00:28:56.570
There's two things that create patterns in our lives.
00:28:56.721 --> 00:28:56.810
Mm-hmm.
00:28:57.351 --> 00:28:58.191
One is emotion.
00:28:58.490 --> 00:29:00.020
The intensity of the emotion.
00:29:00.530 --> 00:29:00.621
Yes.
00:29:00.621 --> 00:29:02.750
Because you never forget stuff that's really intense.
00:29:03.080 --> 00:29:03.500
For sure.
00:29:03.560 --> 00:29:07.221
Like if I asked you, what were you doing two weeks ago, Tuesday?
00:29:07.221 --> 00:29:10.161
Brushing your teeth, you'd be like, I, I don't even know what was going on.
00:29:10.280 --> 00:29:10.490
Right.
00:29:10.490 --> 00:29:14.090
But if I said, somebody called and said, you just hit the lotto, you'd never forget that.
00:29:14.645 --> 00:29:14.976
Yeah.
00:29:15.006 --> 00:29:15.395
Right.
00:29:15.516 --> 00:29:21.846
So emotion and repetition, those are the two things that create programs in our lives, right?
00:29:21.851 --> 00:29:22.090
Yeah.
00:29:22.090 --> 00:29:22.330
Yeah.
00:29:22.336 --> 00:29:23.586
So here's what we're gonna do.
00:29:23.855 --> 00:29:27.276
We're gonna recite to ourselves mm-hmm.
00:29:27.546 --> 00:29:28.806
Three simple words.
00:29:29.226 --> 00:29:29.316
Mm-hmm.
00:29:29.556 --> 00:29:31.205
And we're gonna say'em three times.
00:29:31.986 --> 00:29:33.036
That's one round.
00:29:33.246 --> 00:29:34.236
And then we're gonna do it again.
00:29:34.296 --> 00:29:35.195
We're gonna do it again.
00:29:35.556 --> 00:29:40.445
And each time you say it, you're gonna get more intense, more loud, and more confident.
00:29:40.865 --> 00:29:41.556
You ready guys?
00:29:41.556 --> 00:29:41.826
You ready?
00:29:41.826 --> 00:29:42.605
People ready?
00:29:42.635 --> 00:29:43.355
We're ready.
00:29:43.355 --> 00:29:44.016
We're ready.
00:29:45.006 --> 00:29:49.205
The word is, because this hits your core of what we're talking about.
00:29:49.205 --> 00:29:49.836
Self-worth.
00:29:50.135 --> 00:29:50.375
Ready?
00:29:50.375 --> 00:29:50.766
Yes.
00:29:51.365 --> 00:29:53.195
I like myself.
00:29:53.556 --> 00:29:54.486
Mm-hmm.
00:29:54.816 --> 00:29:57.066
I like myself.
00:29:58.086 --> 00:30:00.215
I like myself.
00:30:01.806 --> 00:30:05.346
And the more emotion that you put behind it, your brain.
00:30:06.215 --> 00:30:11.496
Your unconscious program, which runs 90% of us will eventually go, wow.
00:30:11.556 --> 00:30:14.076
Hey, I like myself, love that.
00:30:14.076 --> 00:30:17.046
And it overrides the negative self worth.
00:30:17.945 --> 00:30:19.685
Now here's the, here's the deal folks.
00:30:20.135 --> 00:30:20.915
You can't go like this.
00:30:21.546 --> 00:30:22.445
I like myself.
00:30:22.445 --> 00:30:22.806
Yeah.
00:30:23.871 --> 00:30:25.955
I, I like myself.
00:30:26.885 --> 00:30:27.996
I like myself.
00:30:29.961 --> 00:30:31.070
You gotta mean it.
00:30:31.070 --> 00:30:32.901
If you look, don't, don't bother.
00:30:33.141 --> 00:30:36.290
Do not bother doing this if you're gonna do it half-ass.
00:30:36.290 --> 00:30:36.891
Can I say that?
00:30:37.705 --> 00:30:37.905
Absolutely.
00:30:38.330 --> 00:30:38.961
Absolutely.
00:30:38.965 --> 00:30:39.465
It'll, it'll work.
00:30:39.471 --> 00:30:42.590
It'll make it actually make it even worse, right?
00:30:42.891 --> 00:30:43.010
Yeah.
00:30:43.010 --> 00:30:47.540
So pick a time to start like, I'm gonna, this Monday, I'm gonna clear all the cobwebs.
00:30:47.691 --> 00:30:51.651
I'm gonna clear my mind and I'm gonna start, and I'm gonna do this three times in a row.
00:30:51.770 --> 00:30:53.480
And maybe I might do it 10 times a day.
00:30:53.480 --> 00:30:56.090
I did it literally as much if I wasn't with people.
00:30:56.090 --> 00:31:00.351
And sometimes I did it once in the, in the, I did it once in the bank, in the line at the bank.
00:31:00.351 --> 00:31:01.371
People thought I was crazy.
00:31:01.851 --> 00:31:02.510
Who cares?
00:31:02.810 --> 00:31:04.185
They care more towards me.
00:31:05.240 --> 00:31:06.471
Exactly right.
00:31:06.471 --> 00:31:07.131
Working on me.
00:31:08.631 --> 00:31:08.871
Hey.
00:31:08.871 --> 00:31:10.911
And they probably went, wow, that guy's really powerful.
00:31:10.911 --> 00:31:11.300
I don't know.
00:31:11.300 --> 00:31:18.141
Maybe I like myself, I like myself, I like myself.
00:31:18.681 --> 00:31:18.800
Mm-hmm.
00:31:19.431 --> 00:31:20.451
You do that enough.
00:31:20.451 --> 00:31:32.691
I promise you, with the motion and repetition, you'll override your negative program and your life will start changing because now you start looking at other people going, I don't care what they think, because I think myself.
00:31:33.695 --> 00:31:35.766
And because now you don't care about what people think.
00:31:35.945 --> 00:31:38.855
And again, we talk about not their feelings, but what they think about you.
00:31:39.006 --> 00:31:44.046
You'll start taking better risks, bigger risks, more empowering risks.
00:31:44.135 --> 00:31:44.286
Mm-hmm.
00:31:44.586 --> 00:31:47.256
And then the result will be you'll start achieving more.
00:31:48.125 --> 00:31:49.476
You'll step into yourself.
00:31:49.671 --> 00:31:50.020
Right.
00:31:51.125 --> 00:31:51.816
Your identity.
00:31:52.326 --> 00:31:53.195
Yeah, totally.
00:31:53.405 --> 00:31:53.675
Yeah.
00:31:53.990 --> 00:31:56.256
For you, by you because of you.
00:31:57.006 --> 00:31:57.451
I love that.
00:31:59.540 --> 00:32:00.036
I love that.
00:32:00.905 --> 00:32:01.746
So do I.
00:32:01.750 --> 00:32:03.006
You're You're awesome.
00:32:03.006 --> 00:32:04.861
You're like one of the best podcast hosts I've ever.
00:32:05.105 --> 00:32:06.455
You're so happy, you're so loving.
00:32:06.455 --> 00:32:08.885
You're so cheery, and you know a lot.
00:32:09.576 --> 00:32:10.236
Thank you.
00:32:10.355 --> 00:32:11.435
Well, you know what?
00:32:11.556 --> 00:32:13.746
Every day I get to.
00:32:14.270 --> 00:32:20.750
Have opportunities to speak with individuals like yourself and what a gift for me in my life.
00:32:20.750 --> 00:32:21.980
So thank you.
00:32:21.980 --> 00:32:24.586
Yeah, so much, John, for your time.
00:32:24.826 --> 00:32:24.986
Absolutely.
00:32:24.986 --> 00:32:36.560
Your passion, your commitment, you rising above and creating something so empowering that you are changing the world with your work and we are forever grateful.
00:32:36.980 --> 00:32:39.441
Let give, let me give your listeners a gift, a free gift.
00:32:39.441 --> 00:32:40.340
Mm-hmm.
00:32:40.342 --> 00:32:52.790
I have a seven day NLP mini course and it really is about what we talked about using language and doing certain things to shift and I just uploaded on the Apple and the Google Play Store right now is, is still in review, but I uploaded a new app and it's real simple.
00:32:52.790 --> 00:32:53.661
It's nlp.
00:32:54.141 --> 00:32:54.320
Yep.
00:32:54.711 --> 00:32:57.320
Guru app.
00:32:58.030 --> 00:32:58.371
Oh, okay.
00:32:58.375 --> 00:32:59.976
NLP guru app.
00:33:00.395 --> 00:33:01.296
Just go to that.
00:33:01.445 --> 00:33:05.226
It's part of my website, but it has the two links to Apple and the Google Play Store.
00:33:05.286 --> 00:33:11.226
Yeah, they can download the app for free and they can listen and do the exercises in the free mini course.
00:33:11.256 --> 00:33:11.826
It's free.
00:33:11.826 --> 00:33:12.425
It's all free.
00:33:12.486 --> 00:33:15.486
If you guys wanna, I've got books on there, I've got other programs.
00:33:15.486 --> 00:33:16.266
You wanna learn something?
00:33:16.266 --> 00:33:16.476
Sure.
00:33:16.476 --> 00:33:19.355
But go check out the free seven day course.
00:33:19.385 --> 00:33:20.346
It's, it's awesome.
00:33:20.346 --> 00:33:20.675
You'll love it.
00:33:21.365 --> 00:33:22.026
Beautiful.
00:33:22.026 --> 00:33:22.506
Thank you.
00:33:22.506 --> 00:33:30.635
And we will have that information in the show notes for those who are listening that you, you know how we do it here at Thrive after 45.
00:33:31.026 --> 00:33:34.715
We give you everything we possibly can from our incredible guests.
00:33:34.986 --> 00:33:41.705
John, what an honor to share time and space with you never long enough, but that just means we get to meet again.
00:33:43.056 --> 00:33:43.415
Absolutely.
00:33:44.135 --> 00:33:44.530
Thank you, Denise.
00:33:44.530 --> 00:33:44.611
Denise.
00:33:45.480 --> 00:34:02.250
Thank you and for those listening and or watching on YouTube, make sure that you follow, like subscribe if it's the channel and make sure you put reviews'cause we want to know how this resonates with for, for you, by you and because of you.
00:34:02.250 --> 00:34:03.240
Have a great day.
00:34:03.375 --> 00:34:03.536
Absolutely.
00:34:03.726 --> 00:34:04.455
Have a great day.
00:34:04.455 --> 00:34:04.476
God bless.
00:00:00.052 --> 00:00:05.182
Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Thrive after 45.
00:00:05.182 --> 00:00:09.952
I'm Denise Drink Walter heart whisperer, midlife mirror and mentor.
00:00:09.952 --> 00:00:18.862
Every week I am honored to share energy and space with inspiring guests whose stories reflect so many possibilities of thriving.
00:00:18.862 --> 00:00:20.272
Beyond 45.
00:00:20.272 --> 00:00:28.522
Together we'll uncover the whispers of the heart, the power of midlife transformation, and the wisdom that fuels expansion.
00:00:29.623 --> 00:00:38.348
Have you ever had a moment when you quietly realized I can't keep going on like this?
00:00:38.348 --> 00:00:43.118
These moments have a way of shifting us softly, deeply, and.
00:00:43.264 --> 00:00:51.543
Often without warning, today's guests, John James Sanje PhD, knows that turning point.
00:00:51.543 --> 00:00:57.304
Well, there was a time when he felt stuck, overwhelmed, and moving through a depression with no one.
00:00:57.899 --> 00:00:59.609
Who could help guide him out.
00:00:59.719 --> 00:01:04.549
So he did what some or many of us eventually learned to do.
00:01:04.578 --> 00:01:15.421
He began helping himself one honest step at a time, and that journey led him to NLP, and it changed the entire direction of his life.
00:01:15.569 --> 00:01:20.308
John is now an NLP trainer, PhD Clinical High.
00:01:20.308 --> 00:01:34.588
Hypnotherapist and results coach with 35 years of experience and for more than 25 years, he has led an NLP training center that has supported thousands of individuals to rebuild self-worth.
00:01:34.588 --> 00:01:39.209
Clarify goals and reconnect with their true direction.
00:01:39.209 --> 00:01:42.629
John has written numerous powerful books.
00:01:42.629 --> 00:01:51.808
His latest authored book is Control Your Emotions Master Your Life, and I am honored to share this space with you today.
00:01:51.808 --> 00:01:54.149
John, thank you for coming on the show.
00:01:54.466 --> 00:01:54.557
Yay.
00:01:55.337 --> 00:01:56.057
Thanks, Denise.
00:01:56.057 --> 00:01:56.656
Oh my God.
00:01:56.656 --> 00:01:57.677
You know what's so funny, honey?
00:01:57.924 --> 00:02:00.774
Every time somebody reads something like that, I go, that's not me.
00:02:00.774 --> 00:02:02.243
I didn't, I didn't do all that.
00:02:02.811 --> 00:02:05.450
You know what you imagine what 10 years can do?
00:02:05.450 --> 00:02:07.131
25 years is amazing.
00:02:07.131 --> 00:02:07.700
It really is.
00:02:07.700 --> 00:02:16.640
You know, and, and what's great about what you're doing, Denise, you're giving people the roadmap and that's truly what we need as adults.
00:02:17.360 --> 00:02:17.450
Yeah.
00:02:17.480 --> 00:02:18.980
Because as children, we never learned it.
00:02:19.850 --> 00:02:20.241
Right.
00:02:20.871 --> 00:02:21.741
Absolutely.
00:02:22.010 --> 00:02:36.450
As children, we followed what we were told to do, what we were guided to do, and the women that I work with are in the throes of understanding their identity is totally lost because they've been, yeah.
00:02:36.996 --> 00:02:41.286
Steering the steering, the ship from others' viewpoints instead of their own.
00:02:41.556 --> 00:02:41.855
Yeah.
00:02:41.860 --> 00:02:42.121
Yeah.
00:02:42.151 --> 00:02:43.596
That, that is so true.
00:02:43.596 --> 00:02:47.675
Especially I think nowadays with women it's, it's expanding a little bit.
00:02:47.945 --> 00:02:48.006
Yeah.
00:02:48.006 --> 00:02:55.985
Because you know, back when my parents, my dad, grandfather came from Italy and my dad is all about respect and the Italian thing, and you, the wife stays home and does that.
00:02:55.985 --> 00:02:55.996
Yeah.
00:02:56.441 --> 00:02:57.971
And my mom was the same thing.
00:02:58.001 --> 00:03:01.540
I mean, thank God she loved her job as raising her five kids.
00:03:01.570 --> 00:03:01.721
Mm-hmm.
00:03:01.811 --> 00:03:03.550
You know, it gave her that identity.
00:03:03.550 --> 00:03:10.450
But what happens when the relationship failed like it did where my mom after 30 years and she had to go look for that.
00:03:11.140 --> 00:03:11.411
Right.
00:03:11.411 --> 00:03:12.640
You know, who am I now?
00:03:12.700 --> 00:03:12.911
Right.
00:03:12.911 --> 00:03:15.431
And that's the real question that everybody asked people.
00:03:15.760 --> 00:03:17.980
I don't care who you're listening to this, it's the question of.
00:03:18.316 --> 00:03:20.836
Who am I and what's my purpose here?
00:03:20.866 --> 00:03:21.105
Yeah.
00:03:21.316 --> 00:03:21.556
Yeah.
00:03:22.425 --> 00:03:25.575
And that's exactly what I am finding.
00:03:25.605 --> 00:03:39.580
People are dying, quote unquote, literally for, and what you do share with us how the work that you do helps with that.
00:03:40.325 --> 00:03:43.836
In terms of understanding themselves as individuals.
00:03:44.346 --> 00:03:46.716
Well, that's, that is the million dollar question, right?
00:03:47.050 --> 00:03:49.566
'cause if you can, if you can figure that out, yeah.
00:03:50.195 --> 00:03:50.406
Right.
00:03:50.406 --> 00:03:56.975
If you can figure out, not that in, in neurolinguistic programming or NLP, we say this, no one's broken.
00:03:57.395 --> 00:04:00.936
We're not, and that's what a lot of people think, I need to be fixed, I'm broken.
00:04:00.936 --> 00:04:01.596
No, you're not.
00:04:01.836 --> 00:04:09.635
The challenge is that you just have the wrong strategies or mental programs that we've learned, as we were just saying.
00:04:09.996 --> 00:04:10.116
Right.
00:04:10.116 --> 00:04:11.586
Most of them from childhood.
00:04:12.006 --> 00:04:12.216
Right.
00:04:12.216 --> 00:04:22.505
And by the time we were eight or 10 years old, the, the unconscious mind really doesn't develop so that that small infant literally, I mean literally believes.
00:04:23.315 --> 00:04:26.375
Everything it sees and hears and feels.
00:04:26.855 --> 00:04:30.456
And so if your parent just says to you one time, well, my dad said this when I was eight.
00:04:30.516 --> 00:04:33.156
I know he didn't mean it, but he goes, God, you're so damn lazy.
00:04:33.786 --> 00:04:34.055
Mm-hmm.
00:04:34.745 --> 00:04:35.045
Right.
00:04:35.045 --> 00:04:37.805
And you, so we, we own that, right?
00:04:37.865 --> 00:04:41.915
That becomes our identity because we go, oh, well it's dad.
00:04:42.216 --> 00:04:44.165
And you know, he's just amazing.
00:04:44.165 --> 00:04:45.036
He's powerful.
00:04:45.156 --> 00:04:46.206
He must be right.
00:04:46.896 --> 00:04:51.156
Or your, your, your teacher in school says, you're so bad at speaking.
00:04:51.725 --> 00:04:53.646
Which is really what happens to a lot of people.
00:04:53.646 --> 00:04:56.045
They get up in class, they do a thing, and, oh, that's wrong.
00:04:56.466 --> 00:04:57.396
Oh, really?
00:04:57.396 --> 00:04:58.026
It's wrong.
00:04:58.235 --> 00:05:03.500
That becomes their identity and it's such a shame because now to answer your question really is this, yeah.
00:05:04.685 --> 00:05:08.615
What is the real question that ultimately we want every single person wants?
00:05:08.615 --> 00:05:10.716
That's my, that's gonna be the new title of my book.
00:05:11.045 --> 00:05:11.286
Right?
00:05:11.615 --> 00:05:12.846
I just wanna be happy.
00:05:13.355 --> 00:05:13.685
Mm-hmm.
00:05:14.120 --> 00:05:15.261
I just wanna be happy.
00:05:15.380 --> 00:05:16.880
It doesn't matter what I'm doing.
00:05:16.886 --> 00:05:17.216
Right.
00:05:17.221 --> 00:05:17.391
Right.
00:05:17.511 --> 00:05:19.401
So we were just talking that about that off camera.
00:05:19.701 --> 00:05:20.000
Right.
00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:30.021
I just wanna be happy in what I do and if I'm, if I'm doing it, sometimes, sometimes the money's not that important and usually the money's attracted to people that have that kind of energy.
00:05:30.321 --> 00:05:30.860
Yes.
00:05:30.920 --> 00:05:31.161
Yeah.
00:05:31.161 --> 00:05:34.100
And, and people, people wanna gravitate towards that.
00:05:34.461 --> 00:05:34.730
Right.
00:05:34.730 --> 00:05:36.261
'cause it's infectious.
00:05:36.531 --> 00:05:36.800
Yeah.
00:05:37.250 --> 00:05:37.581
Right.
00:05:37.581 --> 00:05:40.940
And if you can, and, and here's the, and here really is the answer.
00:05:41.855 --> 00:05:43.295
What do you want?
00:05:43.295 --> 00:05:45.576
That's the first question I ask my, my clients.
00:05:46.086 --> 00:05:48.125
I, I put it like this, and this is almost funny.
00:05:48.636 --> 00:05:50.615
I said, pretend I'm your travel agent.
00:05:51.125 --> 00:05:51.216
Mm-hmm.
00:05:51.485 --> 00:05:53.466
What's the first question I'm gonna ask you?
00:05:54.545 --> 00:05:55.505
Where do you wanna go?
00:05:56.016 --> 00:05:56.975
Where do you wanna go?
00:05:58.415 --> 00:06:03.576
Because it doesn't matter if we go, oh, well we could take a skateboard, a bike, a plane, a car, a bus.
00:06:03.576 --> 00:06:04.235
It doesn't matter.
00:06:04.235 --> 00:06:04.896
The vehicle.
00:06:04.896 --> 00:06:04.956
Yeah.
00:06:05.196 --> 00:06:10.745
If we don't know the destination right, is like one of the quotes says, and then any place will do.
00:06:11.526 --> 00:06:11.795
Right.
00:06:11.826 --> 00:06:12.065
Right.
00:06:12.065 --> 00:06:23.646
So that's one of the first things I do with people is really, you know, of course they come in like this, I all my life and then this, I'm not getting this and I'm my job and the kids, and I kick the dog when I get home and Right.
00:06:23.646 --> 00:06:24.125
Life is just so hard.
00:06:24.125 --> 00:06:25.446
I go, okay, I get that.
00:06:25.836 --> 00:06:26.016
Right.
00:06:26.016 --> 00:06:28.326
And where do you want to go?
00:06:28.836 --> 00:06:29.136
Right.
00:06:29.286 --> 00:06:33.605
Well, you know, here's what, here's what they, this is almost every time Denise.
00:06:33.605 --> 00:06:33.665
Yeah.
00:06:34.086 --> 00:06:35.615
It's almost, it's almost hysterical.
00:06:35.615 --> 00:06:36.466
Well, you know.
00:06:37.161 --> 00:06:39.230
Give you an example about the travel agent.
00:06:39.680 --> 00:06:39.740
Yeah.
00:06:39.740 --> 00:06:40.310
Where do you wanna go?
00:06:40.310 --> 00:06:41.630
Well, you know, I've been to New York.
00:06:41.630 --> 00:06:42.471
I don't wanna go there.
00:06:42.471 --> 00:06:44.600
I just, yeah, I'm, I'm just tired of that weather.
00:06:44.961 --> 00:06:45.261
Yeah.
00:06:45.261 --> 00:06:46.850
I've been to Hawaii so many times.
00:06:46.850 --> 00:06:48.230
I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that.
00:06:48.230 --> 00:06:49.521
But where do you wanna go?
00:06:50.271 --> 00:06:57.471
Oh, well, I was thinking about Europe, but you know, Europe's just so expensive nowadays and, and it's all of that.
00:06:58.100 --> 00:06:58.310
Yeah.
00:06:58.341 --> 00:07:01.725
'cause it's, it's the, like we were saying, it's the mind clutter.
00:07:02.451 --> 00:07:02.961
Right.
00:07:02.961 --> 00:07:03.321
Yeah.
00:07:03.326 --> 00:07:03.386
Yeah.
00:07:03.391 --> 00:07:03.651
Right.
00:07:03.800 --> 00:07:09.711
It's one of the things that we don't learn from our primary caretakers is decision making.
00:07:09.711 --> 00:07:09.771
Mm.
00:07:10.365 --> 00:07:10.786
Mm-hmm.
00:07:10.865 --> 00:07:19.040
Making prominent, healthy decisions about what truly makes us happy mm-hmm.
00:07:19.281 --> 00:07:20.120
And what we want.
00:07:20.120 --> 00:07:20.810
Mm-hmm.
00:07:21.891 --> 00:07:26.571
So question is, is what's the cause of that?
00:07:28.971 --> 00:07:30.860
Uh, it, it's not just one thing.
00:07:32.055 --> 00:07:32.346
Okay.
00:07:32.625 --> 00:07:34.190
'cause think about this.
00:07:34.670 --> 00:07:35.930
I love giving metaphors.
00:07:36.380 --> 00:07:37.641
We're, we're in school.
00:07:38.120 --> 00:07:38.211
Mm-hmm.
00:07:39.321 --> 00:07:42.230
And usually by the time, well, let me back up a bit.
00:07:43.521 --> 00:07:44.331
You already know this.
00:07:44.331 --> 00:07:47.360
I'm gonna ask your listeners what are the three biggest problems that we have in life?
00:07:47.451 --> 00:07:48.141
There's only three.
00:07:48.500 --> 00:07:49.221
Only three.
00:07:49.281 --> 00:07:52.190
And every other problem you think of falls under one of these categories.
00:07:52.430 --> 00:07:54.201
The first one is relationships.
00:07:54.206 --> 00:07:54.346
Mm-hmm.
00:07:54.430 --> 00:08:05.000
And we learn that by the time we're 13 and the hormones kick in and we, we get into relationships and we get out and we mess'em up and we get, you know, we get screwed somehow, like I did when I was 13 in my first relationship.
00:08:05.120 --> 00:08:07.310
That sets the precedence for a lot of'em after that.
00:08:07.365 --> 00:08:07.786
Mm-hmm.
00:08:07.911 --> 00:08:10.130
The second one, the second issue is money.
00:08:10.940 --> 00:08:11.151
Right.
00:08:11.180 --> 00:08:14.480
We get outta school, we're going to college, we realize I gotta get a job.
00:08:14.961 --> 00:08:15.050
Mm-hmm.
00:08:15.560 --> 00:08:15.800
Right.
00:08:15.800 --> 00:08:16.821
Money becomes important.
00:08:17.375 --> 00:08:17.615
Right.
00:08:17.735 --> 00:08:20.915
And then the third one usually doesn't happen till way down the line.
00:08:20.915 --> 00:08:24.425
By the time you're 30, 40, 50, 60 years old sometimes is your health.
00:08:24.696 --> 00:08:25.026
Health.
00:08:25.031 --> 00:08:25.240
Yep.
00:08:26.375 --> 00:08:26.675
Yep.
00:08:26.886 --> 00:08:28.475
The Dai Alma was a great quote.
00:08:28.716 --> 00:08:30.185
He says, I'm paraphrasing.
00:08:30.545 --> 00:08:37.025
We spend all our time making money, and then we spend all our money trying to recoup our health down the road.
00:08:37.745 --> 00:08:38.076
Totally.
00:08:38.076 --> 00:08:39.515
And it's so sad, you know?
00:08:39.546 --> 00:08:39.696
Yeah.
00:08:39.755 --> 00:08:40.446
Because we're not.
00:08:40.971 --> 00:08:43.941
We're not conditioned, and I guess this is the answer to your question.
00:08:44.150 --> 00:08:46.910
We're not conditioned to find happiness.
00:08:47.181 --> 00:08:48.681
Right, right, right.
00:08:48.890 --> 00:08:50.390
Look at, I can ask anyone.
00:08:50.390 --> 00:08:51.410
I don't care who it is.
00:08:54.201 --> 00:08:56.120
Can you get unhappy right now?
00:08:56.571 --> 00:08:58.610
Like you can make yourself unhappy?
00:08:59.211 --> 00:08:59.301
Mm-hmm.
00:08:59.541 --> 00:09:00.711
It's pretty easy to do.
00:09:00.711 --> 00:09:02.421
Just think about some negative things that happen.
00:09:02.571 --> 00:09:03.740
They don't have to be dramatic.
00:09:04.461 --> 00:09:04.730
Yeah.
00:09:04.941 --> 00:09:07.725
But when I ask, do you know how to make yourself happy?
00:09:09.096 --> 00:09:14.076
That's a whole nother realm because most people go, no.
00:09:14.615 --> 00:09:14.946
Mm-hmm.
00:09:15.066 --> 00:09:15.605
I don't.
00:09:16.625 --> 00:09:24.155
And that's, as I was saying before, that's the next title of my book, is it's gonna be, happiness is a verb because it's in the doing.
00:09:24.515 --> 00:09:25.566
It's in the doing.
00:09:26.255 --> 00:09:28.446
Sitting around thinking about happiness, right?
00:09:28.446 --> 00:09:32.975
Thinking about your problems ruminating in negative emotions, don't help us.
00:09:33.275 --> 00:09:33.725
Right.
00:09:35.660 --> 00:09:43.100
Yeah, so, so when and, and tell me what resonates when I ask this question.
00:09:43.100 --> 00:09:51.740
'cause I'm very curious when people think about happiness, is the default outside in?
00:09:54.025 --> 00:10:02.096
Well, you really can't see anything other than your perspective through your own eyes.
00:10:03.755 --> 00:10:04.025
Right.
00:10:04.025 --> 00:10:06.605
We call that associated.
00:10:06.605 --> 00:10:07.535
You're associated.
00:10:07.806 --> 00:10:10.086
You're seeing your life through your own eyes.
00:10:10.235 --> 00:10:13.566
You can't step out of yourself and look back at you.
00:10:13.625 --> 00:10:16.475
Now, there's an exercise, it's called perceptual positions.
00:10:16.655 --> 00:10:23.676
There's three positions in, in fact, NLP started from Fritz Pearls, Virginia Satir, and Milton Erickson.
00:10:23.916 --> 00:10:27.905
Fritz did some what he called gestalt therapy, where you'd have other people sit in another chair.
00:10:28.296 --> 00:10:28.385
Mm-hmm.
00:10:28.625 --> 00:10:28.716
Right?
00:10:28.716 --> 00:10:30.605
And you go pretend that's your dad over there.
00:10:30.995 --> 00:10:31.926
Become your dad.
00:10:33.051 --> 00:10:33.260
Right.
00:10:33.260 --> 00:10:38.390
And then look back at yourself over here and talk to you as your dad would.
00:10:38.630 --> 00:10:39.020
Of course.
00:10:39.260 --> 00:10:41.900
Usually if they're having issues with their dad, it's never good.
00:10:41.900 --> 00:10:42.171
Right?
00:10:42.176 --> 00:10:42.296
Right.
00:10:42.591 --> 00:10:43.400
But you're such a lazy boy.
00:10:43.671 --> 00:10:46.640
Your your husband pain, you never work hard, you know, you can't do anything.
00:10:46.640 --> 00:10:47.990
You sit around all day, blah, blah, blah.
00:10:48.530 --> 00:10:52.941
Well, okay, then you become the silent observer.
00:10:53.630 --> 00:10:53.721
Mm-hmm.
00:10:54.171 --> 00:10:58.640
Sit and watch these two actors you and your dad perform.
00:10:58.821 --> 00:11:00.561
What kind of perception do you get?
00:11:01.610 --> 00:11:03.380
It's a completely different perspective.
00:11:03.380 --> 00:11:08.750
So coming back to the question really is you can't see anything other than yourself.
00:11:08.836 --> 00:11:09.255
Mm-hmm.
00:11:09.341 --> 00:11:18.201
And so everything outside of ourselves, as I say, life, remember, I think this is the most important quote I'm gonna tell you people today.
00:11:18.471 --> 00:11:23.931
Life is nothing more than a mirrored reflection of what you see inside.
00:11:24.206 --> 00:11:24.625
Mm-hmm.
00:11:24.711 --> 00:11:25.760
Mm-hmm.
00:11:25.775 --> 00:11:30.260
What you see and tell yourself inside, you get outside.
00:11:30.666 --> 00:11:35.166
It shows up, and you can call that manifesting abundance, whatever you want to call it.
00:11:35.166 --> 00:11:35.405
Right?
00:11:35.556 --> 00:11:36.546
Because we can all do it.
00:11:36.785 --> 00:11:40.086
We all, my God, I, I thought about a parking lot and it showed up, right?
00:11:40.086 --> 00:11:45.035
Or a parking space, or, I was thinking about a friend and he, and he called, that's called manifesting.
00:11:45.035 --> 00:11:49.416
But it really is the art of deciding what you want.
00:11:49.416 --> 00:11:51.936
'cause the universe is a wonderful thing.
00:11:52.086 --> 00:11:54.696
It gives you exactly what you ask for.
00:11:55.191 --> 00:12:00.591
And most people, like you were just saying, Denise, spend so much time looking outside of themselves.
00:12:00.591 --> 00:12:01.041
Exactly.
00:12:01.041 --> 00:12:05.480
Hoping, hoping that, oh, you know, happiness is gonna show up at their door.
00:12:05.510 --> 00:12:06.676
Like, Don, Don, Don, Don.
00:12:06.801 --> 00:12:09.140
Oh, there, it's now I finally can be happy.
00:12:09.650 --> 00:12:09.740
Mm-hmm.
00:12:09.740 --> 00:12:09.921
Right.
00:12:09.980 --> 00:12:11.600
I got that job or that relationship.
00:12:11.600 --> 00:12:15.350
My kid did this, or you know, I achieved that certain amount of income, or I'm healthy now.
00:12:15.350 --> 00:12:16.010
Whatever that is.
00:12:16.071 --> 00:12:16.701
No, it's not.
00:12:16.730 --> 00:12:17.870
It's not never outside of you.
00:12:17.870 --> 00:12:19.160
It's always within you.
00:12:19.370 --> 00:12:22.221
And you always have the power because I believe this, I'm a godly man.
00:12:22.461 --> 00:12:24.410
I believe that our creator gave us two things.
00:12:25.265 --> 00:12:30.275
Free will to choose anything we want in life, and ultimate power to create it.
00:12:30.846 --> 00:12:33.846
Love that, ultimate power to create it.
00:12:33.966 --> 00:12:38.556
The challenge is, as you were just saying, we're not taught Right.
00:12:38.556 --> 00:12:39.905
That that's possible.
00:12:40.416 --> 00:12:44.196
Yeah, because what do, what's the first word we learn as children?
00:12:44.676 --> 00:12:46.431
The first, I mean the, what is it?
00:12:47.255 --> 00:12:50.645
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:12:51.696 --> 00:12:51.966
Right.
00:12:52.235 --> 00:12:58.625
Well, if that's the very first word, and that's your parameters of your life, the world that you live in, don't go there.
00:12:58.625 --> 00:13:00.456
Don't step outside, don't touch the dog.
00:13:00.635 --> 00:13:01.745
Don't, don't hit mommy.
00:13:02.975 --> 00:13:05.765
What do you think you're gonna be like when you grow up?
00:13:06.245 --> 00:13:06.336
Mm-hmm.
00:13:06.336 --> 00:13:08.495
The world then just expands, right?
00:13:08.676 --> 00:13:09.785
It doesn't change.
00:13:10.260 --> 00:13:10.610
Right?
00:13:10.615 --> 00:13:10.956
Right.
00:13:10.956 --> 00:13:12.096
It just expands.
00:13:12.666 --> 00:13:14.676
So, oh, I can't have that kind of relationship.
00:13:14.676 --> 00:13:15.650
I'll never make that kind of money.
00:13:16.926 --> 00:13:21.245
And that's the next step in, in the evolution of when I work with people is what are your limiting beliefs?
00:13:21.515 --> 00:13:21.635
Right?
00:13:21.635 --> 00:13:22.535
What do you believe about yourself?
00:13:22.926 --> 00:13:24.005
I can tell you this, Denise.
00:13:24.365 --> 00:13:26.586
You guys are listening to this'cause she's a brilliant woman.
00:13:29.615 --> 00:13:35.961
Every single person I've ever worked with over the last 25 years, and we, we call it this, it's the onion of your life.
00:13:36.890 --> 00:13:37.191
Right.
00:13:37.191 --> 00:13:39.140
People talk in surface level language.
00:13:39.140 --> 00:13:39.500
Yeah.
00:13:39.620 --> 00:13:40.341
It's okay.
00:13:40.490 --> 00:13:41.331
You start peeling it away.
00:13:41.360 --> 00:13:43.551
Oh man, it's not okay because this happened.
00:13:43.551 --> 00:13:45.620
Or then you start getting the deeper feelings.
00:13:45.681 --> 00:13:47.421
Every single person.
00:13:48.020 --> 00:13:48.260
Right?
00:13:48.260 --> 00:13:49.791
Every single person.
00:13:50.270 --> 00:13:52.701
The core is self-worth.
00:13:53.451 --> 00:13:53.600
Mm-hmm.
00:13:54.650 --> 00:14:03.831
Self-worth, how I feel about myself determines the decisions I make, therefore, shapes the quality of life I ultimately have.
00:14:05.181 --> 00:14:05.571
So.
00:14:06.591 --> 00:14:10.760
Tagging into that self-worth part at the beginning.
00:14:10.760 --> 00:14:14.931
You mentioned your dad when you were eight said you were lazy.
00:14:15.801 --> 00:14:25.221
Is that a pivotal piece that eats your self-worth and then you play that track on repeat until you come into the other two pieces?
00:14:25.221 --> 00:14:28.640
You talked about free will and choice and decision, right?
00:14:28.640 --> 00:14:29.331
Absolutely.
00:14:29.510 --> 00:14:29.660
Yeah.
00:14:29.660 --> 00:14:35.721
So think about like your, think about your life like a giant building a wall.
00:14:36.171 --> 00:14:39.260
And everything that has been said you've done is a brick in that wall.
00:14:39.681 --> 00:14:39.951
Yeah.
00:14:40.250 --> 00:14:43.431
And it's being constructed throughout your years.
00:14:44.061 --> 00:14:44.240
Yeah.
00:14:44.331 --> 00:14:48.921
Everything you believe about yourself, most importantly, everything that has been said to you.
00:14:48.921 --> 00:14:49.010
Right.
00:14:49.010 --> 00:14:53.630
Everything you've done because of the things you believe about yourself constructs this life.
00:14:54.171 --> 00:14:54.291
Yeah.
00:14:54.291 --> 00:14:54.740
Right.
00:14:56.480 --> 00:15:01.400
NLP Neurolinguistic programming, these two gentlemen in Santa Cruz in 1970.
00:15:02.046 --> 00:15:08.885
Deciphered what the three best therapists in the world were doing at the time, and they extracted out mm-hmm.
00:15:09.125 --> 00:15:18.576
Their techniques and attitude, because if you could sit with like, let's say three billionaires and learn what they do, and they could teach you, you'd become a billionaire too.
00:15:19.416 --> 00:15:30.755
Well, these guys develop neurolinguistic programming and the basis of it really is, as we were talking about, it's the owner's manual of how the brain operates, and that's what was fascinating to me.
00:15:30.995 --> 00:15:33.395
I'm like, I never knew I did that before.
00:15:34.921 --> 00:15:35.191
Right.
00:15:35.191 --> 00:15:39.270
Because if you ha you, everybody's got a computer or a phone or some, a tablet or something.
00:15:39.390 --> 00:15:39.480
Mm-hmm.
00:15:39.510 --> 00:15:42.270
If it goes on the rye, if it goes wacky, right?
00:15:42.270 --> 00:15:43.620
And you could go, oh, I know how to do that.
00:15:43.620 --> 00:15:50.191
Take off the back and plug in a different, you know, motherboard or change the software, close it back up and it worked, done perfectly.
00:15:50.490 --> 00:15:52.530
That should be the way your life operates.
00:15:52.530 --> 00:15:56.056
But we're not taught how to work the owner's manual of the mind.
00:15:56.750 --> 00:16:03.980
And so therefore we choose to go back in our past and look at our past and go, it was their fault that happened to me.
00:16:03.980 --> 00:16:05.150
Therefore, I feel this way.
00:16:05.360 --> 00:16:08.691
Or, so the first, the first secret.
00:16:09.216 --> 00:16:12.485
Really is about awareness, right?
00:16:12.485 --> 00:16:13.926
It's about, that's everything, right?
00:16:13.956 --> 00:16:16.385
And ab, you've heard this a billion time, I'm sure.
00:16:17.196 --> 00:16:17.466
Absolutely.
00:16:17.916 --> 00:16:19.206
AA is all about that, right?
00:16:19.625 --> 00:16:20.586
I'm an alcoholic.
00:16:20.586 --> 00:16:21.875
Hi, I'm John, I'm alcoholic.
00:16:21.875 --> 00:16:22.775
That's awareness.
00:16:22.806 --> 00:16:24.035
You've gotta take ownership.
00:16:24.216 --> 00:16:24.655
As Dr.
00:16:24.655 --> 00:16:27.245
Wayne Dyer said, it's being responsible.
00:16:27.245 --> 00:16:32.255
He called it responsibility, responding with ability, right?
00:16:32.556 --> 00:16:35.375
And most people, we don't wanna do that because why?
00:16:36.096 --> 00:16:37.956
The unconscious brain mind.
00:16:37.956 --> 00:16:38.046
Mm-hmm.
00:16:38.285 --> 00:16:40.086
That runs 90% of us.
00:16:40.326 --> 00:16:42.186
It's number one prime directive.
00:16:42.186 --> 00:16:42.995
This is all it does.
00:16:42.995 --> 00:16:45.456
90% of it is there to keep us safe.
00:16:46.056 --> 00:16:47.105
Right, of course.
00:16:47.285 --> 00:16:47.346
Yeah.
00:16:47.346 --> 00:16:51.725
And new, new and something we want is not safe.
00:16:52.056 --> 00:16:52.206
Right.
00:16:52.206 --> 00:16:53.135
'cause it takes risk.
00:16:53.826 --> 00:16:54.035
Right.
00:16:54.096 --> 00:16:57.005
It, we wanna be comfortable and what they, what do they say?
00:16:57.216 --> 00:16:59.735
Life exists outside your comfort zone.
00:17:00.005 --> 00:17:01.145
Sure, sure.
00:17:01.416 --> 00:17:01.566
Yeah.
00:17:01.566 --> 00:17:02.135
Absolutely.
00:17:02.135 --> 00:17:04.861
And so if you want anything different folks than you have.
00:17:06.006 --> 00:17:07.415
Number one awareness.
00:17:08.976 --> 00:17:09.096
Mm-hmm.
00:17:09.695 --> 00:17:11.766
Is what you're doing working right?
00:17:11.766 --> 00:17:16.175
If not, you don't have to go inside of it and do therapy for a hundred years.
00:17:16.175 --> 00:17:16.806
I don't do that.
00:17:17.465 --> 00:17:17.526
Yeah.
00:17:17.526 --> 00:17:20.286
I just ask them, where do you wanna go instead?
00:17:20.915 --> 00:17:21.365
Right.
00:17:21.665 --> 00:17:23.046
Where would you rather be?
00:17:23.286 --> 00:17:24.336
Let's go there.
00:17:24.576 --> 00:17:30.395
The second process,'cause there's four steps in what they call the NLP Success formula is number one, outcome.
00:17:30.486 --> 00:17:31.385
Knowing what you want.
00:17:31.776 --> 00:17:32.105
Mm-hmm.
00:17:32.990 --> 00:17:35.510
Number two is taking some form of action.
00:17:35.691 --> 00:17:36.921
Yeah, exactly.
00:17:36.980 --> 00:17:38.121
You gotta that.
00:17:38.121 --> 00:17:41.570
In fact, in thinking Grow Rich in the book, that was the secret he kept alluding to.
00:17:41.990 --> 00:17:42.621
He never told you.
00:17:43.040 --> 00:17:44.330
It's, it's taking action.
00:17:44.330 --> 00:17:49.611
Because if you don't take action, I don't care how much you wanna go to New York on a plane, you're stuck.
00:17:49.611 --> 00:17:49.820
Right?
00:17:49.911 --> 00:17:51.080
Yeah, exactly.
00:17:51.080 --> 00:17:51.830
You gotta do something.
00:17:52.040 --> 00:17:58.010
The third piece is awareness, which mm-hmm is called, we say, is it working?
00:17:58.340 --> 00:18:00.770
Is what you're doing working right.
00:18:01.625 --> 00:18:02.165
Action.
00:18:02.915 --> 00:18:03.395
Excuse me.
00:18:03.395 --> 00:18:04.895
Outcome action awareness.
00:18:05.016 --> 00:18:08.286
Fourth piece to the secret is flexibility.
00:18:09.665 --> 00:18:09.786
Mm-hmm.
00:18:10.145 --> 00:18:13.895
You've gotta do something different other than what you just did if it didn't work.
00:18:14.141 --> 00:18:14.976
Right, right.
00:18:15.036 --> 00:18:15.365
Totally.
00:18:15.371 --> 00:18:16.385
Here's here, here's an example.
00:18:16.385 --> 00:18:16.776
Denise.
00:18:17.195 --> 00:18:19.836
Oh my God, all my relationships don't work out well.
00:18:20.016 --> 00:18:21.455
Here's outcome, action, awareness.
00:18:21.455 --> 00:18:22.625
They don't get the flexibility.
00:18:22.625 --> 00:18:24.635
They go, well, outcome, I want to be in a relationship.
00:18:24.695 --> 00:18:25.385
I take action.
00:18:25.385 --> 00:18:25.986
I go meet'em.
00:18:26.135 --> 00:18:27.215
I do all the wonderful things.
00:18:27.875 --> 00:18:28.385
Awareness.
00:18:28.385 --> 00:18:28.925
Is it working?
00:18:28.925 --> 00:18:29.885
No, it's not working.
00:18:29.945 --> 00:18:31.415
And they go back up to outcome again.
00:18:31.415 --> 00:18:33.935
Well, I'll go to the next relationship, outcome action.
00:18:34.205 --> 00:18:40.776
And they never get to the fourth piece of going, Hey, maybe I'm the common denominator that's not working right.
00:18:41.046 --> 00:18:41.736
Maybe it's me, right?
00:18:41.736 --> 00:18:45.905
Maybe if I grow, I'll attract a different kind of energy into my life.
00:18:46.385 --> 00:18:47.375
Absolutely.
00:18:47.405 --> 00:18:47.736
Yeah.
00:18:48.486 --> 00:18:52.986
I, I love what you're saying because that fourth piece I think, gets missed.
00:18:53.286 --> 00:18:55.566
That's why the cycle continues, right?
00:18:55.596 --> 00:18:57.486
That's the only reason the cycle continues.
00:18:57.756 --> 00:18:59.226
Yeah, that's right.
00:18:59.226 --> 00:19:04.026
Because as, as Einstein, literally, Einstein said this, the definition of insanity Yeah.
00:19:04.026 --> 00:19:09.665
Is doing the same thing over and over again and again and again expecting different results.
00:19:09.816 --> 00:19:10.026
Yeah.
00:19:10.086 --> 00:19:12.230
Well, that's where you're right, that's where the flexibility comes in.
00:19:13.401 --> 00:19:13.730
Yeah.
00:19:14.421 --> 00:19:24.351
I think another piece, and I, and I know it's woven into the four steps, but, um, the, the honest reflection that's required.
00:19:24.675 --> 00:19:24.965
Yeah.
00:19:24.971 --> 00:19:25.161
Yeah.
00:19:25.461 --> 00:19:26.391
Well, that's in the beginning.
00:19:26.391 --> 00:19:28.221
That comes from the very onset.
00:19:28.431 --> 00:19:33.201
You can't, you can't decide on where you want to go if you're stuck in the past.
00:19:33.951 --> 00:19:37.340
And that's where most people, their mindset is, oh, it's not working.
00:19:37.340 --> 00:19:37.641
It's not.
00:19:37.641 --> 00:19:38.721
You've gotta be honest.
00:19:38.721 --> 00:19:41.661
And I say this, and here's the thing that some my clients don't like.
00:19:41.810 --> 00:19:45.230
I say, look, I need permission to be brutally honest with you.
00:19:45.471 --> 00:19:45.830
Sure.
00:19:45.830 --> 00:19:46.851
Brutally honest.
00:19:47.451 --> 00:19:47.601
Yeah.
00:19:48.381 --> 00:19:48.941
'cause you are not.
00:19:48.941 --> 00:19:48.971
You are not.
00:19:49.006 --> 00:19:49.296
Yeah.
00:19:50.135 --> 00:19:50.346
Yeah.
00:19:50.346 --> 00:19:58.086
And if I am and I can help you see that, then maybe together we can say, Ooh, I'm stuck in quicksand, or Right.
00:19:58.476 --> 00:20:03.516
You know, you could have a wonderful life, but here's the thing, even millionaires want to want more in their life.
00:20:04.026 --> 00:20:04.326
Mm-hmm.
00:20:05.300 --> 00:20:11.181
If I'm, because that's money's measurable or the most fittest individual, and I was in the fitness industry for 25 years.
00:20:11.240 --> 00:20:11.330
Mm-hmm.
00:20:11.601 --> 00:20:14.391
Even the fittest individual wants better more.
00:20:14.510 --> 00:20:14.601
Mm-hmm.
00:20:14.840 --> 00:20:18.986
We always want, you can have a great relationship with your, your house, spice, whatever, whatever.
00:20:19.161 --> 00:20:20.451
You always want more.
00:20:20.451 --> 00:20:23.181
That's just natural progression of the unconscious mind.
00:20:23.391 --> 00:20:24.921
We want to keep moving forward.
00:20:25.340 --> 00:20:25.641
Mm-hmm.
00:20:26.016 --> 00:20:27.171
Well, and that's growth.
00:20:28.250 --> 00:20:28.540
Yeah.
00:20:28.540 --> 00:20:28.550
Yeah.
00:20:28.955 --> 00:20:31.056
And we should, and we should want growth.
00:20:31.326 --> 00:20:31.596
Absolutely.
00:20:31.596 --> 00:20:33.066
'cause otherwise we're stagnant.
00:20:33.066 --> 00:20:34.296
So thank you for that.
00:20:34.296 --> 00:20:36.816
'cause I think that's absolutely imperative.
00:20:37.115 --> 00:20:38.060
My, absolutely.
00:20:38.060 --> 00:20:42.036
My whole lifespan, my goal is to never stop learning.
00:20:42.486 --> 00:20:45.336
When I stop learning, it'll be my last breath.
00:20:45.365 --> 00:20:46.506
That's how I see life.
00:20:46.506 --> 00:20:46.925
Right?
00:20:47.016 --> 00:20:47.316
Yeah.
00:20:47.346 --> 00:20:49.415
The number one thing you could do for yourself.
00:20:49.580 --> 00:20:57.560
Yeah, because even if you don't wanna learn something, that thing may trigger another thought of, Hey, I never thought of that.
00:20:57.560 --> 00:20:58.766
What if I did that instead?
00:20:59.705 --> 00:21:00.576
Absolutely.
00:21:00.635 --> 00:21:00.905
Yeah.
00:21:01.026 --> 00:21:09.425
Doors open up as a result, and it's the whole premise of our conversation for you by you, because of you, the ball is in your court.
00:21:09.425 --> 00:21:10.836
What are you going to do with it?
00:21:11.165 --> 00:21:13.115
Are you going to set it down and walk away?
00:21:13.115 --> 00:21:15.246
Are you going to pick it up and try and play it?
00:21:15.635 --> 00:21:18.185
Or are you going to even do more than just that?
00:21:18.365 --> 00:21:23.435
Learn how to play it really, really well and try a new sport because that rolls into a new one.
00:21:23.526 --> 00:21:23.915
Right?
00:21:24.365 --> 00:21:25.506
So many options.
00:21:26.046 --> 00:21:27.306
You never know something.
00:21:27.306 --> 00:21:30.905
You know, people have always said this, I never thought I was gonna do this for the rest of my life.
00:21:30.905 --> 00:21:31.355
And I love it.
00:21:31.355 --> 00:21:31.415
Yeah.
00:21:31.836 --> 00:21:33.336
Well, how'd you, how'd you come across that?
00:21:33.336 --> 00:21:34.806
Well, it was a total accident.
00:21:34.806 --> 00:21:37.326
It was a fluke, Uhhuh, right?
00:21:37.326 --> 00:21:39.635
Or, or, here's the great thing about relationships.
00:21:40.056 --> 00:21:45.185
I never, I never, and I hear this a lot, I, I, I, I've been divorced twice.
00:21:45.185 --> 00:21:46.326
I don't wanna get in another relationship.
00:21:46.326 --> 00:21:47.135
It's never gonna happen.
00:21:47.256 --> 00:21:50.346
And then someone shows up that just Yep.
00:21:50.346 --> 00:21:51.155
Melts them.
00:21:51.635 --> 00:21:51.905
Yep.
00:21:51.965 --> 00:21:53.256
I never would've thought that.
00:21:53.796 --> 00:21:54.006
Yeah.
00:21:54.635 --> 00:21:56.346
That's just not the way the brain works People.
00:21:56.346 --> 00:21:57.786
We want what we want, want.
00:21:57.786 --> 00:22:01.086
Sometimes we don't even know what we want Exactly.
00:22:01.086 --> 00:22:05.226
But to be open and available to those possibilities is what Yep.
00:22:05.675 --> 00:22:08.346
Is absolutely life changing.
00:22:09.125 --> 00:22:09.786
Absolutely.
00:22:10.086 --> 00:22:12.496
You know that, that, that really is the secret, right?
00:22:12.721 --> 00:22:16.056
'cause if I could say anything to anyone about.
00:22:16.431 --> 00:22:17.570
Their life itself.
00:22:17.570 --> 00:22:23.326
Again, I don't care how, where you're at in your life, whether you're 13 or you're 73 years old, what do you want?
00:22:23.506 --> 00:22:23.925
Mm-hmm.
00:22:24.395 --> 00:22:24.965
What do you want?
00:22:25.490 --> 00:22:25.641
Yeah.
00:22:25.701 --> 00:22:31.401
'cause you're over 45 doesn't mean you stopped learning and you stop growing and you stop achieving.
00:22:31.520 --> 00:22:39.891
Heck, you know, I'm 65 and I, I think this is the best part of my life right now because I'm actually, I'm actually settled into who I'm, yeah.
00:22:40.490 --> 00:22:40.611
Yeah.
00:22:40.611 --> 00:22:41.451
I, I know now.
00:22:41.540 --> 00:22:43.280
And here's the, here's really.
00:22:44.151 --> 00:22:44.451
Wow.
00:22:44.451 --> 00:22:46.040
And this took me a long time to learn.
00:22:47.121 --> 00:22:50.990
You wanna know the one thing that keeps people stuck Yes.
00:22:50.990 --> 00:22:53.780
Is worrying about, is worrying about what other people think.
00:22:55.546 --> 00:22:56.046
That's it.
00:22:57.951 --> 00:22:58.790
I used to laugh.
00:22:59.030 --> 00:22:59.330
Denise.
00:22:59.330 --> 00:22:59.840
I used to laugh.
00:22:59.840 --> 00:23:02.451
My grandfather, he came over from Italy, couldn't speak English.
00:23:02.631 --> 00:23:03.590
He did really well.
00:23:03.826 --> 00:23:05.780
My, my dad was very famous and rich.
00:23:06.681 --> 00:23:10.760
Yeah, of course he was never home'cause he worked right for, I mean, not seven days a week.
00:23:10.760 --> 00:23:11.121
Literally.
00:23:11.121 --> 00:23:11.181
Yeah.
00:23:11.780 --> 00:23:14.030
Um, I, I learned that.
00:23:15.986 --> 00:23:18.500
I watched my grandfather and my grandmother communicate.
00:23:19.070 --> 00:23:21.500
They just didn't care about who was around them.
00:23:22.070 --> 00:23:22.371
Right.
00:23:23.240 --> 00:23:24.891
They didn't care if they were talking to a merchant.
00:23:24.980 --> 00:23:25.641
They didn't care.
00:23:27.171 --> 00:23:29.361
If they were talking to somebody else, they didn't care.
00:23:29.691 --> 00:23:29.810
Mm-hmm.
00:23:30.141 --> 00:23:31.221
And that's kind of the secret.
00:23:31.221 --> 00:23:32.931
I don't mean don't care about people's feelings.
00:23:32.961 --> 00:23:33.621
Of course.
00:23:33.621 --> 00:23:33.681
Yeah.
00:23:33.681 --> 00:23:35.750
But don't care about what other people think about you.
00:23:35.750 --> 00:23:38.090
Because if you do, then you're always Yeah.
00:23:38.090 --> 00:23:43.340
Well I know if I say that, then somebody's, I'm gonna hurt somebody's and you know, what am I gonna think about me?
00:23:43.340 --> 00:23:45.171
'cause that's not, it's really not about them.
00:23:45.171 --> 00:23:47.391
It's really about you and rejection and ridicule.
00:23:47.391 --> 00:23:48.530
That's really what it's about.
00:23:48.951 --> 00:23:49.461
Absolutely.
00:23:50.121 --> 00:23:53.691
I don't wanna be, I don't wanna be looked at like, you know, I'm some horrible person if I speak my mind.
00:23:54.080 --> 00:23:54.260
Yeah.
00:23:54.611 --> 00:23:54.820
Yeah.
00:23:54.851 --> 00:23:56.256
And it circle back and that's the key.
00:23:56.530 --> 00:24:04.990
And it circles back to what you were saying before, John, about your reflection of people coming back to you are a reflection of your soul.
00:24:05.256 --> 00:24:05.415
Absolutely.
00:24:05.415 --> 00:24:05.740
So, absolutely.
00:24:05.770 --> 00:24:10.961
If you're not releasing your soul into its truest form, all the stuff you're getting back, yeah.
00:24:10.961 --> 00:24:12.611
It's gonna be, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:24:12.790 --> 00:24:17.441
You know, I, I love, I love NLP because it's technical.
00:24:18.290 --> 00:24:20.601
It gives you formulas and techniques.
00:24:21.320 --> 00:24:21.500
Okay.
00:24:21.500 --> 00:24:21.621
Yeah.
00:24:21.621 --> 00:24:22.671
Of things to do.
00:24:22.671 --> 00:24:26.391
It's not just the what to do because I, I attended millions of seminars.
00:24:26.421 --> 00:24:26.510
Sure.
00:24:26.601 --> 00:24:28.580
It was always the what to do, but never the how to do it.
00:24:28.641 --> 00:24:28.820
Right?
00:24:28.820 --> 00:24:28.881
Yeah.
00:24:29.211 --> 00:24:31.790
Well, NLP wears formulas and techniques you could actually do.
00:24:31.790 --> 00:24:33.891
I'm like, wow, this is, I like this.
00:24:34.101 --> 00:24:37.971
I can gravitate towards, I can grasp these things and see if it works.
00:24:37.971 --> 00:24:42.230
I'm gonna teach you guys be gimme five minutes before we end because I wanna teach you guys something.
00:24:42.560 --> 00:24:42.711
Yep.
00:24:42.740 --> 00:24:43.040
Um.
00:24:43.611 --> 00:24:48.050
The word from the book, from my book, controlling Emotions Master Your Life.
00:24:48.560 --> 00:24:48.800
Yep.
00:24:49.371 --> 00:24:50.931
And some people does don't know this.
00:24:51.530 --> 00:24:52.280
Doesn't know this.
00:24:52.280 --> 00:24:52.550
What?
00:24:52.550 --> 00:24:52.971
Good grammar.
00:24:55.250 --> 00:24:56.421
I'm just, so I'm talking so fast.
00:24:56.421 --> 00:24:57.141
So I'm trying to get everything.
00:24:58.760 --> 00:24:59.780
Um, sorry folks.
00:24:59.901 --> 00:25:04.580
Um, the word emotions, if you look it up, it means to emote.
00:25:05.270 --> 00:25:05.361
Mm-hmm.
00:25:05.601 --> 00:25:07.941
It means to get things out.
00:25:08.661 --> 00:25:08.871
Yeah.
00:25:09.651 --> 00:25:15.411
So the one thing, if you do learn anything from this podcast that mm-hmm.
00:25:15.651 --> 00:25:22.101
Denise is posting, learn to express yourself.
00:25:23.361 --> 00:25:23.750
Mm-hmm.
00:25:24.621 --> 00:25:26.211
Learn to express yourself.
00:25:26.510 --> 00:25:30.471
I can tell you I've written, again, one of the first books I wrote was Stress Reduction.
00:25:32.346 --> 00:25:36.875
It's one of the things that a lot of people, I don't care how good or bad your life is, we all deal with stress.
00:25:36.875 --> 00:25:37.925
Some people more than others.
00:25:38.375 --> 00:25:38.465
Sure.
00:25:38.465 --> 00:25:47.945
But do you know stress is only because we don't emote, we don't give our feelings credence.
00:25:49.040 --> 00:25:52.250
We push'em down, we, we push'em in the back.
00:25:52.340 --> 00:26:03.381
I kind of equate it to this Denise in my, in my courses, my live courses, say, imagine you have this closet in your house and every time you feel something bad, you throw it in the closet and shut the door.
00:26:03.560 --> 00:26:03.651
Mm-hmm.
00:26:03.891 --> 00:26:08.300
Well, imagine if that closet was like your, your sports equipment closet.
00:26:08.300 --> 00:26:13.250
And every time you learned a new sport, you put all this equipment in there and after a while, the door's not gonna close.
00:26:13.250 --> 00:26:16.701
And you try and try and try with all this energy.
00:26:17.161 --> 00:26:24.540
To hold that door closed, but one right time, once like the volcano, it comes exploding open.
00:26:24.780 --> 00:26:26.611
And that's what happens with our feelings.
00:26:26.851 --> 00:26:27.030
Mm-hmm.
00:26:27.276 --> 00:26:31.951
You, you subside them, you push'em away, you hide them, sweep'em under the rug, shut'em down.
00:26:32.221 --> 00:26:38.161
After a while they come exploding out and usually it's in divorce.
00:26:38.580 --> 00:26:38.701
Mm-hmm.
00:26:38.941 --> 00:26:39.871
Bankruptcy.
00:26:39.871 --> 00:26:40.560
Mm-hmm.
00:26:40.905 --> 00:26:41.395
Suicide.
00:26:42.611 --> 00:26:42.881
Right.
00:26:42.881 --> 00:26:43.280
Mm-hmm.
00:26:43.365 --> 00:26:48.875
Bad friendships, whatever those are, rather than saying, God, I don't like the way this feels.
00:26:49.385 --> 00:26:49.655
Mm-hmm.
00:26:50.346 --> 00:26:50.496
Yep.
00:26:50.496 --> 00:26:54.726
I'm just gonna go find somebody to talk about it or talk to God, talk to the mirror.
00:26:55.236 --> 00:26:55.385
Right.
00:26:55.385 --> 00:26:58.655
You know, get it out of your body because the body.
00:26:59.316 --> 00:27:01.715
Holds the cortisol in your body.
00:27:01.865 --> 00:27:02.135
Yes.
00:27:02.135 --> 00:27:02.976
And creates stress.
00:27:02.976 --> 00:27:10.655
And after a long period of time, I can tell you this folks, because I studied cancer for 10 years, I can ask any cancer patient what happened three to five years ago.
00:27:10.685 --> 00:27:10.986
Mm-hmm.
00:27:10.986 --> 00:27:12.185
Before you were diagnosed.
00:27:12.336 --> 00:27:15.006
And they will always come up with something traumatic in their life.
00:27:15.546 --> 00:27:15.846
Mm-hmm.
00:27:16.145 --> 00:27:17.046
Every single person.
00:27:17.451 --> 00:27:17.721
Yeah.
00:27:17.931 --> 00:27:18.111
Yeah.
00:27:18.141 --> 00:27:18.921
Oh, I had a divorce.
00:27:19.010 --> 00:27:19.881
I lost a child.
00:27:20.026 --> 00:27:21.740
I, I, you know, I lost all my money.
00:27:22.040 --> 00:27:29.510
Um, you know, I broke a leg and I couldn't work for months and something happened where it shook their world up to cancer because cancer's always in us.
00:27:29.840 --> 00:27:30.080
Mm-hmm.
00:27:30.320 --> 00:27:31.221
Then it just thrives.
00:27:31.611 --> 00:27:32.121
Right?
00:27:32.240 --> 00:27:33.050
Absolutely.
00:27:33.171 --> 00:27:34.040
Absolutely.
00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:36.891
Um, thank you for that.
00:27:37.611 --> 00:27:37.820
Yep.
00:27:38.030 --> 00:27:41.510
Um, I would love to hear what you were gonna share.
00:27:42.141 --> 00:27:42.711
Five minutes.
00:27:43.540 --> 00:27:44.711
Yeah, give me your five minutes.
00:27:44.711 --> 00:27:48.905
It's gonna take, it's gonna take only one, but I wanna explain why because Absolutely.
00:27:49.056 --> 00:27:49.776
Yeah.
00:27:50.226 --> 00:27:51.030
Remember this folks.
00:27:52.236 --> 00:27:53.766
Your brain and your system.
00:27:53.766 --> 00:27:55.266
That's part of the neurolinguistic.
00:27:55.296 --> 00:28:01.355
The language that we use to our talk, to ourselves and to other people is the programming part.
00:28:01.355 --> 00:28:05.736
We literally program our minds by the words we use and we program other people, right?
00:28:05.736 --> 00:28:07.086
Neuro meaning mind, body.
00:28:07.086 --> 00:28:07.865
Mm-hmm.
00:28:07.872 --> 00:28:10.296
The mind body is gonna hold these emotions.
00:28:10.296 --> 00:28:16.266
It holds these belief systems in literally inside different parts of our body.
00:28:16.790 --> 00:28:17.211
Right.
00:28:17.391 --> 00:28:18.621
Different chakra points, right?
00:28:18.891 --> 00:28:23.151
Different meridian points if you're into that, into reiki and all this, right?
00:28:23.361 --> 00:28:27.681
And so what you wanna do is you wanna override those systems.
00:28:27.681 --> 00:28:30.080
You wanna override those feelings.
00:28:30.530 --> 00:28:33.651
And how you do it is you've gotta talk to yourself.
00:28:34.010 --> 00:28:38.096
More empowering than that negative belief, okay?
00:28:38.615 --> 00:28:39.036
Mm-hmm.
00:28:39.121 --> 00:28:40.490
That's, it's that simple folks.
00:28:40.490 --> 00:28:44.300
But I'm gonna give you the words to use to actually change your life.
00:28:44.391 --> 00:28:44.631
Brilliant.
00:28:44.750 --> 00:28:51.921
Literally, because it changed mine within a couple of months, and I mean a couple, it probably would've done it sooner if I was more serious.
00:28:53.451 --> 00:28:53.691
Okay.
00:28:53.691 --> 00:28:56.570
There's two things that create patterns in our lives.
00:28:56.721 --> 00:28:56.810
Mm-hmm.
00:28:57.351 --> 00:28:58.191
One is emotion.
00:28:58.490 --> 00:29:00.020
The intensity of the emotion.
00:29:00.530 --> 00:29:00.621
Yes.
00:29:00.621 --> 00:29:02.750
Because you never forget stuff that's really intense.
00:29:03.080 --> 00:29:03.500
For sure.
00:29:03.560 --> 00:29:07.221
Like if I asked you, what were you doing two weeks ago, Tuesday?
00:29:07.221 --> 00:29:10.161
Brushing your teeth, you'd be like, I, I don't even know what was going on.
00:29:10.280 --> 00:29:10.490
Right.
00:29:10.490 --> 00:29:14.090
But if I said, somebody called and said, you just hit the lotto, you'd never forget that.
00:29:14.645 --> 00:29:14.976
Yeah.
00:29:15.006 --> 00:29:15.395
Right.
00:29:15.516 --> 00:29:21.846
So emotion and repetition, those are the two things that create programs in our lives, right?
00:29:21.851 --> 00:29:22.090
Yeah.
00:29:22.090 --> 00:29:22.330
Yeah.
00:29:22.336 --> 00:29:23.586
So here's what we're gonna do.
00:29:23.855 --> 00:29:27.276
We're gonna recite to ourselves mm-hmm.
00:29:27.546 --> 00:29:28.806
Three simple words.
00:29:29.226 --> 00:29:29.316
Mm-hmm.
00:29:29.556 --> 00:29:31.205
And we're gonna say'em three times.
00:29:31.986 --> 00:29:33.036
That's one round.
00:29:33.246 --> 00:29:34.236
And then we're gonna do it again.
00:29:34.296 --> 00:29:35.195
We're gonna do it again.
00:29:35.556 --> 00:29:40.445
And each time you say it, you're gonna get more intense, more loud, and more confident.
00:29:40.865 --> 00:29:41.556
You ready guys?
00:29:41.556 --> 00:29:41.826
You ready?
00:29:41.826 --> 00:29:42.605
People ready?
00:29:42.635 --> 00:29:43.355
We're ready.
00:29:43.355 --> 00:29:44.016
We're ready.
00:29:45.006 --> 00:29:49.205
The word is, because this hits your core of what we're talking about.
00:29:49.205 --> 00:29:49.836
Self-worth.
00:29:50.135 --> 00:29:50.375
Ready?
00:29:50.375 --> 00:29:50.766
Yes.
00:29:51.365 --> 00:29:53.195
I like myself.
00:29:53.556 --> 00:29:54.486
Mm-hmm.
00:29:54.816 --> 00:29:57.066
I like myself.
00:29:58.086 --> 00:30:00.215
I like myself.
00:30:01.806 --> 00:30:05.346
And the more emotion that you put behind it, your brain.
00:30:06.215 --> 00:30:11.496
Your unconscious program, which runs 90% of us will eventually go, wow.
00:30:11.556 --> 00:30:14.076
Hey, I like myself, love that.
00:30:14.076 --> 00:30:17.046
And it overrides the negative self worth.
00:30:17.945 --> 00:30:19.685
Now here's the, here's the deal folks.
00:30:20.135 --> 00:30:20.915
You can't go like this.
00:30:21.546 --> 00:30:22.445
I like myself.
00:30:22.445 --> 00:30:22.806
Yeah.
00:30:23.871 --> 00:30:25.955
I, I like myself.
00:30:26.885 --> 00:30:27.996
I like myself.
00:30:29.961 --> 00:30:31.070
You gotta mean it.
00:30:31.070 --> 00:30:32.901
If you look, don't, don't bother.
00:30:33.141 --> 00:30:36.290
Do not bother doing this if you're gonna do it half-ass.
00:30:36.290 --> 00:30:36.891
Can I say that?
00:30:37.705 --> 00:30:37.905
Absolutely.
00:30:38.330 --> 00:30:38.961
Absolutely.
00:30:38.965 --> 00:30:39.465
It'll, it'll work.
00:30:39.471 --> 00:30:42.590
It'll make it actually make it even worse, right?
00:30:42.891 --> 00:30:43.010
Yeah.
00:30:43.010 --> 00:30:47.540
So pick a time to start like, I'm gonna, this Monday, I'm gonna clear all the cobwebs.
00:30:47.691 --> 00:30:51.651
I'm gonna clear my mind and I'm gonna start, and I'm gonna do this three times in a row.
00:30:51.770 --> 00:30:53.480
And maybe I might do it 10 times a day.
00:30:53.480 --> 00:30:56.090
I did it literally as much if I wasn't with people.
00:30:56.090 --> 00:31:00.351
And sometimes I did it once in the, in the, I did it once in the bank, in the line at the bank.
00:31:00.351 --> 00:31:01.371
People thought I was crazy.
00:31:01.851 --> 00:31:02.510
Who cares?
00:31:02.810 --> 00:31:04.185
They care more towards me.
00:31:05.240 --> 00:31:06.471
Exactly right.
00:31:06.471 --> 00:31:07.131
Working on me.
00:31:08.631 --> 00:31:08.871
Hey.
00:31:08.871 --> 00:31:10.911
And they probably went, wow, that guy's really powerful.
00:31:10.911 --> 00:31:11.300
I don't know.
00:31:11.300 --> 00:31:18.141
Maybe I like myself, I like myself, I like myself.
00:31:18.681 --> 00:31:18.800
Mm-hmm.
00:31:19.431 --> 00:31:20.451
You do that enough.
00:31:20.451 --> 00:31:32.691
I promise you, with the motion and repetition, you'll override your negative program and your life will start changing because now you start looking at other people going, I don't care what they think, because I think myself.
00:31:33.695 --> 00:31:35.766
And because now you don't care about what people think.
00:31:35.945 --> 00:31:38.855
And again, we talk about not their feelings, but what they think about you.
00:31:39.006 --> 00:31:44.046
You'll start taking better risks, bigger risks, more empowering risks.
00:31:44.135 --> 00:31:44.286
Mm-hmm.
00:31:44.586 --> 00:31:47.256
And then the result will be you'll start achieving more.
00:31:48.125 --> 00:31:49.476
You'll step into yourself.
00:31:49.671 --> 00:31:50.020
Right.
00:31:51.125 --> 00:31:51.816
Your identity.
00:31:52.326 --> 00:31:53.195
Yeah, totally.
00:31:53.405 --> 00:31:53.675
Yeah.
00:31:53.990 --> 00:31:56.256
For you, by you because of you.
00:31:57.006 --> 00:31:57.451
I love that.
00:31:59.540 --> 00:32:00.036
I love that.
00:32:00.905 --> 00:32:01.746
So do I.
00:32:01.750 --> 00:32:03.006
You're You're awesome.
00:32:03.006 --> 00:32:04.861
You're like one of the best podcast hosts I've ever.
00:32:05.105 --> 00:32:06.455
You're so happy, you're so loving.
00:32:06.455 --> 00:32:08.885
You're so cheery, and you know a lot.
00:32:09.576 --> 00:32:10.236
Thank you.
00:32:10.355 --> 00:32:11.435
Well, you know what?
00:32:11.556 --> 00:32:13.746
Every day I get to.
00:32:14.270 --> 00:32:20.750
Have opportunities to speak with individuals like yourself and what a gift for me in my life.
00:32:20.750 --> 00:32:21.980
So thank you.
00:32:21.980 --> 00:32:24.586
Yeah, so much, John, for your time.
00:32:24.826 --> 00:32:24.986
Absolutely.
00:32:24.986 --> 00:32:36.560
Your passion, your commitment, you rising above and creating something so empowering that you are changing the world with your work and we are forever grateful.
00:32:36.980 --> 00:32:39.441
Let give, let me give your listeners a gift, a free gift.
00:32:39.441 --> 00:32:40.340
Mm-hmm.
00:32:40.342 --> 00:32:52.790
I have a seven day NLP mini course and it really is about what we talked about using language and doing certain things to shift and I just uploaded on the Apple and the Google Play Store right now is, is still in review, but I uploaded a new app and it's real simple.
00:32:52.790 --> 00:32:53.661
It's nlp.
00:32:54.141 --> 00:32:54.320
Yep.
00:32:54.711 --> 00:32:57.320
Guru app.
00:32:58.030 --> 00:32:58.371
Oh, okay.
00:32:58.375 --> 00:32:59.976
NLP guru app.
00:33:00.395 --> 00:33:01.296
Just go to that.
00:33:01.445 --> 00:33:05.226
It's part of my website, but it has the two links to Apple and the Google Play Store.
00:33:05.286 --> 00:33:11.226
Yeah, they can download the app for free and they can listen and do the exercises in the free mini course.
00:33:11.256 --> 00:33:11.826
It's free.
00:33:11.826 --> 00:33:12.425
It's all free.
00:33:12.486 --> 00:33:15.486
If you guys wanna, I've got books on there, I've got other programs.
00:33:15.486 --> 00:33:16.266
You wanna learn something?
00:33:16.266 --> 00:33:16.476
Sure.
00:33:16.476 --> 00:33:19.355
But go check out the free seven day course.
00:33:19.385 --> 00:33:20.346
It's, it's awesome.
00:33:20.346 --> 00:33:20.675
You'll love it.
00:33:21.365 --> 00:33:22.026
Beautiful.
00:33:22.026 --> 00:33:22.506
Thank you.
00:33:22.506 --> 00:33:30.635
And we will have that information in the show notes for those who are listening that you, you know how we do it here at Thrive after 45.
00:33:31.026 --> 00:33:34.715
We give you everything we possibly can from our incredible guests.
00:33:34.986 --> 00:33:41.705
John, what an honor to share time and space with you never long enough, but that just means we get to meet again.
00:33:43.056 --> 00:33:43.415
Absolutely.
00:33:44.135 --> 00:33:44.530
Thank you, Denise.
00:33:44.530 --> 00:33:44.611
Denise.
00:33:45.480 --> 00:34:02.250
Thank you and for those listening and or watching on YouTube, make sure that you follow, like subscribe if it's the channel and make sure you put reviews'cause we want to know how this resonates with for, for you, by you and because of you.
00:34:02.250 --> 00:34:03.240
Have a great day.
00:34:03.375 --> 00:34:03.536
Absolutely.
00:34:03.726 --> 00:34:04.455
Have a great day.
00:34:04.455 --> 00:34:04.476
God bless.